Nonsensical Gallery
by Christopher Scott
Summary: A mixed bag of story ideas and other strange things that come to mind. My usual pairings and pairings I've never gotten the chance to use. Hope you all enjoy. Please Read and Review.truly, Christopher Scott: A Gentleman Thief
1. Hinata's Pet

Hinata's Pet

I don't own Naruto. On an unrelated note, I couldn't even begin to explain how this story came into being.

Also, I'm not quitting on my other stories, these are just for fun.

A blue haired seven year old girl was wandering the village, looking for either her relative or someone to take her to him. Her father had made a branch member of their clan take her to purchase a pet, as she had managed to improve quite a bit in her training in her family's style of combat. Unfortunately, she had fallen behind at one point, and her guide was probably too far away to find her quickly.

The little girl, whose name was Hinata, was stopped in her search when she heard some merchants talking rather in an amused tone about a "fox boy" that had gone by followed by people covered in paint. Curious about the male fox that they were talking about and seeing the chance to pick her pet quickly, she headed off in the direction one told the others he had traveled down. When she found him passed out in a chair in the corner of a mostly empty room, she was surprised to see what he looked like.

As Hinata had never seen a fox before in her life, she was surprised to see that foxes looked like humans. Concerned she had made a mistake, she moved around him, inspecting him for any animal features, in case she had made a mistake. Much to her joy, she saw the boy had whiskers, which meant he had to be an animal, since her father told her that people didn't have whiskers on their faces, only kitties and other animals had those. Satisfied, she took the silver collar her father gave her from her pocket and moved to put it on his neck.

She noticed that the collar was too small for his neck, so she picked up his front right paw, as her father told her that animals don't have hands, and clicked it around his wrist. Now all she needed was to find someone to give her papers to take her pet and be on her way. Thinking of the important place her father had taken her too when he had things to do, Hinata decided to go talk to the Ho-Ka-Ge her father told her about.

Fortunately, the chair her fox (who she planned on naming Mr. Fluffles) was in had wheels on the bottom, so she was able to cart him all the way to the building. When she got inside, she was stopped by a lady in a tan coat with purple hair.

"Where are you going with him?" Anko asked, wondering what a little Hyuuga was doing with the Kyuubi jinchuuriki.

"This is Mr. Fluffles," Hinata said cheerfully, "He's my new pet! I just need to get someone to get papers to keep him, and then I'm going to take him home."

Anko looked at the boy in the chair, and, deciding to look further into the matter because she was bored and needed something to amuse herself, even if just for a little while. As such, she asked, "Why are you here, then?"

"My father told me the Ho-Ka-Ge was the most important grown-up," Hinata explained, "So, if he gives me the paper, then no one would be able to take Mr. Fluffles from me."

"I see..." Anko said, finding herself in an interesting situation. On the one hand, the Hokage was in his office, finally catching much needed rest, after having to have work for weeks without any sleep. On the other hand, he would probably be very tired when the girl asked him, so he might actually sign a form like that for the boy, thereby providing Anko amusement later on.

Deciding to act for the greater good, Anko looked the girl in the eye and said, "Let me go pick up the papers, and we can go get him to sign them. Now head upstairs and stand outside the big office. I'll be right back."

Naruto awoke to find the time-out chair he was in was outside the Hokage's office. Trying to figure out how he got there, he looked around to figure out what was going on. Okay, there were no masked shinobi. There were no unmasked shinobi. There was a girl with lavender eyes stroking his hair. He had something cold and metal on one of his wrists. There was a new plant set by the door...

Realizing that there was something wrong with this picture, Naruto lifted his right wrist and looked at the metal bracelet that seemed to be locked onto him. A little metal circle was on his new accessory, and it read "Property of Hinata Hyuuga. If Found, Return to Hyuuga Compound in Konoha."

"Mr. Fluffles!" the girl cheered, noticing his movements, "You're awake!"

"Who are you?" he asked, still trying to puzzle out what was going on.

"You can talk!?" she asked in disbelief, "I have the bestest pet ever!"

"Um, that's nice?" he responded, confused beyond belief.

Before either of the children could figure out what the other was thinking, Anko walked in and said, "Well, come on. We've got to get the Hokage to sign these."

"Yes ma'am," the heiress said, "Come on, Mr. Fluffles."

Not bothering to correct the girl who was clearly referring to him, Naruto got up and followed the pair in, still trying to puzzle out what was going on. While the strange lady was quietly talking to the Hokage, Naruto sat there, still at a loss as to what was going on.

"Now, what exactly do you want, Anko?" the Hokage asked, looking at the tan blur topped with purple.

"Well, the little girl over there wanted to ask you if you could sign these papers to giver her ownership of her new pet fox."

"Ah," the Hokage responded, noticing the grey blur topped with blue with the orange blur topped with yellow (probably the fox) seated beside it, "Just help her fill out the forms, and I'll sign it."

"Okay, kid," Anko smiled, "All you're going to have to do is give me your name and his name, and I'll put down the rest."

"I'm Hinata Hyuuga," the heiress said, smiling brightly, "And his name is Mr. Fluffles."

"No it's not, my name's Naruto!" the oblivious future pet argued.

"Mr. Fluffles!"

"Naruto!"

"Mr. Fluffles!"

"Naruto!"

"Mr. Fluffles!"

"Naruto!"

"Mr. Fluffles!"

"Naruto!"

"I'll just put down Mr. Naruto Fluffles," Anko said, accommodating both in her mind.

With that out of the way, Anko placed the paper in front of the Hokage, who took a stamp with his signature that he had made and marked it signed before returning his head to his desk.

Anko then handed the paper to Hinata and said, "Well, kid, he's all yours."

"What's yours?" Naruto asked, turning to the girl next to him.

"Enjoy your pet fox," Anko added before leaving to observe the chaos she'd sown from outside a window.

After a couple of moments in which the girl explained the situation to the boy, Anko's efforts were rewarded with a boy's voice shouting "WHAT!"

Hiruzen Sarutobi woke up from a strange dream about foxes and blurs to the sound of the boy he thought of as a grandson screaming. Bolting upright, he rose from his seat only to find the boy being hugged by a girl with blue hair, obviously the Hyuuga heiress.

"Jiji! You let her make me a pet?!" Naruto screamed.

"What?" the Third asked, very confused. He didn't remember giving Naruto to anyone.

"It's here, Mr. Ho-Ka-Ge," the girl said, showing him the legally binding contract and the note that was written below it saying that this contract couldn't be annulled. It was a strange thing to see Jinchuuriki filed under the Pet category on the form, and the Professor was less than pleased with the situation, but he had to admit that Naruto being listed as Mr. Fluffles was rather amusing.

Before the Third could even begin to think a way out of this, the door to his office was slammed open by Hiashi Hyuuga, who said, "Hokage-sama! My daughter has gone missing while out in the village with a branch member. I must request that you send several Anbu to... Ah, there you are Hinata. let's go get you that pet now, I suppose."

"Actually, Hiashi, I'm glad you're here," the Third said, thinking that if anyone could help with this, it would be the Hyuuga Head himself, "You see, Hinata has placed me in an interesting position. She has already claimed a pet, and I evidently signed the forms at some point earlier today, though I can't remember when."

"Then what is the problem?" Hiashi asked, "There's no pet that is actually illegal in the village, as long as it can be maintained, and the Hyuuga are very high-maintenance."

"Hiashi, I'd like you to meet your daughter's pet, Naruto," the Hokage said, pointing at Naruto.

Hiashi looked at his daughter, trying to find her pet. Eventually, his eyes locked onto the jinchuuriki by her side. Eyes widening marginally, he turned to the Hokage and asked, "You don't mean that...? Couldn't you just...?"

"I would recommend looking at what the document says," the Hokage said, rubbing his temples.

Hiashi took the document from his daughters hands and read, "Pet Adoption Papers for Mr. Naruto Fluffles: I, Hinata Hyuuga, lay claim to Mr. Naruto Fluffles as my pet Jinchuuriki. Official Release granted by The Third Hokage. This document can not be invalidated under any circumstances."

The part of the letter that filled the Hyuuga Patriarch with dread, however, was that the Third's signature was indeed on the document, directly after the final line. Deciding that his hands were tied in this regard, Hiashi decided to cut his losses and try to think of the advantages: Jinchuuriki were very powerful, so Hinata could use him as an enforcer when she became Clan Head. The boy could be taught ninjutsu and genjutsu, thereby giving Hinata more to work with in combat, as well as giving her someone to complement her use of the clan's Jyuuken, which was essentially taijutsu. Hiashi would actually have a reason to talk to the other clan heads about clan techniques, as the Inuzuka in particular would be able to help with this. Most importantly, if he let Hinata keep the pet she chose, he would be considered the best father ever.

"Well, here's the spray bottle you use if he does something wrong," he said, handing his daughter the container, "Let's go home. Come along you two."

* * *

"Bad Mr. Fluffles!" Naruto's new owner said as she squirted him with the water bottle when he tried to sit in the corner for his food at dinner time, "You sit at the pet's table."

Enjoying his return to the human table, Neji smiled. Now that Hinata-sama had a real pet, he wouldn't have to put on the cat ears and pretend for her anymore. He just felt a bit bad for the boy now seated there, since he had absolutely no idea how any of this made sense. Still, whoever this Mr. Fluffles was, Neji was glad it was him getting hit with the water bottle now. Maybe Hinata-sama wasn't so bad as far as the Main Branch went.

Naruto, meanwhile, was adapting to the situation. He was starting to feel a bit better, even if his surrogate grandfather had managed to make him this Hinata girl's pet. He was being allowed to sit at a table, even if he did have to sit with some stuffed animals. Looking around him, Naruto realized he could do worse, and, as such, decided to see where this went.


	2. The Classic Stories

The Classic Stories

I don't own Naruto. I might continue this in later shots. This came into my head when I realized that Team Seven gets all the fun in every different personality type of story. The following is the start of the resulting chaos that came to mind.

To say that Iruka Umino expected to have to tell stories to next year's Academy students at the library when the Academy wasn't in session in order to be able to become an instructor there would be a horrible lie. He would have never expected such a thing to be part of the evaluation process, though, when he thought about it, it did make sense. As a teacher, he would have to be able to keep the children engaged in his lessons, so this would be good practice. Still, wasn't three hours a day a bit much for the amount of time to tell stories from a book on different types of heroes?

Deciding that he didn't want to think about it too hard, he merely began to look around to see who was going to be listening to him. Seated in front of him were the Last Uchiha, who had a blonde girl, presumably the Yamanaka heir, on one side of him and a pink haired girl from a less well-known clan on the other. beside the group was the heir of the Aburame clan, looking for all intents and purposes like a small version of his father, who Iruka had seen around town occasionally. Next to the Aburame was the son of Tsume Inuzuka, who was cuddling a puppy, presumably the dog he either had bonded to or would bond to. The heir of the Nara clan was beside the Yamanaka girl, presumably because she had dragged him, as he didn't look the type to seize initiative to go. On his other side was the heir to the Akimichi clan, eating a bag of chips that he had either smuggled in or was allowed to bring. A bit away from the others was a girl with lavender eyes, who he could tell was the Hyuuga heiress. She seemed to be a bit timid, but she was occasionally casting glances at the other members of the group. Beside her was a boy Iruka could only assume was either her brother or her close cousin, presumably acting as a body guard.

A bit away from this group were three orphans, all three of whom he had seen going to the Academy, who had been wandering outside before Iruka had invited two of them in and practically dragged the youngest in. The older two were a girl clutching a stuffed toy shaped like a kunai and a boy with large eyes and eyebrows. Seated between the pair, and being held in place by them, as Iruka had instructed them to keep him there, was the container for the Kyuubi. Iruka didn't have any opinion on the child one way or the other, despite his hatred of what the boy contained. Would a professional shinobi think of a scroll that contained a kunai within a seal as a kunai? At any rate, the Hokage said to round up as many children as he could, and, for whatever reason, this group was the closest set to the library who either had willing parents or had no one who would argue with him over this, in the case of the orphans. Besides, it could do the boy good to hear some of these stories, and he already had to verbally fight off one of the library aides to get him in. That boy was going to sit and listen.

"Once upon a time," Iruka began the first story, a story of about a type of warrior woman called Valkyrie. The girl with the stuffed kunai seemed to be brightening at each mention of the Valkyrie drawing their swords, spears and daggers and leaping into the fray, though when he would mention maidens waiting to be rescued, she seemed to be a bit irritated. At any rate, he had a rapt audience throughout his story, even the blond boy seemed to get more and more enthused as time passed.

Once he had finished, he had the children give him all of their names. Kiba Inuzuka and Akamaru the dog, Shino Aburame, Sasuke Uchiha, Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Chouji Akimichi, Hinata Hyuuga, and Neji Hyuuga. Sakura Haruno was the pink haired girl's name, Rock Lee was the older male orphan, and the orphan girl was named Tenten, but she had no last name. The demon container, as he learned, was named Naruto Uzumaki, and he planned on becoming Hokage.

"Now, if you want to hear more stories, I'll be here for the next month at the same time every day," Iruka said. If he were to be honest, he would say how he round this situation rather enjoyable. He might just keep this up even after his time here was done, provided he had time.

* * *

The month had passed so quickly that Iruka hadn't even noticed that his time was drawing to a close today until one of the Anbu, either Wolf or Dog, he wasn't sure what the mask was, went up to him and said, "You have the Hokage and my thanks for permitting Naruto Uzumaki to listen to your readings this past month. From what the Hokage has told me, the other children have been more willing to deal with him, albeit when their parents weren't watching."

"Are you his...?" Iruka began, before cutting himself off. It wasn't unheard of for Anbu to cut off all ties, even familial ones. A shinobi who put the safety of the village above all family ties could willingly sacrifice their own child to be sealed with a demon...

"First, no," the Anbu said bluntly, "Second, you have a place to be in a few minutes. Third, never ask anyone that question again. Those sort of questions are always more trouble than they're worth."

With that, the Anbu left in a swirl of leaves as Iruka rose to leave. He wasn't completely sure that the Anbu was telling the truth, but he would give him the benefit of the doubt. For now.

"Hello, kids," Iruka said, leading the children into the library's story room, "Now, today is the last day I'm assigned to come, but, I'll drop by whenever I get the chance. Now, long ago, the shinobi of legends existed. They..."

And so yet another story had come to be told. As he read, the children were, as always, enthralled. Little did Iruka or anyone except these children know, but the aspirations of these children, based on these stories they loved so much, would shape who they would become, and change the ninja world forever.

* * *

While Iruka was an instructor at the Academy, he was mildly surprised to see all of his listeners from storytime, except for Neji, Tenten, and Lee had been assigned to his class, though he had a feeling that it was arranged like this on purpose. Iruka also noticed, to his surprise, that Naruto, despite having been in the Academy last year, was in this class. Iruka really wasn't particularly concerned, since it meant that if Naruto wasn't ready, then he had another year to be prepared.

Still, Iruka was surprised by the changes in each of the children. They were subtle, and hard to notice, but each of them had a quirk that reminded him of each of their favorite stories, which would continue to grow as the lessons continued. Still, he wished that they hadn't latched onto the characters so much, as it had made teaching them a bit difficult, given that all nine of them, especially in conjunction, intimidated the other students.

At any rate, he attempted to pass the Will of Fire onto them, and could only hope that these children would become great shinobi in time. Today, he would see if it had paid off, as it was the day of the genin exam, and he and his old friend Mizuki would be testing them. He had already passed a good number of students and the only two who were left were Naruto and Ino.

"Naruto Uzumaki," he called, looking for said blond, who rose from his seat beside Sasuke, covered from head to foot in black, only his blue eyes and the surrounding bit of skin visible. Standing up, Iruka and Mizuki lead him out of the room for the test, entering another room.

"Okay, Naruto, please show us the three Academy ninjutsu styles. Why don't you start with the Henge, followed by Kawarimi, and ending with Bunshin."

To Iruka's surprise, Naruto performed the technique wordlessly, transforming into the famous Sharingan Kakashi before reverting to his natural form, at which point, Mizuki threw a blunted kunai at him, seeming to knock him down until "Naruto" made a clunking sound upon hitting the ground, revealing itself to be a dummy, while the real Naruto revealed himself by leaping from behind them.

"Very good, Naruto," Iruka said, taking pride in Naruto's abilities, "Now you just need to make three Bunshin."

Iruka and Mizuki watched as Naruto attempted to make the clones, only for them to be pale and fall to the ground dead.

"I'm afraid you fail, Naruto," Iruka said sympathetically, "Maybe next year."

Naruto said nothing in response, but instead pulled a sword from behind him and held it pointing towards his stomach. Fortunately, Iruka managed to get the sword away from the boy before he killed himself.

"We'll have none of that," the instructor chided gently, wresting the blade from the boy's hand, "Now, could you please send Ino Yamanaka into the room? She's the last one on the list."

In response, Naruto nodded his head and gently took his sword back, slowly placing it back in its sheath. As he placed it back, he headed out the door to find Ino.

When he entered the room, he was certain that no one except the sniper in the back of the room noticed his return, let alone his failure to pass. Smirking beneath his mask, Naruto placed himself behind Ino and tapped her shoulder, causing her to jump.

"Naruto!" the archer shouted, "What were you thinking? You nearly scared me to death."

Tapping one of the arrows in her quiver, Naruto gestured with his other hand that she needed to go to the next room. Nodding at the boy, she got up and headed to the next room, leaving Naruto with the rest of the group.

Sasuke was the first of the group that missed his entrance to notice his missing forehead protector. Straightening his tricorner hat, the last Uchiha asked, "How in the world did you mess up, dobe? , Isn't the ninja thing is your entire lifestyle?"

Upon hearing this, every student in the classroom acknowledged some sort of agreement with the pirate's statement. Out of the storytime kids, all of them seemed to be modeling their lives after whichever story they though fit them best, and out of all of them, nine of them were in this class. Out of these nine, Naruto seemed to be the only one who chose the story of the shinobi of legends to be his dream.

Before Naruto could once again contemplate sepukku, Ino burst into the room, bedecked in her lincoln green outfit and matching hat and shouted, "I've passed! Long live the Third Hokage!"

She was met with a quieter repeat of her statement from Shino, bedecked in his blue musketeer uniform, his sword strapped to his side, his sunglasses on his face and a cloth covering his mouth as he cleaned his musket while seated beside Kiba in his bearskin cloak. Beside him, Shikamaru, dressed in rather nice clothes turned to an equally well-dressed Chouji and said, "This will be troublesome."

"What makes you say that?" Chouji asked, spinning his cane against the floor.

"Elementary, my dear Chouji," Shikamaru said, "Given what you know about the three of us (you, her, and I) can you deduce the trouble?"

"We've known each other all of our lives," Chouji began, trying to puzzle out what Shikamaru was worried about, "Our fathers are good friends. And they're teammates. So that means..."

"They are going to put us in a team with her, hence, troublesome," Shikamaru said, leaning back in his chair.

"Now, I'm one step closer to being with Sasuke-kun!" Ino cheered.

"Not so fast, Ino," Sakura said, getting out of her seat, her hat on her head and her pair of six-shooters in their holsters, "You're not going to be with Sasuke-kun, because I am."

Using this moment to escape the room unnoticed, Naruto snuck out the window, with only Hinata noticing him leave as she watched him through her rifle's scope, which, if she were being honest, she didn't need, she just liked using, especially when observing the stealthy ninja.

Later that day, Naruto was approached by Mizuki. The teacher had a sympathetic expression on his face as he said, "Iruka doesn't hate you. He just wants you to succeed. We've got a second test to become a genin, if you're interested."

Naruto tilted his head and gestured for the man to continue.

"Well, all you have to do is take the Scroll of Seals that the Hokage has locked up completely and learn a jutsu from it. After that, all you have to do is wait for me to come and get the Scroll."

Naruto nodded his head. Being a ninja was his dream, and if he was being offered the chance to become one, then he would gladly take it.

* * *

He entered the Hokage building without a sound, having long ago mastered such a task back in his prankster days before he decided to become a shinobi like in the stories. After that, the only difficult part was stealing the scroll and leaving with it, both of which were easier than he thought. He simply walked into a room with the scroll in it and leapt out of the window of the Hokage's office before the door opened. With that, he headed off to the Forest, preparing to read the scroll and learn what he could as soon as possible. Shadow Clone Jutsu? That had possibilities.

When Iruka found Naruto, he automatically asked, "Naruto, what do you think you're doing?"

Naruto was about to respond when several kunai and shuriken struck Iruka in the torso. Turning, Naruto saw Mizuki there, an insane gleam in his eye and a large shuriken strapped to his back.

"I see you found him first Iruka," he said maliciously, "Unfortunately, that means I'm going to have to kill both of you."

"Naruto, run!" Iruka shouted, "Don't let Mizuki get a hold of the scroll!"

"Don't listen to him, Naruto," Mizuki said, "He hates you just like everyone else, and for the same reason! Do you want to know why?"

"Mizuki, talking about that's forbidden!" Iruka shouted, trying to get his fellow teacher to stop.

"It's because the Yondaime couldn't kill the Kyuubi no Yoko!" he barreled on, ignoring Iruka, "So he sealed it in an infant: YOU! Funny, isn't it, Iruka! Your student is a monster, the container for the demon who killed your parents!"

With that, he threw the large shuriken he had strapped to his back at Naruto, only for it to be blocked by Iruka's body

"Naruto isn't a monster," Iruka said, grimacing in pain, "He's my student."

When Mizuki reached to pull out another large shuriken he heard creaking and rustling all around him. Looking everywhere, he saw several Naruto surrounding him, each unsheathing their swords as the Naruto he had been talking to disappeared in a puff of smoke. Naruto had obviously planned and prepared for something like this to happen. Mizuki didn't even have time to get the shuriken off of his back before he was swarmed and received several sword inflicted wounds and other various injuries from every last Naruto present.

"Don't touch my sensei again," the main Naruto said quietly as the rest dispersed one at a time.

"Naruto, come here," Iruka said, "I have something for you."

Naruto moved closer and helped the chuunin to his feet.

"Close your eyes," the instructor said, a smile on his face. Despite himself, Naruto closed his eyes and felt a strange feeling of cloth and metal being placed on his forehead. Opening his eyes, he tilted his head at Iruka, trying to figure out what his sensei had done.

"Congratulations, Naruto Uzumaki. You are hereby a genin of Konoha," Iruka proudly proclaimed as more shinobi appeared. Before they took Iruka away, the newly minted genin gave his sensei a quick hug and left, handing the scroll to the Dog Anbu.


	3. Recruiting

Recruiting

I don't own Naruto. Somewhat inspired by Silence of the Lambs and Marvel's The Avengers. Strange mix, but that's what happened.

"What do you want, Sharingan Kakashi?" a rasping voice said from inside the dark cell, "What need could you possibly have for me?"

"I'm putting together a team," the masked jounin said calmly, "I need the best in their fields, and they say that's you."

"You've gone to the wrong cell," the voice laughed darkly, "The shapeshifter's in the next cell."

"Not for long," Kakashi responded, "Still, I thought you'd like to help with this."

"Oh?" the voice responded, taking on a smoother tone, "Why would I do that?"

"I thought you'd like to help people," Kakashi answered casually.

"Ah, an appeal to my humanity," the voice said, clearly amused, "Well, I regret to inform you of this, but I'm not human, according to everyone. Why else would I be in this cell in solitary confinement, unable to touch the wind or sea, chakra suppressors attached to my limbs?"

With that said, the owner of the voice stepped out of the shadows, the chains on his arms clanking as he moved. It was a blond boy, dressed in an orange prison jumpsuit. Despite his somewhat normal appearance, he had a few distinct features that were decidedly inhuman. His face had three dark whiskers on each side, he had nine fox tails, also chained, and his eyes were blazing red with black slits for pupils.

"All of this will go away, and you'll be released from the facility if you agree to come with me," Kakashi said, looking the boy directly in the eyes.

"And why would I bother with you, when my friends and I can escape whenever I wish?" the boy laughed, "I am the demon fox, after all. Sealed into a meager human form and cursed to die, admittedly, but I am here for your people's protection, as are some of the other members of your team."

"You know...?"Kakashi asked, surprised by the security breach.

"Of course I do," the boy smiled, revealing elongated canines, "Did you believe you could stop any of us from finding out? You've personally confirmed that you will be using the demon tanuki, capable of leaving at any time, given that he is literally the sand he uses, but can possess even a single speck and leave whenever he desired and is completely loyal to me. The Uchiha is a Sharingan wielder, one of the few living ones, and is blindfolded to counteract that, but he is very determined to escape and have his revenge, and he trusts my judgment. The artist can think of several ways to escape if need be, and he's rather resourceful and answers directly to me. Most importantly, the Yamanaka owes me a life's worth of debt, and has access to any mind that comes near her, being the endgame of her clan's bloodline's evolution and a bit insane as a result. While I admit, I don't know much about the others because they are not held in any facility, I know the Hyuuga girl has been trained well and that the others are equally as good."

"If you know all of these things and can escape, why are you here?" Kakashi asked curiously, "You've made it quite clear you hate it here, not that I blame you."

"That's a dangerous question," the blond grinned, "Would you like to play a game of chess?"

"What?" Kakashi asked, confused until he heard movement outside the cell. That was a signal for the other three in solitary, evidently.

"You see, Sharingan Kakashi," the blond smirked as his chains began to glow red, "Chakra suppressors are designed to prevent the wearer from pushing their chakra outside of their body, channeling it to the seal on the suppressor, instead. Unfortunately, what it means here is that my suppressors are designed to carry human chakra, not the near infinite level I have."

With that, the chains burst on each bound limb, freeing the blond as others entered the cell.

"Right on schedule," a voice said as sand rose from the ground, transforming into a red haired boy with dark circles around his eyes.

"Are we going to dispose of him?" another boy, one with a pair of Sharingan eyes and black hair asked.

"I'd like to hear what he has to offer, first, so, Ino?" the blond asked, turning to the only girl in the room, "Be a dear and try to not turn him into a vegetable when you do it."

"On it, boss," the girl with her blond bang covering her eye said cheerily before invading Kakashi's mind.

"I've sent a few of my pets to gather our effects, sir," the last member of the group, a pale, black haired boy said, "You were correct with the use of the berries from dessert to make my ink. While inferior, they managed to suffice."

"There's some sort of conflict, boss," the girl said, "The other Uchiha wants to destroy the world with an unknown plan. They're calling on us because they don't know what else to do."

"I see..." the blond boy said as Kakashi staggered back to his feet, "Well, then, Sharingan Kakashi, we will aid you, as I'd rather not have the world destroyed, but we're doing it my way. Sasuke, you take the Aburame, as he has no skill at close combat. Talk to him if you can. If not, keep the fight tight on him."

"My pleasure," the Sharingan wielding boy said with a feral grin.

"Ino, you get the Inuzuka boy. Keep him at a distance and have fun without breaking him."

"No promises on him being perfect," the girl responded with a manic smile.

"Sai, the Haruno girl can break stone with a good punch."

"But art can't be broken without a canvas," the pale boy responded cheerfully, "I'll bring her alive."

"Gaara, you need to find your pets, even though they're not on the supply list. They should be around here somewhere."

"It will be simple enough," the red haired boy responded, thinking of where to search.

"That leaves the Hyuuga to me," the blond said, "Now, we will meet at the last location where we saw sunshine, and then we will come and get Sharingan Kakashi from here. Now, once Sai's pets have returned, get dressed and go."

* * *

Shino Aburame felt a disturbance in the air, turning, he found himself face to face with a pair of Sharingan eyes, which pulled him into a genjutsu instantly, preventing him from using his insects.

"I wish to talk to you," the strange boy dressed in blue armor said, "There is a crisis that requires a select group of people to deal with it. We need you for said group, as your insects would be valuable for our purposes. Are you willing to help?"

"Very well," Shino said, "But make no mistake. Should I find out that you lied to me and that this is a trap intended to harm me, you and your group will not get out alive."

"That's the spirit," the boy said, "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. Welcome to the show."

* * *

"Hey there dogbreath," a blonde girl said, smirking at Kiba Inuzuka, "Do you really eat dog food?"

"What?" Kiba asked angrily, noticing the purple cloak the girl wore.

"Wow, I didn't know that you were deaf too, dog breath," she grinned, "Despite all those dog bits, you sure are pretty stupid, aren't you? I bet you couldn't even beat a kunoichi who's been out for as long as I have."

"Why you...!" Kiba said as he began to charge with Akamaru before they were suddenly stopped dead in their tracks.

"Nice of you to step into my web," the girl giggled ominously, "Don't mind me, I'm just going to pick your brain before I talk to you. Need to know what you know, you know? Now this won't hurt a bit."

Kiba was struggling to regain control of his limbs when he felt a foreign presence in his brain, digging through his mind, leaving him trapped inside with it. Beside him, Akamaru was feeling the same thing, equally as frightened. Eventually, the presence left, much to their mutual relief.

"Interesting," the girl said with a smile, "Those weren't nearly as important as Kakashi's memories, but they were fun to look at. Now that I know everything about you down to your deepest darkest secrets, my name is Ino Yamanaka, and I'm here to tell you that you are are now working with a group that's attempting to save the world."

"What?" Kiba asked as his motor skills were returned to him and Akamaru, "Was that some sort of interview or something?"

"Yes," she lied, "I would never peek into peoples minds for fun. It's not like I thrive off of seeing people's perceptions of themselves and then comparing their ideals to their actual experiences and thoughts, making me know them better than they know themselves. Anyway, just come with me, since we've got a meeting to get to as soon as possible."

* * *

"Hello, Ugly," a pale boy in a black trenchcoat said, smiling at Sakura Haruno, "It is a pleasure to meet you."

He was almost pulverized by a fist until one of his ink tigers interceded, taking the hit for him.

"I am here to cordially invite you to join a group that will provide a unique experience," he continued as if she hadn't tried to put a hole in his body, "My master has ordered me to bring you to a specific location, though he did not specify how."

The girl seemed to still be trying to kill him. Did he say something wrong? Deciding that things would be easier to explain later, he prepared to tire her out and carry her to the location. Setting his mind to that goal, he summoned more creatures to fight her.

* * *

"Things would be so much easier if I had my hands free," Kankuro said, turning to Temari, who was bound to a chair with chakra suppressors.

"You think you have problems?" she asked, looking at the chakra suppressing cages attached to his hands, "I can't even leave this stupid chair. At least you can move around the cell."

"I can remedy this situation for you both," a familiar voice said as sand trickled into their cell.

"Gaara!" both shouted in surprise, having heard he was completely locked up in solitary confinement.

"Hello, my siblings," Gaara said, forming into himself in a dark red lab coat, "Now, we have work ahead of us. Kankuro, do you know where your puppets are?"

"They're right behind you, with Temari's fan," the puppet user responded, "The guards thought it'd be funny to leave them just out of our control."

"I see..." Gaara responded, sending sand to cut their bindings, "Well, according to Naruto, we need to meet at the place we were last, so come along. They're having us save the world."

* * *

"Hello, Ms. Hinata Hyuuga," a voice in a nearby tree said, causing Hinata to pause in surprise, "It's a pleasure to see you again."

"Again?" she asked activating her Byakugan, "Have we met before?"

"Once," the voice said as a boy leapt out of the shadows, revealing a blond whiskered boy with red animalistic eyes in an orange tuxedo with nine fox tails swaying behind him, "I got placed in an unpleasant facility for rescuing you from a kidnapper. At any rate, I find myself needing your assistance in a matter. You see, there's someone trying to destroy the world. Seeing as people don't tend to like that, all of the Hidden Villages decided to summon useful people, like you, and things that go bump in the night, like me. Because of this, I'm going to need to take you with me. My team should have gotten the others by now."

"Wait," she said, "Who are you?"

"Prisoner Number 009-K-01," he responded, "Solitary confinement and extra restraints."

"What's your name?" she asked as he grabbed her hand and began to lead her away.

"Call me Naruto," the blond responded with a grin, revealing his elongated canines, "I'm the Nine-tailed Fox."


	4. Arresting

Arresting

A prequel to the last chapter, explaining what got the group locked up as tightly as they were. I still don't own Naruto. I'm pretty sure of that.

"Sasuke, did I not tell you that Mizuki was supposed to be closely handled, not burned?" the seven year old blond boy in the orange suit with faint whisker marks and blue eyes said, eating some ramen at the stand that permitted him to use it as a base.

"You did," the black haired boy in the black armor admitted.

"The why was he found with his brain boiled?" the blond inquired.

"He was losing his mind during interrogation, and so I had to get Ino to come and have an expedition in there," the brunette explained, "After she was done, I needed to do something to prevent anyone from noticing any residual chakra from the tampering in there."

"Ah," the blond replied, "In that case, she owes you one. As such, I'm going to make you an offer."

"Oh? Do tell..." the brunette prodded.

"I'll take that debt off of your hands in exchange for five more fire-based jutsu from the Scroll of Seals," the blond responded with a grin.

The pyromaniacal brunette regarded the bargain before saying, "That sounds reasonable. We have a deal."

"What sort of deal, boss?" a blonde girl in a purple cloak asked cheerfully, entering the stand.

"I just bought your debt to the Uchiha," the whiskered boy responded, "Another one for my collection."

"Oh," she replied blankly before changing tact, "Did you stop the kidnapper?"

"Yes," the whiskered boy replied, "It took some effort, and my disguise slipped, but no one who saw it is alive at the moment. And what about your assignment? I trust it was discrete."

"It was," she replied, "I doubt that anyone would be able to find a coherent thought in the delegation's mind, let alone my touch."

"Good," the blond said, turning towards the entrance, "Now, Sai, are Danzo and your old friends in ROOT out of the way, yet?"

"Not quite yet, Master," the pale boy in the black trenchcoat who entered admitted, "My pets will finish him off once they get every bit of information out of him."

"Why didn't you tell me you were going to pick his brain!" the girl growled petulantly, "I wanted to be able to tell him why his dreams were meaningless and crush his soul if he believed he was doing everything for a greater good!"

"Calm down Ino," the blond said, the color of his eyes flickering slightly between red and blue, "You know how I feel about being in a hostile environment."

"Sorry, boss," the girl apologized, "I forgot about your little illusion."

"It's alright," the blond waved off, "I trust you and your team didn't have much difficulty, Gaara?"

"It was not very problematic," a brown haired boy with a pair of sunglasses said as a blonde girl with her hair parted in four directions dressed in a leather jacket and a boy in a black officer's uniform who was manipulating a humanoid puppet to walk beside him. Upon entering, the brown haired boy dissolved into sand and reformed into a red haired boy with dark rings around his eyes who said, "As our father is now dead, we're seeking asylum with you."

"Of course," the blond responded cheerily, "You know I'd never turn you and your pets away."

"Step out of the stand and surrender," a voice said from outside.

"Well, I suppose this was inevitable," the blond murmured, "Now, we can't let them think it was too easy, can we?"

Stepping outside, the group acted as if they had no idea what was going on as they were greeted by teams of Anbu.

"What seems to be the problem, Anbu?" the once again brown haired boy asked with fake innocence.

"Sabaku no Gaara," the leader of the assembled Anbu, Dog, said, "Drop the false appearance, as we are well aware of you and have already found the body of that boy. You and your two assistants, Temari and Kankuro are being charged with two counts of murder."

"Anything else," the blonde girl asked, forcing her way into his mind violently, "Ah, Kumo didn't like what I did to their big bad delegates anymore than what the boss did. These fine, upstanding Anbu are the International division. Sasuke, you're also being taken in for questioning for Mizuki's death, and they plan on locking Sai up for killing over one hundred low tier Anbu and the boss is in trouble for getting the head of the Kumo delegation."

"I see," the whiskered blond said, "I suppose that I might as well stop concentrating on this then."

Much to the Anbu's surprise, the boy's eyes turned red with black slits for pupils as nine fox tails flickered into existence behind him. As if on cue, the pale boy removed a scroll from his side and brought some nightmarish creatures into existence by drawing them. The other brunette's eyes turned red and revealed a Mangekyo Sharingan. As the blond boy cackled madly, the blonde with a bang over her eye smiled at a crowd of Anbu, who seemed frozen in place as they screamed in terror about something in their heads.

The brown haired boy once more turned into sand, moving restlessly in a tan wave before the Anbu while the other girl of the group took out her fan and puppets began to spring around the boy in the uniform. As the Anbu regained their senses, a fight ensued.

* * *

It was a massacre, to say the least. The Internation Anbu suffered incredible losses but they had managed to capture all but one. The puppeteer was the easiest, as, once they got close enough, the placed chakra suppressing cages on his hands. The blonde with the fan followed shortly, though she had to be rendered unconscious. It took some time to restrain the Uchiha, but, once they bound his hands and blindfolded him, he was unable to continue fighting. The pale boy had fallen when he took the force of a blade to his stomach while protecting the blonde with the bang over her eye, who was rendered unconscious as soon as she attempted to resuscitate the pale boy. The redhead was tricky, but they eventually tricked him into an undamaged glass container that they then sealed him into.

As the leader continued his fight with Dog, the rest of the Anbu moved closer, chakra suppressing chains in thirteen of their hands. While he was distracted by the fight, those with the chains moved in on him and slipped the manacles of the chains on him as quickly as they could before locking them and activating the seals.

"Very clever insects," the only conscious blond jeered, "Your cunning can rival that of ants now."

"You're under arrest for multiple counts of murder, disregard of diplomacy, leading a conspiracy to commit murders, and resisting arrest," Dog said as they dragged the whiskered blond to his bound group, "What do you have to say, Naruto?"

The boy said nothing as he was placed a few feet away from his group. He was already forming a plan, which he knew the others were as well. Feeling a fully conscious Ino reach out for the rest of them with her mind, he mentally said, 'Don't worry. I'm sure you'll have guards to play with. Tell the others that we're playing dead for now.'

When he felt Ino's presence leave his mind, he smirked inwardly. The Anbu, Sharingan Kakashi in particular, thought they could keep his team in cages? He'd been in plenty of cages in his time and only stayed as long as he wanted to. These cages, like any other cage they could think of, would only hold them until he wanted out. He was, after all, the Nine-tailed Fox.


	5. Unleashed Potential

Unleashed Potential

Yet another addition to the previous two, taking place in between them. I don't know why I'm still on this, but here we are. I don't own Naruto.

"Am I speaking to Yakumo, or to Ido?" a calm voice asked the girl locked in her solitary cell that dark, cloudy afternoon.

"What do you think, idiot?" the girl snarled, "Ever since you fools locked me in this cell, I've been Yakumo Kurama. I can't even feel my other self anymore, you pathetic scrap of meat."

"Good, good," the voice continued, "Now, I'm on a bit of a schedule, as I'm not supposed to be out of my own cage, but I have a proposition for you."

"And who are you to be making bargains with a true mistress of genjutsu?" the girl smirked "I may be locked, but I can see your fears if you look me in the eye."

"Is that so?" the voice asked indulgently, "Tell me, Yakumo, have you ever looked a demon in the eye? I'm offering you something better than a temporary plaything."

"And what's that?" she inquired, curious as to where this conversation was going.

"You want your freedom," the voice said, "And I want your aid. Now, I know you miss painting as well, so I'm going to ask you a question: Do you get berries in your dessert?"

"Yes, but what does that have to do with...? Oh, aren't you clever?" she smiled, "What else have you got for me?"

'Your neighbor to the left is also a painter,' the voice said in disinterest, "And to your right is a fan of the human mind. Tomorrow, they and I will be taken out of here, but you will not be."

"Life sentences tend to be permanent," she quipped sarcastically.

"Indeed," the voice replied, "But, if we can be checked out early, then so can you. We need you out of here by the morning."

"And how exactly am I supposed to leave if my only talent is being blocked off by a suppressor I can't get off."

"That's the point, isn't it?" the voice commented in a chipper tone, "You can't take it off. I, on the other hand, can. Get to your feeding slot."

Deciding that she had no reason to trust or distrust him, Yakumo weighed her options. Ever since the incident, she had come to miss the balance Ido gave her, which made her the way she is now. If the voice was offering...

Looking out the gap, she was startled by what she saw. She'd never seen the other inmates before, as she was lead blindfolded into her cell, but she never suspected to see a boy with red, slitted eyes, dark whiskers on his face and chains on his arms and legs, along with nine fox tails.

"Closer," he said, proving himself to be the voice. Compelled by the possibility of freedom, she moved closer. He raised his hand and dragged a clawed finger, glowing with red chakra, along the suppressor slicing the suppressor off her forehead.

"Now," he smiled, revealing elongated eyeteeth, "Can you hear your old friend now?"

"I hear you, Yakumo..." Ido said in the girl's mind, "It has been a long time since we saw each other."

"Too long, my dear," she commented smugly, "Kurenai tried to seal us away, but this boy brought us back together again."

"I thought I heard new voices," a new, female voice said cheerfully, "My name's Ino Yamanaka. The boss has other places to go in the prison, so I'm here to give you a hand. Sorry if I'm intruding, but I must say, your psyche is deliciously broken. Why anyone would seal off such a wonderful dual mind is beyond me. Now, any questions?"

"How did you get in here?" Ido roared, "This is not your mind!"

"I'm the brain-picker," the female voice responded, "I'm bound in my cell, so I'm making the most of my time. The guards won't be back until morning, so I've been looking for a mind to look at for a while. You two were nearby, and called to me with your deadly intentions. Now, while I'm fond of a nice mind-crushing, myself, why don't you hold it off until the boss says what he wants you to do like the rest of us?"

"Who are you?" Yakumo asked, "How many are there?"

"There's a good number of us" the female voice said "About nine monsters, counting you, me, Ido, and the boss. As for who we are, we're people who don't deserve to be caged, like you and Ido. We tried to make the world a better place, but we got some trouble for making a mess of the bodies."

"Who is the boss, exactly?" she pressed, "And why does he look like that?"

"We call him Naruto," the female voice responded simply, "He's the Nine-tailed Fox."

* * *

"Prisoner 010-T-10?" Naruto asked, looking into the cell, only to be greeted by a sharpened pebble nearly striking his eye. Only his quick reflexes saved his life from the weapon.

"Prisoner 010-T-10," he commented, changing tact as he edged away from the only opening in the cell, "Master assassin, apprehended just outside a field of dead shinobi cleaning blood from several weapons at the age of eight. Name Unknown, Nicknamed Tenten by guards. Solitary confinement, extra restraints, not allowed near sharp objects, fed non-solid foods from foam bowl. I know the feeling, Tenten. Can I call you Tenten?"

"Who are you?" she asked, glaring out the grate.

"Prisoner 009-K-01, solitary confinements and extra restraints," he responded, lifting his arms and tails to show the chains, "But that's not the question you should be asking."

"Then enlighten me," she said, "What should I be asking?"

"What you should ask is 'Why do you want to get me out of here?'" Naruto responded, "The answer to that question is simple: I need a sneaking killer type. You know, like a Master Assassin."

"And what do I have to do?" she asked, feeling for another pebble if the answer wasn't one she wanted to hear.

"All you have to do is kill whoever it is my team is pointed at," Naruto responded as one of his tails pulled out a thumbtack from the back of his shoe, "and trust me, we'll probably be pointed at a lot of people."

"And how can I trust you?" she asked quietly.

"Consider this one a freebie," he responded, flicking the tack into her cell, just next to her, "You won't be travelling alone if you agree. Wait for the girl three cells down to get out before you go. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got another meeting, so I have to get right back to my cell."

"He's not lying to you," a dead sounding voice said in the glass cell across from Prisoner 010-T-10.

"What?" she asked, moving closer to the slot as she took the thumbtack.

"He's not lying to you," said a voice from somewhere in the sand in that cell, "He thinks you're useful."

"And who are you?" she asked, trying to use her well-honed senses to find the speaker.

"I am merely his brother, in a way," the voice said as sand began swaying in the cell, "And I can tell you that he was not lying."

"How can I trust you if I can't see you?" she inquired, narrowing her eyes.

"Ah, I forgot my manners," the voice said as the sand compacted in the shape of a pale redhead with dark circles around his eyes, "Is that better?"

* * *

Naruto was standing in his cell, having put his chains back in their original positions. Suddenly, the door opened, revealing an older woman with blond hair and a diamond shape on her forehead.

"Who are you and where's the Third Hokage?" he asked, knowing the answer to both questions due to Ino giving him the information she pulled out of the guard's heads every single day.

"The Third Hokage is dead," she responded, steeling her nerves, "He died fighting Orochimaru."

"Ah, so he invaded after all," Naruto said, "So tell me, Tsunade Senju of the Legendary Sannin, how did your other teammate, Jiraiya get you here to fill the role of Hokage if you swore you would never return?"

"How did you know...?" Tsunade began.

"Please, did you puny insects believe that you could keep information from this section of the prison?" Naruto smirked, not giving away his source, "We are the solitary confinement ward. We're the nightmares you lock in boxes and pretend you didn't dream. Now, I take it you were assigned once Jiraiya killed Orochimaru. By the way, pass my regards to him for that. I never did like snakes. They taste rather foul."

"What exactly do you want?" Tsunade asked, "You told the warden that you wanted to speak with me."

"That I did," Naruto admitted, "I just wanted to find out what you were like. Your temper is legendary. I must say, though, you are remarkably good at keeping your calm."

"And you're remarkably friendly for a violent psychopathic fox demon," Tsunade responded.

"Be that as it may," Naruto said, "I merely wished to let you know that we in solitary confinement will accept any mission you want to get rid of in exchange for release from this facility. Even those of us who aren't from the village. That's all. Thank you for your time."

With that, Tsunade left to weigh his words. Naruto seated himself in his cell comfortably and waited for Ino to talk.

"She wants to use us for something, boss," Ino said, "She doesn't know what, yet, but she sees the advantages of using us, though she plans on having civilians with us in order to balance us out. She'll be set with what to do with us by tomorrow, right on schedule."

"What's her list?" Naruto asked, fiddling with the useless chains attached to his arms, legs, and tails.

"You, Gaara, Sasuke, Sai, and me for our side of the bars, just like you thought, boss," Ino said, her voice smug, even in his mind, "The Inuzuka boy, Kiba, Shino of the Aburame clan, Hinata, the Hyuuga girl we saved, the Sharingan wielder Kakashi Hatake, who you may remember as the Anbu Dog, and Sakura Haruno. Oh, how I missed her flashes of Inner Sakura. it was like finding a chocolate bar with another chocolate inside the first bar."

"And are our guests willing to go?" Naruto asked.

"Well, Ido and Yakumo have come around, and Tenten is going to come with her, but I'm kind of curious as to what's going to happen when they get out," Ino said with a grin, "Especially since I've seen their memories of what they've done in the past."

"So long as they don't make too big a mess, I don't really care," Naruto said, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a nap to take. Can't have much fun if I'm not fully awake when Kakashi gets here."

Inside her cell, Ino nodded and began to inform the others of the plan. Tomorrow was going to be fun.


	6. Team Kakashi

Team Kakashi

I don't own Naruto. This idea is courtesy of someone I know reminding me of Kakashi saying his first impression of his team directly to their faces.

Kakashi Hatake was a very hard man to surprise as a general rule. As he entered the field, however, he found himself very surprised. While Lord Emo and The Shrieking Fangirl were there, quietly standing waiting for him to present the test he would administer, The Orange Prankster was absolutely not anywhere to be found. Upon further analysis of the pair, however, he found himself seeing something confusing. Sasuke remained the same, though he had bandages on an arm and a leg, but Sakura was practicing using several different melee weapons, several of which were rather large and cumbersome. Deciding to deal with this later, he said, "Sorry I'm late. I got lost on the road of life."

Before Sakura could, as many genin before her did, shout at him, a voice behind him said, "Sorry I'm late. I wound up spotting a floating coin, which I followed out of curiosity, eventually leading me here before it vanished."

Turning to face the source of the voice, Kakashi wasn't sure what to make of what he saw. Standing directly behind him was Naruto, dressed almost exactly like Kakashi, himself. Observing the boy, he noticed that the only difference was that the parts of Kakashi's outfit that were green were orange on the blond, while the dark blue parts were black, with the forehead protector was in the same position that Naruto had it in last time. He was even holding a copy of Icha Icha.

"Alright, I'll bite, what are you doing?" Kakashi asked, confused beyond belief.

"Well, Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke said, observing a hawk that soared overhead, "We thought about what you said about us when we first met."

"So we decided to try to reinvent ourselves to be more adapted to you," Sakura stated.

"We decided to look into your record, resulting in us finding out that you had an Eternal Rival: Gai, the Green Beast of Konoha," Naruto continued.

"Deciding to look him up, we observed him with his own genin team," Sakura added while none of them noticed Kakashi smack his forehead over them mentioning his "rivalry" with Gai.

"We noticed that his team fell into different categories," Sasuke said, "One was an apprentice of some kind, one was a member of the Hyuuga clan who hated his situation in life and believed in fate, and the third was a girl who specialized in projectile weaponry."

"Looking back on Sasuke and my Academy days, we realized that rivals like to one-up each other," Naruto finished, "So Sasuke, being a clan heir, took on the role of the clan member, but, since we're supposed to counteract them, he believes there is no fate but what we make it. Sakura, being our girl, specializes in melee weapons, since that's the opposite of projectile weapons. I, on the other hand, am the apprentice sort, but I model myself after you, rather than Gai. Also, on another note, we will not, under any circumstances, even if our lives depended on it, ever hug and shout each other's names with a sunset in the background. Now that everyone is here, why don't we start the bell test. Now, the objective is to get the bells from him. There are only two bells, and if any of us haven't held a bell before the alarm he's going to set goes off, then we fail. Now, come with me, we have some planning to do."

With that said, the pair followed the blond into the trees while Kakashi blankly watched, trying to piece together what had just happened. Unfortunately, that gave his potential team the time to come up with a plan.

"Sasuke, use any and all techniques that are reasonable. We need to get him exhausted, but you need to watch your limits. If you think you're running low on chakra, hide and replenish," Naruto whispered before turning his attention to Sakura, "Sakura, when Kakashi gets exhausted or confident, attack him from behind. Keep him focused on you. Once he's properly distracted, I'll move in and take the bells. Once I do that, leap away from him. Sasuke, when I have the bells come out. I'll hand one to each of you, and he'll know that we can manage the teamwork this exercise is demanding. Any questions?"

When neither raised a question, Naruto sent Sasuke out.

Kakashi had barely regained his senses when he was suddenly nearly struck by a fireball aimed for his head. And another. And another. And another.

Moving quickly, he dodged each attack, even dodging shuriken and kunai that Sasuke used against him. Eventually, the boy leapt out of sight, presumably running low on chakra. Kakashi was already disappointed with this team. They were already not working as a...

Kakashi was pulled out of his thoughts by Sakura swinging a mace with a flanged head at him. Leaping back, he moved to keep the weapon away from him, as the girl wasn't looking him in the eye, preventing him from using genjutsu on her. A quick shunshin got him away, while she scanned the ground in the clearing, looking for him as she replace the mace with a bulky warhammer that she swung with ease. Right when he prepared to use his favorite genjutsu techniquc when she looked up, she leapt away before he could start.

Much to Kakashi's surprise, he suddenly found himself pulled up to his neck into the ground. It was clearly Earth Release: Double Suicide Decapitation Technique, but who could have done that? Feeling the bells get cut away from him, he had his suspicions. These kids were good. Training them would be a pain, but he was sure he could figure something out.

Still, he was getting ahead of himself. They had to get the main point of the test if they were going to pass. When Naruto pulled himself out of the ground, holding the bells, he shouted, "Sasuke, Sakura, I've got the bells! Come here!"

The other two arrived almost instantly, falling in beside the blond, who continued with, "Alright, you two did a good job distracting him, just as planned. Sakura, excellent work avoiding him using genjutsu. Sasuke, you were good at keeping him on his toes."

With that the blond handed the pair a bell each and said, "Kakashi-sensei, we passed your test as a team. As you often say, 'In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, that's true, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash.'"

"Team Seven, you pass," Kakashi said as Sakura pulled out a pick and began to dig around him "Before I go inform the Hokage, I want to introduce you to Gai and his team."

* * *

Maito Gai was very hard to surprise, if you asked him. He therefore very intrigued when his Eternal Rival seemed to be wandering nearby with a group of children. Kakashi had never passed a team before. As such, he decided to take his youthful student and his other two students with him to see what was going on.

"Kakashi, my Eternal Rival, have you finally found youthful students for you to teach?" Gai asked in his boisterous voice.

"Hm?" Kakashi responded as usual, "Did you say something?"

"Curse your hip behavior!" Gai bellowed as his youthful student went up the the Kakashi look-alike.

"Are you Gai-sensei's Eternal Rival's new team?" Lee asked, looking directly at the blond.

"Hm?" Naruto asked, emulating his sensei, "Did you say something?"

"Curse your hip behavior!" Lee bellowed, "From now on, you're my Eternal Rival! I challenge you!"

As Lee was defeated at Rock Paper Scissors, Sasuke approached Neji and said, "Hello, my name is Sasuke Uchiha, and, as Fate is meaningless, I have decided that I will kill my brother not for vengeance, but in order to prove that one can get past their so-called destiny."

Neji tried to maintain his composure. Remarkably, he managed to and said, "There is no way to escape your Fate. Your brother will always be stronger than you, and you will never surpass him."

As the two continued their philosophical debate, the kunoichi of the groups looked at each other silently, taking in each other's weapons.

"Why do you use melee?" Tenten asked, breaking the silence, "Everyone knows that projectiles are the far superior weapons."

"Yeah right," Sakura scoffed, "Like your little toys could hold off a skilled melee fighter. They'd be batted aside by my flail before they even got close enough to scratch the shaft of it."

"Is that so?" Tenten asked, her hands gripping a pair of kunai tightly enough to turn her knuckles white.

"Yes it is," Sakura replied, pulling out a pair of tonfa.

Before things could escalate, Kakashi shouted, "Team Seven! We are heading to the Hokage Tower!"

"Yes Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said, falling in line behind him, ignoring Lee's demand for a sixth rematch.

"We'll discuss your delusions later" Sasuke said as he walked away from the irritated Neji.

"I suppose that match will have to wait. See you at the Chuunin Exams," Sakura smirked at the enraged Tenten.

* * *

When Kakashi left the team at the Ramen Stand to eat while he nominated them, the other new team leaders evidently had a similar idea. As such, Team Eight and Team Ten were also there, confused by the Team Seven that was seated beside them. Sasuke and Sakura were eating very neatly, enjoying their meals, while Naruto didn't remove his mask, instead making each order To Go as he placed them in a box he had by his side while he read the orange book he was carrying.

Strangely enough, none of those present, with the exception of Hinata, remembered what Naruto's face looked like, despite having known him for years. As such, discussions began over that bit of information among the other two teams.

"What do you think he looks like?" Kiba asked, turning to Shino and Hinata, Akamaru still on his head.

"Maybe he's scarred?" Chouji responded, trying to puzzle out his former classmate's appearance.

"Perhaps he has his reasons for wearing a mask," Shino defended, thinking of his sunglasses as he spoke.

"Maybe he's so handsome he's hiding his face so that Forehead doesn't start stalking him," Ino commented, both to bait her rival for Sasuke into a fight and to present a possibility.

"Ino, why don't you use your clan technique and force him to remove his mask if you're so curious about this troublesome mask thing?" Shikamaru commented sagely. He didn't really care one way or the other, but if it would get her to stop talking...

"Good idea!" Ino agreed, already forming the hand seals.

As she launched her mind at Naruto, the masked blond looked down and said, "Hey, free coupon..."

Just when Ino was about to connect, Naruto bent down to pick up the coupon, leading to her missing and instead hitting Sasuke. When Sasuke realized he was in Ino's body, he stomped up to the dazed kunoichi in his body, grabbed her by his collar and demanded, "Give me my body back. Now."

With that, Ino canceled the jutsu and said, "Sorry, Sasuke-kun. I was just trying to find out what was under Naruto's mask."

"You want to know what's under my mask?" Naruto asked dramatically while his teammates and Hinata smirked inwardly, Hinata because she could tell this would be some sort of prank while the other two did because they knew what was going to happen, "Okay, then. Beneath this mask..."

Naruto reached for his mask, causing all the interested parties to stare at him as he pulled it down slowly, "Is another mask!"

The entire group except for the three who expected this groaned. Then, much to everyone's surprise, Hinata, somehow emboldened by the boy's face being somewhat obscured, grabbed Naruto by his collar and dragged him off to a secluded area for reasons unknown to the blond but not the others.

* * *

At the Hokage Tower, Kurenai said, "I, Kurenai Yuuhi, hereby pass Hinata Hyuuga, Shino Aburame, and Kiba Inuzuka as Team Eight."

Asuma then follwed her statement and said, "I, Asuma Sarutobi, hereby pass Shikamaru Nara, Chouji Akimichi, and Ino Yamanaka as Team Ten."

Much to the surprise of the two other jounin instructors, Kakashi said, "I, Hatake Kakashi, hereby pass Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, and Sasuke Uchiha as Team Seven."

"I must have drunk too much," Kurenai said, turning to Asuma, "I swear, I just heard Kakashi pass a team."

"No, I heard it too, and I'm sober," Asuma said, "So what's with the team, Kakashi?"

"I figured out a way to use them for my amusement," Kakashi said, "They decided to be somewhat of the opposite of Gai's team. This promises to be entertaining, and I also think they could actually pull off some strange things in their time."

"Oh, god, we're doomed!" Asuma cried, "I thought two Gai's was bad enough. now there's two Gai's and two Kakashi's!"

With that settled, Kakashi left the room, satisfied with the chaos he had caused. If only he knew just what he had inflicted on Konoha...


	7. Politics and Other Goals

Politics and Other Goals

I don't own Naruto. On a related note, I don't own many things. Yet again, I couldn't even begin to explain what prompted this. This is unrelated to any of the others.

Naruto Uzumaki was a planner. Not many people noticed this about him, but that was who he was. When he'd been placed in the Academy, he forced himself into the lives of all of the clan heirs. By the age that most shinobi children were learning to throw kunai, he had already managed to gather debts from the Nara, Akimichi, and Inuzuka boys in his age group. By the age most of them were barely being taught about clan politics, he'd managed to get the Last Uchiha to acknowledge him as a formidable ally.

While each clan elder was surprised by the success of their own children in learning about how to manage the clan properly, he, himself had managed to improve security in the village merely by using his status as pariah as a way to make people become more cautious. All of these things had fallen into place because Naruto Uzumaki had a plan.

As an orphan, he knew that he wouldn't be able to become Hokage without support from several major clans. His status wouldn't win him any favors with the thoroughbred clan leaders like the Hyuuga or the Senju if that clan was still active in Konoha. As such, he knew that he'd have to get rid of the heads of the clans before he could begin, and replace them with people loyal to him.

The Third had no idea what Naruto was doing with the other children, but he was glad when he looked in on the boy and saw that other children were spending time with him. Naruto Uzumaki intended to keep up that appearance for as long as he could.

The Aburame heir was brought in with the promise of friendship, as the boy was as excluded as Naruto Uzumaki tended to be. A simple offer to be his friend led to Naruto Uzumaki having an ally who was very good at maintaining his composure and could stand out very well. The eldest Hyuuga daughter was not heiress-apparent, but a few simple tricks, and her sister would no longer be viable as heiress. And none of it would be pinned on Naruto Uzumaki or his comrades.

If Naruto Uzumaki were being honest about his reasons for wanting the eldest Hyuuga daughter to be heiress once again, he would admit that he found her something of an interesting puzzle. While she had absolutely no malice to him, and he was certain no malice in her at all, she also left him to his own devices, which was always a welcome break from being forced to work the angles on the other children.

The Inuzuka male was not going to be heir, of that he was certain. He would get the boy knocked out of the running if he had to. However, it paid to have an Inuzuka on his side, as the clan was always loyal to whoever even one of them befriended. As for the Nara and the Akimichi, they were of distinguished clans and were very useful to have in a tight situation. The Yamanaka could prove useful, as her clan specialized in information retrieval, and she was a bit of a gossip, which made her a useful tool for misinformation. He had gotten her on his side by supplying her with gossip and taking care of her family's garden. Speaking of which...

"Ino, you're never going to guess what I just heard!" Naruto the friendly helper shouted, visibly surprised.

"What did you hear?" the blonde kunoichi in training asked calmly, trying to steady her most constant informant.

"I heard that the Hyuuga are vowing to forever abolish their Cursed Seal, whatever that is!" Naruto the innocent boy cheered, "And that they're going to remove it from those who have it! Hinata had talked to her father, and got him to agree! But don't tell anyone that someone with blue hair told me."

"That's interesting," Ino remarked, contemplating the news, "I've got to tell people about this."

"I thought you should," Naruto the kind informant agreed, "You're the best person to get information to everyone quickly."

"I'll get on it right now!" she cheered, preparing for an arduous task, "See you, Naruto!"

"Bye, Ino!" Naruto the good friend said, waving the Yamanaka off. Once she was gone, Naruto the future Hokage smiled to himself. The Hyuuga had made no such vow and never would have under the current leadership. No, this was his manipulation being used for his very specific purposes. Within the hour, every clan in Konoha, from the Haruno girl of the minor clan to the Uchiha boy, the last member of a major clan, would be under the impression that the Hyuuga were going to remove their Curse Seal for branch members. Despite the fact that almost everyone in Konoha disliked the idea of slavery as it was, the Hyuuga had managed to keep people out of these matters by citing the village charter, which stated that no clan could be forced to remove rules that were in effect, unless a declaration of abolition of the rule in question reached the Hokage before it could be refuted by others in the clan.

By claiming that the Hyuuga had abolished the Cursed Seal, which Naruto had been informed of by his key player in the Hyuuga compound, Naruto had forced their hands. If they wished to not be blacklisted, they would have to remove the Seal in order to save face. The fact that Hinata was supposedly the one who talked Hiashi into dropping it meant that the branch house members would give her their support for the title of clan heir, and many would probably help train her.

* * *

Hiruzen Sarutobi was surprised to say the least. Never in his lifetime did he expect the Hyuuga clan to drop their barbaric sealing practice, yet, here, in front of him was Hatake Kakashi telling him that they had done just that.

"Where did you hear this?" the aged Hokage asked, confused beyond belief.

"It'd spread around the village before I heard about it," the former Anbu captain admitted, "From what I can understand, an unknown member of the Hyuuga clan told Ino Yamanaka, who began to spread the information about it. If the rumors are to be believed, the former heiress of the Hyuuga was the one who persuaded Hiashi."

"Well then," the Hokage said, "As per the village charter, I must ask you to inform the Hyuuga that they have three days to abolish the seal and remove it from those who possess it."

"Yes, sir," Kakashi said, before using a shunshin to leave. He was going to enjoy this.

* * *

Meanwhile, across the village, Naruto Uzumaki was planning, Shino nearby as he observed the target. Kabuto Yakushi was a spy, of that he was certain. The question was: Should Naruto the good little shinobi in training report him and let people know he was watching everyone, or should Naruto the future Hokage put him in as the next piece in his plan. There were really so many options, but he had to think long-term. On the one hand, Kabuto might damage his plans with his little spy games, but on the other hand, Kabuto could be the perfect cover and the perfect tool for his eventual conquest of the village. Noticing the tell-tale signs of identity issues, Naruto Uzumaki came up with a plan. All Naruto had to do was convince him he was him as an individual, and he'd have his pawn in place. A spy who didn't know who he was could be useful, but they were too much of a wild card to be a suitable tool. That was unfortunate.

As Naruto headed to speak to Kabuto, he gave a silent signal to Shino to move around the back. Kikaichu were very good for silent takedowns when necessary.

"Hey!" Naruto shouted, "Your name's Kabuto, isn't it?"

"Yes," Kabuto responded, curious about the boy talking to him and impatient to give the information he had to Orochimaru, "Who are you?"

"My name's Naruto Uzumaki, and I'm going to be Hokage one day!" Naruto replied a bright grin on his face as he played his part.

"That's very nice," Kabuto replied condescendingly, "Now why did you want to talk to me?"

"Because I want to know about you," Naruto responded, the grin not leaving his face, "You know, likes, dislikes, who you really work for, hobbies."

"What?" Kabuto asked, taken aback by the little boy's question.

"Well, you're a spy," Naruto responded as Shino's insects moved in silently, "It's pretty obvious, really. You hold yourself cautiously, you have blatant identity issues, etcetera, etcetera. You're good, but I'm better. So, who do you work for?"

"What makes you think I'll tell you if I worked for anyone?" Kabuto asked, his tone darkening, "Why wouldn't I kill you now?"

"Two reasons," Naruto responded, "First, you killing me would get in the way of my plans. Second, there's a swarm of kikaichu, compliments of the Aburame clan, latched onto your back, draining your chakra as we speak."

Kabuto attempted to lunge at Naruto, only to suddenly feel sluggish and weak.

"Now, your boss?" Naruto asked again.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kabuto replied, trying to get away from this person.

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked, still as cheerful as he was at the start of the conversation, "All I'm asking for is a name..."

"Take me to the interrogation cells if you don't believe me," Kabuto answered, certain he wouldn't break under torture, "I'll say the same thing."

"See, that's a bit of a problem," Naruto replied, pouring false sadness in his tone, "If I put you in interrogation, then people will know we had this conversation. It wouldn't do if everyone knew the village pariah was torturing someone for information. People might get the wrong idea and banish me. So, about your boss..."

"I won't tell you," Kabuto replied as he felt the beetles remove themselves from him.

"That was a bad thing to say to me," Naruto said, back to cheerful, "If you'd have just kept playing dumb, I might have believed you. Well, too bad. We drained your chakra almost entirely. Say, is it true you carry scalpels with you everywhere you go?"

* * *

Across the village, in the Hyuuga compound, Hinata Hyuuga smiled. Her benefactor had gotten her name on a declaration of abolition for the Cursed Seal. This would give her the pull she needed to get the title of heir. Now, all she needed to do was prepare. Her father always took some tea every night before going to bed, but he'd been so sick as of late. Hinata was always happy to help her poor, ailing father feel better, so she'd been spending time with Ino Yamanaka as of late, often buying plants for the garden. Nightshade was such a lovely flower, after all, and as a good, faithful daughter, she had to place lovely sights in the garden for her ailing father to see.

"I-I've brought your t-tea, father," she stammered, ever the innocent daughter with her adorable little stutter, "Y-you look a b-bit upset, s-so I b-brought you your f-favorite."

"Thank you, Hinata," he replied, taking the tea from his otherwise useless daughter. Given everything he found out today, a good cup of tea was exactly what he needed right now.

* * *

"Did you get all that down?" Naruto asked as he lit the warehouse ablaze.

"I did," Shino replied, "He was working for Orochimaru, missing nin of Konoha and ruler of Sound."

"Good," Naruto said, "Now, we're going to wait a few weeks. Once Orochimaru has had some time to sweat over his spy's disappearance, we'll proceed to tell him about Kabuto's fate via Kabuto's drop box. Now, we also need to remember to make it sound like Ibiki or one of his underlings did it. No point in pointing him at us."

"Yes sir," Shino replied, "Will that be all for tonight?"

"Actually, I'd like for us to speak to our contact in ROOT before we continue. After all," Naruto smiled, "We need to make sure that its future head is still on our side."


	8. Alliances and Plots

Alliances and Plots

I still don't own Naruto. This is related to the last chapter. I don't know where these things are coming from...

"So, what I'm saying to you is that you have no reason to not join up under our banner," the pale boy whispered amiably to the person in front of him as he moved his brush across the scroll in his hand.

"What do I stand to gain?" the girl asked, intrigued.

"Well, the head of this would be more than willing to let your friend out to play," the pale boy responded cheerfully, still not looking up, "And we know how much you hate being bound."

"What does he want me to do?" she asked, curiosity and yearning compelling her to ask.

"Just more of the same of what you're doing now," the pale boy replied, "We don't want attention drawn to ourselves, just yet. We need a sympathetic face to attach to some things. An innocent girl who was bound because of her power? As long as the other one doesn't come out in public, we can get you off the hook. We just need you to play the passive victim of jealous teachers."

"That could work, but what does he get out of this?" she asked, still debating whether or not to present the boy his nightmares before listening to him.

"You're contemplating using your talents to torture me at the moment," the pale boy said, still smiling, "I must say, that would be useless, as you have no power at the moment, and I am no one. The head of this plan calls me Sai because I'm his hidden dagger. I have no purposes other than the ones he gives me, and therefore no fear except not completing his goals. Though I am replaceable, he would not enjoy the delay."

"What does he get out of this?" she repeated, displeased by the reminder of her current state.

"The head of this plan has long-term designs for the village, Yakumo Kurama," the pale boy said, "He would like to have the heads of the clans be more compliant with his ideas, and as such has been contracting several clan heirs to get them on his side. You are very much a vital player, as the head of the Kurama clan."

"I'm only the heiress," she replied, "And that's because my parents haven't been able to produce a 'suitable heir.'"

"We're aware of their efforts," the pale boy responded, "You are the only child they will ever have. And, if the cards are played correctly, you will be one of the youngest clan heads in history."

"Who's your boss?" she asked, intrigued by the possibilities.

"I'm afraid that I can't give that information," Sai responded honestly, "There are only three living people who know his name. In time, you will learn, but, for the time being, you will not be informed. I must leave."

Suddenly, he raised his voice to a normal voice and said, "Yes, Ms. Kurama, that is a wonderful painting. I've never seen such a remarkably realistic painting of the Hokage Tower."

"Um... Thank you?" she responded, thrown off by the sudden shift. Then to her surprise, the boy took the painting in question and left, leaving a scroll on the table in front of her. Reaching across the table, she grabbed the scroll and slowly opened it.

Inside, to her surprise, was an amazingly accurate painting of herself, standing beside Ido. Underneath was a title, which read, "A Spectacular Gift."

* * *

"What's wrong, jiji?" Naruto the innocent child asked, looking up at the Hokage with wide, shining eyes.

"It's nothing serious, Naruto," The Hokage responded, sighing in frustration, "It seems that there's a genin who's been missing for months, and we can't find him anywhere."

"Maybe you sent him on a mission and forgot?" Naruto the adorable shinobi in training offered.

"That may be it..." the Hokage agreed out loud. Internally, he was still wondering what could have happened to Kabuto Yakushi. He knew he'd never send a genin alone, but he couldn't let Naruto know that. He was in the middle of a ramen lunch with the blond, and it wouldn't do to let this mystery ruin things for the boy.

Naruto the future Hokage kept his silence. The current Hokage didn't need to know about what Naruto discovered about Kabuto Yakushi. It wouldn't do if Konoha knew that Orochimaru had his own village, yet. Naruto Uzumaki had a plan in place by now, having had to edit it upon learning about Kabuto's master.

Konoha would be invaded at the next Chuunin Exam, which would take place there. As such, not participating in that exam would not do at all. Naruto needed to pretend to be their loyal hero, after all. Once he played a few cards during the invasion, several current clan leaders might wind up dying in battle from the hands of mysterious enemies from Sound, who attacked with weapons from every side. Now, he needed to employ someone who was good with throwing implements. Good thing he had his right hand man going to talk to the girl.

* * *

Shino Aburame was in the middle of his task. Naruto had sent him to make a bargain with the brunette, so he had tracked her down to a training ground nearby.

"Hello," he said, walking into her field of vision, "I've been told your name is Tenten...? I'm sorry, I wasn't informed of a last name."

"Don't have one," the girl replied, "Foundling infant on the outskirts of the village. I can serve as a kunoichi, but I'll never be able to go to a village meeting, and thanks to nepotism, the chances of being in Anbu are slim to none."

"That's rather unfortunate," Shino commented, "It seems that your issue is being nameless. Who gave you your name, though?"

"The Anbu who found me thought it would be funny if I was named for the time he found me," she responded bitterly, "10:10am."

"I see," Shino said, "Now, I must ask you a question."

"Go ahead," she permitted, "Ask away."

"Would you like to have a name that could get you into anything you wanted?" Shino asked, catching her attention with that.

"That would be something," Tenten said, trying her hardest to seem disinterested, "And what would the price of something like this be? It doesn't sound like you would offer a name like that for nothing."

"Not exactly nothing," Shino admitted, "And you wouldn't be able to use the name for your advantage for about a year at the most. By then it will have the power you'd like."

"And what's the catch?" Tenten asked, curious about this entire situation.

"The catch is twofold," Shino replied, "I'm here representing Naruto Uzumaki, the future Hokage of Konoha. He heard that you were very skilled with projectile weapons and seals, though he expressed more interest in the former. Why, you ask? I cannot say. Needless to say, it is a bit of a... unique reason. Before I continue this conversation, I must ask you two questions. Why, you ask? Because security is key. Where are your teammates?"

"They're nine training fields away," she responded, "I forced them at kunai-point to leave me alone for the time being. What's your next question."

"What is your opinion of the village as it is?" Shino asked. Upon noticing her suspicious glare, he immediately said, "Do not worry about being completely honest. Everything said here will remain private information. There are secrets that must remained concealed on both our sides. So, what is your opinion of the village as it is?"

"I hate it," she admitted, "It displays blatant favoritism for the major clans and completely ignores orphans and foundlings like me."

"Good, very good," Shino said, "Now, what would you say if one day, everything just changed?"

"Good riddance," she answered harshly, "Maybe good could get done then."

"Naruto Uzumaki has influence with the clan heirs," Shino commented conversationally, "And he hates the current system as it is."

"And what does that have to do with me, or the bargain he wants?" Tenten asked, trying to solve this puzzle.

"The name Uzumaki, according to research he and I did," Shino remarked, omitting Sai from mention for security purposes, "Is one of the most influential clans in the shinobi world, though Naruto himself is the village pariah at the moment. That's where something that is going to happen comes in. You see, a traitor to the village is going to launch a full-scale invasion with the village he founded and another village. He's going to be repelled, obviously, but that's not the point. The major adult clan heads, among others, will, of course, fight, but they're likely to die in combat from an enemy who attacks from all sides with weapons, just out of sight. No one will know who this enemy is, but they will wind up leaving their glasses near a set of scalpels."

"That sounds like it was planned out pretty far," she commented, "But, what do I get other than the changes I'd like passed?"

"You get to call yourself Tenten Uzumaki," Shino said, "As the orphaned scion of the clan, Naruto could claim you as a member, and even say, as an example, you're his long-lost sister according to multiple documents such as, for example, a birth certificate. That name, especially after we knock back the invaders and strengthen the alliances with our comrades, will open every door you can name, and when Naruto becomes Hokage, he will give you control of the clan. If you are interested, go to the address on this paper and knock on the door to Apartment 9."

With that, Shino left, leaving Tenten to contemplate the offer. She could accomplish her dreams if she agreed, and she'd have family. She didn't have to think too hard to make her choice.

* * *

In the Hyuuga compound, Hinata Hyuuga was sitting in her room. Her father's mysterious illness had made him unable to train Hanabi, and thanks to her benefactor making her seem the hero of the Branch House, she was receiving training from several different teachers in the meanwhile. That wasn't good enough, however.

As such, Hinata had planned things out to the last detail. What Hinata would do would keep Hanabi from doing what she wouldn't want her to do without killing or sealing her, neither option appealing to Hinata anyway.

"H-Hello, imouto-chan," Hinata the sweet loving sister said, entering said sister's room.

"How's father?" Hanabi, the younger of the two sisters asked, concerned for her father's well-being as she hugged her older sister and protector.

"Father's sickness is w-worsening," Hinata replied honestly before saying, "He should recover s-soon, though."

"But what if he doesn't?" Hanabi asked, fear in her voice.

"If he doesn't, then I'll take care of you," Hinata soothed, running her fingers through the terrified little girl's hair, "You're my little imouto-chan, and I'll always look out for you."

"You promise?" Hanabi sniffled, tightening her embrace.

"I promise," Hinata agreed, "I won't let anything hurt you. Now, why don't we go get you something to eat? I'm sure you haven't had anything all day."

"Yes, Onee-chan," Hanabi responded, admitting to herself that she hadn't.

"And after, you need to brush your teeth and go to bed," Hinata continued, "You need to make sure you get enough sleep in case father is well enough to train you tomorrow."

"Yes, Onee-chan," Hanabi responded, remembering that she needed to be at her best.

As Hinata left the room with Hanabi, she smiled inwardly. She already had Hanabi well-trained, and with their father's sudden and most unexpected sickness taking a further turn for the worse, the girl had latched onto the only family she was close to: Hinata herself. This would prove beneficial, as she got to keep her sister and, even if she didn't become heir, she had the heir willing to do whatever she said in order to please her older sister. Now, all Hinata had to do was move things the way she wanted them to go. After all, the garden had some new flowers, and their father would most likely love to see them when he got the chance, if he could get out of his bed tomorrow.

* * *

That evening, there was a knock at the door of Apartment 9.


	9. Of Hobbies and Questionable Sanity

Of Hobbies and Questionable Sanity

I don't own Naruto. At least, I highly doubt I do. Yes. We'll go with that. I don't own Naruto. If anyone says otherwise, they are lying. As for this shot, you don't want to figure out what brought this about, for that path is the path to madness.

Naruto Uzumaki was half-listening when he heard the lecture on the different styles that the villages had. His attention was caught, however, when he heard that Suna used puppets as their specialized style of combat. Deciding that there was no way that anyone would ever suspect puppets as a combat style from Konoha, Naruto decided to teach himself.

If one were to give an unbiased opinion on Naruto Uzumaki when he tries to create something out of a few ideas, then they would say he was a devious but brilliant mastermind. The biased opinion, however was the prevalent theme, so no one told him that learning to be a ninja puppeteer would violate copyright laws, as they all assumed that he would give up after getting bored. Naruto, however, was nowhere near getting bored. He had begun by creating his puppet and making sure that it wouldn't be hindered by any sudden movements. he did, after all, eventually need to use it in combat. He painstakingly worked to make it's arms, head and legs, though he decided to not work too hard on the torso, other than to make sure it was reinforced.

The next thing he had to do was learn chakra manipulation, which required him breaking into the school when it was closed and stealing scrolls on how to use chakra properly. Once he had a satisfactory set of scrolls, he took them to his house and began to study. Not knowing what exactly he was looking for, he began to try learning seal networks, which he took surprisingly well to. He continued his studies, and eventually discovered a method of controlling the puppets properly. It was a very interesting Naruto, therefore, who had been assigned to Team Seven, and this Naruto was in the middle of taking Kakashi's bell test.

* * *

"Well, Lily, what do you think?" Naruto asked, turning to his first and favorite puppet.

"I think we should get Teddy out, Otou-san," he answered himself, throwing a feminine voice to the puppet.

"I think you're right," Naruto said, pulling out another puppet.

"What are you doing?" Kakashi asked. Naruto was the last one standing. Sasuke was buried up to his neck and Sakura was trapped in her worst nightmare. Now, Kakashi was wondering what he planned on doing with the hand puppets.

"Hello," Naruto had the adorable bear puppet say, "I see that you're a jounin."

"Yes, and what of it?" Kakashi asked, intrigued.

"I EAT JOUNIN FOR BREAKFAST!" the bear roared, leaping off Naruto's hand towards Kakashi. The following carnage was too gruesome to describe, but suffice it to say, Kakashi was being kept occupied for the moment.

"That's kind of disturbing, don't you think, Lily?" Naruto asked, taking out a brush to fix his puppet's blue hair.

"Yes, Otou-san," Lily replied as Kakashi screamed for mercy, "Can we go get more fabric for more brothers and sisters when we're done?"

"Of course, Lily," Naruto replied, putting the hair back in a bow when the bells flew away from Kakashi, landing in front of the blond in question. Naruto picked up the bells and said, "Teddy, we need him alive. How else can he teach me?"

"Sorry sir," the bear puppet said, waddling away from the weeping Kakashi on his little legs.

"Just don't let it happen again," Naruto said gently, "You shouldn't ever get carried away."

Sasuke watched this entire thing in horror. His only competent teammate was insane. Sasuke felt certain that the odds were Naruto would wind up killing him. Sakura, meanwhile, had just woken up in time to see Naruto with Lily and Teddy on his hands while Sasuke was buried and Kakashi was bleeding. Before she could even ask a single question, to the surprise of everyone except Kakashi, who was still weeping, Hinata Hyuuga walked onto the field, a normal hand puppet of a blond boy in her hand.

"Hi, Teddy!" Hinata's conduit for her repressed boldness her psychiatrist told her to get shouted, "Hi Lily!"

Lily tilted her head forward and began poking the tips of her little mitten-like hands together as she stammered, "H-Hello, K-Kamaboko-kun."

"She couldn't have gotten far!" a feminine voice said in the distance, "Kiba, can you pick up the scent?"

"She seems to be nearby, Kurenai-sensei," a familiar voice shouted.

"Well, looks like we need to go!" Hinata had Kamaboko say quickly, "Bye Teddy! By Lily-chan!"

"H-he called me Lily-**CHAN**," Lily managed to say before suddenly slumping over, causing Teddy to smack his forehead with his paw.

"How can a boy be so oblivious?" the bear moaned, "Why don't we just leave and show the Hokage the bells, so he can pass this team?"

"Good idea, Teddy," Naruto said, pondering why Lily acted like Hinata did whenever she was talking to him. Filing the thought away for the moment, he was suddenly greeted by Kiba, Shino, and a woman, probably the Kurenai-sensei that Kiba was answering to.

"Have you seen Hinata?" Kurenai asked, looking at the only person in the field who looked like they'd be capable of speech.

Naruto, never one to get a pretty girl in trouble, looked at her and said, "I haven't seen her. Have you,Teddy?"

"No, sir," Teddy responded, "Can we go now?"

"Okay then," Kurenai said slowly, "We'll just be leaving now. Let us know if you see her."

"Will do," Naruto responded as he placed Teddy in his pouch. He definitely had made the best puppets ever.

* * *

It had been months since Team Seven was formed, and by that point, they had several successful D-Rank missions and had been sent out on their first C-Rank, where they had encountered the Demon Brothers and Zabuza Momochi, as well as his hidden accomplice. The team was waiting for Zabuza to make the next move, as Kakashi had revealed that he was still alive. Naruto, meanwhile, had just stepped out to get berries for the dyes he used to make his puppets' clothes, Lily accompanying him, as always.

"But that's all you have to do, Lily," Naruto said to the little puppet currently occupying his left hand, "Just give Kamaboko time. He'll see that you like him eventually. No one is that dense."

"Who are you?" a feminine voice asked.

"I'm Naruto," the blond said, turning to face someone who was either a pretty girl or a feminine guy, "And this is Lily. Who are you?"

"Hello, my name is Haku," the person replied, "Are you a ninja?"

"Yes I am," he replied with a grin, "And Lily is my little assistant."

"Yes I am," Lily agreed, striking a heroic pose.

"Do you two have precious people?" Haku asked, patronizing the obviously insane boy.

"W-well, there is K-Kamaboko-kun," Lily admitted, "There's also my brothers and sisters, Otou-san and his friends."

"And I have the same precious people," Naruto said, "Though I think Lily is more fond of Kamaboko than I am."

"That's good," Haku said amiably, "When a person has something important they want to protect; that's when they become truly strong."

"I think you're right, Haku," Naruto agreed, "Protecting the people who mean the most to you makes you strive to succeed. Well, I better go. Bye."

"Bye, Haku," Lily said, "I hope when I grow up, I can be a pretty as you."

Haku stood there in confusion as the blond with the puppet left. Had that really just happened?

* * *

The next morning, Naruto woke up with his teammates gone. When he rushed into the next room to see if they were there, he found Teddy standing over a pair of corpses of samurai.

"What happened?" Naruto asked the bear puppet as he put him into his pouch.

"These samurai attempted to kidnap the client's daughter and grandson," Teddy replied, "After getting the civilians out of the room, I dispatched the two samurai, sir. Your team headed out without you."

"You hear that Lily?" Naruto asked, smiling as he placed the puppet on his left hand.

"It's time to save the day!" she responded cheerfully as Naruto rushed at full speed to the bridge.

When they reached the bridge, they saw Kakashi fighting Zabuza, while Sakura was trying to break open a dome that was made of ice. Thinking quickly, Naruto took Teddy out of his pouch and pumped some chakra to prep him for battle.

"Teddy, go help Kakashi," he said, causing the bear to rush to attack the swordsman, waddling with his stumpy legs.

"Sakura, what are you doing?" Naruto asked, heading towards her.

"Sasuke's in there!" Sakura shouted, "Zabuza's minion trapped him in there."

"Let me try something," Naruto said, slipping into a hole that had appeared in there. Once inside, he noticed Sasuke on the ground, several senbon in the new Sharingan wielder's body. As Naruto checked for a pulse, the fake hunter nin threw a senbon at the blond.

"Look out, Otou-san!" Lily shouted as she leapt to take the senbon for him. Upon contact with the weapon, the puppet suddenly went limp.

Naruto suddenly felt a powerful rage overtake him as he pulled out the senbon. Placing Lily gently onto Sasuke's body, a red aura began to manifest around him as he said in a horrifying tone, "Taking out Sasuke was one thing. While he's my friend, all of us know the risks of being a ninja. Now, on the other hand, you hurt my little Lily. I can't let that go."

Suddenly, to the fake hunter nin's surprise, all seven of the other puppets Naruto was carrying with him rose in unison, each wielding a kunai with an exploding note. As Naruto's aura moved to cover Sasuke and Lily with tails made of chakra, the puppets threw the kunai as one and leapt into the pouch as it exploded. The fake hunter nin, while not dead, probably wouldn't wake up for a few hours.

"O...tou...san?" a small, tired female voice asked, causing Naruto to suddenly drop the red chakra as he rushed to check on Lily.

"You're alive?" Naruto asked thankfully as he lifted the little puppet off of his now breathing comrade.

"The needle just made me sleepy," Lily replied as Naruto pumped a bit of chakra into her seals.

"Are you up for some more fighting?" he asked as Sakura worked on resuscitating Sasuke, "I can always have one of the others come out for now."

"No, I'm feeling better Otou-san," she replied, her voice back to normal. Turning to see how Kakashi was faring with Teddy's help, Naruto and Lily were surprised to see Teddy waddling away from Zabuza and Kakashi, carrying the sword. Then, to everyone's surprise, the bear puppet tripped, causing the sword to fly and strike the nearest object in it's path: a tiny, corrupt looking man who, as a result, became shorter by a head.

Kakashi turned to Zabuza and asked, "Now what?"

"I'd be damned if I know," Zabuza admitted, "Now that he's gone, I don't really have a reason to kill the bridge builder, seeing as i have no means of getting paid for it."

"I say we call this whole thing off," Kakashi said, "Go loot his property for all I care, but first, could you help deal with this soon-to-be-angry bunch of mercenaries?"

"What do I get out of this?" Zabuza asked as he grabbed his sword from in front of the mercenaries.

"If you do this, no one will ever know you were outwitted by a bear with stuffing in its head."

"Deal with the mercenaries it is," Zabuza said as a crossbow bolt landed in front of said mercenaries.

"Leave this village alone!" the client's grandson demanded, all of the villagers behind him. The mercenaries, realizing that the villagers were armed and Zabuza was not on their own side, immediately got into their boats and fled in terror.

As the crowd dispersed, Zabuza grabbed his fake hunter nin, but their mask fell off.

"Haku?" Naruto asked in surprise as Teddy climbed back into the pouch.

"How do you know Haku?" Zabuza inquired, watching the blond pull out a small brush.

"Me and Otou-san met Haku when Otou-san went to get berries for dye for clothes for me and my brothers and sisters," Lily supplied as Naruto began brushing her hair back into place, "Do you wanna come with us?"

"Why not?" Zabuza said after a bit of silent deliberation. He had no reason not to go, and he didn't need to save Mist if he could go somewhere less likely to kill his protege. Besides, he probably needed to set down roots somewhere. Haku needed some stability, after all.

Inwardly, Kakashi groaned. He just knew that the paperwork for all of this would not be fun to deal with. He could only imagine how long he was going to be institutionalized after he explained that Naruto used hand puppets for the fight.

Naruto, meanwhile, was very pleased. he managed to use more of his puppets at once, even if he did have to rely on That Chakra to do so. Also, Lily was alive, despite his fears. He was going to have to wash some blood off of Teddy's paws and mouth, but other than that, every last puppet was okay. Now, all he had to do was practice more and make more puppets. Idly, he wondered if Hinata would like to get ramen when he got back. He did need to try to help Lily get past her nervousness when dealing with Kamaboko, and Hinata was fun to be around, in his opinion, even if she was a bit timid around him for some reason he couldn't figure out. Setting aside the girl's peculiar behavior, Naruto straightened Lily's bow and began to head to the client's house with his team and the two missing nin. Today was a good day.


	10. Witches and Dark Magicks

Witches and Dark Magicks

I don't own Naruto. I think. Pretty sure. Let's go with that. I don't own Naruto. Naruto does not belong to me. I am not in possession of the rights to Naruto. Congratulations to whoever finds the horror movie quote I edited to put in here.

"Blazing cauldron, boil and burn, magic strengthened with each turn. Magic in and magic out, heed the spell I bring about," Hinata concluded, having completed her spell. All skilled witches needed to create a familiar, as such was their first masterwork. Once she had the familiar, she would officially be a Grand Witch, with all the access to various branches knowledge that implied.

As she continued her thoughts on what she could do once she awoke her power, the cauldron began to glow red and smoke flowed out as it began to bubble over. Then, to the journey-witch's surprise, a fox tail popped up from the cauldron. The animal she had created surprised her. A witch's familiar was a physical manifestation of their spirit. If her's was a fox, then she was supposedly a trickster by nature. Surprising her further, nine more fox tails rose from the cauldron, all seemingly attached to the same fox. Before she could ponder this, a blond, whiskered boy dressed in an orange outfit with red inhuman eyes rose from the cauldron, the tails swaying behind him.

"Thank you for using the cauldron," the blond said, "That cauldron was getting rather stuffy when you freed me."

"Who are you?" Hinata asked, looking at him carefully.

"Um... I'm a genie," he replied, making a scroll appear out of nowhere, "Sealed within that cauldron for centuries by a cruel master, only allowed to leave when it's in use. Thank you for freeing me, kind master. I can grant you three wishes if you sign this contract..."

"Wait a minute," she interrupted, "You're saying you were sealed in a cauldron?"

"Yes, what of it?" he asked, edging away from said container.

"In that case you can't be a genie," she responded, "Only powerful members of the Seelie Court or the Unseelie Court or powerful demons can be sealed within iron."

"Heh heh. So you heard those stories," he chuckled nervously, edging further from the cauldron, "Those are just legends..."

"Iron made to mend and break, bind a demon with chains you make," Hinata said, activating the incantation which sent chains out of the cauldron around the blond's limbs.

"Vile enchantress!" the demon shouted struggling to escape his restraints, "I curse you and your ilk for these chains! I am the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox, no mere slave! You cannot keep me bound for eternity! One day, your kind will make a mistake, and I will return!"

"And then what?" Hinata asked in a bored tone, "Forgive me for seeming uninterested, but you make such grand claims, despite being bound to a cauldron. Your kind is all but dead, your evil removed, and yet you make such idle threats."

"Unbind me, witch," he snarled, "And we'll see just how idle my threats are."

"Ah, but that's the problem," the witch giggled, attempting to unnerve him, "All of your threats are meaningless as long as I have you bound. Now, what to do with you... Perhaps I'll just turn you to stone, like I did to that warlock when he displeased me. Perhaps I'll make you a pet, keeping you as a source of amusement."

"You do not have the power for that," he replied smugly, "You are still a journey-witch."

"Or maybe I'll return you to the cauldron and bury it where no one will ever find it again," she smirked as he paled in terror, "Really, you're just a dangerous threat that needs to be dealt with as carefully as possible. The world would probably be better of if I did seal you. Cauldron made of iron and blood, take this..."

"Please, don't return me to the cauldron," he begged, "I need to find them! They need my help!"

"What is this?" Hinata asked in confusion, "More tricks?"

"No," the demon answered, trying to break free, "This is no trick! My vassals are in danger!"

"Your vassals?" Hinata asked cynically, "And what vassals would a demon care about. Your kind sent several of your servants to die."

"We sent them to live! We sent them to freedom!" the demon roared, burning his hands as he tugged on the iron chains, "The Dullahans, the Nuckelavee, the Dragons, the Pixies! All slain by your kind, not mine! You enchanters, always burning and clawing, and killing, all in a mad bid to destroy my kind! Are we truly so hateful to your sights?"

"You kill anything that gets in your path indiscriminately," Hinata returned, "Children, mothers, it means nothing to you. The teachers warn us of your kind at the Academy for that exact reason. You poison and corrupt all that you touch."

"We do no such thing!" the demon retorted, "Your kind attacked us without provocation, firing spell after spell, killing as many of our kind as you could. Did you know that infants were killed in their cribs. Dullahan children cried as their heads were pulled from their arms and tossed into enchanted fires. Only one survived your attack..."

"You're lying!" Hinata shouted, "Witches work to improve and protect the world. We would never kill children!"

"Tell that to the Nuckelavee!" the demon shouted back, "The screams of those children as they were cut from their horse parts and fed to your kind's wolves will echo in my mind for eternity! I could only save one! The Dragons were slain and their eggs smashed and I was too late! The Pixies tried to fight back, but who can hold back a force when they're hundreds of times larger in size and numbers?! Yet another group with only one survivor! And I know your kind are hunting my vassals as we speak! Every last one of those deaths, I felt and I feel!"

"If you are so blameless, then why are you bound, demon?" Hinata interrogated, "You, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox are recorded as killing thousands of my people!"

"After what I saw, I'd have killed thousands more," he replied, his voice getting soft, "I swear, if more of my vassals are harmed when I return, I'll even put your descendants onto that list I made all those centuries ago. If you're going to seal me away, do it now, while I'm feeling willing."

Hinata was silent for a moment before beginning the spell, "Cauldron made of iron ore, release this demon, bind him no more!"

Suddenly, the chains, which had begun pulling the demon in, released him, vanishing from sight as the cauldron once more became inert.

"Why?" was all the demon could choke out, surprised by her kindness.

"You say that there are people in danger," Hinata said, not looking him in the eye as she pulled out an iron coin with two intersecting triangles one each side, "Where are they?"

"Grab my hand," the demon replied, reaching for Hinata's hand, "I can get us there quickly."

Tentatively, Hinata grabbed the clawed hand, clutching the coin in her other hand as they both vanished.

* * *

"Stay away!" the brown haired ghost girl shouted at the witches moving in on her, "I haven't done anything wrong!"

"Not yet," the leader of the group said, "Your kind of spirit are always violent."

Suddenly, a large black bat crashed through the window, transforming into a pale black-haired boy in a black cape with a red inlay, who bared his fangs and shouted, "Stay away from her! You would dare violate the laws of a place such as this?!"

"Ah, the vampire," the leader commented, pulling out a stake, "We've heard about you. This is made from a holly tree. Fatal to your kind, isn't it?"

"Why are you doing this?" the vampire inquired as the leader moved closer to him.

"I'm a witch," the leader replied moving closer still, "I kill firstborn werewolves while their mothers watch. I turn Fair Folk cities into salt. I even, when I feel like it, destroy innocent ghosts and their vampire protectors, and from now till kingdom come, the only thing you can count on in your existence is never understanding why."

"Leave him alone," the ghost girl said, suddenly looking demonic as she went from specter to poltergeist, causing blades to begin to float around the witches, "Your kind isn't welcome here."

"Look," the leader mocked, "It seems that the monsters have found love..."

"And what exactly are you going to do in here?" a dangerous voice asked, "I believe that you are forever forbidden from stepping foot inside any of my sanctuaries."

"Your sanctuaries?" the leader said, turning towards the intruder, "They couldn't be yours. You'd have to be the Nine... Tailed... Journey-witch Hinata, what is the meaning of this?"

"I've recently learned about some things that trouble me," Hinata responded, placing the coin into her pocket, "As such, I'm here to rectify the matter and bring our people out of the Dark Ages."

"Now that the matter's settled..." the demon smiled mirthlessly. Before the leader or her allies could react, he leapt, splitting into three, each with nine tails of their own.

"I'm sorry for what my people have done to you," Hinata apologized to the pair huddled together, "If I had know what they were doing..."

"It does not matter," the vampire responded, "If you are aiding the master, then we do not hold you accountable for your kind's actions."

"You got him out?" the ghost asked as she reverted back to her initial form, causing Hinata to nod in response, "Thank you. He was our people's only defense against your kind. I'm Yakumo, by the way, Yakumo Kurama."

"My name is Hinata Hyuuga," the girl responded, before turning to the vampire, "Who are you?"

"I never did get named," the vampire answered, "I'm called Sai because I, as the master's valet, am his weapon when the need arises."

When the demon returned to the group, he immediately turned to Sai and asked, "Is she safe?"

"The child is unharmed, Master," Sai responded, "We hid her where they would never look: in my art. Do you want me to release her?"

"If it's practical," the demon said, a genuine smile on his face.

"Very well, Master," Sai replied, pulling out a scroll and shaking it, "Wake up, little one."

Suddenly, to Hinata's surprise, out leapt a little brown haired girl with butterfly wings, no bigger than the width of her hand.

"Is it safe out here?" the little girl asked timidly, giving Hinata a pointed look.

"It's safe, Hanabi," the blond responded, "She's a good witch."

"Are you sure?" Hanabi asked, floating close to Hinata, observing her with eyes that Hinata noted looked strangely similar to hers.

"I promise I won't hurt you, Hanabi," Hinata said gently, reaching out to touch the winged child.

"What's your name?" the little girl asked, looking at Hinata's hand cautiously.

"My name is Hinata Hyuuga," Hinata answered with a friendly smile, "There's not a witch, warlock, or wizard alive who would be willing to conjure by my name."

"Do you want to be my Onee-chan?" the Pixie asked innocently, fluttering onto her shoulder. Having spent time alone after having her race driven extinct before being placed in stasis in the painting, Hanabi felt the need to connect with anyone she could.

Hinata looked at the last Pixie, who she could tell was so clearly alone, like she had been when first initiated into the world of witchcraft. She knew the young Pixie needed someone to look after her. As such, her decision was made as she said, "Yes, Hanabi. I'll be your big sister."

"Yay!" the little pixie cheered, lightly tugging on Hinata's hair in joy, "You're the best Onee-chan ever!"

"It seems our little family keeps growing," the blond smiled, showing his elongated eyeteeth, "Well, Hinata, come along now. We have others we need to check on."

"Alright," Hinata said, feeling like she belonged there, "But first, what's your name?"

"My name is Naruto," he responded with a grin, "Now let's get going. we have people to protect."


	11. Getting to Know You

Getting to Know You

I don't own Naruto. Never have, never will. This one's related to the Dark!Naruto oneshots from 3, 4, & 5, taking place before 5, but after 4. Sorry for the lateness. Internet was down.

"What's your name?" Ibiki Morino asked politely. He heard from the teams of Anbu that brought him in that this boy was strange, and not quite right in the head.

"Ah, the politeness routine," the blond in chains responded, "An interesting choice, Ibiki Morino, special jounin and commanding officer of the Konoha Torture and Interrogation Force, brother to Idate Morino, failed chuunin, possibly dead. Might I add, on a personal note, I'm honored that you chose to meet with me. It's not everyday that a child is considered so dangerous."

"I see you've studied interrogation techniques," Ibiki commented, ignoring the mention of his brother, "I can only imagine what you'd have been like if you were on the other side of this interrogation."

"No, you don't have to wonder that hard," the blond said.

"And why is that?" Ibiki asked.

"Now, now," the blond smiled, "That would be telling, and I don't relish the idea of telling you just yet. Next question."

"What were you planning?" Ibiki asked, "You had an interesting group of followers when you were captured."

"That would be telling," the blond said in a sing-song voice, "But, I can tell you that we were having a nice chat before you arrived. Do you mind telling me how you found us? After all, you don't expect me to do all the talking, do you?"

"We had Anbu tailing you since you killed the head of the Kumo delegation," Ibiki responded, trying to proceed with the interrogation.

"Nope," the blond said with a dark grin, "I know for a fact that there were no Anbu following me. I never leave witnesses. Try again."

"I'll be honest, then," Ibiki said, "The International Anbu followed Sabaku no Gaara to your base of operations. Since none of you had heard of the international division, they were unnoticed."

"I see," the blond commented, "Well, I believe we can start this from the beginning, now that we know where we stand with each other. Would you care to begin?"

"What is your name?" Ibiki asked, looking the blond directly in the eye.

"Well, I am called Naruto," the blond said in a contemplative tone, "Though I don't think I'm Naruto Uzumaki. When did you get news of what happened to the Kumo delegation?"

"We received news of it from the village Anbu," Ibiki said, realizing that he wouldn't get any information without giving any, "We investigated and found out you had the heiress with you a few minutes after their deaths. Why aren't you Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Naruto Uzumaki is dead," the blond responded, "He died when I was sealed inside. As a show of good faith, I will give you the right to ask another question right now for free."

"Who exactly are you?" Ibiki asked directly.

"Call me Naruto. Yes, that should suffice," the blond responded, "I'm the Nine-Tailed Fox. How long do you think this cell can hold me?"

* * *

"Hi, daddy," the blond with one eye covered smiled, "Are you going to ask me questions?"

"Ino, what were you thinking?" Inoichi asked, looking at his wayward daughter in confusion.

"When, daddy?" she asked innocently, "There are so many times I thought before now, since 'were' is kind of vague about 'when.' When can be any time."

"Why did you do that to those delegates?" he asked, getting more specific.

"Do what, daddy?" she asked, a grin spreading across her face, "I did a lot of things. Their minds were just too weak, daddy. They wanted to be stronger, but they couldn't handle that they were incapable of holding any power. So I told them that. And then I showed them every last thing they'd ever done in a continuous loop. It does make me sad when my toys break quicker than I like."

"Why?" he asked again, confused as can be.

"Because the boss said so," she responded, "And their minds were so delicious to look into. Such vivid hopes and dreams, all meaningless of course. Still, they were so adorable in their desires to bring their village to a brighter day."

"Who's the boss?" Inoichi asked, thinking that he might be able to help his little girl get out of this situation.

"It's Naruto, daddy. Who else would it be?" she replied, "but all he really did was let me know what those men were doing. That just gave me a reason to have fun with them. I would have done it just for fun otherwise."

"Why?" he asked, "Why would you want to play with other people's minds?"

"Because it's something that can be done," she answered, "The human mind is so vulnerable, and filled with misconceptions about good and evil. Did you know that those men from Kumo thought they were doing the right thing, daddy? I let them know what they were doing from the Hyuuga heiress' perspective, and they broke, as their morality was only able to handle these things if they remained detached and without tampering with their delicious thoughts. The idea of good and evil is so funny."

"What makes it so funny?" he asked, dreading where this conversation was going.

"It doesn't have any purpose," she responded, "I could hear everyone at once, daddy. I've heard them since I was born. They think what they do is so important, and they think something suits a greater good, but what is good? Everyone thinks differently about it. Oh, also, before you try, since you're thinking of it, I would recommend not prying into my head. I'm much better at it than you, and I don't even have to try, daddy."

"What happened to you?" he asked, looking at the girl who was not like he once knew her to be.

"I got caught," she responded brightly, "If I hadn't, I would have kept up the image you had of me, daddy. By the way, don't bother looking into the heads of my friends either. Two of them are demons, one couldn't be understood by you, one will only give you a glimpse of the death of his family, and the last two are a puppeteer and a girl they bound because of how violent she is. You've avoided the other ones in solitary as well, which is a good plan. Make sure you keep that practice up, daddy."

It was a broken man who left the cell of Ino Yamanaka. Turning to the guards, he said in a cracked voice that barely held back a sob, "Keep her gagged and drugged. She'd make you commit suicide otherwise."

* * *

"Hello, my name is Sai," the pale boy said with a false smile, "How can I be of assistance?"

"You can start by telling me why you killed so many jounin," Anko said, looking right into the dead eyes that the boy possessed.

"I cannot answer that question without permission from the leader," the pale boy responded, as if repeating by rote.

"Who is your leader?" Anko inquired.

"His name is Naruto," the pale boy answered, still sounding like a clipped recording.

"Why do you work for him?" she asked.

"I work for him because he is the one I answer to," the pale boy responded, not giving a real answer.

"Can you tell me why you killed Danzo Shimura?" she prodded, trying to get a balance with the boy.

"My instructions were to kill Danzo Shimura," the pale boy responded.

"Why?" she automatically asked, despite already being able to guess what he was going to say.

"I cannot answer that question without permission from the leader," the pale boy responded, his damnable smile still not leaving his face.

"What can you tell me?" Anko asked, at the end of her nerves.

"Hello, my name is Sai," the pale boy said with a false smile, "How can I be of assistance?"

Anko, at the end of her rope in this conversation, contemplated torturing the boy. Nothing too bad, but enough to make the average jounin beg for mercy.

"I would not bother with torturing me, if I were you," Sai commented, "I do not register pain unless the leader personally informs me I must in order to maintain appearances."

"What's wrong with you?" she asked, surprised by the sheer honesty in his tone and that ever-present smile.

"I cannot answer that question due to prior conditioning," Sai responded, "May I have paint?"

"No," she replied automatically, "As a general policy, paint isn't allowed into this ward."

"Another painter?" Sai asked, "I would like to meet her."

"How do you know it's a girl?" Anko asked.

"I cannot answer that question without first consulting multiple people," Sai responded.

"Is there anything you're able to tell me without talking to your allies?" she inquired, feeling completely exasperated.

"Hello, my name is Sai," the pale boy said with a false smile, "How can I be of assistance?"

* * *

"What now?" the blindfolded brunette asked as he heard someone enter his cell, "I notice that there is a male in here, though by the sound he makes, when he moves, I would say that pieces of his head are missing. Where is Naruto, Ibiki Morino?"

"I left him in his cell," Ibiki said evenly, "Since he didn't seem willing to cooperate much further than he did, I left."

"So you decided to try a different player of this performance," Sasuke said, "Well, welcome to the show. As I'm sure you know, I'm here for life in the cell twenty paces from the exit, turn left and six more paces to the next intersection, followed by eighteen more after turning left, at which point, you reach the back entrance, which is sealed by a combination lock. Your lucky numbers are 9-1-6. Open the door and you have a clear exit. My eyes are blocked, not my mind or my other senses."

"And yet here you sit," Ibiki commented dryly. These children were proving to be a headache.

"Because I have my script to consider," the brunette responded, "I do hae to play my part properly if I'm going to play my brother's executioner, Sasuke Uchiha: the dark avenger."

"Your script?" Ibiki asked, hoping that this would give him some information.

"Yes, my script," the brunette responded, "It's a remarkable job. I just have to do what I normally would do and then do whatever is needed to keep the stage properly set. That's what my job is. I keep the stage running."

"Why?" Ibiki asked, confused by this behavior in the boy.

"If the stage isn't set, then the players can't perform," the brunette responded, "All we need to do is wait for the story to commence and the curtain to open when the stage is prepared. By the way, we're only in here for your sake. Have a nice day Ibiki Morino."

Ibiki walked out of the cell. These children were evidently not going to talk. Idly, the special jounin found himself wondering whether Anko was doing any better with the redhead.

* * *

"Serpents do not scare me," the sand behind the chakra reinforced wall commented, "So why did they send you, Snake of the Leaf."

"Beg pardon?" Anko asked, thrown off by the greeting rather than the boy made of sand. If she had any good thing to say about Orochimaru, it would be that he managed to teach her that little children shouldn't trust creepy grown-ups and, more importantly, that she might as well ignore how weird a thing seems.

"Your exploits are well-revered in Suna, Anko Mitarashi," the sand replied, shifting to the right, "We consider you the most skilled shinobi to ever kill members of Suna's Anbu."

"Why did you kill the Kazekage?" she asked, getting back on topic.

"Well, there were two reasons," he said, "First, I was told to. Second, I didn't particularly like him. My siblings were not fond of him, either, so they left with me."

"Who gave the order?" Anko asked, though she was certain she already knew the answer.

"My brother," the sand replied, pressing against the glass lightly. If he were in a more human form, he would have been leaning against the glass.

"The puppeteer?" Anko asked, confused. She had been certain that he would have mentioned Naruto.

"Of course not," the sand replied, forming a redhead who pulled away from the glass, "I mean my literal brother. The Nine Tailed Fox."

"But he's Naruto Uzumaki. Neither of you share parents," Anko responded in confusion. She hadn't expected this to happen.

"Did you really think that an infant would be able to house a demon and survive?" the redhead asked, "I am the One Tailed Tanuki, given the name Gaara, which stuck, much like how The Nine Tailed Fox is called Naruto. Now, I must rest. I have not slept before, and at the moment, as I am not going anywhere until necessary, I would like to try it."

Before Anko could respond, the form of the boy collapsed into a pile of sand that gave no movements.

* * *

"When I get out of here, I will slaughter all of you!" the blonde bound to the chair said, trying to pull herself loose.

"I don't think that the guards are there, Temari," the brunette next to her said, looking at the puppets across the room longingly, "We're not important enough to put in solitary, so why would the bother with us?"

"Well, then what do you suppose we should do, Kankuro?" she seethed, "Wait in here until our life sentences are up?"

"I say we should wait for Naruto's next move," he corrected, "Don't you remember the message?"

Temari paused at that. She had forgotten what Ino had told her. She supposed she could wait for now. But once they were free, their captors would pay.


	12. Nighttime Terrors

Nighttime Terrors

I don't own Naruto. As you can probably tell, I'm very much in the holiday spirit. Symbolism is used a lot in this one. To be honest, I don't know why I cast Sai as Naruto's most loyal helper. I blame it on how the character is in the series.

The night began again. A raven flew to the top of the monument in the village, on top of the head of the Yondaime Hokage, heading towards its master.

"What have you found?" the blond with red eyes asked as it landed on his forearm, "What was in the village?"

"There are some with a trace of the legends in them," the raven responded, "A werewolf, a vampire, a goblin, and many others. I though I even saw a horse-rider in one."

"Very good," the blond said with a manic grin, "You know what you must do. I release your form. Now is the time for us all to return."

With the blond's last words, the raven flew off of his arm and landed in front of him, taking the shape of a pale, black-haired boy in a cloak of black feathers, who knelt before the blond and said, "Thank you, my lord. I will break the seals."

"Good," the blond said to his familiar, "Also, send my thanks to the spirit that summoned me."

"It was no spirit, my lord," the boy said, "'Twas a witch unaware who released you."

"Really?" the demon contemplated, "You will take me to her once you have broken the seals."

"Yes, my lord," the boy said, transforming into a cross between his current form and his raven form. He then flew away. He had a task to do, after all. These mortals would be in for a surprise soon enough.

The familiar flew to the nearest house. Inside the abandoned blacksmith shop, a girl was sleeping in a torn armchair, having long ago made this place her home after the owner had died of old age. The raven creature entered the building, careful to avoid the iron as he moved to land on the bannister made of wood from an elder tree. Reaching down toward the brunette, he grabbed at the air just below her sleeping head. A complicated seal appeared at her throat, all along the base of her neck. A simple tap to the center using a splinter of elder, and she was freed from her bonds. Now, he need only find her horse.

Looking around, he found nothing that could be the horse until he was struck by his stupidity. A rider of her kind would never be far from her horse when the night claimed the world. Nodding his head, he stabbed the needle directly into the armchair, transforming it into a black steed worthy of its rider. As for the sword, the familiar was certain she would have no trouble locating one here, and so he flew off to his next destination.

* * *

The next house held several people bound to dogs, but only the son of the alpha held any importance for the familiar, as his was the generation that held what was necessary. A simple seal was revealed on his forehead when the familiar pulled the seal out of it's hiding place. A wolf's fang hanging off the top of the bed was grabbed by the raven creature and pressed against the seal, dispelling it immediately, though it would not affect him at the moment. The moon wasn't right for him. Yet.

The pink haired girl was sleeping in her room when the familiar entered soundlessly. She was not a restful sleeper, as the familiar noticed. She had been turning onto her sides the entire time he had been there. Perhaps she could feel her true form. Leaving the subject to later ruminations, he pulled the seal out from between her shoulder blades. Taking a willow leaf, he brushed the entire seal, erasing it. Looking around, he was pleased to see there was no silver or iron in her room, and the handle of her door was made of copper, so she would not be harmed. With that settled, he left, heading for his next destination.

The familiar continued his route. The blonde girl had been interesting, as the familiar had not expected her to be awake. She had, of course, deduced his purpose and extended her wrist. The familiar unsealed her with a cedar stalk and left. The bug user had been released with cypress, with the familiar leaving the sleeping boy's room quickly, not wanting to see what would happen when his colony noticed they had no flesh to rest in, only bones. He had, of course, left the scythe, though he believed the boys hooded jacket would suit in place of the cloak.

The green clad boy was easy to locate, though the familiar had to search the room for a glove of some kind to unbind him with the iron needed. Once he had accomplished his goal, he tossed the merciless metal away from himself and quickly removed the glove, tossing it with the metal. He didn't need to see the goblin's form just yet.

The pale eyed boy was easier, as he only needed to pull out both that seal from his chest and the seal attached to his forehead. Really, that second seal shouldn't have been there anyway, and the familiar did not think that a golem should have a seal like that on its forehead. He had to skip the next room for the moment, but he would return later.

When Sai found the black haired boy with no one around, he found himself somewhat amused as he pulled out the sharpened cherry twig and dragged it along the boy's jugular, where his seal was displayed. Once he had settled that matter, the pale boy closed the thick curtains and covered the boy completely. The familiar knew that the sun only weakened a vampire, but prolonged exposure could kill him, and his lord master would be displeased by that.

The one with the pineapple hair, he pressed the lead spike against the seal on the chest of. He immediately left the room as soon as that happened. No one would want to be in a room when a draugr woke. The large one, he pressed the gold coin against the seal on his stomach, releasing the troll. The draugr could be the one to deal with him.

There was one last stop for the familiar before he had to bring his lord master to give the witch unaware his compliments for her aid. With that, the familiar headed to the Kurama estate.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" the girl in question inquired, placing her paintbrush down, "Who are you?"

"I am called Sai," the familiar responded, taking on his more human appearance, "I am the familiar to my lord master. I am here to free you of a seal that has been given to you before you were born."

"What?" she asked. This was an odd week for her. First, Kurenai sealed off her power and Ido, now this boy arrives, telling her about seals and lord masters.

"It would be easier if I started at the beginning," Sai responded, "There was a village, years ago, called The Village Hidden in the Night. This village was ruled by nine demons, who ruled over all manners of creatures: Ghosts, goblins, witches, and the like. Now, the nine were bound to this land, and the land was bound to them. Eventually, however, the nine demons were attacked by several powerful humans, who banished them from this realm, never to return. The vampires were the first to fall after that. The seals these humans designed bound us to different forms, keeping our kind trapped while they created a village over this one, Konoha, they called it. Unfortunately for our kind, we had no method of defending our lands from this, as they had the seals each time we attempted to escape, and without the demon lords, we were incapable of retaliating as they bound our kind and erased memories of all that had occurred. We were made to be them, and the power slowly left, leaving only one in several generations to have the power sealed off inside them, with the rest having nothing.

"Recently, however, my lord master was freed by a witch who is not truly aware of her power. This evening, my lord master returned and freed me from my eternity as a raven, and he has had me removing the seals since I informed him that this generation is the one with our kind. You are on my list for the unsealing."

"Will it hurt?" she asked, reaching for her paint and brushes, her sole comfort since she had her other forcibly blocked off from her.

"I do not know if it will or not," he admitted gently, taking a brush made of cedar out of her hand, "I will not lie, but I do not believe it will. It should only free you from this form and release what was taken from you."

Yakumo's eyes widened at the idea of having Ido back, so she said, "I'll do it."

Sai pulled the seal out, getting it out of her chest. Turning the brush so that the bristles faced him, he drew the brush down the center of the seal, breaking it. Yakumo immediately began to become translucent. Once she was capable of been seen through to an extent, a smile bloomed across her face. She could hear Ido again. Grinning from ear to ear, she said, "Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"It was my pleasure," Sai responded, "Now, I'm afraid I must leave for now. My master has business elsewhere. Enjoy your freedom, Yakumo Kurama."

* * *

"How did it go?" the blond asked, "Did you succeed?"

"Yes, my lord," Sai responded, "All that is left is for you to meet the witch unaware and we can have her unsealed."

"Very good, Sai," the blond said, "Were there any complications?"

"The shinobi Hatake Kakashi was wandering where he should not have been, my lord," Sai admitted, "I had to redirect him. He will wake up and be very confused as to why he's tied up in the house of the kunoichi Anko Mitarashi."

"I knew you had a sense of humor, Sai," the blond said cheerfully, patting the familiar on the back, "Are you ready to meet the witch?"

"Yes, my lord," Sai responded. taking flight in his hybrid form while his lord master followed below at the same speed.

Hinata Hyuuga was sitting in her room, reading a book that had been gathering dust in the family library. It was titled The Book of Witchcraft, and she had grabbed it because it seemed to call to her. The text was so small and covered each of the large pages that she had only finished reading the first spell in the book, titled Return of the Nine. She had read it quietly out loud to herself unconsciously, and then moved onto the next page.

Suddenly, the lights in her room went out, only to return with a handsome whiskered blond dressed in orange armor now sitting in front of her, a raven on his extended forearm.

"Hello, Ms. Hinata Hyuuga," the blond said, staring at her with his red eyes with black slitted pupils, "I am here to thank you for freeing me with that spell, as well as unseal what you really are."

"What?" Hinata asked, confused by this strange boy.

Suddenly, to her surprise, the bird leapt off of his arm and transformed into a boy in a black feathered cloak, who said, "You reading of that book activated some of your latent power, which summoned him, and he has had me unseal everyone with a magical nature inside them."

"And with that, I release your magic," the blond said, pointing at Hinata. Then much to her surprise, she felt better than she'd ever felt in her life. She felt this mysterious power flowing through her, making her feel strangely giddy.

"What did you do?" she asked breathlessly.

"I've only freed you," he responded, heading off to her balcony, "Now, Witch Hinata Hyuuga, I must step outside for a moment."

"What is he doing now?" she asked the raven boy, before adding, "And what are your names?"

"My lord is merely bringing the sky back to the way it should be," Sai said, "This village will have eternal night once more. As for my name, I am called Sai, so that will suffice."

"And who is he?" she asked, pointing at the blond who was still facing the sky.

"My name is Lord Naruto Uzumaki," he responded, "I am the Nine Tailed Demon Fox and the master of the Village Hidden in the Night. Now, would you mind giving me your assistance?"

"What do you need me to do?" she inquired, very interested in this blond and what he had planned.

"I'm going to need you to repeat the spell you used eight more times," he admitted, "If we're going to return this village to the proud state it once was, then we will need the rest of the founders to reclaim it."


	13. Debts

Debts

I don't own Naruto. I think I've said this several times. Until the day I receive a notice telling me otherwise, I still won't own Naruto. I couldn't even tell you what prompted this one if I wanted to tell you. There are no words. Might expand this in later shots.

Sasuke had thought things had gone well, considering. He'd rather not leave Sakura out in the open, but he had to get out quickly.

"Sasuke," the blond said, standing in front of the gate while Sasuke put the unconscious Sakura on the bench, "Do you mind telling me where you're going?"

"I'm going with Orochimaru to gain more power," the brunette responded reasonably, in his own opinion, "I need more power if I'm going to kill my brother."

"I see," Naruto said, thinking for a moment, "Alright then. I'll let you go."

"What?" Sasuke asked, "Why would you let me leave? I'm your teammate, and you seem to think of me as your friend and rival, and the rest of the team, let alone the rest of the village will probably be angry."

"I'm the village pariah, I'm barely tolerated, and I never said I'd tell them I let you go, considering that Sakura hadn't seen me," Naruto responded with a shrug "Besides, if I let you go, you're going to owe me another favor. You saved me back in Wave, but I managed to get you out of that series of mirrors, and Gaara would have killed you if I hadn't come in. If I let you go, then I can just wait for you to come back, and I know you will come back. Also, having you in Oto gives me another set of eyes in there. And, again, you'll owe me a favor."

"What's the big deal about me owing you a favor?" Sasuke asked, "It's not like you'd use it."

"Not yet," Naruto responded, "Tell me, Sasuke, did something seem wrong during Kakashi's fight with Zabuza after Haku stepped in?"

"Gato stepped in with the plans to kill us all," Sasuke said, "Zabuza killed him and died in the process."

"Exactly," Naruto smirked, "Do you really think that someone called the Demon of the Mist would be able to go down so easily, broken arms or no?"

"What did you do?" Sasuke asked, surprised by Naruto's comment.

"It's amazing what one can do when they pour enough chakra into shadow clones," Naruto commented, not directly answering the question, "Add the best Henge at the Academy, chakra from the person you're doubling, a demon fox that likes the idea of surviving, and presto! Instant mimicry of them that can only die in severe extremes in combat. You didn't think I'd let them die, did you? I gave them an offer the night before."

"What did you get out of it?"

"They owe me their lives, now, so, if I call them in, I have two people who are willing to die for me."

"Why didn't you call them for the exam, then," Sasuke asked, "You could have used Zabuza as an instructor."

"Where's your imagination?" Naruto asked, "If I used their debts now, then I wouldn't be able to use them when I really need them."

"What do you gain from having me owe you, though?" Sasuke asked, trying to puzzle out what was going on.

"In a nutshell? I own you. I get you as my eyes and ears in Oto," Naruto responded, summoning a shadow clone, "I've got people in every village, but only a small number in Oto. Now, hold still, this is going to hurt a bit."

The clone scratched Sasuke's arm with a kunai and collected the blood in a vial before saying, "Now, pump chakra into me. I can only fake you if you pump the chakra."

"What good will that do?" Sasuke asked, "Won't they notice the difference after a few weeks?"

"That's why we're not giving me a few weeks," the clone said, "I'm going to pass myself off as you until I 'die valiantly in combat' leaving no body, since I get crushed by falling boulders. I'm going to move Sakura back into her room in her house so she'll think she dreamed this entire thing."

"When you come back, and you will come back," Naruto said, his tone less friendly than moments ago, "You'll say that Orochimaru found you and revived you, taking you with him. By then, you'll have killed him, one of your payments after having learned what you could under him, so you'll have no problem. Say you were brainwashed or something when people ask you why you were working for Orochimaru and how you were alive. I don't really care what your excuse is. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm currently weeping in my room over the death of Hokage-jiji."

With that, Naruto used shunshin to get to his house unseen, leaving an utterly baffled Sasuke with the clone.

"Well?" the clone asked, "Aren't you going to pump the chakra in yet?"

Sasuke hesitated. On the one hand, he did want to increase his power in order to kill Itachi, avenge his clan, and be able to put his issues to rest, but on the other hand, he didn't like the way Naruto described the debt. Taking a breath to center himself, Sasuke nodded and began pumping chakra into the clone. Once he put in a sufficient amount, the clone pulled away and transformed into a perfect duplicate of him.

With that bit of business done, Sasuke headed out of the village, leaving his doppelganger to take his place.

* * *

Weeks later, on a diplomatic mission to Suna with the rest of Team Seven, one Sasuke Uchiha was crushed to death by a sudden cave-in of mines the team had been traveling through. He was mourned as a loyal shinobi and his name was carved onto the memorial stone. His teammates would not meet with each other in the following weeks.

Sakura had buried herself in medical jutsu, training under Tsunade Senju when she arrived to take the title of Hokage. Naruto, meanwhile, was being trained by Jiraiya, the Toad Sage, seeming to avoid his other teammates and possibly blaming himself for Sasuke's death. Kakashi, however, took it even worse than the other two. He had failed to save a teammate again, and yet again, they died in a rock slide. It would take months of psychiatric care for him to accept that he couldn't have done anything to change the event, and he would take even more time at the memorial stone as a result.

Naruto, of course, remained silent on what had really happened, and continued accumulating more favors to cash in along the way. He'd even managed to get the ROOT member Danzo had assigned to take Sasuke's place to change his allegiance by removing the seal on his tongue. Remaining in ROOT, Sai, as the boy was called, had managed to get the majority of ROOT to side with Naruto, pretending to work for Danzo while strengthening Naruto's position.

The real Sasuke, meanwhile, had started learning under Orochimaru and continued to work hard in order to get close to the levels of his teacher. He had been training so hard, he forgot of the debt. As such, it surprised him when Naruto arrived in Oto, rather than just sending a letter asking of how things were in Oto, as he did every single week since Sasuke had left.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Sasuke asked, very confused. No one from Konoha had come searching for him until today. He thought for certain that Naruto wouldn't have let any little detail slip.

"Sasuke, I'm calling in your debt," Naruto said with his usual grin, "It seems that Akatsuki is moving in on Konoha, and, since Itachi is a member, I figured that you'd be perfect for this. Bad news is you're going to have to kill Orochimaru sooner than I wanted you to."

"When did you want me to kill him?" Sasuke asked, before looking around, "And why would you tell me that out in the open?"

"Well, I wanted you to kill him when he tried to possess you, but plans change," Naruto said, looking at the three other people in the room, "As for being out in the open, Karin, I need you to do something for me as your clan leader."

"What?" she asked, waiting for instructions.

"Take Suigetsu and Juugo for some sort of meal," he said, "You two, don't bankrupt her."

"Yes, sir," the trio responded, leaving the room immediately.

As soon as the team left, leaving a very confused Sasuke, a once more smiling Naruto then said, "Now, come on, I haven't got all day. I need to have you kill Orochimaru, then I need to take a detour to Wave to cash in on Zabuza and Haku. As you can see, I'm on a pretty tight schedule. So go kill him and meet me at the village gate once you do."


	14. A Sense of Perspective

A Sense of Perspective

Related to the Shot in Chapter 6. Slight change in some bits of timeline. I still don't own Naruto. Soon, though, I shall still not own Naruto, as to try would take more effort than I'd care to bother with.

She was a terribly shy girl. She couldn't even bring herself to approaching him without blushing and fainting when they used to meet with one another by accident. She'd shadow him all the time when she could, and yet he never noticed his dark haired stalker unless they ran into each other when he was headed anywhere.

She had become a kunoichi because it seemed like a good idea, and she remembered him mentioning that he had planned to be one some time ago, so she had joined the class, still as shy as she had been before meeting him. Weeks passed, and she still hadn't seen her light haired crush, though she'd search for him everywhere she went. Eventually, however, she just dove deeper into her studies, trying to perfect her abilities so she'd feel confident in herself. She'd had very negative complications, but she was clever and she adapted.

When the teams were assigned, she heard his name called for Team Seven. His presence was a surprise to everyone present, but she still couldn't see him anywhere she looked. To her dismay, he was also assigned with the one's she thought of as The Uchiha and The Fangirl, with a spiky haired man the Hokage thought highly of as their mentor. While she was certain her opinion might have been a bit off, she did feel a bit bad for thinking such things about the pair for some reason.

Nevertheless, she was assigned to her team despite her... issues, and she was certain the looks of fear the spiky haired boy was giving her whenever she'd grin at the pair of them would eventually go away. If not, she would make them in her own time. The brunette in the big coat seemed unperturbed by her presence, and she decided he would be the one she would keep alive .

It wasn't until their black haired sensei had sent them to the ramen stand after the trio had passed the bell test using the ideas that the one in the bulky coat had brought together into a single, perfectly thought out plan that the girl had finally found some people who weren't afraid to deal with her. The long haired girl and the lazy genius were part of the graduating class, but the dark haired girl had never actually met with them, or their third member.

Observing the trio, she simply walked up to them, standing behind the third member of that team as she asked, "M-may I sit with you?"

"Sure!" the long haired girl said with a smile, gesturing at the seat beside her, "I could always use someone to talk to, especially with Lazy and Peppy over there not being much to talk to."

"Th-Thank you," the dark haired girl said, taking a seat, "It's hard to believe that we're g-genin, isn't it?"

"Yeah, but we're tough," the girl responded, "And it's not like we can't defend those close to us."

"R-right," the short haired girl said.

Suddenly a loud voice from a seat directly at the counter said, "Can I have some miso ramen?"

"Quiet down," a feminine voice that came from a bit behind the first voice commanded, "We're in a public place."

Then, a noticeably muffled voice that the girl still knew well thanks to memories of her time before the Academy was heard to calmly say, "Obito, I thought the Uchiha were supposed to be much more well mannered than that. Please refrain from shouting again."

With that, Anko Mitarashi's eyes went wide as a blush formed on her face while she turned to look at him. She hadn't seen her crush in a while, since she had gone to the Academy, to be honest, and no one present had ever seen him, let alone his face before then. Much to no one's surprise, he was wearing a mask that covered the lower half of his face.

The other girl at the table, Kurenai, smiled at her new friend, realizing now would be the perfect time to begin matchmaking for the shy girl. Before she could tell the girl to turn around and talk to him, Gai, in a voice that caused Asuma, who had foolishly decided to sit beside him, wake up, shouted, "Why do you wear a mask?"

"Are you incapable of speaking at a decibel that ordinary people would see as practical?" Kakashi responded, "For it seems that you are less capable of expressing yourself quietly than my... I suppose I can call him friend, in a way, Obito."

Anko giggled silently at that insult, much to Kurenai's amusement. Kurenai was taken completely by surprise, however when Kakashi went up to the table.

"You have proven yourself very clever with your youthful insults," the green-clad boy said with a grin, "Therefore, I declare you my Eternal Rival! I challenge you!"

"Hm?" Kakashi responded as if he hadn't heard the loud boy, "Did you say something?"

"Curse your hip behavior!" Gai shouted as Obito was being given a lesson in etiquette from Rin, who had the books handy for this exact occasion, "I will run around the village 19 times before I challenge you again!"

When Gai left, Kakashi turned to the boy's team and Anko and said, "I apologize if you needed him for anything. I did not want to have to deal with him at the moment."

If Anko's face was red before, then the color it was at this moment with him so close to her would put blood to shame.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked, removing one of his gloves and placing the back of his hand on her forehead, "You seem flushed. Perhaps you should get to the hospital. I could aid you if you'd like."

Much to Kurenai's further amusement, Anko got even redder and fainted, causing a shocked Kakashi to rush to Rin and shout, "Rin! There's a girl in here who fainted! I think she needs help!"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're hopeless?" Rin asked, amused yet feeling territorial at the same time. Kakashi was **HER **teammate.

"Yes," the boy replied, "Several girls in my graduating class told me that for some reason. Why do you ask?"

"No reason," she replied. It was for the best that she wasn't the one to tell him these things. Who knew how badly he would be scarred by the birds and the bees.

* * *

It was a subdued Kakashi who was waiting at the psychiatrist's office. He couldn't believe it. His best friend was dead. Minato-sensei had convinced him that he and Rin needed to go to therapy, and so he did. He kept Obito's Sharingan (he still couldn't think of it as anything but Obito's, even if it had been over a year) covered in order to prevent him from having his chakra drained and in order to not have to look at it. Rin was in there at the moment, and he was supposed to go in after her.

Anko was entering the therapist's building. She was told by her sensei that she would be going there everyday until she stopped trying to kill her spiky haired teammate, whose name was slipping her mind at the moment. Ibiki, meanwhile, was trying to console him over the attempt to murder him in cold blood with a rusted spoon.

She was surprised to see her crush in there. She was still very shy, despite Kurenai's attempts to embolden her, and she wasn't sure if she could approach him. Then, much to her surprise, he looked up at her, his left eye covered by his forehead protector. Strangely enough, she felt braver than she ever had, even with Kurenai's tutoring.

"Hello, Anko," Kakashi said in a quite voice, "What brings you here?"

She didn't say a word, too intent on her objective as she moved in on him. Kakashi had no idea what was going on, as he'd never understood girls as it was. Nevertheless, he was certain that the expression on her face meant something. He found himself wishing that he had learned more facial expressions, as such lessons would presumably have paid off at the moment.

As a result, Kakashi was surprised when Anko grabbed him and dragged him with her as she left the therapist's office. Rin could only watch in shock as the shyest girl in the village dragged off her teammate. Her choices amounted to either telling Minato-sensei, which she felt would not go well for some reason, or telling Kurenai, who would spread the word around the village, which meant that Minato-sensei would find out about it eventually without Rin having to deal with having to tell Minato-sensei herself. Deciding on the best course of action, she headed out to talk to Kurenai. She would likely be with Asuma, thus making her easy to find.

With that in mind, Rin was off. That would teach Kakashi to leave her at the therapist's for the twelfth time.


	15. The Heroes

The Heroes

I don't own Naruto (Masashi Kishimoto), The Avengers (Marvel Comics), the Defenders (Marvel Comics, WWII predecessors of the Avengers), or anything else referenced herein. Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, on with the story. To be honest, I'm starting to regret not having more Sakura lines in this. She's always fun to write. I'll probably continue this in later shots.

Captain Konoha woke up confused. He was surrounded by people he didn't know, and they were muttering statements of surprise. Getting up, he reached for his shield, preparing for combat.

"I cannot believe that it is truly him," a green-clad boy with the hammer said.

"Who else would it be?" an archer dressed in blue responded.

"It could be a trick," a pink haired girl with a pair of guns pointed at the Captain remarked with a blank expression.

"Of course you'd think that, Sakura," a metal boy responded, "You came from Oto."

"And what's that supposed to mean, Nara?" she responded, pointing the guns at him.

"Can we just calm down?" a round, sheepish boy inquired, "I don't handle tense situations well, in case you've both forgotten."

"I agree with Doctor Akimichi," a silver haired man with one eye covered commented, "Why don't we focus on the subject at hand."

Captain Konoha picked up his shield with it's leaf emblem and got up before turning to the group and saying, "Okay, so the last thing I remember is that I had just defeated the enemy and then crashed his plane into the ocean while the rest of the Defenders had managed to push his troops back. Anyone mind telling me where I am right now? Where's Sandglass? Where's Cat? What about Bull? The Howling Commandos? Surely at least Yagura the Submariner is around here somewhere..."

"You're in an ANBU Helicarrier," a pale boy said, entering the room, "As for those you mentioned, there is no such person alive using those names that we are aware of."

"What's a Helicarrier?" the Captain asked, "What's Anbu?"

"Ah, I suppose you would be confused," the one eyed man said patronizingly, "You've been frozen since the end of the Second Shinobi World War. We recently found you, and were in the process of taking you to Konoha for medical treatment."

"Who are all of you?" he asked, looking around, "I've never seen anyone like any one of you before. If this is the future, then who's the Hokage?"

"Well, I'll leave the first question to be answered by the others individually," the pale boy said, "My name is Agent Sai, and might I add that it's an honor to meet you, sir. As for the Hokage, that currently would be Tsunade Senju, the Godaime Hokage."

"Hiruzen's student, Tsunade?" he laughed, "Pull the other one! Tsunade would have to be blackmailed into getting that job! What next, is one-eye over there Sakumo's little baby boy who kept crying every single time the White Fang tried to take off his mask to feed him?"

"Kakashi Hatake, Head of the ANBU and master of over one thousand jutsu, at your service," the one eyed man said, waving at the blond, who looked at him in complete and utter surprise.

"Wait," the Captain said, pausing in his ruminations, turning to the metal boy, "Pinky called you Nara. Is that you in there, Shikaro? I know you liked Suna's little puppet tricks, but isn't this a bit ridiculous? Or are you secretly his little boy Shikaku?"

"Grandson," the metal boy replied, smirking as he removed his helmet, revealing a human face, "Shikamaru Nara, engineering genius, better known as the Amazing Iron Nin."

"And yet he still finds ways to be ever so humble," the pink haired girl said sarcastically, "Sakura Haruno, The Black Widow, formerly from Oto."

"Never heard of it," the Captain admitted.

"Well, a lot of things did change when you were taking your wet-nap," the archer smirked, "Sasuke Uchiha, codename Hawkeye."

"Let me guess," the Captain said, "Given how young everyone here other than Sakumo's boy is, I'm going to guess you're little Fugaku's son."

"Yes, I am," he replied evenly, "Though I didn't get to know him well, since my brother slaughtered my entire family."

"We're a cheery bunch, aren't we," the quiet boy interjected, "Shikamaru's got a hole in his chest, Sakura's got... issues, Sasuke's an orphan, and I'm an explosion of violence and rage waiting to happen. Doctor Chouji Akimichi, the world's leading expert in gamma radiation."

"YOSH!" the green clad boy shouted cheerfully at the round boy, "Belay all the negative thoughts which sour thy mood, Doctor! Thou are alive, and hath managed to make the most of thine situation."

"Who are you?" The Captain asked. He'd seen exuberant people before, but this boy seemed to have more than any of them combined.

"I am Lee, God of Thunder!" he shouted boisterously, "It is a pleasure to enter your acquaintance, Captain!"

"Okay, then," the Captain said, "It's good to meet you too. Now, can anyone tell me what in the name of the Will of Fire is going on here!"

"Well, we've been trying to gather allies to help us stop someone calling himself Tobi from destroying the world," Kakashi responded.

"He's back?!" the blond shouted in rage, "How many times will it take to keep that psychopath down?!"

"I take it you've met him before?" Kakashi asked, mildly confused.

"I drove razor sharp claws made out of chakra through that animal's chest while he gloated about being a god of a new world order," the orange clad boy said, quieting down, "His real name was Madara Uchiha. He should be dead by now. Then again, he should have been dead back then, too. Unless it's a new Tobi."

"For the time being, we'll act under the assumption that he's the same person you had fought. What can you tell us about him?"

"He's a hard man to kill," the Captain responded, "It took quite a bit to put him down, and even then, I had to use my... other chakra."

"You have more than one type of chakra?" Kakashi asked, "How is that possible?"

"Well, I was part of an experiment," the Captain responded, "I'm the only one under the Konoha trial to get it, and I'm the only one to have gotten the perfected sealing matrix. The seal expert who created it was killed by one of Madara's spies, and he was the only one to know the specifications of it. I hold inside my body the Nine-Tailed Fox, which gives me quite a bit of an edge but it occasionally weakens my mind to its primal instincts when I don't try to control it."

"What do you gain?" Kakashi asked, ignoring the widening of Chouji's eyes at the last comment, "You said it gives you an edge."

"I'm quicker than any of you will ever be," he responded, "I'm stronger than a highly trained jounin. More importantly, I don't get tired."

"Good," Kakashi said, "can you give us any more information on Madara?"

"He has an Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan," the Captain said, "He was able to claim one by murdering his brother. It gives him all the advantages of a Sharingan without any of the limits. Now, he does have the weakness of it making him arrogant enough to fall for different traps, and he wasn't able to maintain a genjutsu when he was working against groups, even if it was environmental genjutsu. Couldn't tell you why, but that was his problem. Other than that, I can't tell you what he's got. He had an army of terrorists at his command back then, but odds are at least half of them are dead by now. Any other questions?"

"I've been wondering," Sai asked, "You are called Captain Konoha, and your shield reflects that with the village symbol on an orange spiral background, yet I have never heard of a Konoha Clan. Are you permitted to tell us your real name?"

"Where are my manners?" the good Captain asked with a smile as he removed the hood of his costume, revealing spiked blond hair and three thin whisker marks on each cheek, "Captain Naruto Uzumaki, at your service. Now, can we speak with the Hokage once we get to the village? I want to know what she has to say about this."


	16. Team Eight Begins

Team Eight Begins

This is a continuation of Hinata's Pet, set right when the important teams were being assigned. I don't own Naruto, as several lawyers can attest. Some liberties have been taken, as always.

"Team Seven!" Iruka called out, "Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Yakumo Kurama! Your sensei is Kakashi Hatake!"

"Really?" Yakumo sighed, smacking her hand against her forehead as Sakura cheered and Sasuke continued his usual business, "I get the fangirl and the emo? I swear, if Kurenai-sensei hadn't helped me make peace with her, I would let Ido have them."

"Team Eight!" Iruka continued, "Shino Aburame, Kiba Inuzuka, and Hinata Hyuuga! Your sensei is Kurenai Yuuhi!"

"Iruka-sensei!" Yakumo inquired, "Can I trade spots with the Inuzuka?"

"I'm afraid not, Yakumo," Iruka replied in amusement, "Teams are selected by the Hokage. Now, since there's already an active Team Nine... Team Ten! Shikamaru Nara, Chouji Akimichi, and Ino Yamanaka! Your Instructor is Asuma Sarutobi! Now, all of you, wait here for your sensei to arrive."

"Team Eight?" a black haired woman with red eyes asked. Hinata, Kiba, Shino, and their pets rose, prompting her to say, "Alright, come with me."

"Okay, now I want to get to know you all better, so why don't you tell us about yourselves," Kurenai said when she got them into another room.

"Like what, sensei?" Shino asked in his reserved tone.

"Your likes, dislikes, why there are four of you when it's a three-man team..." Kurenai responded, looking at the group.

"Could you give an example?" Hinata asked, observing the older woman carefully yet not responding to the last one.

"Alright," she responded, "My name is Kurenai Yuuhi. My likes are octopus, wasabi, and teaching students. My dislikes are cake and those who give up on themselves or others. My hobbies are casual drinking, reading, and... other things. Okay, high-collar, you're first."

"My name is Shino Aburame," said boy said, rising from his seat, "My likes are insect collecting, having a trump card in any situation, and helping my comrades. Why, you ask? Because one's comrades are people one should always be able to rely on in any given situation. My dislikes are tofu and strong smelling foods, as well as those that can't understand that my clan are shinobi, not monsters. My hobbies are entomology and insect collecting."

"Good to know," Kurenai smiled, "Okay, dog-boy, you're up."

"I'm Kiba Inuzuka. I like beef steak jerky, playing around, and my partner Akamaru," the dog boy said, " I don't like getting shots or when Akamaru is hurt or sick. My hobby is going on walks with Akamaru."

"Alright, and you, Hyuuga?" she asked, turning to the girl in question.

"My name is Hinata Hyuuga. I like zenzai, cinnamon rolls, and Naruto," the girl said, "My dislikes are shellfish, people who go back on their words, and people who belittle others. My hobby is pressing flowers and going on walks with Naruto."

"Okay," Kurenai said, deciding that whoever this Naruto was, he must be Hinata's boyfriend. Filing away the fact that she'd need to talk to Hinata about the stresses of maintaining a relationship while being a kunoichi, she turned to the third boy and asked, "And you, blond extra member?"

"I am Mr. Naruto Fluffles," he said blankly, "I like ramen, Hinata-chan, practicing genjutsu and ninjutsu, and the times when Hinata's father is out and I get to sit at the People Table without being sprayed by the spray bottle. My dislikes are people who go back on their words, people who belittle others, the time it takes for ramen to cook, and being sprayed by the spray bottle."

"What?" Kurenai asked, feeling terribly confused.

"Well, when I do something wrong, Hinata-sama..." he began before being cut off by Hinata squirting him with said bottle.

"Bad Naruto!" the pale eyed girl admonished affectionately, "I told you not to call me Hinata-sama! We're friends! Just because Neji-niisan calls me that and I can't stop him doesn't mean that you call me that!"

"I'm sorry, Hinata-chan!" he said, covering his face, "Can you stop spraying me?"

"Um... What exactly is going on here?" asked the now even more confused jounin sensei as the girl put the spray bottle away while the blond sighed in relief.

"Oh, Naruto is my pet," Hinata said absently as said boy sat in front of her as she played with his hair.

"What?" Kurenai asked again, certain she misheard. Was the boy purring?

"I'm her pet," Naruto said as Hinata withdrew her hands, "You know, the whole, feed them, give them water, take them for walks things."

"How is this possible?" Kurenai asked, regaining her composure.

"Well, my obviously very cautious and knowledgeable master over here thought I was a fox," Naruto began sarcastically, resulting in another squirt from the sprayer, much to his displeasure, which led to him him changing his phrasing, "I mean my loving master Hinata-chan had mistaken me for a fox when we were younger, and then jiji... I mean Hokage-sama, signed the papers, which included an addendum that made her ownership of me permanent."

"To be fair, I thought the woman who helped was a trustworthy and mature adult," Hinata added.

"Why would a responsible adult have an evil smile when she looked at us?" Naruto countered, "Face it, Hinata-chan, there's no way that you should have trusted the woman."

Kurenai just rubbed her temples in frustration. This was not going to end well, of that, she was certain. As such, it was with a feeling of dread that she told the assembled, "Alright, meet me at Training Ground Nineteen tomorrow at noon for the test that decides if you need to be sent back to the Academy or not."

With that, she left, not bothering to pay attention to Kiba's protests.

* * *

It was a very depressed Kurenai who entered the Hokage Tower the next day. In much more normal circumstances, she was certain she would be glad to have a team so skilled at teamwork. Unfortunately for her, she wound up with what could only be described as a circus act gone horribly wrong. Shino was normal, by Aburame standards, working from a distance as he fought and aided his comrades, and Kiba, while a bit brash and prone to rushing to fight her head on was capable of distracting her for moments at a time while having Akamaru try to take the bells. Those boys were fine and more or less were working together.

Hinata and Naruto, on the other hand, were a bit more dangerous. Whenever Hinata attacked her, she had to do her best to get out of her field of divination, which would inevitably push her towards Naruto, who seemed to be pulling different types of ninjutsu out of nowhere. Then, when she tried to use genjutsu on him, knowing that the Byakugan would prevent her from getting Hinata, but could take the advantage of working with her "pet" away from the girl. Unfortunately, he evidently had studied genjutsu somewhere and managed to push back with a standard environmental genjutsu that made the entire group disappear, which she dispelled almost instantly, only for her to be welcomed back into the conscious world with Kiba and Akamaru attacking from her left and right, Hinata attacking her chakra points in the front of her body, and an entire kikaichu swarm attacking her from behind, compliments of Shino.

And with that, the bells were taken from her by Akamaru and Naruto, who passed them to their respective owners as Shino neared. When he was close enough, the pair both handed him their bells and turned to Kurenai with smiles on their faces, which was the last sight she had before things went black.

As she entered, she noticed a cheerful Asuma talking with Kakashi, who was also in a surprisingly good mood. Glaring at the happy pair, she asked, "What are you two so happy about?"

"After a bit of trouble at the start of the test, Ino, Shikamaru, and Chouji managed to work together well enough to get the bells from me," Asuma grinned, putting out his cigarette, "I think they have the makings of an absolutely perfect Ino-Shika-Cho trio with a little guidance."

"Sakura and Sasuke weren't really up to snuff," Kakashi admitted, "But Yakumo did a great job. She's got a fantastic skill with genjutsu. She held me off for a while to go talk to her teammates and then managed to bully them into actually acting like a team. Even if the other two fail the Chuunin Exams, I'm taking the group. I want to train Yakumo for Anbu with genjutsu alone. I'll need some tips on training her from you, obviously, but I think she could pull it off."

"That's great," she responded harshly, "And I'll bet that this has nothing to do with Gai having one student who focuses on one field of combat."

"There's no need to be harsh," Kakashi said defensively, "I was complimenting your teaching skills and you try to bite off my head? What gives?"

"Sorry," she apologized, "Does every newly appointed instructor get the crazy students?"

"That bad?" Asuma asked, patting her shoulder sympathetically, "How badly did they fail?"

"Worse," she said, "They passed the test perfectly."

"I fail to see how that's a bad thing," Kakashi noted dryly.

"Well, Kiba seems to be a good kid, and he works well with others," she began, "but he still is over-reliant on Akamaru and is very hasty. Shino is a typical Aburame, so there's not much to say about him other than he has a good head on his shoulders and is very quiet. Hinata, on the other hand, is a strange case. She literally has a blond whiskered boy named Naruto as her pet. They're perfect together. He does the ninjutsu and the genjutsu while she does the taijutsu and probably has training in kenjutsu, considering who her father is. How am I supposed to work with them? Each of them is the child of their clan head, meaning they're going to lean on their clan techniques more, and I'm not even sure if Naruto is mine to train!"

"Calm down," Kakashi said peacefully as Asuma pulled her into a hug, "I'm sure things will work out well. After all, what's the worst that could happen?"


	17. Sakura and Naruto

Sakura and Naruto

Couldn't resist. All due credit to Masashi Kishimoto as the creator of Naruto and especially to Bill Watterson as the creator of Calvin and Hobbes.

"Sakura, are you really going to take that stuffed fox to your assignment to a genin team?" the girl's father asked.

In response to her father's statement, the girl pulled her stuffed nine tailed fox closer and firmly said, "Kiba gets to have his dog with him for the ceremony. Naruto's a demon fox, so he's able to come as my partner."

"But..." he began.

"Just let her, dear," the girl's mother said, repressing a long-suffering sigh, "She's going to bring it anyway."

With that, the girl headed out, carrying the fox with her as she headed to the Academy.

"Geez," the fox said, taking on the appearance of a blond haired red eyed boy with whiskers dressed in orange as he leapt out of her grasp, "You'd think I was some sort of contraband. They let Akamaru get his animal there. I mean, talk about double standards. At least I'm house-trained. I doubt the poor boy even knows enough to not soil himself."

"Quiet you," the girl responded, "You'd better not attack Sasuke-kun if we're put on the same team."

"But I've never tried duck..." he complained, licking his lips.

"He's not a duck!" she replied, "He's a human, you vulpine idiot!"

"You just say that because you find him attractive," the fox replied.

"Oh, and you're not interested in the Hyuuga girl?" she replied with a smirk.

"Well, she can see me," he replied, "And that girl is sweet. I like her. And then there's her willingness to keep fighting for what she wants. She'd be a perfect predator if she wanted to be. And she's just so adorable!"

"Have I ever mentioned that your interest in human girls sometimes creeps me out?" Sakura asked as she entered the building.

"Several times," he responded, "Personally, I blame the Yondaime for my interests. When he sealed me in this doll, he clearly messed up and put some of himself in here. How else can you explain my incredible good looks by human standards?"

"Shut up, you egomaniac," she responded as he reverted to doll form when she opened the door to the room where the teams would be assigned.

"You're still carrying that doll, Forehead?" Ino laughed as Sakura entered, "There's no way that Sasuke-kun would care about a little girl like you!"

"Shut up, Ino-Pig," she responded, "Your simian countenance suggests a heritage unusually rich in species diversity. You're lucky that Naruto isn't getting up to maul you. Mizuki-sensei wasn't so lucky. Naruto ate him."

While this argument continued, Iruka assigned the unimportant teams before moving on to the important ones, and said, "Team Seven: Sakura Haruno, Yakumo Kurama, and Sasuke Uchiha under Kakashi Hatake!"

"I get the Schizophrenic and the Fratricide?" Yakumo asked enthusiastically, "Yes! I've never dealt with psyches that were already shattered before! We're going to have so much **FUN** getting to know each other! Mwah ha ha ha ha!"

"Team Eight!" Iruka shouted, acting as though he didn't hear the unbalanced girl, "Hinata Hyuuga, Shino Aburame, and Kiba Inuzuka under Kurenai Yuuhi!"

The blue haired girl gave a smile that looked innocent to Iruka, yet for some reason that escaped the chuunin, it caused Kiba to pale in terror. Shino, of course, remained undisturbed by the entire situation as he contemplated his plan to eventually join the Torture and Interrogation Force. If he did that, he would be able to wear his coat whenever he felt like it.

"There is already a Team Nine active, so Team Ten: Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, and Chouji Akimichi under Asuma Sarutobi! Everyone wait for your sensei to arrive until further notice."

* * *

"So," Kakashi said once he'd managed to show up and corral his strange students up the stairs, "Tell me about yourselves. Your likes, dislikes, plans for the future, dreams..."

"Could you give us an example sensei?" the brown haired girl asked with an innocent expression on her face, "Do you have any specific psychological issues that would be of sue for us to know?"

"My name's Kakashi," he responded, "I like some things and dislike others. My plans for the future...? And my dreams are not appropriate for ones so young. As for my psychological state, that doesn't matter, but why don't you tell us about yourself, Little Miss Sunshine?"

"My name is Yakumo Kurama, though I'm the part of her called Ido. Oh, we occasionally switch control, and this is my week to get to deal with you people," she responded, adding in that explanation, "I like performing genjutsu on people for any reason that I can think of, painting, and the times when the main Yakumo lets me out. I dislike being trapped in her mind for too long, and people who don't appreciate the beauty of genjutsu being used in combat to psychologically destroy your opponent. My plans for the future include finding out if you all can handle my skills and putting several people under one at once. My dream is for Yakumo and I to be able to have two separate bodies so that we can spend time together without using genjutsu to make an illusion of whoever's not in charge of the body at the time."

"Interesting," Kakashi said. This girl had the right strength of personality for Anbu, at least. Turning to the next one he said, "Broody McEmoPants, you're up."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," he began, "I don't really like or dislike anything. My ambition is to kill a certain man."

"Great!" Yakumo shouted with complete delight, "You're so pre-shattered that I'll be able to toy with you properly once I find out who that 'certain man' is!"

"Okay, then," Kakashi said, turning to the last, who was, to his surprise, holding a stuffed nine-tailed fox doll, "Pinky?"

"My name's Sakura Haruno," she smiled, "My likes are playing trivia games, Sasuke-kun, and hanging out with my fox demon Naruto. My dislikes are Ino's fighting with me over Sasuke-kun, spicy foods, and when this orange fuzzball starts arguing with me, since he's always wrong... No, I'm not! Shut up, Naruto!"

"I like her," Yakumo/Ido said simply as Kakashi contemplated how to deal with this. He would probably have to figure out a way to get the fox doll away from Sakura if she was going to act like it was alive.

"Meet me at Training Ground Seven at noon for your next test," he said before leaving in a swirl of leaves, ignoring the trio's protest.

* * *

Kakashi was very confused. His cute potential students had thus far decided to attack him on their own, though Yakumo seemed more interested in trying to put him in a genjutsu for her own amusement. Sasuke was breathing fireball after fireball while Sakura had placed that fox doll on the ground while she attempted to pummel Kakashi into the ground.

"Play with me!" the brown haired genjutsu user shouted angrily, trying to gain eye contact with the elusive jounin, who was fleeing as quickly as she was moving. Sasuke, meanwhile, was trying to attack where he predicted Kakashi to move next while Sakura threw a bare, sharpened tree branch at him like a spear.

As he idly dodged all these attacks, Kakashi noticed that one of Sasuke's fireballs hadn't dispersed yet and was headed straight for Sakura's fox doll. As the girl screamed for the inanimate object to move, the fireball struck it, causing a surprising burst of bright red light.

"I'm free!" a blond boy with red eyes shouted with undisguised glee, "Ah ha ha ha ha! Take that Minato Namikaze! That's what you get for sealing me into a doll! Thanks for the help Captain Duck-Head! Now, to business!"

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked as Sakura stomped up to the mystery boy.

"I am Naruto, the Nine-Tailed Fox!" he cheered, "Now away with you! I have a task ahead of me!"

"Baka!" Sakura shouted as she slammed her fist down on the top of his head, "Can't you come up with a more original way of expressing your joy!"

"Have I mentioned that I like her?" Yakumo asked as she used the distraction to force Kakashi into a genjutsu involving his books, matches, and a lot of rope. He would not be waking for a few hours, especially with the painting she'd drawn earlier aiding her genjutsu.

"Look, Sakura," the blond responded, "You're a good friend, and you're the only person who was willing to take me anywhere, so I'm just going to do something for you before I go off and do my own thing. I'll be home for ramen, so tell your parents what happened, since I'd rather not do it myself."

With that Naruto took the bells off Kakashi and handed them to Sakura before grabbing Sasuke with one of his nine tails. Tossing him at Sakura, Naruto shouted, "Ask her out, emo! Live a little!"

With his good deed done for the day, Naruto bounded off. He had a certain Hyuuga to tell of his good fortune, after all.


	18. Down at the Therapist's Office

Down at the Therapist's Office

I don't own Naruto. That's about all I have to say about that. I need new disclaimers... All due respect to those in the fields of study listed below. I'm aware that it takes a lot of work.

"But that moment was the first moment where I felt powerless," the silver haired jounin admitted as he lay on the couch in the office, "Ever since that day, I've been so determined to not let people I care about die that I've pretty much started to pull away from them."

"I see," the therapist in the orange suit and tie said, writing on his clipboard, "Now, do you think that your teammates would want you to distance yourself from everyone who tries to form a connection with you?"

"Obito would have killed me for that," the jounin said, smiling a bit under his mask as he thought about it, "Rin would probably revive me to kill me herself, and Sensei would have had her revive me again to smack me for doing that. Then Rin would fix me again and they'd all drag me to the nearest restaurant, where they'd have had some sort of get-together for the sole purpose of cheering me up, or they'd tie me up and dump me at Anko's house."

"So, what you're saying is that they'd want you to stay connected with others," the therapist coaxed, "To not keep mourning and to move on with your life?"

"You're right," Kakashi admitted, contemplating the idea, "Maybe it's time I start interacting with people again."

"Very good, Mr. Hatake," the therapist smiled, "Now, our next session will be about your compulsion to be late to everything. Have a nice day. I look forward to seeing you on Friday."

With that, Kakashi left the office of the only ninja therapist, feeling better than he had in years. The therapist sat back in his chair, waiting for his next client to come in. He wasn't disappointed when Sasuke Uchiha entered the office.

"Mr. Uchiha, I know this is our first session, so I must insist that I lay some ground rules," he said, gesturing for the boy to lie on the couch.

"Alright, Naruto," the last loyal Uchiha said, having made his peace with the fact that the Hokage had ordered him to go to this place until the therapist was done with him, "What are they?"

"First, if I'm part of the problem as your teammate, refer to me as Naruto or the Dobe, whichever you'd use when telling people what I've done," the blond began, "Second, don't worry about me mentioning these sessions at team meetings, as Doctor/Patient Confidentiality requires me to not speak of it outside of your legal guardians. Since you're emancipated by virtue of being a shinobi, you don't have to worry about anyone but the two of us knowing what's going on with you. Finally, you have to tell me everything. While I won't press you for information, I have to know about your situation in order to better help you heal."

"Fine," Sasuke responded, taking his place on the couch.

"Now, first thing's first," the therapist began, "I'm sure you're curious about my credentials. Don't worry. I've got a Doctorate in Psychology, Medicine, and Business. Turns out that their pretty easy to get if you have the right books. Sure the dissertations were a bit complicated, but other than that, there was no real problem. Now, onto you: How are you feeling?"

"A bit confused," Sasuke admitted, impressed that his teammate was skilled in some fields outside of shinobi life, even if he didn't think much of the blond's skills in their field.

"That's understandable," the therapist said amiably, "But I meant in general. How do you feel about how your life has gone thus far?"

"I'm not happy," Sasuke said simply, "But I'm making do."

"Are you really?" the therapist asked, writing on a new clipboard.

"I think so," Sasuke responded, "I'm training to get better, and I've learned so much in order to avenge my clan."

"Mr. Uchiha," the therapist pressed, "Let me be direct. Are you capable of eventually getting past your grief and anger?"

"I... I don't know," Sasuke admitted, "I think that killing my brother to avenge my clan would make me feel better, but I honestly don't know."

"I can understand that. Now, as an experiment, let's say you do kill him," the therapist said gently, "Let's say you avenge your clan with his death, exorcizing those particular demons. What then?"

"What?" Sasuke asked, taken aback.

"What will you do after you kill your brother?" the therapist inquired, "What goals do you have for when you have your victory, and your clan is avenged? What then?"

Sasuke thought about it. He had been so focused on killing his brother, he'd never actually thought about what he would do after the fact. Deep in his mind, he wasn't even sure that he would be able to have vengeance to get the closure that he needed for everything, if he were to be honest.

"You focus on avenging your clan, and to an extent that's good, since it will push you to strive," the therapist said, "but you can't let it consume you. If all you ever do is try to kill your brother, with no other goals in life, nothing to look forward to after his demise, you could become the very type of person you sought to destroy. Do you really want that?"

"No," Sasuke said firmly. He didn't know what he planned to do with his life after, but he knew he never wanted to do something that terrible.

"Good," the therapist said, "I can only help you if you let me, so let me help you. Between now and your next session on Thursday, I want you to think about what you want out of life. Try to live a little, too. You're still a child, shinobi or not, and you have a full life ahead of you. Why not try seizing it? Have a nice day Mr. Uchiha, and please, think on what I've said."

A contemplative Sasuke left the office, pondering what he would do with his life after he killed That Man. With that session out of the way, the therapist let out a sigh and slumped in his seat as he reached to his side and pulled out the scroll in which he kept his filing cabinet for such things. He had finished for the day, and planned on relaxing. Unfortunately for him there was a knock on his door.

"Come in," he said, straightening his posture. It wouldn't do to look unprofessional, after all. To his surprise, he was met with a woman with black hair and red eyes leading a brown haired girl who was clutching a paintbrush to her chest.

"I can't diagnose unless I know the problem," he said, looking at the woman pointedly, "Are you her guardian? Where are her papers?"

"These are her papers," the woman said, taking the papers out of her kunai pouch, "My name is Kurenai Yuuhi, and though I'm not her guardian, she is an apprentice I have outside of my team."

"I see," the boy responded, looking at the forms, "Well, Ms. Yuuhi, I'm afraid that, as you are not her guardian, I cannot, as a licensed professional, allow you to attend, as that would absolutely violate Doctor/Patient Confidentiality, which would result in me losing my license to practice, and I have too many patients who need me. Since you are not her parent or legal guardian, I cannot allow you to take part of the session."

"I'm responsible for her well-being," Kurenai countered, "Are you sure I can't observe things to ensure she's being treated with care?"

"If you get certification from her current guardians, then you can enter, but until then, might I ask that you step out for the session?" the therapist responded, "Thank you for your understanding, Ms. Yuuhi."

Before Kurenai could react, she was escorted out of the room by the boy, who then shut the door behind her.

"So, Ms. Kurama," the therapist began taking his seat in his armchair as she sat on the couch, "I see here that you have an alter ego by the name of Ido, presumably the manifestation of your id, that is to say that Ido is your more impulsive side. From what these files say, you manage to control her most of the time, but she has managed to break free on occasion. I would like to work with you on trying to make peace with yourself, and we'll work on your trust issues. Now, Yakumo, can I call you Yakumo?"

The girl nodded, interested by what the orange clad boy was saying. If he was being honest, then she might finally be free of her problems someday.

"I want to help you, Yakumo," he said, smiling as he wrote information on the new clipboard, "So, I'm going to need you to trust me. Can you do that?"

"I...I'll trust you," the girl responded shakily, looking anywhere but his eyes as she spoke.

"I notice that you avoid eye contact," the therapist commented, "Has someone you trusted before caused you harm?"

"Yes, well, no," the girl responded, "It wasn't exactly harm, but it wasn't the nicest thing to do to me, still, I might have deserved it..."

"Did this happen before or after the incident with your parents?" the therapist asked, looking at her file, not yet asking the question at the forefront of his mind.

"After," the girl admitted, pulling her brush closer as she looked down at the floor guiltily at the mention of the event.

"Don't worry, Yakumo," the therapist said, "I'm a friend. I won't judge you, and I'll never do anything that could hurt you. I've been in a similar place before."

"You have?" she asked, looking up, her eyes just barely missing contact with his.

"I have," the blond answered gently, "I have a monster inside me that always wants to get out, but unlike Ido, mine isn't exactly a part of me. Mine was sealed into me at birth. I wound up in a tight spot on a mission at my other job and it made me use my monster, and I almost lost control, if not for having help and my training to fall back on."

"How do you keep going?" she asked, hoping that he might have an answer for her.

"I just keep pushing forward and try to make sure that I don't ever lose control," he answered, "It takes a bit of work, but I think that I can help you learn to control your problem. We just need to set up more appointments and I might have to prescribe medication. Is there anything about you that isn't in your file that I need to know? It says here that you're skilled at genjutsu despite not being physically capable of performing as a kunoichi. That's a wonderful feat."

"I can't do it anymore," the girl said, looking down at her paintbrush.

"Why not?" the therapist asked, "Has some sort of health complication come up?"

"Not exactly," she commented softly, "Do you know much about seals?"

"Yes," the therapist responded, "I've got one that holds back my monster, as a matter of fact. Why do you ask?"

"Do you know about seals that hold back a person's abilities as well as their... other self?" she asked anxiously.

"I've heard about them," the therapist remarked, suddenly putting down his clipboard, "Why do you bring them up? Does it have anything to do with the betrayal you dealt with? Why hasn't your teacher done anything about this?"

"Kurenai isn't my teacher," the girl said, her tone turning bitter for the first time since she entered, "She sealed away Ido and my powers because I was 'too dangerous' for the village."

Naruto cursed under his breath over that bit of information before thinking carefully. Once he had an idea in his head, he remarked, "I don't know much about binding seals like that, but I have a colleague who does. She passed the bar to serve as an attorney in Konoha, so she might be able to further help your case. I'm going to need you to come by here everyday for the next few weeks before we're ready to do anything about this situation. Don't tell anyone what we've discussed unless you trust them well enough. This room is literally impossible to use any form of surveillance on, thanks to quite a bit of work, so nothing will leave this room unless you want to release the information yourself. Have a nice day, Yakumo. I hope that my colleague and I can help you."

"Thank you," the girl said with a genuine smile as she exited the office. Once she stepped outside, the therapist put the file and clipboard into his cabinet scroll and placed that scroll in a pile with several identical scrolls that had false information in each one, which were then sealed into another, slightly larger scroll, which he placed in his secret pocket of his kunai pouch.

Smiling slightly to himself, Naruto changed into his casual orange attire to go look for the three genin of Team Eight. He had to find Hinata to beg her to do the legal work for this case, after all.


	19. Epiphanies and Other Knowledge

Epiphanies and Other Knowledge

I don't own Naruto. I doubt I ever will, as figuring out how would no doubt be an expenditure of energy that would be more trouble than it's worth to try. Related to Shots 7 and 8.

Naruto Uzumaki was intrigued as he sat in his apartment that night. Hiashi Hyuuga, the current head of the Hyuuga clan, had recently fallen sick, and his condition seemed to be worsening. His plans would have to change again to accomodate what was happening.

It seemed that the elder Hyuuga girl, Hinata, was responsible, since Ino commented on how she had been entering the shop recently and leaving with beautiful, but toxic plants. Naruto the future Hokage was somewhat displeased. Not with the poisoning, because he could work around that with ease. No, what displeased him was that he had someone who wasn't playing by his rules. He had planned for a strong Hyuuga head, not a puppet head under a strong puppeteer!

Despite his plans, the should-be Hyuuga heiress was turning her sister into a perfect little marionette who she herself cherished. Naruto Uzumaki hated to adjust his plans further than a few steps, but now the girl had attached herself to the little girl, so he couldn't kill the younger girl without alienating a member of his future plans. What could he do? His only option was to talk to Hinata himself about this and see if there were parts of his plan that he could adjust, as he knew the cunning girl would not deviate from her course. But what would he have Sai tell her once he returned with her denying him again? He would need to muse on how to get her to come with him for some time.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door of Apartment 9. Heading to greet the distraction, Naruto the friendly boy opened the door with a smile on his face. Outside was the girl he'd sent Shino to talk to. This should prove to be an interesting meeting.

"How can I help you?" Naruto the orphan asked, his tone bordering on the side of caution.

"Hello, my name is Tenten," she responded, "Can I come in?"

"Of course," Naruto the polite child responded, opening the door wider, "What can I do for you this evening?"

"I was told to talk to you," she responded.

"Well, Anbu make sure my house is secure," he replied, a grin widening across his face, "Why don't we talk freely?"

Fortunately, she understood. His house was being monitored, so she would have to watch her language carefully. Nodding her head, she began, "Is your name Naruto Uzumaki?"

"Yes," he replied, "Who sent you here?"

"I don't know," she answered, "I couldn't see their face that well."

"I see..." the blond replied, "What's your last name?"

Tenten knew the sound of a loaded question. He was all but telling her that she was going to have to cooperate with him if she wanted to ever live life the way she wanted. As such, she tailored her answer as she said, "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What do you mean?" the blond inquired in a curious tone, seeming the perfect example of a skilled actor in Tenten's eyes.

"Well," Tenten responded, trying to seem apprehensive and hopeful at the same time, "They told me I could be an Uzumaki..."

"There was only one Uzumaki alive at the time of my birth who would have been able to give birth to me," the blond commented, pulling out a red habanero from an assortment of peppers, "Now, since I know you probably don't know your mother's name, why don't you tell me if the Orphanage you grew up in told you anything to describe her. Did they give a hair color?"

"Yes, they did," Tenten said hesitantly as he pulled out a kunai and began chopping the pepper deliberately, "They said she had red hair."

"It couldn't be..." the blond said, rushing towards her as he dropped the kunai. Then, looking carefully at her, he asked, "Do you have anything particular about yourself that might help find out? A hair tie, or an affinity with seals? Our clan was famous for our seals, after all."

"Well, seals have always come naturally to me," Tenten commented slowly. It was essential to make herself seem hesitant and cautious.

"Do you know where you were on the day that the village was attacked by the Kyuubi?" the blond asked, "I'd heard rumors that a caravan tried to get a one year old baby out of here, but the caravan was slaughtered during the resulting chaos of the attack."

"That was me," Tenten said calmly, "The Anbu who found me among the bodies told me later, and then said he named me for the time he found me."

"Are you sure he wasn't making a joke?" the blond asked, opening a drawer and pulling out some official looking documents, "I was going through the records in the library and it was revealed that Kushina Uzumaki, the woman I believe was my mother, had given birth to a girl a year before the incident, but said daughter had vanished. I took the papers, and the name on them was Tenten Uzumaki. If you're good at seals and your mother had red hair... I can't believe it... Y-You're my sister... I have a family...!"

Tenten was surprised when the suddenly crying blond suddenly engulfed her in a hug. He was good, whoever he really was under that character. If she hadn't been aware of his planning, she'd have thought that she really was his long lost sister. He'd even managed to drop the papers in a way that showed the very convincing forgeries to the hidden Anbu outside his windows. Remembering the fact that she had a part to play in this charade as well, she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him back, forcing tears from her eyes for good measure. She'd definitely made a good choice when she decided to join his coalition.

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga was in an unenviable position. She knew her benefactor well enough to know that he would not like that Hinata was keeping Hanabi around to potentially be her puppet ruler/adorable little sister. Of course, he didn't really like when she told his messenger that she did not want her cousin dead for his insults before the seal had been abolished, but by utilizing her benefactor's manipulations that led to said abolition, she managed to turn him into a loyal bodyguard, who she kept guarding Hanabi in case her benefactor decided to take matters into his own hands. While she doubted it, as he seemed to want to be in Hinata's good graces, she still felt it would be best to have someone guarding Hanabi when she wasn't around.

"Ms. Hinata Hyuuga," a pale boy with an Anbu mask that looked like a cat said, "I am here to represent the Hokage."

"The Hokage has never sent a messenger to a member of the Hyuuga clan before," Hinata commented, reaching for a kunai she had hidden under the table.

"I was not speaking of the current one," the pale boy responded, not removing his mask, "You are aware that your actions have gone against His plans, correct?"

"I don't care," Hinata said, whispering so as not to wake Hanabi in the room three doors away.

"Ah," the Cat sighed, "I expected as much. Very well. As he gave me the right to speak my mind during this meeting, I shall intercede to act in what I consider His best interest. I mean neither you nor your sister any harm, so you can feel free to remove your hand from the kunai that you have hidden under the table."

With that said, the boy took a look at the flowers Hinata had on her table and headed out to the garden, gathering a few others. Once he had the set he wanted, he filled the kettle with water and began to chop the plants up with a kunai of his own.

"What are you doing?" Hinata asked, confused by what was going on.

"These are very nice flowers that you have in your garden," the boy said, "It is unfortunate that your father is too ill to see them. Perhaps this remedy I am aware of will help with his progression. Imagine how things would be with him suddenly starting to get better."

"I'm not sure you want to do that," Hinata said, moving to remove the kettle from the its position on the stove. She didn't want her work of the past two years to go to waste.

"Perhaps not," the boy replied, tossing all of the minced plants into the fire beneath the kettle, "However, I merely wished to make a point: As long as you are not the Hyuuga Head, I will ensure that Hiashi Hyuuga will fill that role, no matter how bedridden he is. You are the heir that He wants, but He seems to care for you enough to let you keep your sister, and He does not wish to alienate you. As such, unless He decides to let you go along with your machinations, I will work to prevent the death of Hiashi Hyuuga for as long as He would deem necessary. I will return tomorrow with His response to your refusal to follow the plans. Either He will say that the orders will stand, or He will see the merit of your plan. We shall see, though I believe He will relent for you. That is the only reason your cousin is alive, after all. And He had been so looking forward to having me frame your father for the deed."

With that, the pale boy left just as silently as he had entered. It simply would not do at all if he did not report to Him as soon as His Anbu minders went off their shifts, which would be occurring soon.

Back in the Hyuuga Compound, Hinata let out a a breath she didn't know she'd even been holding. She'd just stood up to her benefactor's messenger and had refused a demand from him for a second time. Hopefully the pale boy was correct in his opinion on her benefactor's stance on Hinata, herself. She liked the blond boy quite a bit, especially since he was cunning enough to stage a coup despite being the one person in the village the Hokage had teams of Anbu monitoring. It was nice to know that in this world of flashy jutsus and eccentric shinobi, she was not alone when it came to being subtle and patient. Just the thought of that interested her, and she did find him attractive. Perhaps it was time to arrange a face-to-face meeting.


	20. Of Artistic Differences and More

Of Artistic Differences and More Questionable Sanity

I don't own Naruto, which I think is a good thing. I would not handle making it very well. Related to Shot 9.

Kankuro was surprised when a little boy rammed into him while running. Displeased, he attempted to attack the young boy, only to find himself face to face with a boy slightly younger than him with a hand puppet that looked like a little girl. The blond was followed by a pink haired girl, who ordered him to put the boy down. Then, to Kankuro's surprise, the blond simple pulled a bear puppet out of a bag he had strapped to his side and pumped chakra into it.

"So, you like hurting little kids, do you?" the toy roared, suddenly springing to life as it charged to attack him. As Kankuro moved to release Crow, the blond dropped his sack, leading to more hand puppets coming out, marching with a military precision the likes of which Kankuro had never seen before. There was a frog with a sword, a fox with nine spiked tails swaying behind it, a samurai with a sinister looking sword of his own, a dog, a rabbit, a spider with two arms and six spiked limbs, and a mouse brandishing a soup spoon while wearing a tin cup as a helmet. Meanwhile, the boy's little girl puppet seemed to pull a giant hammer out of nowhere, the head tilted forward in a way that made the shadows make it seem to be glaring.

These things were abominations, mockeries of the beauty of puppetry. As such, Kankuro decided to use chakra strings to use them against their master. That would teach him to mock the noble art. As he channeled a string to the bear that seemed to be the leader, said bear's eyes suddenly glowed red as it said, "Unauthorized access denied. Prepare to die."

With that, Kankuro found himself swarmed by seven of the little figures, while the mouse went behind him, though he couldn't see what it was doing. He was easily overwhelmed while the only puppet that wasn't attacking was the girl, who seemed to be gushing over Temari and her giant fan.

Up in his hiding place slightly behind the unsuspecting boy in the tree with a rock in his hand, Gaara smiled. He had just barely gotten here, and this blond member village had managed to attack Kankuro for doing discredit to Suna by attacking a noncombatant before the Invasion which was already losing its appeal to Gaara. This village already seemed to be more entertaining than Suna, and he doubted that Sound was any better than his home given the... experiments that were said to take place there. Upon seeing Kankuro begin to spit out blood, Gaara decided he might as well intervene now.

"Please refrain from killing the imbecile," Gaara said, causing the black haired boy to fall from the tree in shock, "I intend on doing that myself should he dishonor our village again."

As Gaara leapt down, he saw the mouse puppet throw Kankuro's puppet's head to the ground as it shouted, "Hoo Rah!"

"I am Sabaku no Gaara, and I believe that I will not be killing you in the near future," Gaara explained as the puppets on Kankuro marched back into the bag in a single file procession while the girl puppet on the blond boy's hand continued nodding emphatically to Temari's advice on getting a boy's attention.

"And then, when he's trapped you tie him up and..." was all that Gaara heard from that conversation before redirecting his attention to the orange clad blond.

"What is your name?" Gaara pressed on, louder than usual as he attempted to both ignore the blue haired girl with the notepad in the bushes behind his sister, and said sister and her concepts of romance, which even he considered mildly disturbing.

"Well, I'm Naruto, the pink haired girl is Sakura, the black haired boy who's dusting himself off is Sasuke, and talking to your sister is Lily, my sweet little girl," the blond responded, "The ones in the sack are Teddy, Gama-Chan, Kurama, Jack, Rover, Honey Bunny, Miss Spider, and The Great and Powerful Fluffy: User of Spoons and Devourer of Chickens. He's a bit strange in the brain-pan, but he's only two weeks old, after all."

"Understandable," Gaara agreed, remembering that, as his male biological predecessor told him, at two weeks old, Gaara, himself had attempted to bury Suna in enough sand to make it look like a large dune and nearly succeeded until they gave him the teddy bear named Mr. Cuddles McJingles, who was resting in the bottom of Gaara's gourd, "At any rate, we really must head to the embassy. It would be enjoyable to interact with all of you again."

"Okay," Naruto responded, glad to have made a new friend, "Bye Gaara. Bye people whose names I don't know."

"Bye, Gaara. Bye Temari. Bye lousy puppeteer," Lily said, getting one good hit on Kankuro with her mallet as the trio left.

"Her name's Temari?" Naruto asked, "When did she say that?"

"When she was talking to me, Otou-san," she replied, her hammer once again gone. Sasuke, having witnessed this entire scene, was once more afraid for his life. He didn't know that Naruto could control all of his puppets at once. This did not bode well to the last Uchiha. While he knew he was not the picture of mental health, Naruto was surely completely insane. No normal person would be willing to hold a conversation with someone who said that they were sure that they wouldn't kill a person "in the near future." Now, he had the power to use nine puppets at once. Was there any other person in the entire world who had a teammate that was a potential threat to their well-being who was completely insane, other than Sakura, who shared his pain in this regard?

* * *

As he and his siblings left the area, Gaara inwardly smiled. He'd only been here for a few minutes, and he'd already seen 10 reasonable people. He was definitely going to reconsider destroying this place, now. He had no reason to dislike it here, at any rate, and being the only person in a village that specializes in sand would probably make him a novelty, thereby getting him praise. Now all he had to do was neutralize Temari and Kankuro when the time came for whatever the plan was. Perhaps he should have paid more attention when they explained it to him...

* * *

"Kurenai-sensei, I can't pick up her scent!" Kiba shouted in surprise and terror at Training Ground Eight, "It's like she vanished!"

"That is not a pleasant thing to hear," Shino frowned, "Fortunately, however, she took her puppet with her, so I theorize that it will be simple to find her. We merely need to look for Naruto."

"Good," Kurenai said, "You two do that, I'm going to look for the medicine that we're supposed to give her for such an occasion. Split up!"

With that Team Eight ran, not noticing Ino directly behind them, dumping Hinata's medication into a nearby river. No one interferes with Ino's entertainment and gets away with it!

"Ino, what are you doing?" Shikamaru asked, watching the girl dump a bottle full of pills into a lake.

"Um, not dumping Hinata's medication into a lake so as to prevent her team from giving them to her?" Ino responded, not coming up with a good explanation.

Shikamaru was silent. He looked at Ino for a moment before saying, "Alright. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to walk away from here right now. It would be too troublesome to stop you, so I'm not going to bother."

With that, Shikamaru left, ignoring Ino as she shouted, "Bwah ha ha ha ha! Now nothing shall stand in my way!"

Shikamaru sped up as he headed away, deciding that it would be more troublesome to be within a ten foot radius of Ino when she was like this than it would be to to run.

* * *

"Hey, guys, guess what!" Tenten cheered, a wide grin on her face that led to Neji getting behind Lee.

"What?" Neji asked carefully. When dealing with Tenten, he found the best option was usually to go along with it and use Lee as a shield if necessary.

"I found some exploding tags, a bunch of kunai with barbed edges, and shuriken as sharp as razors," she exclaimed with glee, "Let's go training!"

"I have to go do my youthful laundry," Lee said quickly, leaping away before Neji could use him as a shield again, "But Neji informed me he had no youthful chore to do."

It was settled in Neji's mind. If he survived this, he was going to make Lee have an 'accident'. Before he could contemplate his vengeance further, he was suddenly grabbed by Tenten, who was smiling like a small child on their birthday at the prospect of having pointy things and explosives to throw at a moving target. He doubted he would survive this 'training' time.

* * *

Sasuke sighed in anguish. No, there was no way that anyone in the world other than he and Sakura had an insane teammate who would probably wind up killing them.


	21. Naruto-Sensei

Naruto-Sensei

God forbid I ever own Naruto. I would ruin it with inconsistency of plot and/or my constant changing of subjects. By the way, the references made here could not be avoided. Watching a recent Disney film put me in a "gaming mood." I might do the bell test for this group later, or maybe the Wave Arc. I'm still undecided.

"There is no way, even on a cold afternoon in Suna, that I am going to train that brat!" Kakashi shouted, "He's arrogant, he only knows a handful of jutsus, he would be an irritating distraction on a mission due to his sole ambition, and his hair looks like a duck!"

With that, the one and only Copycat Kakashi stormed out of the assigning room. To say that the Sandaime was both irritated and confused would be an understatement. Kakashi's agreement was that, in exchange for retiring from the Anbu, he had the right to pass off one team of genin of his choosing, or he would be able to return to active duty in the Anbu. As such, Hiruzen found himself in the unpleasant position of having a new genin team ready without a sensei available. Who could he possibly appoint for the task of watching after Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Yakumo Kurama? Everyone who immediately came to mind either had a team already or was Kakashi, who had just refused this team in no uncertain terms.

"Jiji, the desk for turning in completed mission statements was empty, so I came to give it directly to you," the youngest jounin in Konoha history said sheepishly, holding a blood soaked form in his hand, "I'm sorry about the blood, but I had to improvise a bit during the mission."

"Actually, I'm glad to see you, Naruto," Hiruzen smiled, glad that the village was a military dictatorship, as otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to make the blond a jounin, let alone a jounin sensei otherwise, "How would you like to get another step closer to your dream of becoming the Hokage after I step down?"

Naruto looked at the overly cheerful smile that was adorning his surrogate grandfather's face with unease. That was the smile that introduced him to Kakashi and Jiraiya. Even worse, it was the smile that introduced him to Maito Gai, who he was certain was certifiably insane. Fortunately for Naruto, however, he managed to keep Gai's attention directed at Kakashi. Having dealt with that smile so often by this point, Naruto sincerely doubted that he was going to enjoy what this smile entailed.

* * *

"He's late!" Sakura shouted to her two equally frustrated teammate, "Where could he be?"

"Maybe he's waiting for your shrieking to give out," Yakumo commented, smirking at the anger she provoked in the fangirl, "At any rate, I think I'm going to wake up Ido if he delays for much longer. She can play with him all she wants."

"I'll bet that would be an interesting sigh to see. Sorry I'm late, I wasn't told I was going to be coming here until a few minutes ago," a blond boy with blue eyes and whiskers on his cheeks and a camera strapped around his eye said.

"Who are you," Sasuke inquired, speaking for the first time since discovering who his teammates were. This boy could prove interesting.

"Naruto Uzumaki," the blond responded cheerfully, "I'm your new instructor, and this little device I have on my head should keep me safe from the supposedly excellent talent at genjutsu one of you possesses. Meet me on the roof."

"You can't be our new instructor!" Sakura shouted indignantly, convinced the boy was a fraud.

"Why not?" the boy asked in confusion, "I'm a jounin, and the Hokage assigned me to this team as an instructor."

"You couldn't be a jounin, you liar," Sakura said knowledgeably, "everyone knows that jounin are mature adults."

"Debatable, but, since I suppose you have yet to meet Gai or Kakashi, I guess your opinion can be forgiven," the blond said, pulling out each of their files, "How can the Kunoichi of the Year not be aware of the ability of the Hokage to promote anyone to jounin if they are acceptable for the job. Now, head upstairs, or I will come back down to get you, which will not be fun for anyone involved."

With that, the blond promptly vanished in a brilliant flash of yellow, presumably headed to the roof. With that, the genin headed upstairs, if only to see what this potentially mentally unstable boy would do next.

* * *

Once the trio got to the roof, they found the boy sitting there, reading a book called The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Ninja by Jiraiya.

"It took you long enough," the blond quipped, "What, did they build a commissary down there and not tell me? At any rate, tell me all about yourselves. Names, hobbies, likes, dislikes, dreams... Pinky, you first."

"Could you give an example Sensei?" she asked, still not sure what to make of the bizarre boy.

"Alright," he shrugged with a bored expression, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I'm a gardener who likes ramen, dislikes all of you thus far, and dreams of you all passing the upcoming Chuunin Exams so I won't have to deal with you all again unless for a mission. Now, Pinky, what about you?"

"Um, I'm Sakura Haruno," she began, still trying to decide whether he was really their sensei, though she found it mildly believable when she thought of how a few famous shinobi got promoted, "I like..."she broke off into giggles while staring at the mildly unfazed Uchiha before continuing, "I dislike Ino, you, and liars. My dream..."

She gave out a shriek that strangely reminded Naruto a bit of a steam whistle. In response to this attack via soundwaves, Yakumo turned to the pink haired girl and flatly said, "I really do not like you at the moment. Do that again, and you'll be witnessing your worst nightmare for what will be the longest two hours of your life."

"Well, since you decided to speak up just now, why don't you go next, Inky?" the blond asked as he attempted to defuse the situation, tapping the camera on his head when she turned to look at him with a glare in her eyes and a plan to use her skill on him in her mind.

"I'm Yakumo Kurama, and I have an alternate personality named Ido, who I've recently made peace with," she said, thinking of all the horrors she'd eventually show this boy if he was lying to them, "I like painting and learning new things, especially in the field of genjutsu, as well as talking with Ido. I dislike you, the fangirl, and the emo, and people who try to harm me. I don't often dream, but my current one is to make Sakura stop making that shrieking sound by whatever means comes to mind. Also, to make Ido be able to have a real body so we can actually spend time together like normal people."

"Okay then," the blond said, smiling widely at the final member of the trio, "Blinky, it's now your turn to speak up."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," the last loyal Uchiha began, trying to weigh the responses of the boy in front of him to his statements, "I don't like much, and I don't dislike much. I have no hobbies to speak of. My dream, no, my ambition is to kill a certain man and revive the Uchiha clan."

"Ah, so you are fixated on your brother" the blond commented, "I thought Kakashi was exaggerating when he told me why he had the Hokage pass you three off onto me. Why don't you start with working on the revival thing first, since it will be a more fulfilling thing to do with your life than only ever seeking vengeance. Anyway, tomorrow I want all three of you meet me at Training Ground Seven at noon, and yes I will be on time, unlike a friend of mine. The three of you are going to take a test I'm going to administer in order to determine whether you are going to be a genin or you get sent back to the Academy."

"What?" Sakura asked, now certain that this boy, sensei or not, was crazy, "We already took a test."

"So taking another one shouldn't be protested so much," the blond responded with a strange smile, "According to a friend of mine who's given this test without ever passing a team, this test has a sixty-seven percent failure rate just so you know just what your odds are. Oh, and I'd recommend not eating anything for breakfast. You might throw up if you do."

"Don't worry, Clyde," Yakumo said, having picked up her possibly insane sensei's nicknaming choices, "We'll be there."

"Good," the blond said, throwing a three-pronged kunai that he pulled out of his pouch and threw right before vanishing in another yellow flash.


	22. Outcast-Kage

Outcast-Kage

I don't own Naruto. I also think I am at least marginally mentally unsound. At any rate, on with the shot. Note: This takes place after Naruto is assigned, but before Wave happened canonically.

"Hokage-sama!" a chuunin shouted, bursting into the office, "Something terrible has happened!"

"What is it?" Hiruzen Sarutobi scowled. This had not been a good month for him. First, one of his recently assigned genin was missing, which was terrible in general, but this particular genin was one he thought of as a surrogate grandson. Second, a few more children went missing, including the eldest Hyuuga daughter, and one child that seemed to have Danzo concerned. Third, the entire Aburame clan somehow vanished into the night, alongside the entire branch house of the Hyuuga clan.

"The caretakers of the orphanage had woken up this morning to find each and every one of the children missing," the chuunin exclaimed, "And the Kurama clan have reported their heiress missing!"

"What do we know about this?" he asked, trying to see if any light could be shed on this mystery.

"We know quite a bit now, Hokage-sama," a familiar voice said from the doorway. Looking up, the Hokage was not surprised to see Kakashi Hatake standing before him with a scroll in his hand.

"What have you heard, Kakashi?" he asked, eager for any information he could get.

"Well, when you sent me to find the missing children and the Aburame clan, I wound up searching everywhere I could. By the way, there are now several missing nin who are dead now. Anyway, what happened was I kept searching, until I literally searched everywhere in the Land of Fire. As I was heading back to get your permission to look in different regions, I saw something I couldn't believe: Children, dozens of them, heading away from Konoha, following a person playing on a pipe, who had legs that seemed taller than was natural, almost as if they had stilts. I followed them hoping to see where they went, when I saw it. A fully constructed village, just a quarter of a mile away from the gates. I stealthily came in over their well constructed gate, which had let the children in freely, only to be surrounded by the Aburame clan and some members of the Hyuuga clan, who claimed to be of the branch house, but they had no seal on their foreheads.

"They led me to a tower, letting me see how the entire village was built to hold thousands of people. The archway above the tower read, 'Orphan Village: Now accepting anyone tired of being tossed aside as monsters, freaks, or nobodies.' They seemed to be setting themselves up as a ninja village. Shibi Aburame was the head instructor. Their symbol is a blank surface, as shown on their unmarked forehead protectors. When I entered the building, I was greeted by a pale boy dressed in black, who claimed he was the assistant of the Outcast-Kage before he handed me this scroll they wanted me to give to you and had me escorted out of the village. I rushed back here as soon as I could to deliver this, Hokage-sama."

With a careful grip, the Sandaime Hokage opened the scroll, which said, "We, the villagers of the Orphan Village would like to welcome the Hokage of Konoha to our village to discuss an alliance with our Outcast-Kage. Sincerely, the Shodai Outcast-Kage."

"Do you know who this is?" Hiruzen asked, curious as to what was going on, but certain that Naruto was somewhere that had most likely not harmed him.

"I didn't get to see who it was," Kakashi admitted, "They didn't let me inside his office. They seem to be sincere about their motto, thus far, however."

"How so?" he inquired.

"When the pale boy was talking to me, he said that some missing nin had made this village their homes. One such person was actually Zabuza Momochi, according to the pale boy," Kakashi explained.

"Very well, then," Hiruzen said, "Go get Ibiki and Anko. We are going to go see this Outcast-Kage."

* * *

When they arrived at the village, they were greeted by a detachment of Hyuuga and Aburame guards, who escorted them to the Outcast-Kage Tower, where a new detachment of similar clan members, led by Zabuza Momochi and a girl or boy that was not leaving the Demon of the Mist's side, took their place as they returned to their posts.

"Sandaime Hokage?" Zabuza asked, observing the group with a bored eye. When he received a nod, he said, "Follow me."

As they walked through the tower with their guide, Hiruzen noticed the pale boy from Kakashi's story, painting alongside a girl he knew from memory to be the Kurama heiress.

Once they got to the doors of the office, Zabuza said, "Do not take any weapons out or attempt any jutsu, or, as the security force, I will kill you."

With that said, they entered the office, followed by Zabuza and his assistant while the rest retook their previous positions. When they entered, the quartet was surprised by who it was sitting there. In his unmistakable orange outfit, an orange replica of a Kage hat on his head, sat Naruto Uzumaki, the very boy that had Hiruzen so concerned when he received this summons in the first place.

"Well, it's not Hokage, but I did tell you I was going to be a Kage one day, jiji," the blond said with a smile at the gobsmacked expressions on the visitors' faces.

"Naruto, what's all this about?" the Hokage asked, looking at the blond in shock.

"Well, this is the Orphan Village," the genin explained, "This is where all outcasts and people that no one really cares about can come to live. I built it myself, based on the schematics of Konoha. I figured that if nobody wanted us, why not make a village for all of us. Here, we can live without the glares or the people who pretend we aren't there."

"Was it really that bad in Konoha, Naruto?" Kakashi asked, his one visible eye staring at him focusedly.

"Well, Jiji, Iruka-sensei, Teuchi, and Ayame were nice to me," the blond admitted, "And, even if you said you didn't like us, you did treat Team Seven fairly enough. On the other hand, Sakura seemed to enjoy hitting me, and Sasuke wouldn't even care if I was alive or dead."

Kakashi didn't respond, while Anko began mentally appraising what she had seen of the village. It was Ibiki who broke the silence as he asked, "Is this even legal? You should be registered as a missing nin, but I'm not sure, due to the existence of this village. I don't think there's a precedent for this kind of behavior."

"Actually, there is," the missing Hyuuga Hinata said, entering the office with an aged scroll, "As it turns out, Mist was born that way, as was Suna. Which reminds me, Naruto-kun, I mean Naruto-sama, Sabaku no Gaara, his two siblings Temari and Kankuro, and a girl named Matsuri came from the desert to ask for asylum."

"They aren't still outside, are they," the blond asked concernedly, his attention diverted from the visitors, "They should have already been given housing by this point."

"They have, Naruto-sama," the girl responded, "We just need your signature to admit them to our corps of active shinobi."

"Hinata, how many times do I have to tell you not to call me Naruto-sama?" the blond gently chastised with a fox-like grin as he signed the scrolls she handed him.

"Sorry, Naruto-kun," the girl said, blushing as she took the scrolls back. Suddenly, she was once again aware of the visitors, which caused her to blush even more as she said, "Naruto-kun, your guests..."

"Sorry about that, jiji," the blond said, his own cheeks slightly red at forgetting his guests as he turned to look at the group before him as Hinata rushed out of the room, "You know how it is: Paperwork."

"Is there anything we can do to get you to come back?" Hiruzen asked, hoping to be able to keep his surrogate grandson where he could keep an eye on him.

"Maybe before I had started this village," the blond admitted softly, before speaking again with conviction, "But the village need me. I'm the one who built this village, stone by stone, plank by plank. It took me a long time, even with thousands of shadow clones, but it was definitely worth it. Everyone here was tossed out or used. Out of everyone here, I'm the only one with the seal on their body still intact because of what I hold. Everyone else is freed. Why do you think they made me the Kage of the village?

"Zabuza's apprentice, Haku, was cast out for having a bloodline. Hinata was the least favorite child of Hiashi. I'm the container of the Nine-Tailed Fox. Everyone here was forgotten by the people outside. Did you know that there's a girl with amazing precision with throwing weapons who is very good at seals named Tenten, who wouldn't have been able to join Anbu because she's 'just a nameless orphan?' She was living in an abandoned smithy when she followed the piping to this village. Now, she has the chance to join the Anbu, which I think she'd pass the test for with flying colors. I can't leave now. If I left, they'd think I'd abandoned all of them. It just wouldn't be fair to me or them by this point. If I left, everything could fall apart because the one person who understood them, who really cared for all the people that the world cast aside enough to actually build a village just for them, was to walk away from them, why bother? Obviously nobody would care. So, no, I can't come back. Not now, and probably not ever."

"I see," Hiruzen said, feeling older than he ever had in his life. He was proud of Naruto, but it weighed heavy on his heart that the boy would not be coming home to Konoha. Beside him, Kakashi was disappointed that Naruto would not be coming back as well. The loudmouth genin had grown on him, and he had hoped to help him continue his training, but it was evidently not to be.

"You had business with the Hokage," Ibiki said to return to the topic at hand while Anko sat there silently, a contemplative look on her face.

"Oh yeah, sorry jiji," the Outcast-Kage apologized before handing the Hokage a scroll, "The Orphan Village would like to propose an alliance with Konoha. The alliance would entail that neither village would take up arms against one another, no matter whether other allies of our respective villages are battling either village or not. Also, in times of war, so long as it does not attack any of our allies, we will side with each other, though if the war is against another of our allies, then the Orphan Village will declare neutrality unless attacked by one of the combatants, at which point we will side against the affronting village. I had Sai help Hinata write this in a way that would benefit us all."

Hiruzen looked at the scroll. It was a well-written piece of legislation, which essentially boiled down to the Orphan Village declaring neutrality unless otherwise inclined. It appeared that this Sai was very well-versed in law, as was Ms. Hyuuga. Deciding that if they had put in this much work in this entire village, and how much Naruto seemed to want it to thrive, Konoha could stand to gain another ally. As such, he signed the scroll and handed it back to Naruto, who looked absolutely thrilled with how this meeting turned out.

"You won't regret this, jiji," Naruto said, "should any Konoha shinobi find the need to rest here, they'll find our gates open for them. We'll also have some teams for the Chuunin Exams coming in this year."

As the others rose to leave, Anko remained seated. This sounded like the ideal place for her. She was definitely going to look into moving here as soon as she could. With that thought in her head, she rushed out the door to catch up with the rest of the crowd. This village could prove very interesting...


	23. Nice to Meet You

Nice to Meet You

This is set before the events of 3, 4, 5, and 11. Our Antiheroes are currently at the age of 5 in this story. I still don't own Naruto. Let's hope I never do. On a related note, yes, I did have to name the bear Mr. Cuddles McJingles. This is the Nonsensical Gallery, after all. Good News: I started labeling the chapters in the index provided. You can now browse the Gallery with ease.

Naruto the Nine-Tailed Fox was irritated. He was a being of unimaginable power, unbeatable in battle by any one of these mortals, with the only person to ever defeat him binding him in this form. While he loathed the insect for this, he was also strangely grateful for the more convenient form to travel with and had to respect the Yondaime Hokage's ability, as no one had ever made such a seal properly before him.

Despite his gratefulness, he was now aware that he was mortal, and that this form was not satisfactory. He could not show his tails or his true face in this form, but his main issue was that it was feeble compared to the one he once had. The insect he had been sealed into had been an infant at the time, but that infant had died in the process of the sealing, so he had to make do with continuing the natural development that his shell would have gone through while maintaining his illusion of being a normal child, one which these foolish insects kept jeopardizing with their hate, which was feeding his energy and making it hard to concentrate. He doubted that the Yondaime had even noticed.

As he was walking along, aware that he was not being monitored at the time, his eyes showed that there was a young girl with blue hair being pestered by two older boys. Never a fan of such pathetic displays of purported dominance among the insects, he walked up to the boys and said, "You would do well to leave her alone."

"Or what?" the larger boy, most likely the leader of the two asked.

"I will eliminate you," the demon responded plainly, "You are merely a finite bit of life that perhaps your parents will miss, but I on the other hand..."

With that, the demon revealed the true face of this body, with its red eyes and blackened whiskers before continuing, "I am your nightmares given life, little boy. I can destroy you without a thought."

With that, the two insects decided their game was no longer that interesting and ran off. Turning to face the girl as his illusion returned, he asked, "Are you hurt?"

"N-no," the girl replied, "Thank you for helping me."

"It was my pleasure, Ms. Hyuuga," he replied, noticing her lavender eyes, "I did not like that they made sport of you."

"My name's Hinata. What's your name?" she asked.

"I am Naruto," the blond replied, mildly concerned by the strange feelings his body was getting in his chest in particular, "Now, I'm sorry, but I must be on my way."

"Okay," she said sadly, "Thank you again for helping me."

Then, using the logic that she had gathered from the films that her mother and father had taken her to see, Hinata gave the boy a kiss on the cheek for his help before he left.

'That was interesting...' the demon noted, feeling heat in both of his body's cheeks.

'What was?' a new voice asked in his mind, 'Why don't I find out?'

'I wouldn't recommend that, Ino Yamanaka, age 5, daughter of Inoichi Yamanaka of the Torture and Interrogation Force' the demon thought, 'You really don't want to look inside my mind.'

'You're a reader?' the voice asked as a blonde girl in a purple dress approached the boy, 'I thought I was the only one who could do it easily.'

'No, I am not,' the boy replied, still thinking his response, 'I am a demon, so going into my mind let me into yours. Basically, you left a door open when you kicked mine in. I notice you have been self-aware since birth. Would you like to continue this discussion in private.'

'That would be for the best,' the girl replied mentally before verbally saying, "Hi, I'm Ino. Do you want to go to the playground with me?"

"Okay!" Naruto replied, sounding like a child of his body's age, "My name's Naruto."

"Well come on, Naruto!" she exclaimed, as if she was an ordinary child.

Once they were in a secluded part of the park, Ino's expression became more calculating as she looked at the boy before her. Looking him in the eyes, she used a strange cadence as she said, "If you're a demon, prove it."

"Very well," he replied, dropping his illusion, "This is the most natural form that I have, though I normally am much bigger and don't look human at all. You can thank your fourth Hokage for this form."

"Interesting," the girl replied, still using the speech pattern, "You will forgive me if I speak oddly. I am unused to having a real conversation, let alone one where I don't use my mind to communicate."

"I understand," the boy responded, "I had problems moving in this shell for months after it gained the ability to stand on two limbs. I must ask, however, how was it that you were born with such a strong ability with your mind?"

"I thought it was inbreeding within my clan at first," she admitted, "But when I snuck glimpses into my parents' minds, I found no trace of such a tradition. As such, I have concluded that I had just won the genetic lottery."

"I see," the blond said, "I, on the other hand, am disadvantaged, as I have no real means of returning to my natural state. On the other hand, this form does have its advantages. For example, I can travel wherever I wish without destroying the buildings. I also get to see how your kind interacts. I've come to the conclusion that half of you are insects that would be amusing to watch while the other are interesting creatures that bear watching to see what you accomplish. On a related note, can you keep from talking for a moment?"

'You noticed the boy behind me, too?' she asked, reverting to the mental form of discussion.

'Yes,' he responded, 'Be a dear and bring him to us.'

'On it,' she replied, her mental voice giggling.

With that, the pale boy dressed in black suddenly was walking stiffly to the pair, a fake smile on his face. The blond boy walked up to the boy once he had stopped and said, "Now, we don't need you to speak to us about your master, as my friend here could pull it out of your mind with ease. As such, I intend to cut it out. Would you mind forcing his tongue out of his mouth?"

The pale boy could only watch as his tongue was extended from his body against his will, revealing the seal preventing him from speaking of his master.

"What does that seal do?" the blond asked, turning to the girl.

"It seems that someone has formed a little club for people who will be only loyal to him," the girl explained, forcing herself painfully through the pale boy's memories, "That little seal prevents anyone who has it from speaking of the organization known as ROOT and the head of it, named Danzo Shimura. This boy is merely his tool, a hidden dagger."

"Ah, a sai," the boy said with a grin as he extended a clawed finger, "Very well, please keep holding his tongue out of his mouth."

"You got it," she replied, doing as he bid as he approached the pale boy. Much to the surprise of the pale boy, rather than cutting out his tongue as he expected, the boy seemed to be dragging one of his claws along the seal along his tongue, causing a mild burning sensation all over its entire surface.

Once he regained use of his own mouth, though not his limbs, he asked, "What have you done to my seal?"

"What was written is now erased," the boy replied, "Now, Sai, who do you work for? Remember, we know all about you. I just want you to see that I am not lying to you."

"I am a member of the secret society known as ROOT, where I serve under Danzo Shimura," the pale boy responded, too surprised by his ability to speak freely to notice the name he had been given, "Why have you done this to me?"

"I find you an interesting creature," the boy replied, "I have managed to evade Anbu in my time, yet you have been following me since I first began to speak to Ino. Not many can boast such a feat. Also, I believe that you could be a great aid to me in some errands I wish to run. I do not know whether to trust you or kill you, but I believe that you would be willing to follow orders. I am aware that you are not as loyal to Danzo Shimura as he would like to believe, so I am going to be honest with you right now. I want you to work for me. I will not seal you, I will not force you to work for me. I will not harm you unless you move against me, and I will be honest and fair in all dealings we have with each other. Or I could kill you. I would not enjoy doing the latter, as you seem to be worth watching, which is why I make the offer."

"What do you gain from my working for you," the boy asked, hoping that he could be released soon.

"You," the boy answered, "Your talents, your intelligence, your current master's secret plans, every idea that you can think of to promote whatever aim we decide. In return, you get your life, your freedom to act, and the right to remain unsealed. Really, all I ask for is very little compared to freedom. I would know. This husk is my prison, just as that seal was yours."

"What do you want to do?" the pale boy asked, getting swayed by the boy's words.

"All I want is to free those who don't deserve to be imprisoned," the boy replied in a silky voice, "Freedom is something everyone deserves, from the lowest insect to a true being of power, like myself. Ino here can understand, can't you?"

"Clear as crystal," the girl earnestly agreed, not releasing her hold on the pale boy, "How is it fair that the mundane can be free while those like us are oppressed by them. I am forced by their fear to hide myself from them, Naruto is caged in that corpse he calls a body, and until just a few moments ago, you were unable to speak with impunity. Think of all the people out there in a similar circumstance. Those people who trap those like us think they can do so because of some moral imperative that makes their actions correct. They don't understand us like we do."

"So, the question is," the boy said, taking over the conversation, "Are you willing to be free and help us make that freedom possible for others?"

* * *

Sabaku no Gaara, the One-Tailed Tanuki was interested. His siblings were always attempting to defend him, despite the fact that he never needed to be defended. His entire form consisted of sand, after all. It was an interesting situation that had led him to this state. The Nine-Tailed Fox would have smacked him if he had been present during that accident. He had attempted to use chemicals to alter his form to a more adequate form. On the one hand, he had succeeded, as he had made a more adequate form. On the other hand, he had disintegrated the body in the explosion and managed to somehow get the seal and the blood of his body into the sand in the makeshift laboratory, creating the body out of sand.

"Gaara!" his sister shouted pounding on the sand dome he placed around his body, "Tear down that dome and talk to us, right now!"

Gaara did not care much about what they wanted to talk about. He was perfectly fine in his dome with Mr. Cuddles McJingles. Unfortunately, he hadn't accounted for how willing his sister could be when it came to getting what she wanted, or that his dome did not include the sand beneath him. As such, her fan managed to knock his dome into the air with a gust of wind, forcing him to deal with her and his brother.

"Go away!" he shouted, grabbing Mr. Cuddles McJingles.

Temari's mind went blank for that moment as she saw her youngest brother staring up at her while cuddling the stuffed bear. Fortunately, Kankuro was not affected by the adorableness of the sight, and so he said, "Gaara, we're your siblings, and we just want to talk to you."

"About what?" Gaara asked, unaware of the effect he had on Temari.

"We know your secret, and we just want to tell you that we don't care," Temari said, "You're still our brother who grew up with us."

"You know that I'm the One-Tailed Tanuki who is occupying the body that died when I was sealed inside of it in his infancy?" Gaara inquired. Had he possessed eyebrows, he would have raised one. He thought he had done a good job of hiding it.

"Um... yeah!" Kankuro agreed. They had actually thought that he was their brother with the demon inside of him, but there was no need to bring that up.

"Like we said, you're the brother we grew up with," Temari said, rustling his hair, "It's not like you plan on killing us any time soon."

"Exactly," Kankuro said, now once more back on balance in the conversation.

Gaara felt that there was absolutely no need to tell them that he had contemplated killing them until the moment that they gave him the bear currently in his arms. This body made him strangely temperamental in its infancy before they gave it to him.

Suddenly, to their surprise, a Fennec Fox with a note tied to it ran up to them before stopping in front of Gaara.

Taking the note, Gaara looked at it carefully. The only mark on it was a number one, which was of no real help. As such, he opened the letter slowly. When no explosions came, he took out the note and read, "One, I am trapped in a mortal form that I must maintain an illusion to keep it from being attacked by the angry mobs that would likely ensue. I am aware that you are sealed as well. This fox's name is Kurama, like my original name was. What is your current status and are you still referring to yourself as Shukaku or by your vessel's name? Send information via note attached to Kurama. Sincerely, Nine"

As he sent out sand to grab the necessary materials, he smiled as he showed the note to his siblings and said, "Well, this should prove interesting..."


	24. Meeting the Teams

Meeting the Teams

I don't own Naruto. Aren't we all grateful for that news? And now there is finally a shot linked to Shot 2. Also, yes, I am aware that the Sherlock Holmes series calls it Baritsu, but I am going with its proper name.

Iruka had just left the room after explaining who the teams were, and who was going to be instructing them. He decided he didn't want to find out what his nine favorite students would do to their leaders, given that they were not very well-balanced mentally. When the other teams were filed out rather quickly, all that was left were Teams Seven, Eight, and Ten. All of them sat there, doing whatever they pleased. Hinata was cleaning the pieces of her rifle while Naruto sat beside her watching while he held her firing pin, trying to see if she'd notice it was missing. Sakura and Ino were trying to get Sasuke's attention, but the pirate was pretending to be asleep. Shikamaru was discussing a series of books Chouji was writing based on their adventures. Kiba was talking to Akamaru. Shino, meanwhile, was sitting back, observing the door.

Kurenai and Asuma arrived at the same time. Looking at the pair, Shikamaru said, "Judging by your time of arrival, you lost track of time. The grass stains on parts of your clothing indicate that you were either having a picnic, lying in a field, or engaging in other activities, though the second one is most likely, as you only have some on the back of your outfits. You two are currently engaged in a relationship, don't deny it, as everything about the way you two are holding yourselves gives it away, from the fact that you immediately disengaged your hands from one another's upon entering the room, as well as the looks of surprise on your faces upon my revealing your relationship in front of your respective students. As you are the only female among the listings, I can assume that you are Kurenai Yuuhi, instructor of Hinata Hyuuga, Kiba Inuzuka, and Shino Aburame. You, on the other hand, bear a remarkable resemblance to the Sandaime Hokage from when he was younger, meaning that you can only be a child of his, and therefore must be Asuma Sarutobi, instructor of Ino Yamanaka, Chouji Akimichi, and myself."

Standing directly behind the detective, the only black-clad ninja clapped, startling the boy as he handed him the cane he had taken when the genius hadn't been looking back. With that, Teams Eight and Ten left, heading to their interviews as the sniper walked up to Naruto and plucked her firing pin out of his hand with a smirk on her face.

With that, Team Seven was left alone in the room to wait for their sensei. However, as reading about what they did to pass the time is uninteresting, this story will move onto the other teams for the time being.

* * *

"Alright," Asuma said, lighting his cigarette, "Why don't you tell me about yourselves. Your names, hobbies, likes, dislikes, dreams for the future... Pineapple Head, why don't you start first?"

"My name is Shikamaru Nara," the boy replied, "I am a student of bartitsu, a beekeeper in my spare time, a player of the violin, and a detective. I like being presented with a challenging problem, consulting with my friend Chouji, cloud watching, and opera. I dislike people who attempt to distort the truth, people who make insinuations about Chouji and my partnership, Ino's shouting, and waterfalls. My goal is to live a simple life, perhaps have a family, and solve any puzzle that is placed before me."

"Okay, One-Eye, your turn," Asuma said, confused by the boy's strange mannerisms.

"My name is Ino Yamanaka," the girl in green said, "I am the world's greatest archer, and I enjoy contests that prove it, as well as celebrating my victories. My likes are archery, general mischief, entering contests, and camping. My dislikes are people who are disloyal to the Hokage, tyrants, and Sakura trying to claim Sasuke-kun. My dream for the future is to marry Sasuke-kun and end tyranny and corruption forever!"

"So, Dough-boy, it's your turn," Asuma said, intentionally avoiding responding to Ino's very strange rant.

"My name's Chouji Akimichi," the round boy said, evidently letting the nickname slide for the time being, "My hobbies are writing, practicing medicine, and helping Shikamaru in his cases as a consulting detective. I like barbecue ribs, writing about the cases we have solved, and reading whatever new article in the medical practice comes out. I dislike people who make fun of me because of my size, mercenaries, and when Shikamaru decides to experiment with dangerous materials while in my house."

"Those experiments did in fact prove the point I was making," Shikamaru commented.

"Your point was that you could make different explosives inside of my house!" Chouji shouted before continuing, "My dreams for the future include getting a medical license and living long enough to start a family of my own, which, given how Shikamaru is, might never happen for me."

Asuma shook his head and was going to speak when Shikamaru interrupted him, "You are about to say that there is a second test that will determine whether we become genin or not. Judging by the curriculum at the Academy stressing the value of teamwork, that will be what our test will be in. You intend on seeing how we work under pressure when turning against one another could benefit us individually, as such a situation could occur in an actual battle, but as we have known each other for years, are fairly close to one another, and know each other's strengths and weaknesses, we will pass that test. Really, it would be easier for you to pass us. You'd get an entire day free if you did, after all."

"Alright," Asuma said, relieved that he would have one last day of peace before dealing with these children, "Team Ten, you pass."

* * *

Kurenai, meanwhile, was confused by her students. Deciding that they were just eccentric, she asked, "Okay, so why don't we introduce ourselves? What are your likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams?"

"Hark! My name is Kiba the Relentless," the one wrapped in a fur coat shouted, "I enjoy drinking mead, traveling with my hound Akamaru, and hunting! I dislike Saxons and the wretched cats. I dream of becoming the greatest Viking to ever sail the Sea, sung of in epics as I battle in Valhalla centuries after my death!"

"I am Shino Aburame," the one with very little of his face showing said, not even waiting for Kurenai's prompting, "My hobbies are insect collecting, entomology, and practicing with my weaponry and insects. I like insects, swordplay, training with my musket, and serving the Hokage. My dislikes are traitors, attempted usurpers, and those who abandon their comrades. My goal is to become the greatest musketeer in Konoha, and keep to the creed of the musketeer:All for One, and One for All."

"Alright then," Kurenai said, finally getting a word in edgewise when the girl with the strange weapon didn't say anything, "How about you?"

"My name is Hinata Hyuuga," the girl said matter-of-factually, "though I don't think that it matters much, since you're not going to see me that often. My call sign is Kami-sama, since that's who any of my targets will be meeting. My hobbies are training with my rifle, keeping my rifle clean and functional, practicing with Naruto-kun, and flower pressing. I like Naruto-kun, my rifle, cinnamon rolls, and a good vantage point. My dislikes are people who belittle others, people who think being a sniper isn't a useful skill, the amount of time it takes to reload, and when Naruto-kun manages to evade the tranquilizer darts I shoot at him."

Kurenai was mildly concerned. She was now certain that she was assigned this team as a prank over her newly instated position as a jounin instructor. As such, she decided to beat this prank by giving it her all to make these maniacs responsible genin or fail them if they don't pass the second exam. As such she said, "Alright, meet me at Training Ground Twelve tomorrow at noon for the exam to determine whether you really become genin or get sent back to the Academy."

"We will be there, but you won't see me, sensei," Hinata said with a smile, "No one ever does."

* * *

Kakashi Hatake arrived late to pick up his latest batch of hopeful students, as was his tendency whenever he was going anywhere. As such, he expected some form of prank on him, as was normal when he went to these things.

What he did not expect, however, was the welcome he received. The instant he opened the door, he saw one of them sitting in chairs directly facing the door with two weapons in her hand pointed at his head an his... misunderstanding. Meanwhile, he felt a strange sword pressing against his stomach, which a slight turn of his head had revealed to be in the hands of the Last Uchiha. Then, much to his surprise, he felt a kunai at his throat as the Uchiha asked, "Who are you and what have you done with the real Kakashi Hatake?"

"What are you talking about," Kakashi asked, confused by this entire ordeal, "I am Kakashi."

"Like we're supposed to believe that," the girl one said, "Everyone knows that a jounin of Kakashi's standing would never dishonor his position as an instructor by being late."

"Actually, I'm always late," Kakashi said, "Ask anyone in the village. Unless I'm going on a mission, I'm usually late to things."

"A likely story," the girl one said as Kakashi turned to see blue eyes staring at him carefully. Eventually, the black shape removed the kunai from his throat and leapt from the ceiling.

"Really?" the pirate asked, looking at the black clad boy as he slowly removed his sword, "Are you sure?"

The blue-eyed boy nodded before turning to the girl, who still was pointing her weapons at Kakashi.

"Really?" she asked as she put her guns away, "Well, if you say so, but if you're wrong, I am going to blame it on you."

"Meet me on the roof in ten minutes," Kakashi said before using shunshin to get out of the room. He wasn't sure how he felt about these kids.

Once the trio were on the roof, Kakashi said, "Alright, why don't we start with introductions. Just the basics: names, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and dreams for the future."

"Why don't you start, 'sensei'?" Sasuke asked, drawing his sword while Sakura was pulling her weapons back out of their holsters and Naruto was suddenly nowhere to be found, "And please know that Sakura and I are still unsure if you're a fraud or not, so you might want to give actual details."

"My name's Kakashi Hatake," he said cheerfully, amused by their belief that they could take him out, "I like the Icha Icha series, I dislike you three as of right now, and my hobby is reading. I have no dreams for the future. You're turn, Feather Hat."

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha," the boy said as he and Sakura returned their weapons to their original locations, "I like Sakura to a degree, smuggling, occasionally pillaging, and plundering, I dislike shipping companies, Navy officers, and turncoat privateers, and my hobbies are smuggling, occasionally pillaging, and plundering, though mostly I prefer to be left alone. My dream for the future is to gain a ship and become the greatest pirate to ever sail the Sea, and then maybe kill my brother over the massacre of my clan if the desire to do so strikes me."

Why Kakashi felt the urge to attack the boy when he expressed his main desire would always elude the jounin, but he decided it wasn't worth looking into, so he just moved on and said, "Okay, Quick Draw, your turn."

"Name's Sakura Haruno," the girl said, tipping the brim of her hat in greeting, "My hobbies are practicing my gun drawing skills, having a brawl, and training with Sasuke-kun. I like Sasuke-kun, my six-shooters, and practicing shooting. I dislike running out of bullets, Ino trying to claim Sasuke-kun, and people who cheat at cards. My dream is to have the quickest hands in the Fire Country and marry Sasuke-kun."

"Okay, and you, Black Suit?" Kakashi asked as Naruto walked out from behind him. When the boy didn't respond, he pressed, "Black Suit?"

"His name is Naruto Uzumaki," the Uchiha said, "His hobbies are eating ramen, flirting with Hinata Hyuuga by avoiding her tranquilizer darts and trying to throw her off when she assembles her rifle..."

Naruto glared at the pirate for the 'flirting' comment, but the pirate just continued and said, "...and practicing his stealth. He likes ramen, jutsus he considers sensible, such as the Shadow Clone Technique, and Hinata. He dislikes me at the moment, the amount of time it takes for ramen to cook, talking when he considers it unnecessary, jutsus he doesn't consider sensible, such as, strangely enough, the regular Clone Technique, and the fact that modern shinobi rely on flashy jutsus rather than stealth and traps. His goal is to become what he considers a 'true ninja' and eventually marry a certain sniper."

"That's all well and good," Kakashi said, ignoring both the jab at his style of combat and the glare the black clad boy was giving the pirate, who he still couldn't figure out why he felt like attacking, "but why are you talking for him?"

"He doesn't like talking," Sasuke said simply.

"Then how do you know his thoughts on these subjects?" Kakashi asked.

"Well, it'd be hard to be his best friend otherwise, wouldn't it?" Sasuke asked, "He told them to me, though he didn't say the Hinata things. Those, I figured out on my own."

Kakashi was pondering how to make the bell test harder as he said, "Meet me at Training Ground Seven at noon for a test to determine whether you officially become genin. Oh, and don't eat anything. You'll just throw it up. Bye, kids."

"Goodbye, Dog," the black clad boy said, startling the former Anbu Captain. With a swirl of leaves, Kakashi left the area, convinced that he had misheard the boy.

* * *

All unnerved by their strange experiences with their potential students, the three jounin went to their respective homes to plan out what they were doing the nest day, Asuma planning on what to do with his free time, Kurenai searching her personal library for environmental genjutsu, and Kakashi trying to come up with a foolproof plan to make the three hellions he had been given fail. Of the three, Asuma would be the only one to succeed in executing his plans the next day. Konoha never saw what would happen coming.


	25. Subtle Flirtations

Subtle Flirtation

I don't own Naruto in any way, shape, or form. This one is related to Shot 6, though there's a reference to one of my monthly updates, The Psychic, The Swordsman, and The Sorcerer.

Kiba Inuzuka was terrified. Hinata was angry. This never boded well for him. If she was angry enough, she would attack him and attempt to kill him, an idea he still didn't relish.

Shino Aburame was pleased. Hinata was angry. This always made amusement for him. If she was angry enough, she would attack Kiba and attempt to kill him, a sight he found comical, even if the rusted spoon was an odd choice. He would have to remember that one once he was moved into the Torture and Interrogation Force.

Kurenai Yuuhi was unperturbed. She had dealt with her best friend Anko for years, so by this point, she was numbed to the girl's anger, which brought back memories she found entertaining. This particular rage was the kind that meant that she wasn't targetting her teammate to attempt to maim or slaughter this time.

Hinata Hyuuga was frustrated. So frustrated, in fact, that simply attacking her punching bag of a teammate would not placate her. She hadn't seen HER Naruto-kun at all today, so she was not in the best of moods. Determined to alleviate her frustration, she turned to her sensei, and asked in the sweetest voice she could muster, "Sensei, can we pretty please have the day off. I promise we'll work extra hard tomorrow. Right boys?"

Upon having the question directed at them specifically, Kiba flinched and nodded vigorously, while Shino, seeing an opportunity to go to the T&I Headquarters and observe how they operated there, agreed as well.

"Alright then," Kurenai said, not bothering to deal with what was going on, "come back tomorrow, and no complaining."

"Yes, sensei," the three chimed at once as they headed their seperate ways. Kurenai stood there, pleased with herself. She had managed to diffuse a situation that could have literally led to several people dead and two and a half people maimed.

Kakashi Hatake was walking down the street, only a few minutes late for his team meeting and therefore having a lot of time until he made his entrance, when he saw a copy of Icha Icha that had gone missing from his bookshelf months ago lying in the street. That definitely meant that it was Anko trying to trap him. On the one hand, it was Anko trying to trap him, which, while fun, usually led to him being even later to things than he wanted to be and occasionally ended with him glued to her ceiling. On the other hand, it was a copy of Icha Icha that had gone missing from his bookshelf months ago. Abandoning all of his cunning in favor of reclaiming his lost book, he began to follow the book as it slowly moved down the road, most likely heading towards Anko's house.

Naruto Uzumaki was walking through the training grounds, his mask on his face while he was avoiding meeting with his teammates, as he would wait until Kakashi arrived to make his appearance, as he did need to put in quite a bit of effort to perfect his timing. As he wandered, a scent caught his attention. Ramen.

He was going to rush on straight towards the ramen before he paused. Ramen meant Food. Food meant Bait. Bait meant Trap. Trap meant Trapper. Trapper likely meant Hinata.

As a result of his training with Kakashi, Naruto knew that Hinata had decided to pursue him for a relationship. While both flattered and equally interested, Naruto was also aware that Hinata trying to trap him might not be a good thing, considering that whenever Kakashi's girlfriend Anko trapped the jounin, he left her house with almost all of his clothes, save for his masks, which he had several of at any given time, tattered and extremely exhausted. Whatever this woman did, he doubted that it was something he wanted to learn just yet, as Kakashi had once arrived to a team meeting with pieces of ceiling glued to his back.

Naruto therefore found himself trying to think of what Kakashi would do. Eventually, a little Kakashi with both eyes, who looked Naruto's age, appeared on his shoulder and said, 'Go directly into the obvious trap and enjoy what you get out of it. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 ryu.'

Another Kakashi, this one wearing his Anbu mask appeared on his other shoulder as he said, "Don't do that. You need to outsmart your opponent and let her know that you are not her little plaything. Show her that you aren't her cuddly little pet."

A third Kakashi who looked like the real one as he was normally appeared, floating at the same height the ones on his shoulders were standing at. That Kakashi said, "Don't listen to them. Hinata is a lot like Anko in how she's going about in her attempts to catch your interest, so what you have to do is..."

* * *

Hinata was waiting in the field for her Naruto to arrive and eat the drugged ramen she had set for him. She was prepared to take him and trap him in her house when the unexpected happened. She caught the scent of what she considered the greatest food in the world. She could smell the cinnamon rolls from here. She dropped her current project, as she wanted to claim the delicious pastry for her own. As she headed towards the confectionary delight, she paused and wondered whether it could be a trap. She had been trying to use a similar tactic, after all.

After a long deliberation over who she knew that could possibly want to trap her, she decided that no such person was in the village, as there was no one foolish to try it after Kiba left the training ground after a spar covered in bruises, cuts, scrapes, and strangely enough burns. As such, she once more continued in her hunt for the cinnamon rolls.

She eventually found herself in Training Ground Nineteen, where the delicious cinnamon rolls were placed on a plate directly under a very large box sitting at an angle and being propped up by a stick, which was completely abandoned, as she could tell with a scan of her Byakugan that revealed not a single person anywhere near this place. As such, Hinata decided that she would claim the delicious treat for herself.

As she ate the delectable goodness that was a cinnamon roll, the stick seemed to suddenly fall, causing the box to fall right on top of her, and then have a person's weight put on it that prevented her from lifting it.

"Hi, Hinata," a voice she knew well said, "How are you doing today?"

"I'm doing fine, Ino," Hinata said, "Why did you put me in here?"

"Isn't this how everyone gets their new best friend?" Ino asked in surprise as she lifted the box off Hinata.

"I don't know," Hinata admitted, still eating the cinnamon rolls, "Wait, what do you mean 'new best friend?'"

"Well, now that Forehead is in a relationship with Sasuke-kun, she's not spending time with me anymore," Ino complained, "As such, I decided to get a new best friend. My choices boiled down to either you or Tenten. I decided that you'd be more fun to hang out with."

"And how did you figure that out?" Hinata asked, finishing off the last cinnamon roll.

"Well, I've been watching you and Tenten in my off-time all week," Ino explained, "Tenten kept training with her weapons and muttering, 'This'll show that pink haired melee fighter...' You, on the other hand, keep coming up with new ways to kill one of your teammates and you're currently working on kidnapping Naruto, though you didn't put much work into your trap. I can help you with that part, though."

"You can?" Hinata asked, stars in her eyes.

"Yep," Ino said with a smile, "Don't you remember how we became best friends? Now, the first thing you need to do is..."

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga was walking through the training fields thirty minutes later. As she walked, she spotted Sakura and Sasuke sparring, which she ignored, as she had her target in mind. She continued on her path until she reached the ramen bowl she had set for Naruto to get drugged with. Once she did that, she saw her fourth favorite teammate, counting Akamaru as a teammate, had eaten it himself and had been drugged. She would have taken the moment to slaughter him with the rusted spoon, but she had more important things to do at the moment, so her vengeance would have to wait.

Spotting her target, she rushed up to the boy, hoping to spook him enough to make him run into the trap Ino had taught her to make. To her surprise, he didn't move, and once she collided with him, she discovered that it was a scarecrow made to look like her beloved.

"Now that I've got your attention," the real Naruto said, smiling as he leapt out from the tree branches above her, "I want to talk to you, Hinata."

Hinata sat there, biding her time. She wasn't at all sure where this situation was going, but she knew that once his guard was down, as it eventually would be, she was going to get him.

"Do you want to go get some ramen?" he asked, completely throwing her off. Was he actually asking her out on a date?

Surprised by her good fortune, she nodded and took the masked blond's hand, letting him lead the way. Meanwhile, hidden in another tree, Ino Yamanaka smiled at herself. Her new best friend had gotten the boy she wanted. Now she would have free entertainment whenever she wanted it.


	26. Heir Apparent

Heir Apparent

Trust me, if I knew how this came into being, I would tell you, myself. At any rate, I don't own Naruto, and I don't see that changing in the near to distant future. Interestingly enough, this shot connects Shot 13 to Shots 7, 8, and 19.

Tenten was breaking in a new set of shuriken as her teammates were sparring. Gai, ever the instructor, was of course cheering Lee on. As she made her ninety-ninth bulls-eye that day, a lawyer-nin walked up to her, carrying a pair of scrolls.

"Pardon me, is your name Tenten and are you a kunoichi of Konoha?" the mail nin asked, not seeming particularly interested.

"Yes, why?" she asked, making her hundredth bulls-eye from just as many throws. Now these shuriken would be ready to kill... train her teammates.

"I regret to inform you that your father is dead," the man said, opening a scroll, "I have his will right here."

"What are you talking about?" Tenten inquired, "I never had a father. I'm an orphan."

"Of course you had a father," the lawyer-nin said, "Otherwise, I would have been unable to locate you."

"What do you mean?" Tenten asked, confused by this entire situation.

"Using a jutsu that's activates upon the will's owner's death," the man explained, "I was able to locate his sole surviving heir, as per the requirements presented by the international laws."

"Who's my father, then?" Tenten asked, curious about her heritage.

"Perhaps it would be easier if I read the will," the man responded, "'The Last Will and Testament of Zabuza Momochi: I, Zabuza Momochi, being of sound body and filled with violent psychotic rage over the idea of dying before killing the Mizukage and the belief that it will probably be caused by some sort of idealist who convinces me to do some sort of sacrificial charge to avenge the death of someone I grow to care about or I'm purposely faking the aforementioned death and will explain why when we meet again, do hereby bequeath all my worldly possessions to my currently one year old daughter, wherever she is. I know I haven't been able to be there for you, but I actually have an excuse. I was busy trying to kill the Mizukage to save the world, and I think I'm the only father in the world to actually be able to use that excuse. Anyway, I don't think I have that many worldly possessions, but there is one thing I'd like to give you. In the event of my death, I'm giving you my sword, the one and only Kubikiri Houcho. If I'm not dead, consider it a loan. Use it to kill anything you feel needs killing. Or those who mildly annoy you. Really, just use it whenever you feel like it, because who would stop you with that giant blade in your hand? I'm starting to ramble now. Maybe I should have listened to Meizu when he said I was too drunk to do this... At any rate, use it well, kid.'"

Tenten's eyes were wide open. Someone had claimed her as his daughter. This might not end well. She had been working on the plan Naruto Uzumaki had been arranging, and such a deviation could possibly ruin the 'long lost sibling' part Naruto had added, which meant that she wouldn't need him in order to get the chance to fulfill her dream of becoming a member of the Anbu. She was going to have to talk to him soon.

Placing the sword into an empty scroll, she gathered up each shuriken and rushed to Apartment Nine. She had to talk to Naruto about this development.

* * *

Naruto the future Hokage was pacing in his living room, trying to figure out how to adjust his current plan. He had no leverage on the Uchiha. While the boy didn't care for political power, and would probably let him be the proxy for his vote if he asked, he knew that the Uchiha would be a wild card if he was left to his own devices. The boy only cared about vengeance, which, while it gave Naruto the unofficial genin leader of Team Seven a lever during training, was not a useful means to be able to use the boy later. He would love having debts to collect at a later time, but he had nothing on the Uchiha. He couldn't even blackmail him. The boy had no vices that were exploitable, no family to threaten, no problems blocking him that he needed someone to help him overcome...

Naruto the future Hokage paused. He had something. The Last Loyal Uchiha wanted to kill his brother, and to do that, he needed power. Orochimaru was one of the most powerful shinobi in the world, and a member of the Legendary Sannin, traitor to the village or not. Naruto Uzumaki did need to come up with a way to deal with him after the Invasion. If the Uchiha was in Oto, Naruto the spymaster would have more eyes and ears in that village than the ones he had been planting since he politely got Kabuto to tell him every last detail of Orochimaru's plan before he kindly relocated him to several places around the village and one outside for Orochimaru to find.

All Naruto the strategist would have to do was set the stage for what he needed. A few questions to Kakashi on the Sannin, some questions on Orochimaru, and some begging for shows of skills from Kakashi's girlfriend when the Uchiha was present, and he would have the Uchiha right where he wanted him. The Haruno could prove an inconvenience, as the Uchiha did seem to begin to hold her to some regard. While this could help him later on down the line, her interference could ruin this entire plan. He would have to push the training with the rogue Sannin idea very carefully. Perhaps a mentioning of how one should get stronger to defend those they care for was in order. Naruto the heroic could do that, especially since he only would need the Uchiha gone until he needed him or he completed training with Orochimaru. Either way, faking the Uchiha's death would profit him, especially if he kept said boy informed on the Haruno's progress as a kunoichi, something that would skyrocket at the idea of the loss of her beloved. She would want to defend others who were close to her, after all.

Then, once all of the problems were solved, Naruto the matchmaker could prod them into a marriage. After all, after the mental anguish they'd be going through, he couldn't in good conscience not let them get married. His musings were, however, forgotten when he heard his door slam open. That was not a good sound. Then, he heard his shutters shutting and felt the sealing matrix he installed to prevent any eavesdroppers outside hear his discussions in here. That meant it was either Tenten, Shino, or Sai.

Opening the door, he found his "sister" looking around the room in a panic, as if trying to detect any hidden Anbu in the room.

"Tenten, what's wrong?" Naruto Uzumaki asked, "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Worse," Tenten responded, pulling out the scroll containing one of Mist's Seven Swords, "What I have in this scroll could jeopardize my entire part in your plan."

"And what could that be?" he asked, scrutinizing the scroll.

"It's the Kubikiri Houcho," Tenten responded, "It turns out that my genetic father is none other than Zabuza Momochi, who recently died in combat and willed me the sword."

"Oh, is that it?" Naruto asked, chuckling, "You don't have to worry, then. That problem has taken care of itself."

"What do you mean?" Tenten inquired, "couldn't this slipping out jeapordize my need to use your name, and therefore my motivation for helping?"

"First of all, obviously not, as you ran here to warn me rather than to one of the Anbu to inform on me, meaning that you don't particularly want me to be taken in. Thanks for that, by the way," the blond said with a broad grin on his face, "Secondly, he's not dead, so I'll just need to send him a letter saying that your mother is named Kushina Uzumaki, who he had you with illegitimately. You'll get two clans for the price of one."

"You know him?" Tenten asked in surprise, "He's alive?"

"If anyone asks the second question, no," Naruto responded, "Outside of that, he and his assistant Haku owe me a favor or two for helping them out of a tight spot during my team's mission to Wave. We needed to protect a bridge builder, he needed to kill him. I got him out of harm's way and proved beyond a reasonable shadow of a doubt that his employer planned on killing him and his assistant. All we have to do is keep going like we've been doing. Much like the name on mine, your father's name was marked redacted on your birth certificate, after all, so you could say that he's your father and Kushina Uzumaki is your mother. As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, you inheriting that sword, temporary or not, gives you leverage in Konoha. Do you have any idea how long this village has coveted those swords? If you stick to the plan, but use that sword to show your paternal heritage, imagine how much pull you'll have once the Uzumaki name is brought to high regard. You could become the Head of the Anbu with very little manipulation from the heirs of the other clans. This is perfect! Any other problems that will help us?"

"Nothing comes to mind," Tenten replied, surprised by how much planning he had done in this short amount of time, "How goes your negotiation with the Hyuuga?"

"I'll let you know when Sai tells me whether she accepted the invitation where we can talk about what I'm trying to set up."

* * *

Hinata was making tea for her father while Hanabi was still off at the Academy for the next three hours and Neji had gone out on a mission. Her poor father's health kept worsening, yet he somehow survived. Unsurprisingly, the Cat had just entered through the window in the kitchen as usual.

"What did he send you for?" she asked. Normally, her benefactor only sent the Cat when he wanted to send something important that Shino telling her would raise suspicions about their activities.

"Ms. Hyuuga, after all of the discussions that you have had for the past few months, both through courier and through face to face discussion," the Cat said, "I have been sent to inform you that He has agreed to permit you to do as you wish and train your sister to become head of the Hyuuga clan should your father's illness get the best of him. He also said to inform you that He wishes to discuss other parts of the plan that is currently in place. In the public location that you have both been regulars at. He says that it would be for the best if you kept it low-key. That is all, Ms. Hyuuga. What say you to the meeting?"

"That sounds sufficient," she replied, "Tell him that I will be there in two days at noon, and that he should not be late if he wants to to leave a good impression."

"Very well, Ms. Hyuuga. I will inform him of your response as soon as time permits," the Cat said as he perched on the window to leave, "Should any new information present itself before that time, Shino will inform you of such. Have a nice day."

* * *

The next day, Team Seven was greeted by Kakashi at three in the afternoon. Naruto the student smiled at his instructor and asked, "Kakashi-sensei, I heard about this group called the Legendary Sannin. Who are they?"


	27. Further Introductions

Further Introductions

I still don't own Naruto. This one takes place some time after Shot 23 and a bit before Shot 4. This one lets you see how Tenten's mind works in this world, though she doesn't have her name yet.

Sasuke Uchiha awoke from the terrible images his brother had implanted in his mind. It had been a week, but those screams were still fresh in his mind. However, this evening felt different somehow. It was almost as if something dangerous was around.

'Aww, that is so sweet of you to think,' a feminine voice in his head said, 'You're somewhat right, too. I am dangerous, and I am around. I'm not here to hurt you, though.'

"Who are you?" Sasuke asked, having rehearsed such a line ever since his brother had affected him so, unsure if he had finally gone insane from the nightmares, or if he would finally learn why he was still alive.

'I am merely one of the players in a narrative that has no signs of showing that it will end soon,' the voice replied silkily, 'You are not going insane. I am nearby, but I am speaking directly through your mind. Might I say, it's an interesting mind at that. It had so much death shoved into it in one singular moment. Not as much as in mine every single day, but considering that you cared for them and trusted your brother, whereas I do not have so much as a drop of empathy in me to feel bad for the deaths that occur around me ever second of every day, you handled the trauma quite well. Simply put, you're a perfect character to add to this mix.'

"Character?" Sasuke asked, unsure whether he should trust the voice or not.

'Well, you see, the boss is trying to form a team of sorts,' The voice replied in a bored tone, piecing together her wording from his thoughts, 'We could use a stagehand and an avenger. You'd get to kill your brother, but only when the time is right.'

"And what does your 'boss' get out of this?" Sasuke inquired.

"I get a loyal wielder of a Mangekyo Sharingan," a raspy voice said as feral red eyes with black slits for pupils glowed in the darkest corner of his room, "We've been watching you closely for some time now, Sasuke Uchiha, six years old, second son of Fugaku Uchiha and his wife Mikoto Uchiha, brother of Itachi Uchiha, and sole survivor of said brother's massacre of the rest of Uchiha Clan. That night was when you activated your Sharingan, which reached the highest level it can reach naturally when the night terrors began the next evening."

"You really have no reason to refuse," a girl with the voice from his head commented in an odd cadence, slinking out from under his bed, "You get the chance to kill your brother, you get powerful allies, and you get to slaughter your brother from center stage, so to speak."

"Really, there is no point in disagreeing," a pale boy said, coming out of his closet, "There is no detriment to you other than a minor adjustment to your plan which will benefit you in the long run."

"I'm quite fond of useful things," the eyes said, "As such, you piqued my interest once your brother had left the village. You didn't break."

"What are you talking about?" Sasuke asked, confused by this entire situation he found himself in. This wasn't in what he considered the script that shaped his life.

"You. Didn't. Break," the eyes reiterated, taking on a less grated voice, "Your entire clan was killed, you saw their deaths repeatedly play in your mind, and yet you didn't break. You bent, but you didn't break. My good friend here has broken dozens of jounin who were in the Torture & Interrogation Force with less than that, and dozens of Anbu more going with more than that. Haven't you, Ino?"

"It is truly amazing how fragile the human mind is," the girl sighed, "I often find myself pondering why it is that they fear such simple things as death and suffering. Your brother's attack on your mind was nothing compared to what I've done to others. Really, you're quite a little miracle, considering that you haven't committed suicide, like the sheep I've dealt with."

"So, would you like to join us?" the eyes asked, moving into the light to reveal a blond, whiskered boy dressed in orange with a blank expression on his face.

"I'd be delighted to enter the performance," Sasuke responded, "But before I join this troupe, I must ask the names of the players."

'That's only fair' the girl's voice said in his head, 'I am Ino Yamanaka.'

"I am called Sai," the pale boy said, a false smile plastered on his face, "How can I be of assistance?"

"And you?" Sasuke asked, looking at the red eyed blond.

"Call me Naruto," the blond responded with a grin, revealing his elongated canines, "I'm the Nine-tailed Fox."

* * *

The Master Assassin waited outside Konoha's borders. It had been a slow evening, but the target would approach soon enough. The objective was to kill him moments after he left the village. Some of those foolish brawlers that called themselves ninjas would be there as well, guarding the target. The Master Assassin did not know how many of them there would be, but the number did not matter to the Master Assassin. The Master Assassin was a weapon sent to kill the fish merchant. What he had done did not matter to the Master Assassin any more than the number of fools that would die defending him. The Master Assassin had been paid to kill the merchant, so the Master Assassin would kill the merchant. It was truly as simple as that. What use were morals when they got in the way of payment or killing. The payment the Master Assassin had received from the current client would feed the Master Assassin well enough to get fed before searching for the next client.

A grey haired ninja, one of the fools in those ridiculous white masks had put his hand on the hilt of his sword. He had not noticed the Master Assassin, which meant he was nervous. Nervous meant first time. First time meant poor escort. He would be the last guard dispatched. The first guard to fall was the last in line, pierced by one of the needles that his kind were so fond of. He clattered noiselessly but he fell onto the person ahead of him, causing the fool to turn around. and see the needle in his companion's dead eye.

"It's an ambush!" he shouted, causing the others to create a ring formation to guard the target. Good. They were as predictable as always. It was going to be a much more amusing kill, now.

The leader, wearing a bear mask, would be the first to kill. Still, it would be for the best to not let the light interfere. With that in mind, daggers and smoke bombs were thrown into the torches attached to the caravan, rendering them useless. There were no stars to meddle in this due to the clouds blocking them out, so the Master Assassin would be the only one advantaged with sight.

The Bear fell, followed shortly after by the Bird, then the Wolf, and finally the Rabbit. The Dog, who she had thought was a rookie, had removed his mask at the sounds of his comrades falling and seemed to push up something off of his eye. Unsheathing his sword, he looked directly at the Master Assassin, revealing a mask over his nose and mouth, as well as a slashed eye with a Sharingan eye implanted. So this was the legendary Copycat Kakashi. The Master Assassin was going to enjoy the battle that would ensue. Meanwhile, the target was not going to go anywhere, as there were enough daggers thrown by the Master Assassin to keep him in place for as long as this battle took. With this new element taken into account, the Master Assassin would be able to have a challenge at last.

"I know who you are," Copycat Kakashi said, "You're the independent contractor that's been killing teams of escorts and their clients. I expected you to be taller."

"Ah, but the clients of the escort missions are my targets, Copycat Kakashi," the Master Assassin replied, dodging his attacks with ease, "You cannot blame me for killing them. Had your village been offered the contract for killing him, you would have taken it if you thought the pay was good enough. You ninjas are a bunch of hypocrites, really. You're a series of military organizations supposedly dedicated to your Daimyo, yet I can easily tell that you, yourself have killed many an appointed official of your Daimyo for no reason other than pay. And yet, despite this, you turn your rage against me for merely taking the contracts that your village did not."

"You've killed several good men and women!" Copycat Kakashi shouted, his latest attacks being blocked, shattering the sword in his hand with the force.

"Ah, and therein lies the amusing part," The Master Assassin replied with a smile on her face, "You say I have killed several good men and women. While this can be deemed true by you and your clients, I can guarantee you that you have done the same at some point. You were a war hero, Copycat Kakashi. That means that you killed at least one person who was merely defending their home in the line of duty. After all, one doesn't become a war hero by abstaining from fighting, and not everyone on the other side of a war is pure evil incarnate. If the blood of good people is on my hands, imagine what kind of blood is on yours. How many people have you killed. Even better, how many teammates have you lost in war due to your fighting?"

The Master Assassin noticed that her words had struck something inside of Copycat Kakashi, as he fell to his knees, dropping his sword and slumping over, his head in his hands. Deciding to take the advantage, The Master Assassin's sword was raised, ready to remove Copycat Kakashi's head from his body.

Several more of the masked ninjas arrived at once, surrounding the Master Assassin as one threw a shuriken that struck her sword hand while others struck her back. Dropping the sword to the ground, the Master Assassin used this final moment of life to pull the shuriken out of her sword hand and throw the weapon at the target. The tool found itself buried in the target's head, rendering the Master Assassin's mission complete. As she lost consciousness due to blood-loss, she heard one of these fools say, "We're going to need extra restraints for this one. Look at all this blood. To think, the deadly assassin is just a seven year old girl. How can things like this happen?"

If she had been capable of speaking, the Master Assassin would have told them that this was how she naturally was. She was born a killer, and despite being bound here, she doubted that she was done with killing just yet.


	28. The Inquisitor

The Inquisitor

A bit darker than even my usual fare for this Gallery, especially given how all the key players in this tale are already violent sociopaths. That being said, it still isn't the darkest story I've ever written. I don't own Naruto, and all that blah blah blah.

Kabuto Yakushi's injuries healed again, with him still not giving any information. Ibiki was getting frustrated. They knew the boy was a spy because of the information his teammate gave, but they weren't getting any information out of him. It was starting to look like he was going to need to use the kid again, a fact that did nothing to improve his mood. Heading out of the cell, he went to get the most disturbing member of his Torture & Interrogation Force.

Kabuto waited in his cell. Did they honestly believe that he'd betray Orochimaru-sama over a little pain? He could heal these injuries. Once the Invasion took place, he would be freed, and then he would have his vengeance.

As these thoughts turned through his head, Kabuto suddenly felt his blood run cold. There was no Killing Intent, just a sudden unnatural feeling, as if something that shouldn't exist was now in his cell staring at him.

"Well, well," a dark voice said, revealing a blond boy younger than Kabuto wearing a brown hooded robe standing right next to the traitor, "It appears that you are in my care for committing a heresy against the Will of Fire."

"What?" Kabuto asked. This wasn't what he expected. The blond had blue eyes more dead than those of a member of ROOT.

"Heresy. It is a sin of sorts," the blond repeated, "You are going against the Will of Fire by siding with Orochimaru, who is one of the greatest heretics against the Will of Fire this village has faced, second only to the vile traitor Madara Uchiha, may he eternally fall into oblivion for his treachery."

"Who are you?" Kabuto inquired, feeling more nervous than he'd ever felt in his life.

"I am the dirty little secret of Konoha," the blond replied, "An infant killed by a villager when his guardians had looked away for an instant. Now, what is the the plan of the Great Heretic?"

"How are you here if you died?" Kabuto asked, purposefully ignoring the question.

"My tenant brought me back," the blond answered vaguely, "He had not wanted to die, while I was so young, and thus he forced me to come back to life with his chakra. It had worked, but it removed my ability to feel empathy. Now, what is the the plan of the Great Heretic?"

"I won't tell you," Kabuto replied, getting his confidence back slightly.

"That is what they all say before I begin to administer my methods," the blond remarked, pulling strange looking screws out of his cloak, "and yet once I am finished with them, they are all eager to confess their sins and implicate their allies. Did you know that a Jashinist, due to the heretic, foul religion that they worship, can live without their organs? The one I have here was still shrieking his heresies when we discovered he could survive without his body, which is buried in several locations in the village, but he did not expect the mask we put on him. Burning iron always weakens the will of a person who is supposedly immune to pain. Unfortunately for him, I have yet to find a method to send him into oblivion, and therefore, we continuously heat the mask until the day I devise a method to do so. These tools are called thumbscrews. Their purpose will be know to you shortly. Now, what is the the plan of the Great Heretic?"

"I won't tell you," Kabuto said, getting more and more terrified.

"Very well," the blond said, pinning Kabuto's hand down to the arm of the chair it was bound to, "You will now be educated in what task thumbscrews are used for. They are one of my less persuasive instruments, so if they fail... Well, the next instrument will need to be brought in as well, continuing until something works."

* * *

Weeks later, Kabuto Yakushi broke down and confessed everything, from Orochimaru forming Sound to the planning of the Invasion. He even mentioned how he was Sasori's spy for good measure.

"Was that not much easier?" the Inquisitor asked, no expression on his face, like always, "Now, two options present themselves before you. I can place you in the care of the proper authorities, where you will be tried and either executed or imprisoned, or I can kill you now, damning you to oblivion."

"I-I would like to go to the proper authorities," Kabuto said, hoping to get away from this monster that stood before him.

"Very well,"the blond said, pulling a dagger out of one of the lanterns as it glowed it glowed bright red, "I cannot allow you to speak of what you have experienced here, however. Open your mouth and stick out your tongue."

* * *

In his office, Ibiki Morino could hear the slightly muffled screams of Kabuto Yakushi. Evidently, the kid had finished with him and decided that the traitor didn't need his tongue anymore.

His thoughts were interrupted by four children entering his office. He recognized the girl as Inoichi's little girl. The one with the sunglasses was the Aburame heir, fitting, as a good number of them joined his Force. The Kurama heiress being there was interesting, as no Kurama was in there that day. The one that surprised him more than the pair in front of him however, was the eldest daughter of the Hyuuga head. As far as his records showed, there never were any Hyuuga in his department, so he wondered who could she be visiting for family business.

"How can I help you four genin?" he asked, keeping up his sadistic appearance.

"We're looking for employment in the Torture and Interrogation Force," the Hyuuga, evidently the spokeswoman of the group said.

"And why would I let you do that?" Ibiki asked, impressed by their choice.

'Because I can be in and out of your mind before you even notice,' a feminine voice in his head said, causing him to look at the Yamanaka girl, who simply smiled in return as the voice continued, 'Shino's insects are flesh-eating when he wants them to be, Yakumo can alter the reality of her subjects, and Hinata... Well, you got what was left of her kidnapper from when she finished with him at the age of seven. Why do you think that we would want to?'

"I'll give you a job if you pass my little test," Ibiki said calmly, "Go to the cell all the way across the building and meet with the interrogator there, then bring him here. If you can bring him here without getting sick because of what you see, you can join. This isn't a nice place, so I won't accept anything less than that from each of you."

As the quartet left, Ibiki sat back in his chair. He'd dealt with that problem. Of all the people who'd seen the kid's work, even among his department, he, himself was the only one who hadn't ever gotten sick at the sight of the kid's work.

* * *

'Impressive,' a feminine voice in the Inquisitor's head commented as Kabuto was removed from the bloodstained cell on a stretcher. Turning, the Inquisitor turned to see a Yamanaka, a Hyuuga, a Kurama, and an Aburame looking at his workplace.

"And who might you be?" he inquired, looking at the group who seemed to not be taken aback by his work, "Introduce yourselves one by one."

"Where are our manners?" the Hyuuga said, revealing that she was not the source of the mental voice, "I'm Hinata Hyuuga."

"Shino Aburame," the Aburame said, his hive buzzing inside of him.

"Ido Kurama," the Kurama introduced herself, "though everyone knows me as Yakumo Kurama."

'And I'm Ino Yamanaka,' the voice replied as the blonde girl smiled, pulling down her collar slightly to reveal a pink scar, 'Sorry about the lack of vocals. I kinda had an accident with a kunai. The others can hear me too, by the way. Think of it as a conference call sort of deal.'

"What purpose could you have for meeting with me?" he inquired, looking at the quartet, "You do not look like the my usual cell cleaners."

"We plan on working here as interrogators," the Hyuuga said in a bored tone, "So Ibiki Morino sent us to bring you to him to prove we can stomach working here. Quite frankly, I did worse than this to the Kumo nin who took me at seven."

"Ah, so that was you?" he asked, smiling a smile that didn't reach his eyes, "Lovely work there. It took me hours to find his spine, and even then, there were pieces missing. Still, I managed to keep him for a week before he died, not that I did not already know the information he was giving. Now, tell me why I should take any of you on as interrogators. This field is not a field for the weak-stomached or the sympathetic child. The Aburame, the Hyuuga, the Kurama, then the Yamanaka. In that order. Begin."

"I wish to learn to get information from enemy nin before a war strikes," the Aburame said, "The advantages of knowing of a war before it begins, as well as the missions of any enemies who are in our borders justify any means of getting the information, and so it is my desire to learn how to get that information before it is needed."

"I want to watch those who oppose Konoha burn as their folly catches them," the Hyuuga remarked, "They are so easily misled, so eager to do whatever they please and call themselves the just. At least interrogators and torturers are honest in their intentions."

"I like experimenting with genjutsu, but my teacher is too noble to allow me to truly work with unwilling subjects," the Kurama mourned with a sigh, "You would think Sharingan Kakashi would be willing to let his student toy with teammates and enemies. Given the sections of his records that weren't redacted and the fact that he is the only living member of his original team, I assumed that he was fond of the idea of slaughtering teammates. It's a shame really, the Uchiha alone had enough issues that I could have practiced with. You know, I often wonder if anyone has noticed that when they tried to get rid of me, they sealed off poor little Yakumo as opposed to Ido. I'm going to have to figure out how to free her, but for now, she sleeps. Forgive me for rambling. I'm a bit impulsive."

'I was born the daughter of a member of the Torture and Interrogation Force,' the Yamanaka began, 'I've wanted to be here since Bring Your Daughter to Work Day when I was three years old. So many minds that are so filled with secrets. They all were afraid when I walked past their cells, because I knew who they were, and they knew that I was ripping pieces out of their minds for my amusement.'

"Excellent," the Inquisitor remarked, "Now, as you have all been good enough to tell me these things and I find myself in a pleasant mood, take me to Ibiki. Before we do that, though, I have one last question: What do you think of this room?"

"Nothing," the Kurama said, "There's no genjutsu in here or anyone screaming in agony, so there's nothing to think. It's just a room to me."

"The tools are rather inventive," the Aburame commented, "Together, they can make an enemy become intimidated before they are even utilized."

'Like Yakumo, I couldn't care less about the room,' the Yamanaka smiled, 'Give me someone with a secret and a fear of anything, and I'm happy, but without those, it's useless to me.'

"Personally, I think it's lovely," the Hyuuga said, smiling at the blood splattered along the walls, "Though I think that I could get better spurts of blood than this. This looks like you did basic cuts. A cat's spine gives better sprays than this. Believe me, I've worked hard to get those spurts."

"Excellent," the Inquisitor smiled "now, lead me to his office."

* * *

Ibiki was surprised to see the kid arrive with the quartet he had sent his way. He had been certain that they'd all run away when they saw the room. He was even more surprised when the kid said, "Ibiki, these are mine. They will answer to only my commands. Inform Kurenai Yuuhi that she will have to forfeit Kiba Inuzuka to Kakashi, as he is the senior-most jounin sensei, previously having passed a team or not. You will also need to inform Kakashi of his changed roster, and all three jounin instructors are to be informed of the reason for the changes and who their wayward students are with now."

"What is your name anyway, sir?" the Hyuuga asked, "You have ours, and yet we did not get yours. That is bad manners, sir."

"I am Naruto Uzumaki," he answered, "Now, Shino, go retrieve a team of cleaners for the cell we just left. You will know them by the uniform. They are the ones in the masks with the air filters attached. Yakumo, go look for anyone who has a prisoner that they will need us to deal with. Hinata, Ino, you will aid me in removing the tools from the cell as soon as possible. Now, I want all of you to move out and do as I have instructed. I do not wish to repeat myself. I will monitor your training, and I will instruct you in the art of interrogation. Come along. There is work to be done."


	29. Naruto Sensei and the Bell Test

Naruto-Sensei and the Bell Test

I do not own Naruto, but I take full responsibility for what you are about to read. I'm sure its obvious which Shot this one is related to.

Naruto walked into the training ground at the exact time he had promised to be there, and not a second earlier or later. While it was true being early to an ambush was the best way to avoid it, he found himself curious as to whether his potential students were clever enough to set a trap. As he took a look at them, he noticed the Uchiha had an impassive look on his face, while the Haruno was staring at said boy with stars in her eyes. The Kurama, on the other hand, upon seeing the young jounin enter, took a deliberate bite out of an apple she had been holding in her hand.

"Yakumo," the jounin asked, an amused smile on his face, "Can you tell me what I said you shouldn't do?"

"You said that we probably shouldn't eat, as we'd throw up," Yakumo said, taking another bite out of her apple.

"So why are you eating now?" he asked, watching a look of sadistic glee spread across the girl's face.

"Well," she responded in an innocent tone of voice, "Considering that you were the one that had told us to not eat for a test that only one in three teams have ever passed, it'd take an idiot to not realize that a test like that meant that we'd definitely need to eat to at least have some energy to use for the test, and that your command was just another part of the test."

"Very good, Yakumo," Naruto grinned, looking at his two other potential students, who looked rather embarrassed by what their teammate said, "Did either of you realize that?"

Their growling stomachs answered that question for them. Shaking his head in amusement, Naruto moved on to the test, "Now,, as you can see, I have two bells in my kunai pouch. You each need to have had a bell in order to pass the test, and if you have not had a bell before the timer I'm going to set goes off, you go back to the Academy, you do not pass go, and you do not collect 200 ryu. You just fail. End of story, thank you for coming to watch. However, to make things a bit more fair on you, I'm going to let you head out and plan whatever devious schemes you dark little minds can conjure up. Also, yes, Yakumo, I'm going to take the camera off."

The girl's smile widened as she thought of what she would do now. As Naruto began to set the timer, the trio headed off in separate directions, causing Naruto to chuckle to himself as he removed the camera that was over his eye. If they didn't work together, their individual movements would be very amusing indeed.

Unsurprisingly, it was the Uchiha who moved first as he threw several shuriken and kunai at Naruto, who simply sidestepped them with very little effort. This was followed by the Grand Fireball attack that the Uchiha had so much pride in before their numbers were reduced. Using the Hiraishin, Naruto moved closer to the Uchiha, planning on seeing what he could do.

The Uchiha did not disappoint Naruto. He was skilled at the Academy's taijutsu style, but Naruto had sparred with Gai when Kakashi was supposedly sick. As a result, each of his attacks were blocked, though Naruto didn't bother actually attacking the boy yet, wanting to see if the Uchiha could improvise.

"You're skilled," Naruto commented, "But you're not getting anywhere with standard attacks. What are you going to do about that?"

He was pleased to see the Uchiha pull out a pair of kunai to try and render Naruto's blocks ineffective, which was a good idea, if Naruto wasn't wearing bracers that could handle the force of most attacks to his arms. Getting bored, Naruto blocked a downward swing that Sasuke attempted to break his own pattern with and pulled the Uchiha's arm as he moved behind the boy, allowing the Uchiha's own momentum to propel him into the trees nearby.

The Haruno, whose parents Naruto had once had a mission with and who Naruto had absolutely nothing negative to say about, had charged at him with a kunai once Sasuke flew into the tree. She was supposedly one of the smarter students at the Academy, yet her charge was a blind one, which he easily repelled, knocking the kunai out of her hand with practiced ease. To Naruto's surprise, it was at this point that Yakumo arrived behind Sakura, attempting eye contact with him to put under with a genjutsu. Smirking at the Haruno as he began to move to put his back the Kurama, Naruto said, "You're good at the theoretical if your file is accurate. So you know that your attempt to attack me this way is doomed to fail. You need to pay more attention."

With that bit of advice, he tossed a kunai over his shoulder and vanished in a yellow flash, putting the Haruno into the genjutsu the Kurama had been preparing as he appeared behind the genjutsu user, pressing a kunai to her back as he kept his own pressed against the tree behind her.

"Now, Yakumo, you need to watch where you're aiming," he chided, putting another kunai to her throat.

"I was aiming for her," Yakumo said bluntly, "When I tried to get her to work with me, she was all for it, but when the Uchiha said he didn't need any help, she backed out of the plan. We need to work as a team if we want to at least get the bells from you."

"Alright," Naruto said, noticing that she attempted to get the others to work with her, releasing her before pushing her away, "Why don't you show me what Kurenai's taught you, then."

She turned quickly, hoping to get him instantly, only to miss him in a flash of yellow.

"You'll have to do better than that," he called out, appearing next to the barely conscious Uchiha across the field, who was in no shape to fight at the moment. Turning towards him again, she tried to throw kunai to pin him to the tree behind him, but the weapon fell halfway to him as he vanished next to the Haruno, who was still under the genjutsu Kurama had tailored specifically for her. As she turned to him, he once again vanished before appearing next to her.

"Now, I'm going to give you a free shot," he said, turning to face her, "I want to see your genjutsu firsthand, so make any illusion you want and show it to me."

The Kurama thought for a moment before deciding which one she was going to use. She was curious as to how her mild electrocution illusion would react with her potential sensei. After a few moments of looking him in the eyes to show her power, she was surprised to see him vanish in a puff of smoke. Suddenly, while her teammates began to regain their ability to move, she found herself with a kunai to her throat again as she heard the blond's voice say, "Remarkable, truly remarkable, but you focus too much on genjutsu. Should it fail, you need to be able to defend yourself physically if you can't rely on your teammates You need to work on that. Sakura!"

"Hai, sensei?" she responded, wondering why she was being called.

"Your teammate is in danger," he said sharply, "An enemy nin has a kunai to her throat. What are you going to do?"

"This!" Sakura shouted, throwing her kunai at the blond's elbow, only for him to tilt Yakumo towards the kunai, much to the girl's horror before he moved their positions and blocked it with his bracer.

"Congratulations, you've killed your teammate," he said harshly, still not releasing his hold on Yakumo, "Sasuke, what do you do?"

In response, Sasuke rushed towards him, evidently planning on a direct assault. In response, Naruto pressed the tip of the kunai to Yakumo's throat, barely avoiding drawing blood, which was enough to make the Uchiha pause his attack.

"You've just killed your teammate," Naruto said as the timer went off, "Now, I want both of you to think of something very carefully: Your attacks have failed, so what do you do now?"

"But the timer went off," Sakura protested, "You don't need to trap Yakumo anymore."

"In the field of battle, there is no timer," Naruto chastised, his tone dark, "There's no timeouts, no breaks, no do-overs. There's only the here and now. Now, an enemy nin has a kunai to your teammate's throat. Do what you can to fix this situation before the enemy nin decides that he no longer needs a living hostage."

Sasuke grabbed Sakura and pulled her into the bushes, evidently working on a strategy. Naruto stood there, kunai pressed to Yakumo's throat. Minutes later, Sakura leapt out of the bushes, trying her previous tactic of throwing a kunai at him. He did the same maneuver as last time, only to wind up with several shuriken and kunai embedded in his shoulders and arms from behind. He then disappeared in a puff of smoke, revealing Sasuke sitting in the tree behind Yakumo, a smirk on his face as he said, "Looks like 'Lord Emo' and 'The Fangirl' just saved your life."

Clapping suddenly began right next to Sasuke, causing the last loyal Uchiha to fall from the tree to land right next to Yakumo, who helped him to his feet as Sakura moved up to the group. Naruto leapt from the branch he was sitting on to land in front of the trio, replacing his camera over his eye. Smiling cheerfully, he said, "Team Seven, you pass!"

"What?" was the chorus of the trio before him, who were clearly confused by his words.

"The objective of the test is to determine whether you're capable of acting as a team," Naruto explained, "As a friend of mine says, 'In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, that's true, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash.' Yakumo attempted to plan with you only for pride to prevent you two from working with her. When she was threatened, however, you two worked to get her out of danger, though it took a bit of prompting to get you two to work together, but once you did, you managed to solve the problem. Sorry about the scratch by the way, Yakumo, I needed to make a point. You each have your issues in training and in personality types, but I plan to work on those with each of you individually, as well as with you as a team. Shadow Clones will help me with the one on one, while your teamwork exercises will be the key of your training. Sasuke, you will be focused on taijutsu, with some ninjutsu thrown into the mix, but you're ahead of your teammates in that field, so the central focus will be taijutsu. Sakura, you have the control to be a skilled medic, but that doesn't mean that you get to slack off in your combat skills, as you will need to work on those to, but first, you need to work on getting stronger. Yakumo, you need to work on ninjutsu, with a good amount of focus on building up your strength for taijutsu before we get to work on that field. You will meet me here tomorrow at the exact time you arrived today. Have I made myself clear?"

"Hai, sensei," the trio said in unison.

"Good," he smiled, "Team Seven, you are dismissed!"

Smiling as his students left, Naruto felt satisfied. He wasn't sure how things would work with this trio, but he was certain that he could forge them into a team that would become the stuff of legends.


	30. Mini-Shots

Mini-Shots

I don't own Naruto. I don't have any Shots that are in their completed stages, yet, so I'm posting these fragments in the hope that: A. None of you will kill me. B. Something will come to me. C. It'll take this collection to over 60,000 words, thereby making it the length of a novel. Most of these will be whatever came to mind, others will be based on line of sight things. As for the second Shot, yes, I am caught up with the series at the moment, and no, I did not expect that to happen. I might come back to both of these later and make them both into full Shots.

Fantasy is Greater than Sanity

Kakashi watched as the trio made it to the roof. To be honest, he was somewhat surprised by their appearances. The one he thought was Sasuke was dressed in a black robe, his head covered by a hooded cowl, which hid his face in shadows, save his eyes, which shown as if lit by an unholy light. Sakura, meanwhile was dressed in a dark, dull red cloak, which she had wrapped around her in a way that hid most of her frame, while a bow and quiver was strapped to her back. The one he was sure was Naruto, meanwhile, was wearing quite a bit of metal, which clinked as he stepped. A sword with a cutting edge on both sides was sheathed at his side, along with two daggers with crossguards that seemed to be designed to stop a blade from reaching the hilts. He was really hoping that this was a result of Gai managing to hit him with his Dynamic Entry hours ago, but he valiantly pressed on and said, "Alright, why don't we talk about ourselves. Names, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams... The works. Red Riding Hood, you first."

"Why do you not start?" the girl replied, "We three are quite familiar with one another due to some time working alongside each other. We are unaware of who you are, on the other hand."

"Alright," Kakashi said, "I'm Kakashi Hatake, I like some things, I dislike other things, I have a lot of hobbies, and dreams... Alright, now, Pinky, what's up with you?"

"My name is Sakura Haruno," she replied, "I am a Forest Ranger, a Healer, and a Changeling placed into the Haruno family by my Queen, whose name I shall not speak, as I do not wish to summon her. She would be very displeased if she was summoned inadvertently. My likes are sowing discord amongst you mortals, Sasuke-kun, and going on quests. My dislikes are cold iron, silver, Ino, and some members of the Unseelie Court. My hobbies are going on quests and finding treasures. I see no need to tell you my dreams, mortal."

Kakashi was going to keep going with the Dynamic entry theory for the time being. Despite this, he continued, pointing at the one he was sure was Sasuke as he said, "You next, O Prince of Darkness."

"I am Sasuke Uchiha," the black clad boy confirmed, "I am a Level 5 Wizard, trained in fire and shadow magicks. I do not like much, and I do not dislike much. My hobby, if you can call it that, is traveling with my comrades, as they seem to attract all manners of interesting things to them. My goal in life is to kill my brother and restart my clan, in whichever order occurs first. I am in no hurry, as a wizard can be as patient as he wants, as he is never late or early."

Beginning to doubt that even a concussion caused by Gai could make someone hallucinate something like this, Kakashi cautiously said, "Alright, Tin Man, why don't you tell me about yourself."

"I am Naruto Uzumaki, First Knight of Konoha, Knight Errant for the love and honor of Lady Hinata Hyuuga, and Paladin of the Will of Fire," the metal clad boy answered, tapping the hilt of his sword vertically against his chest, "I enjoy ramen, questing, and attaining honor for the glory of my Liege Lord as well as the glory of my Lady Love, may the stars shine brightly upon them both. I am displeased by swindlers and robbers, and should anyone slight either of those I swore my loyalty to, I would cut them down where they stood. My dream for the future is to become the Hokage of the village, in order to ensure that it shall always be ruled justly."

"Alright, then," Kakashi said, planning on looking at their records rather than just toss them aside like yesterday, "We'll meet tomorrow at..."

"I have yet to introduce myself," a feminine voice said, causing Kakashi to turn.

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked, having only remembered there being three to any given team.

"Yakumo Kurama is my name," the girl replied, "I am a Level 9 Sorceress who specializes in illusions and conjurations, and while I am not listed, I do not seperate from my comrades. My likes are traveling, questing, and interrogation, in particular. I dislike being kept seperate from my comrades, cooperative captives, and not being permitted to travel. My dream for the future is to eventually free Ido, my familiar, from my body and continue questing."

"You will inform the Hokage that you are going to take on a cell that consists of four of what you call genin," Sakura said as the atmosphere of the roof became tense as Kakashi found himself being stared at by four pairs of eyes that seemed to be drilling into him.

Nodding his head in agreement, Kakashi said, "Alright then. Meet me at Training Ground Seven at noon tomorrow. You're going to take a test to determine whether you officially become genin or not."

With that, he left, not noticing that the quartet were discussing a buried treasure in the Forest of Death and what items they would need to attain it.

* * *

Adopted

Naruto Uzumaki was rather relaxed as he returned from yet another C-Rank turned A-Rank, this one being a simple defend from bandits turned into helping stop an attempted assassination and usurpation of a small nation. Having spent quite a bit of time with Neji and Tenten on this mission, the blond had decided with all the tact of a determined fox to tell them to go out once they got back since they were in love. Since he outranked them, having been raised up to the level of jounin due to his changing the tide at the last minute in the war against Tobi and the Ten-Tails, and becoming second to the Anbu Commander in the chain of command by Tsunade's orders, the blushing pair had no choice but to comply with the request, not having the heart to tell him that such was their intent in the first place. Little did anyone in Konoha know, they were already a couple, so there was no real problem with Naruto's command.

The trio was heading to the gate, cheerfully discussing the mission when Naruto suddenly paused in his part of the conversation, having heard a strange sound in the trees. Turning to the others, he said, "Neji, do you see anything around here?"

In response, the Hyuuga boy activated his Byakugan and said, "Something's in the bushes a few trees away from you to your right. I don't know what it is, but whatever it is has quite a bit of chakra, despite its size."

"I'm going to check it out," Naruto said, heading where Neji indicated.

"Of course you are," Tenten sighed, "I swear, every single time you go out on a mission, there's always something that you need to see. It's like you need a leash or something."

"I believe I know what to get for Hinata-sama for her birthday, now," Neji quipped, amused by what Tenten had said as Naruto headed into the bushes.

"Kami," the blond swore at what he saw, before shouting, "Neji, Tenten, get over here now!"

The two jounin, both startled by the blond's tone rushed to see what the problem was. To their surprise, a little black haired girl, no older than six by her size, was curled up into a ball, leaves slightly covering her orange jacket and pants with horizontal black stripes. She was still breathing, but she hadn't opened her eyes.

Concerned for the child, Naruto shook her shoulder lightly and asked, "Hey, kit, are you okay?"

While he covered his mouth upon realizing he had mimicked Kurama's occasional title for him, the girl opened her eyes and looked at the trio. upon seeing what Naruto was wearing, she latched onto his arm with more strength than he expected.

"Are you okay?" Naruto repeated, "What's your name? Where are your parents?"

"My name is Kikyo. My other Father and Mother were killed by some bad grown-ups," the girl explained sadly, "Since no one came to get me, I ran away and then I was here."

"Don't worry," Tenten smiled, trying to cheer the girl up, "I'm sure we can find some people to look after you."

"You're not going to take me from Father, are you?" the girl asked, causing even Neji to look up in surprise.

"What do you mean?" the Hyuuga asked, though he had his suspicions.

"This is my new Father," the little girl explained, pointing at Naruto before returning to clamping onto the arm tightly.

"What?" Naruto asked, confused.

"I think she just adopted you, Naruto," Tenten said, trying to hold back her laughter at the situation, already imagining how Hinata would react.

"This is all well and good," Neji interjected before Naruto or the girl could say anything, "But I'm tired and hungry, and I want to see my cousins. We're going home now. Figure out what's going on on the way."

* * *

When Tsunade had heard about what had happened, she burst out laughing. She'd have never thought that her favorite subordinate would wind up a father so soon. Once she managed to have calmed herself down, she cheerfully signed the forms that granted the girl citizenship and gave Naruto custody of the child.

Naruto found himself in an awkward position. He'd only ever taken care of himself and plants before, a fact that told him that he was in over his head with this little girl, who was neither. Fortunately for him, it was this exact moment that Hinata happened to come across the pair of them. Smiling at his girlfriend, Naruto said, "Hinata-chan, can you help me out?"

"What's wrong, Naruto-kun?" the pale-eyed young woman asked, noticing the cute little girl currently clinging to Naruto's arm, "And who's this little girl?"

"This is Kikyo, and she's sort of why I need your help," the blond responded sheepishly, "She decided I was her father since her original parents... Anyway, Baa-chan decided to grant me custody of her, but I don't know how to raise a little girl, so I need your help."

"Are you my Mother?" the little girl asked, scrutinizing Hinata carefully with her innocent eyes as she released Naruto's arm, allowing blood to flow again.

Hinata looked at Kikyo. Kikyo looked at Hinata. The pair looked at each other for some time before something unexpected happened. Hinata squealed happily and grabbed Kikyo, pulling her into a hug, an act so out of character for the shyest Hyuuga that an entire crowd of shinobi and civilian alike gathered around to witness it.

After this meeting, rumors would begin to fly about the little dark haired girl, the Hyuuga Heiress, and the Hero of Konoha. Once said rumors reached Hiashi Hyuuga, the man's reaction to said rumors, his violent attempts to murder said blond would strengthen said rumors.


	31. Flash and Substance

Flash and Substance

I don't own Naruto. Still, this is probably a good thing, as I doubt that I would do as well a job of writing it. I couldn't even begin to figure out how this came into being... It's unrelated to any of the other Shots in the Gallery. Both parts are for the same story, just with different perspectives. Bonus to whoever recognizes the paraphrased quote, and to whoever understands both the title, and the hidden reference to Norse Mythology.

Flash

"Hello, Anbu of Konoha," the strange orange cloaked figure with blue eyes said jovially as they entered the village, "I'm sure you're all wondering what we're doing here. Well, the answer is simple. We're here to discuss a problem. Now, to business. Who here has the authority to deal with me?"

"Anyone present can deal with a foreign ninja," An Anbu said threateningly, "In either sense of the word."

"Perhaps, but I am not any foreign ninja," the masked, hooded figure said with a grin hidden behind his mask, "I am not a ninja at all. I am a force of nature. Is there anyone here with the authority to treat with a force of nature? Or the three members of his entourage?"

At that statement, three more people stepped out of the shadows, revealing three strangely dressed beings. The first was a man with silver hair and a silver bushy beard that covered his face, wearing an eyepatch and a tattered broad-brimmed hat as well as a brown tattered cloak. Beside him was a deathly pale boy dressed in black robes, a golden helmet covering all but his face. Taking a position beside the masked figure who was presumably the leader, the third member of the group that had been summoned was dressed in armor that made them look demonic, an image that was enhanced by the helmet on their head, which looked like a horned, grinning abomination, into which, one could only see darkness.

"You have not answered my question," the leader said, "Who here can claim the right to talk with me?"

"I suppose you don't plan on dealing with anyone other than the Hokage, himself?" the Anbu growled. He did not like this group one bit.

"If he is capable," the leader replied, before turning to the one-eyed man and commanding, "Please have this fellow help you bring the Hokage to me. I would like to speak to him, as these people seem to be of the opinion that such a man is worthy of talking to me."

"Yes, sir," the man replied. Then, before anyone could react, he was suddenly behind the Anbu they'd been speaking to, a kunai pressed at their throat as he said, "Lead me to the Hokage."

Several Anbu stepped forward, weapons drawn as another one said, "Release him."

"I'm afraid he will not do that," the leader replied, "He will not take orders from you."

"Then make him stop," the current spokesman said as half the weapons turned towards the leader.

"Interesting choice," he remarked jovially before turning to the metal monstrosity at his side, "Please only disarm them. I don't want blood to be shed before any discussion could be had."

The armored person nodded and took a step forward, raising their hands slightly. The next thing the twelve Anbu facing the group knew was pain as senbon pierced their hands, causing them to drop their weapons. The armored being hadn't even held anything in their hands when the strike had hit. Instinctually, the Anbu succumbed to the fear this being evoked and stepped back from this dangerous predator.

"Stand down," the spokesman of the Anbu that the one-eyed man was still holding ordered, "I'll lead you to the Hokage."

With that, the one-eyed man and the Anbu left, heading to the Hokage Tower. With eyes widened behind their mask, one of the remaining Anbu asked, "What are you?"

"What are we, or what am I?" the orange clad figure asked, "Either way, we do not need to explain that, as you do not have the authority to ask such a question of us."

"What is the meaning of this intrusion," a heavily bandaged old man inquired as he entered, followed by the one-eyed man in the tattered hat and his Anbu hostage, "If you are threatening Konoha, then you should know that you're hopelessly outmatched."

"Calm yourself," the orange masked figure said, "I am unarmed, and these three will not harm you unless I give the order. Am I to assume that you are the Hokage that these people think so highly of?"

"I am. My name is Danzo Shimura," the man replied, idly noticing that the helmeted boy behind the leader seemed to be shaking, probably in fear of him, "Who are you, and why have you come?"

"I heard the story of this village losing several teams after the death of your predecessor," the figure responded, his hands in the air to show no weapons, "I came to ask how so many died, though I'm most interested in the death of your predecessor."

"He caught sick and fell out the window of the Tower," Danzo lied smoothly. Whoever these people were, they clearly didn't know the dangers of being in a shinobi village, especially when you were unwanted. Several Anbu moved into position around the group as he continued and asked, "But how did you hear about the teams?"

"Word travels quickly," the figure replied, the armored figure getting into a defensive stance, "On an unrelated note, your arm is wrapped interestingly. Are you a leper?"

"No," Danzo said, surprised by the change in topic.

"Ah, but several lepers have said that," the figure said, once more using a jovial tone, "I think it'd be for the best if we removed your arm to prevent any spreading."

Once he said this, the orange figure swung his weaponless left arm down. Danzo and the Anbu members were confused in the split second between the swing and the moment that the infamous Kubikiri Houcho removed Danzo's right arm, revealing the Sharingan eyes and Hashirama's face. The man had been so surprised, he hadn't even attempted to use Izanagi to protect himself.

"Who are you?" the now truly crippled man asked, feeling fear despite his Anbu moving in on the group.

As the pale, helmeted boy, who Danzo finally recognized as a member of ROOT that he had presumed had died in combat in his last assignment, unleashed monsters made of ink to knock back the Anbu, the hooded figure said, "I am the Flail of Shinigami-sama. If you had not committed great sins, Shinigami-sama would not have sent a punishment like me upon you."

"What is your name?" Danzo asked, doubting he had much time to live, given his injuries and the fact that his attacker and the one-eyed man, who had just killed his hostage, began advancing on him.

"I'm Konoha's other dirty little secret," the figure said, blue eyes shining in amusement as he drew a kunai, "Naruto Uzumaki, jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Youko and surrogate grandson of the man you poisoned. Now, don't pass out yet. We want you to see your ROOT fall before you have my permission to die."

* * *

Let's try this again with clarity. This next part is Naruto's perspective of the same scene.

* * *

Substance

"Hello, Anbu of Konoha," Naruto said jovially, dressed in his orange disguise as he theatrically entered the village, "I'm sure you're all wondering what we're doing here. Well, the answer is simple. We're here to discuss a problem. Now, to business. Who here has the authority to deal with me?"

"Anyone present can deal with a foreign ninja," An Anbu of Danzo's ROOT said threateningly, "In either sense of the word."

"Perhaps, but I am not any foreign ninja," Naruto said half-truthfully with a grin hidden behind his mask before lying by saying, "I am not a ninja at all. I am a force of nature. Is there anyone here with the authority to treat with a force of nature? Or the three members of his entourage?"

At that statement, Kakashi, Sai, and Hinata stepped out of the shadows, revealing themselves in their purposefully off-putting attire. Kakashi had grown a silver bushy beard that covered his face, and was wearing an eyepatch and a tattered broad-brimmed hat as well as a brown tattered cloak, intentionally evoking the appearance of an old man. Beside him was Sai dressed in black robes, a golden helmet covering all but his face, looking the very picture of death. Taking her position beside Naruto, Hinata was dressed in armor that made them look demonic, an image that was enhanced by the helmet on their head, which looked like a horned, grinning abomination, into which, one could only see darkness due to a mild genjutsu that would escape any notice. She never did let anyone else dress as his monster when he was trying to intimidate others. Meanwhile, Tenten remained out of sight, ready to attack on cue.

"You have not answered my question," Naruto said to the Anbu, "Who here can claim the right to talk with me?"

"I suppose you don't plan on dealing with anyone other than the Hokage, himself?" the Anbu growled. Naruto found his obvious distaste amusing, having lived with it before Danzo betrayed Naruto's jiji.

"If he is capable," Naruto replied, before turning to Kakashi and instructing, "Please have this fellow help you bring the Hokage to me. I would like to speak to him, as these people seem to be of the opinion that such a man is worthy of talking to me."

"Yes, sir," his former sensei replied. Then, before anyone could react, Kakashi was suddenly behind the Anbu they'd been speaking to, a kunai pressed at their throat as he said, "Lead me to the Hokage."

Several Anbu stepped forward, weapons drawn as another one from ROOT said, "Release him."

"I'm afraid he will not do that," Naruto replied, smirking under his mask, "He will not take orders from you."

"Then make him stop," the current spokesman said as half the weapons turned towards Naruto and his companions.

"Interesting choice," he remarked jovially before turning to Hinata and cuing Tenten to prepare herself by saying, "Please only disarm them. I don't want blood to be shed before any discussion could be had."

Hinata nodded and took a step forward, raising her hands slightly, giving Tenten the visual cue needed. The next thing the twelve Anbu facing the group knew was pain as senbon pierced their hands, causing them to drop their weapons. Hinata would now seem to them to be some sort of powerful metal abomination under Naruto's command. Instinctually, the Anbu succumbed to the primal fear this trick evoked and stepped back from this dangerous predator.

"Stand down," the spokesman of the ROOT Anbu that Kakashi was still holding ordered, "I'll lead you to the Hokage."

With that, Kakashi and the Anbu left, heading to the Hokage Tower. With eyes widened behind their mask, one of the remaining Anbu asked, "What are you?"

"What are we, or what am I?" Naruto asked, putting on a bored appearance, "Either way, we do not need to explain that, as you do not have the authority to ask such a question of us."

"What is the meaning of this intrusion," The man Naruto wanted dead inquired as he entered, followed by Kakashi and his ROOT hostage, "If you are threatening Konoha, then you should know that you're hopelessly outmatched."

"Calm yourself," Naruto said, intentionally making his tone patronizing, "I am unarmed, and these three will not harm you unless I give the order. Am I to assume that you are the Hokage that these people think so highly of?"

"I am. My name is Danzo Shimura," the man replied, while Naruto could tell Sai was trembling with rage behind him, "Who are you, and why have you come?"

"I heard the story of this village losing several teams after the death of your predecessor," Naruto responded, omitting the fact that they were just outside the village getting ready to invade, while he held his hands in the air to show no weapons, "I came to ask how so many died, though I'm most interested in the death of your predecessor."

"He caught sick and fell out the window of the Tower," Danzo lied smoothly, while Naruto fumed internally over the traitor wearing the hat that didn't belong to him. Several of Danzo's Anbu moved into position around the group as the man who was about to die continued and asked, "But how did you hear about the teams?"

"Word travels quickly," Naruto replied while Hinata and the others got into a defensive stance for the fight that was to come, "On an unrelated note, your arm is wrapped interestingly. Are you a leper?"

"No," Danzo said, obviously surprised by the change in topic. He didn't know that they were aware of his arm's... unique properties.

"Ah, but several lepers have said that," Naruto said, once more using a jovial tone, "I think it'd be for the best if we removed your arm to prevent any spreading."

Once he said this, Naruto swung his weaponless left arm down, cuing Tenten's second trick. Danzo and the Anbu members were confused in the split second between the swing and the moment that the infamous Kubikiri Houcho, which Naruto had collected for this exact moment, removed Danzo's right arm, revealing the Sharingan eyes and Hashirama's face. The man had been so surprised, he hadn't even attempted to use Izanagi to protect himself from this attack, a fact that Naruto had been banking on.

"Who are you?" the now truly crippled man asked, his voice tinged with fear despite his Anbu moving in on the group.

As Sai unleashed his monsters made of ink to knock back the Anbu, which would give the others time to enter for the reclamation of their home, Naruto simply said, "I am the Flail of Shinigami-sama. If you had not committed great sins, Shinigami-sama would not have sent a punishment like me upon you."

"What is your name?" Danzo asked,clearly realizing his situation as Naruto and Kakashi, who had just killed his hostage, began advancing on him.

"Konoha's other dirty little secret," Naruto said harshly, blue eyes shining in amusement as he drew a kunai while the missing teams arrived, his vengeance now at hand, "Naruto Uzumaki, jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Youko and surrogate grandson of the man you poisoned. Now, don't pass out yet. We want you to see your ROOT fall before you have my permission to die."


	32. First Date

First Date

This is the first meeting Naruto and Hinata had face to face in the ongoing series for Shots 7, 8, 13, 19, and 27. I still don't own Naruto.

The orange dressed blond boy was leaning against the corner of a fence, waiting for the exact moment he needed. When he saw it, Naruto the innocent boy pushed himself off the fence and into Hinata the virtuous Hyuuga, who was turning the corner. Quickly rising to his feet, he helped the girl up and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't see you, I'm so so sorry!"

"I-it's okay," she stammered, clearly a professional, as it didn't even sound slightly false, beginning at the throat and catching slightly, yet seeming as if she was afraid of dealing with others, rather than being a natural impediment. If he didn't already know better due to Sai's summary of her actions, he might have fallen for it. As it was, he simply smiled at her as she said, "M-my name's H-H-Hinata. Hinata H-Hyuuga. What's your name?"

"Tsk tsk, Ms. Hyuuga," he chided quietly enough that only she could hear him, "You dropped your stutter in that last sentence. My name's Naruto Uzumaki!"

She gave an unnoticeable smirk at the sudden switch to an exuberant shout as she whispered, "And you missed your cue to your 'automatic' response to admonish me, Mr. Uzumaki. For shame. W-where are you g-going, N-Naruto-kun?"

"I'm going to Ichiraku Ramen," he cheered, "Do you want to come too?"

"S-sure," she said, taking his hand "L-let's go."

"So, do you have any brothers or sisters?" Naruto asked, letting her know that he wanted to discuss the matter right away.

"Well, I think of my cousin Neji as an older brother, though he only recently started acting like one," she remarked with a slight false stutter, "And my sister Hanabi is set to become the clan heiress."

"So, you've got an older sister?" he asked, not falling into her verbal trap of revealing his spy.

"N-no," she replied, "She's younger than I am. I've also noticed a C-Cat around my home. W-we might have to n-neuter it."

"I wouldn't recommend it," he replied, acknowledging her threat, "cats have nine lives, and I've heard that attacking a Cat is like setting off a firecracker indoors. Why is your sister going to be heiress, though. If you're the oldest, they shouldn't you be the heiress."

"Th-that's only if I b-beat her in a spar or d-directly state m-my claim," she replied, tinging her tone slightly to say she wasn't planning on doing so.

"Why not just win the spar and state your claim?" he asked, subtly shading his own tone to make it a demand.

The Anbu watching the pair were amused. Their charge was making a new friend, despite his slightly tactless way of talking to her. If he ever tried to learn about the clan politics, they wondered if he would use a more respectful tone to the girl who was a member of one of the noble clans.

"I-I don't want to h-hurt Hanabi-imouto," she answered, making her tone sound so sweet and innocent that he almost fell for it. He was enjoying this, now. She was a clever girl, and she was matching him step for step.

"But what about your father, doesn't he have a say?" he asked, intentionally reminding her of Sai's visit.

"M-my father's very sick, a-and we don't know why," she responded, lacing a mild threat into her words.

"Alright, I'll drop it for now," he replied, knowing he would have to back away from the topic before trying again, "Hey, do you want to hear a secret Hokage-jiji told me?"

Catching the subtle hint as to his own political connection, she replied, "S-sure."

"He told me there was a genin who went missing," he whispered at a volume that made it clear that he wanted someone other than her to hear him as well, "Nobody knows where he is."

Hinata smiled inwardly at the implications. He was good, he was subtle, and he was clearly organized. She might have to arrange for them to get married solely on principle if he kept up like this.

"W-Well then," she said, placing her hand on his own, "I g-guess we Academy s-students need to l-look out for each other."

"You're probably right," he agreed as the ramen was brought to them, "But why don't we talk about that later. If we don't eat now, the ramen'll get cold."

With that, the pair reached for their chopsticks, plans and countermeasures for the other's plans forming in their heads. Each was determined to get the best of the other, but they could wait for the time being.

* * *

Shino Aburame was walking with Kiba Inuzuka. That was a lie. Shino Aburame was tailing Kiba Inuzuka secretly. That was slightly more truthful. Shino Aburame was having several insects tail Kiba Inuzuka while he as sitting in his room quietly in order to have an alibi. That was the complete truth. He never did like following people himself, unless he needed to. Otherwise, one of his beetles could do that task. This day, however, was very important. Kiba Inuzuka had finally gotten a slot in his mother's training schedule for members of their esteemed clan, and wouldn't be able to get another day for months at the least.

Shino was aware of this, and therefore he needed to stop it, which is why the beetles were in place, scattered around so that the Inuzuka wouldn't notice them. Naruto wanted Hana, Kiba's older sister, to be clan heir, as he needed someone who wasn't among his peers, and he didn't like the idea of Kiba getting the position as he currently was. As Kiba walked, he failed to notice the beehive that was hanging on a weak branch in his path. The beetles did, however. They flew to the branch and pushed down on it with their combined strength, causing it to fall directly in front of the boy, who was smart enough to run the moment he heard the crack, but slow enough to get stung repeatedly. He would be in no condition to spar when he entered the clinic to get aid for his injuries.

Shino Aburame, meanwhile, was sitting in his room quietly as his beetles returned to him one at a time to avoid detection. He had no idea what happened to Kiba Inuzuka, as he wasn't anywhere near him, as any member of his clan could tell you.

* * *

Sai was intrigued. He was a ROOT who was able to hide his true allegiance from 'Danzo-sama'. He'd been involved in more assassinations than the average jounin without ever being spotted. He was incredibly stealthy. He'd only ever been outsmarted by his current leader.

Despite all of this advantages, Sai was currently standing face to face with one Yakumo Kurama, who'd managed to not only find him, but follow him to this warehouse, where he was currently dismantling the homemade printing press in which Tenten Uzumaki was born on paper. He was concerned, if truth be told, but he maintained his smile, _must always remember to smile, smile and they'll believe your sincerity_, and inquired, "What brings you to such a place as this, Ms. Kurama?"

"Mostly art," she replied, "I must admit, your painting took me by surprise."

"Oh?" he responded, maintaining his smile as he pretended he wasn't here to dismantle the bulky piece of machinery behind him, "Do tell."

"Well, I'm rather curious as to how you got an image of... my other side, when I hadn't seen you before that day," she answered.

"There is a place," he responded, "A place with no windows and only one door, which only the Hokage, himself can enter. Were one to somehow manage to enter it, they'd find out all manners of secrets of this village. Not that there is over one hundred such people in the village that Hokage-sama is barely aware of."

"Ah, I see," she replied, her eyes darting to the press before she continued, "Do you need a hand with that?"

"I doubt that I would, but thank you for asking," he replied, his two ink homunculi rising from the sheets he drew them onto, "Though I wonder if you came here for more than one reason, given your tenacity in searching for me. I believe you've been following me since I passed the ramen stand."

"That was a terrible bluff," she remarked, "I've been following you since you entered the merchant's district, and you didn't even notice?"

"I'll admit, my mind was otherwise occupied," he said, still grinning despite his concern, "But you have not answered my question. Why are you following me?"

"I wanted to talk to you," she answered, "I want to know who I'm working for, and how I can get more involved. My parents are still trying to get a new heir, and I need to know that your side will find me useful. If not, I'm pulling out."

The golems abruptly stopped as Sai's smile wavered for an instant before he recovered and said, "You can't be informed of who he is, just yet. Wait before you leap into this. As for pulling out, how can you pull out of something when you don't know anyone's names?"

"That's a very good question, Cat," she responded, smirking at his suddenly rigid posture. She was glad her new employer had told her to mention that name.

"I am 345221," he said stiffly, "A set of numbers that don't truly exist, as far as the Hokage, the Anbu, or anyone you could report to are concerned. There are several Cats in Konoha's Anbu alone. You cannot verify your claim."

"Perhaps, or perhaps not," she replied coyly before heading out the door, "Meet me here tomorrow to tell me if your master agrees."

Sai followed her as she left, making sure she didn't head to any detachment of Anbu that could be nearby. When she didn't, he found himself intrigued and somewhat concerned. Clearly she was bought by someone to be a pair of eyes in the plan. He would have to bring this up with his employer later. For now, he had a printing press to dismantle before the day was out.

* * *

When Naruto the friendly boy entered his home with his best friend Shino that afternoon, he calmly waited for the Anbu watching him to leave before activating his seals to prevent eavesdropping. Once those were set and his blinds drawn up, Sai leapt down from the ceiling, landing silently on his feet. Turning to his two friends and allies, Naruto the future Hokage sat in an armchair and asked, "What have you done today, gentleman?"

"My beetles managed to prevent Kiba Inuzuka from receiving training from his mother today, thereby decreasing his chances of becoming the clan heir," the Aburame heir responded automatically.

"Good job, Shino," Naruto the future Hokage congratulated before turning to his other friend and asking, "And did you get what we discussed done, Sai?"

"I did sir, but we have a minor issue," he replied, "The Kurama heiress has been turned. She has also discussed finding out who you are and taking a more active role in the plan. She also is somewhat aware of who I am."

"And what makes you say that?" Naruto the future Hokage asked, looking Sai directly in the eye, clearly concerned by this development.

"She called me Cat," he answered, still unsure how she knew of his mask.

"I think I'm in love," the only blond member of the trio said.

Sai and Shino looked at each other for a moment before taking a step back from the blond.

"Not with you two," he explained, "Clearly my fantastic investment is trying to get someone in here to watch us for her. She's good. Very good. Well, with graduation coming soon, I think it's a good thing that we've been arranging for you to be on her team all year, Shino. This could be the start of a beautiful relationship."


	33. Childish Games

Childish Games

I don't own Naruto. On the topic of this Shot, it's related to Shot 28, and shows their progress to that point. For those who read my monthly update stories, I'm sorry, but I'm experiencing something like writer's block with them at the moment.

To Kakashi Hatake and Hiruzen Sarutobi, it was a miracle. They'd returned to the Anbu Headquarters to find almost all of them attacking one of their numbers. To their mutual horror, of the Anbu, the Cat who they both knew was Yuugao informed them that the Anbu in question had stabbed the infant Naruto Uzumaki to death. The miracle came when they entered the room to find the boy completely alive. They were so thrilled, in fact, that they didn't notice the cold dead eyes the baby now possessed. But they and the villagers would learn. Deep in his cage inside the boy, the Kyuubi no Youko slept. It had been taxing to bring the boy back from the abyss before the Shinigami would notice him. He would rest for now, content to live longer.

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga, age three, was silent when her teddy bear was found sliced open and missing its eyes, with several pieces hidden throughout the compound. No one could figure out how it happened, or why the head was in Hiashi's office. Hiashi, himself had a suspect in mind, but wrote it off immediately. His daughter was an innocent little girl, and he doubted that she could ever come up with a way to evade the gaze of the Byakugan. Meanwhile, in the garden at the edge of the complex she had found, Hinata placed her trophies in a small box and began burying it. The teddy bear's eyes looked up at her as if pleading. Without a second thought, she closed the lid. She would have the chance to give it some company soon. Until then, the pair could keep their own company.

Ino Yamanaka, age three, had escaped her playpen. Upon escaping her pen, she began to roam the house. Her mommy would be busy preparing lunch for the three old, so she could go exploring without getting caught for the time being. She wandered into her daddy's special room, the one she wasn't allowed into. when she got in, she saw so many metal things shining prettily. Grabbing the closest one, she noticed that once side was a triangle and the other was a circle with a hole in it. Remembering seeing one of the ninjas in the village spinning it on her finger, Ino decided it must be a ninja toy. Well, she wanted to be a ninja, so she'd play with it. Putting the ring part on her finger, Ino spun the metal toy on her finger. It spun easily, so she moved it closer to herself, trying to get a better look at the toy... Her mother would find her just one minute after discovering she was not in her playpen. Fortunately for the young girl, her mother was able to get her to the hospital before she lost too much blood.

Yakumo Kurama, age three was a sweet girl who everyone who met her could agree was a little angel. She was helpful, friendly, if a bit shy, and she was teaching herself to paint. As such, it was impossible for any of those who knew her to suspect that in her mind, dark thoughts were beginning to create their own form. She wasn't happy when she was pulled away from her painting, or when her parents repeatedly ordered her to 'behave in a manner befiting a clan heiress.' All Yakumo really wanted was to be left alone. She didn't like having to learn the methods the ninjas used to kill one another. Deep in her mind, Ido was being formed.

Shino Aburame at the age of three sat in his room, having nothing better to do with his time. he contemplated insect collecting, but he decided against it when he noticed it was raining. Other than that, it was an ordinary day for him.

Naruto Uzumaki at age three disturbed the caretakers at the orphanage. They were aware of what he contained inside himself, but the boy was even more horrifying than they could ever imagine. There was one caretaker who was well-liked among the staff due to his generally amiable personality. When they found him weeks later, he was being taken away by Anbu while hysterically confessing to providing test subjects for Orochimaru. They knew that He was involved because that whiskered face held no surprise or disgust at the tears in the flesh or the holes where his eyes once were. Unanimously, the caretakers placed him in a solitary room as one of them headed to the Hokage Tower to inform the village leader of what likely happened with the boy with the dead eyes.

"I want him in my department," Ibiki Morino said as the Sandaime Hokage showed him what he had viewed in the crystal ball.

"Is that a good idea, Ibiki?" the much older man asked, still wanting to protect the boy who evidently didn't need protection.

"He broke a man who had been in Anbu for years before being put on reserve," Ibiki responded flatly, "T&I needs that sort of person, and we need them badly. We don't get recruits as readily as we used to. If its a security issue, I can personally vouch for every single member of my department, even Anko when she drops by."

"Give me until tomorrow," the Hokage replied defeatedly, "I'll let you know if I agree then. I have to think about it."

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga, age five, had grown tired of the cat that always prowled through the compound as if it owned the place. She'd had so many things on her little table in her secret garden before, but this one would have more blood, so the splatters would be more interesting. She was sure of it. But how to lure it...? She knew that it would be difficult, especially since the other toys were always too small for their terrified cheeps to warrant notice. Nevertheless, she would play with it and place the prize from it inside her box.

Ino Yamanaka, age five, had learned the basic idea of what her family's personal technique was. They were a clan that used techniques that let them enter another person's mind with ease. As such, that meant that, with effort, she could learn it and speak without needing a paper or a pen. Not knowing that such a task should be impossible, she began making plans for how she'd go about it. Fortunately for her, she was very imaginative and the thought of a new voice made her eager to find ways to manufacture a voice for others to be able to hear her.

Yakumo Kurama, age five, had an imaginary friend, according to her family. She knew they were wrong, since Ido was both her and not her at the same time, so she couldn't be imaginary, since Yakumo, herself was not imaginary. Kurenai-sensei had been teaching her genjutsu, so soon enough Yakumo could show everyone Ido. Her only problem was that the Hokage and Kurenai-sensei kept giving her concerned looks whenver she would talk about Ido. Whatever their problem was, she didn't particularly care. She was allowed all the paint she wanted, and she had Ido to keep her company and give her ideas for her paintings. Fire was pretty, and so was her house. What if she put the two pictures together?

Shino Aburame at the age of five sat in his room, thinking on how other children were frightened by his insects. That fear often let him find out if someone was going to do something bad, and then he would stop it. It was an ordinary day for him.

Naruto Uzumaki, age five, was in his special room, building a new tool for extracting confessions from enemy spies. He lived in the special room, as he was the most dangerous interrogator in the village and therefore needed to be on-hand for any potential interrogation that could come up. By this point in his career, he had broken many individuals while cultivating several personae that he could use to add to the intimidation factor. The Captain was polite in his words, yet gleeful in his task. The Silent One was brutally efficient and never spoke, leaving the questions to Ibiki, who was the only person in the department who could stomach his techniques in any persona, or Anko, who, while not an official member of T&I was more than willing to volunteer during her free time for the good of the village. The Inquisitor, on the other hand, now that was his favorite, as far as he had a favorite. The Inquisitor was zealotry incarnate, a being who was completely devoted to the Will of Fire and willing to do whatever it took to get the answers to preserve it. Thinking more on his torture implement, he imagined a device with which he could stretch a person's limbs to the point of breaking. That had potential.

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga, age seven, was supposed to be an easy target for the delegate from Kumo to take. For that reason, he was very confused when he woke from a chloroform-induced sleep to find himself chained to a large table in a field made of weeds. Even more confusing was that his target was grinning at him with a steak knife in her hand. He was struck with terror when, in an amused tone she said, "I know that you tried to kidnap me. The problem is that would take me away from my trophies. You're probably noticing by now that your lips are sewn shut. That's so your screams don't call any attention to this. your blood splatters should be interesting to see, and your eyes will make a nice addition to my collection. Now, let's start with cutting off your fingers and then we'll move on from there..."

Ino Yamanaka, age seven, proved that a person could do anything as long as they were completely unaware that such a task was impossible. By sheer force of will, she taught herself how to get information out of people with no effort, and more importantly the ability to speak when she entered their minds. Her parents were both startled when they heard an unfamiliar female voice say, "Mommy, Daddy! I can talk now!"

Ino's father turned around to see his daughter, who doctors had said would never speak again, bouncing up and down in uncontained glee. Curious, he asked, "Was that you, Ino?"

'It was, Daddy!' the voice cheered while his daughter continued her joyful celebration, 'I figured out how to get into people's heads and talk to them!'

Ino's parents were so thrilled by such a strange miracle that they didn't think of the possible ramifications of their daughter's ability to enter minds. Those thoughts were in the back of their minds so easily, but right now was time for celebrating Ino's ability to speak again.

Ido Kurama, age seven was terrified. It had been some time since she and Yakumo had gotten rid of her no-good parents, and now the Hokage and Kurenai-sensei were trying to seal her away. Even worse, they were failing in the most unimaginable way possible. She wasn't the one being sealed. She felt Yakumo trying to pull away from the seal, as she herself latched onto Yakumo's personality to keep the real personality from being trapped. She kept pulling as hard as she could, since her attempts to leap into the seal to stop it from pulling Yakumo in had been met with failure. Glaring at these people with the eyes of Yakumo's face, she shouted, "Stop taking her away from me! Let her go!"

"This is for your own good, Yakumo," Kurenai-sensei, the traitor replied in that voice she used to soothe Yakumo. Ido was not accepting this as she tried to make the body escape their grasp. Maybe if she got free, she could wipe the seal and save Yakumo! To her silent horror, Ido suddenly felt something that was terrible and wrong. She was alone. Alone. No, she couldn't be alone. Yakumo had to be there. It was Yakumo's body, not hers, she should be the one sealed. This was wrong, so very, very wrong. It couldn't be real. She must be sleeping, and Yakumo would wake her up and scold her for sleeping in again, like she always did. Any minute now.

Shino Aburame at the age of seven sat in his room with several of his insects buzzing around the village to gather information for him. He had decided to set up an information network to find out things that were happening around him the year prior, so it was an ordinary day for him.

Naruto Uzumaki, age seven, was sitting in his favorite cell, the one with barely enough lighting for any of his subjects to see what he had all over the room. He was very surprised, therefore, when Ibiki entered the room carting in what looked like a carcass that was somehow breathing. Their mouth was sewn shut and their eyes were gouged out, with the flesh surrounding them bleeding and raw. Naruto strangely found himself appreciating the artistry of the cuts on this pile of flesh. Once he cut the string from their mouth, he would have his work cut out for him. The Captain hadn't been used for a while, and that persona did always love a challenge.

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga, age nine, was angry at her cousin for constantly berating her. She contemplated getting him on her table, as it had been two years since she had a human to play with, but if she did that, she'd need a place to hide the body. Still she couldn't let the insults go unpunished. He did have a pet bird that he cared for, after all. Birds died quickly, but his misery when the blood-stained feathers were found near the last living cat in the compound would be worth the pathetic blood splatters.

Ino Yamanaka, age nine, was going with her father to Bring Your Daughter to Work Day in the Konoha Torture & Interrogation Force. His plan was to let her stay in his office and check up on her every now and again. As they headed to the office, little Ino was feeling everyone in the cells as she walked past. They had so many secrets, which they wanted to keep to themselves. Deciding that was selfish, she began pushing her way into their minds to hear them. They tried to fight back, all of them screaming, but she got to what they were afraid of, and began pushing those thoughts into their minds until she felt something in them break. Then, she looked inside and found what she wanted. She found doing that rather exhilarating and vowed to herself that she'd work here someday so she could do that again.

Ido Kurama, age nine, was sick and tired of people calling her Yakumo. Yakumo was her sister who was sealed away by the Hokage and the traitor Kurenai. Ido wanted to lash out at anything she could but fought off the urge, going against her own impulsive nature. If she attacked someone, the villagers might decide to kill her, and that would kill Yakumo. In Ido's mind, Yakumo's safety surpassed her rage and always would. On the other hand, the Torture and Interrogation Force was the perfect place for her to eventually vent her frustration on others without endangering Yakumo, and she was going to be a ninja in four years.

Shino Aburame at the age of nine sat in his room with several of his insects buzzing around the village. The anonymous tips he would give the Anbu led to several arrests. This was strangely satisfying to him. Yet another ordinary day passed for him.

Naruto Uzumaki, age nine sat in his office, confused by what had happened in the past few weeks. Several spies and traitors had been captured due to an unknown source, which would normally provide him with several subjects for him to interrogate, but these past few weeks had every one of the people who had been captured be brought to him because they were so mentally broken that they'd repeat a word over and over again, as if they could see the thing and were terrified by that. Nevertheless, he was always one to persevere, so he went about his task as usual.

* * *

Hinata Hyuuga, age thirteen, was in a dangerous situation. Ever since she had the Kumo nin on her table six years ago, she kept feeling the urge to get another human onto her table. Unfortunately for her, she was officially a kunoichi of the village now, so she would be under more scrutiny, and even the animal bodies were hard to hide as it was. Then again, hadn't her teammate Shino told her about the Torture & Interrogation Force? She'd have countless people on a table, albeit not her table, but she was certain that she wouldn't get in trouble for her activities if she focused it on the criminals in that place. Yes, the Torture and Interrogation Force would be a fantastic place to work.

Ino Yamanaka, age thirteen, was giddy. She'd been wanting to join the Torture and Interrogation Force for years now, and now that she was a genin, she could legally join. There were a few of her classmates going to join as well, so she'd just get them all together to meet up and head to their destination.

Ido Kurama, age thirteen, was heading to T&I Headquarters when the Yamanaka girl called her over with her weird mind powers. Evidently she wanted Ido to travel with her and some other people who wanted to join the Torture & Interrogation Force. She recognized the Yamanaka's traveling companion as the Hyuuga girl who often smelled like blood and lavender. Then, the trio waited for the other member of their group to show up.

Shino Aburame at the age of thirteen was walking down the street, heading to the Torture & Interrogation Force Headquarters when he was accosted by his teammate, the genjutsu user of Team Seven, and the psychic in Team Ten. They informed him that they intended to join the Torture & Interrogation Force as well, and that they intended to enter as a group to present a united front. Seeing the logic of their statements, he joined them in their walk. This was an interesting day for him.

Naruto Uzumaki, age thirteen, was heading to his favorite cell to finish breaking Kabuto Yakushi as the Inquisitor when he felt that something interesting would happen today, though he didn't know what. Putting that thought aside for the time being, he headed into the room to begin Kabuto's torture anew.


	34. Cheap Shots

Cheap Shots

I don't own Naruto. I have, however, made several different versions of him throughout the course of this Gallery, as well as with my other stories. These Seven Short Shots are what would happen if each of them wound up in a Not-Quite-Canon universe, switching one at a time. May the multiverse forgive me, especially since I might write about Not-Quite-Canon Naruto's adventures. On a positive note, Kiba gets his time to shine in one of these Shots. I still have writer's block for the monthly updates, but I will hopefully get past it before the month is out. Also, I apologize if this Shot is not up to par.

Politics in Konoha

Naruto the Future Hokage was not pleased. Looking around, he could tell that this was not his graduating class, as he was already assigned a team the week prior. Meanwhile, Shino was across the room, rather than by his side, and he couldn't sense Sai's presence anywhere. His investment was sitting nearby, but she didn't exhibit the secret confidence that he knew she possessed. This was definitely not his graduating class. Thinking carefully, he began tapping the ring of a kunai against the desk in his coded system: Shino, report. What is going on here. Have we been compromised?

He waited for a response, occasionally subtly turning his gaze to the Aburame's direction. He gave no proof he was there. That meant that he was potentially in a tight situation. He'd need to get information. Umino-sensei was announcing the teams. Team Nine! He'd have to check in with Tenten later. Shino had been compromised, potentially under strict monitoring, Sai was missing, meaning he might be dead, and his investment was not acting like her wonderfully devious self. To top it all off, he was in a room with what was supposed to be his graduating class, but blatantly wasn't. Perhaps Tenten could help explain this. When the other teams left, Naruto headed towards the window, to the Uchiha and the Haruno's mutual shock.

"Where are you going, Naruto-baka?" the Haruno asked. Baka? Though she and he never really talked before becoming a team, he knew that she never called him baka. This definitely would require further investigation.

"I'm headed out, Haruno-san," he replied simply, "Kakashi-sensei is not going to arrive for at least an hour, and I have people I need to talk to."

With that, he left to search for Team Nine in their usual training ground. When he found them, Neji behaved differently than he recalled. The last time he had seen Neji Hyuuga, the boy was the bodyguard of Hanabi and was rather cheerful. This Neji was not either. Nevertheless, Rock Lee seemed exactly the same, as did Maito Gai. Moving past the group to the target range, he saw his target and asked, "Tenten-nee-chan?"

Turning to face him, the obviously confused girl asked, "Who are you?"

"No one of importance," he replied, hiding his disappointment and annoyance as he headed back to his teammates. Tenten didn't know him either. That meant that he was alone. Someone had obviously bugged his operation and managed to wipe every one of his assets and evidently tried to do the same with him, then moved on to trying to make him think he was a completely different person, though they only seemed to succeed in removing his memory of whoever it was that got to his team. Good news was that Sai was most likely alive, then. He just needed to keep his head and go with the situation.

As he neared the Academy, he saw Kabuto, who he had killed himself, walking down the road. He was definitely going to have to figure out what was going on here, so he'd deal with the spy first, as he had about an hour to spare. Spies were always a good place to get information from, after all. First order of business after the meeting with his 'team' would be getting more chloroform. Once he got the information he needed, he would work to hunt down whoever did this and torture the way to correct the problem out of them. He needed his assets to be fully functional, after all.

* * *

Puppetry in Konoha

Naruto was confused. Sakura wouldn't stop staring at Lily, as if she hadn't seen her before in her life. Sasuke, meanwhile, didn't even bother looking at him, which he considered a good thing, since he was getting tired of Sasuke almost having a panic attack whenever he had any of his puppets out.

"Sakura, why are you staring at Lily like that?" he asked simply, contemplating waking up Teddy.

"Naruto, what do you have a hand puppet for?" Sakura asked, breaking the silence that had fallen over the group.

"She's part of my technique, remember?" the blond asked, concerned for his teammate's well-being.

"Technique?" Sasuke asked, sounding as confused as Sakura.

"Don't you remember?" the blond asked, opening his bag and activating all of his puppets, "Lily, Teddy, Gama-chan, Kurama, Jack, Rover, Honey Bunny, Miss Spider, and The Great and Powerful Fluffy: User of Spoons and Devourer of Chickens, wake up."

"Good morning, Otou-san," Lily greeted, "Hello, everyone. Why is Sasuke so quiet?"

Sasuke, for his part, was rather calm despite his confusion. Trying to see if there was a genjutsu or something else at work, he cautiously said, "Dobe, I'm going to get Team Eight. There's something I need to check."

When Sasuke returned with Team Eight, he said, "The dobe has been acting strangely and now it has something to do with those hand puppets, and he seems to think that we should understand what's going on. When we were assigned as a team, that week that older genin disappeared, he was paranoid and seemed to remember events differently than we did. Is something different about him?"

"His chakra is different," Shino said as his beetles returned after taking a small amount to examine, "It is the same chakra, yet it is also not the same chakra. It's as if he is himself, yet not himself."

"His scent's changed," Kiba added, "He has most of his normal scent, but there was always a hint of red fox to his scent. He mostly smells the same, but the fox smell isn't red fox. It's corsac fox."

"Are you picking up anything, Hyuuga?" Sasuke asked, trying to piece together what was going on.

"I-it's strange," she said, observing the blond's chakra network carefully, "While N-Naruto-kun's tenketsu points are the same as always, h-his chakra is flowing in the opposite d-direction from everyone else's chakra."

"What do you mean?" Sakura asked, as confused as the others.

Ignoring her, Kiba grabbed Hinata and Shino, taking them off the the side. Once they were a few yards from Team Seven, he said, "Okay, so obviously, that's Naruto, but he's not our Naruto. He's too different to be him. Now, what do we know about this Naruto?"

"His chakra feels even more unnatural than usual," Shino remarked, "Therefore there is something wrong with him outside of his usual oddities."

"The flow of chakra is reversed when compared to others," Hinata remarked, her usual stutter gone.

"And I already mentioned the scent," Kiba added, "Now, this is going to sound crazy, believe me, I know that it sounds crazy, but I think that this Naruto came from another universe or something."

"That is possible," Shino remarked, glancing at the puppets swarming Team Seven's now present jounin instructor.

"I did see some residual... something on him," Hinata added helpfully, "I can't figure out what it is."

"So, for lack of a better explanation we're agreed," Kiba said, "Let's go tell the others."

When the genin of Team Eight turned around, they saw that the puppets had managed to pin Kakashi down, tie him up, and burn his book. Ignoring the weeping jounin, Shino was the one to speak, "We have determined that this Naruto comes from another reality, and most likely the paranoid Naruto had been one as well. Whatever is the cause, it will likely pass and our Naruto will return. Until then, just keep up as usual. Now, we are heading back to our team meeting, as Kurenai-sensei is probably wondering where we went."

With that, Team Eight left, none of them sparing a glance at Team Seven. Kiba was too busy trying to spot Akamaru, who had left moments before the team had and Shino didn't particularly care one way or the other. Hinata, on the other hand, was aware that this Naruto wasn't her Naruto-kun, and therefore wasn't as interested in him or his team. Her Naruto-kun was special, and no substitute would take his place.

* * *

Education in Konoha

Naruto stomped over to Training Ground Seven, already in a bad mood. He'd woken up later than expected, on the floor of the Hokage's office, and now the reason he had a team in the first place was talking to his students. He was not having a good day, thus far.

"Kakashi, why are you talking to my students?" he asked, "I thought you said that you didn't want to have that team because of Sasuke's issues. And you two, where's Yakumo. Just because I'm five minutes late does not mean that you are dismissed."

"I take it that in your universe you're the jounin instructor for Team Seven?" Kakashi asked calmly.

"My universe?" Naruto asked before creating two shadow clones and telling his two present students, "Sasuke, you've progressed well in taijutsu, so you're going to practice what you've learned with the first clone. Sakura, you're being moved up in weights. The second clone will give you your new weights, so use them well. Move out!"

The pair immediately left, deciding to do as the new Naruto said until Kakashi-sensei explained what was going on.

"What do you mean my universe?" Naruto asked his colleague.

"Well, for reasons we can't figure out, our Naruto is most likely in your universe," Kakashi explained, "There've been two different versions of Naruto that arrived before you."

"Oh, I understand," the blond said, "Yakumo, you should know better than putting me in a genjutsu just because I'm not wearing my camera. Kai!"

When nothing happened, Kakashi said, "As you can see, I'm being completely serious. We honestly can't figure it out. Maybe you can help. Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai have no clue either, nor does the Hokage."

"Well, it could be related to the Hiraishin," he responded, "But I doubt it, since the Hiraishin is a space-time jutsu, but it requires specific seals, and practice to get it. I doubt that your Naruto would be stupid enough to find one of the kunai and pump chakra in like the carving inside the ring of it says without reading the rest of the instructions."

"Well, actually," Kakashi remarked, "He couldn't have gotten it from there. Sensei was very good about not leaving instructions. There wasn't any markings on the ring."

"For someone not of his blood," the current Naruto said, "I take it your Naruto is the 'charge ahead without any plan whatsoever' type."

"No," Kakashi said, defending his charge, "He's more the 'prone to experiment' type, but how did he get the kunai? I have them all locked up for him to get when he reaches jounin."

"That one might have been mine," Naruto admitted sheepishly, "I wrote one that had a seal that wasn't quite as legible and it vanished when I threw it. Sorry. Afternoon spars with Gai make me lose focus. Sealing's a delicate art. I'd recommend just letting it cycle through. He'll make it back eventually. Wait. I'm going to take a guess. Sasuke hasn't been receiving specialized training in taijutsu and Sakura hasn't been using weights to build up strength, have they?"

A cry of pain from Sasuke answered that question. With that, the two jounin rushed off to rescue Sakura, as they decided it was too late for Sasuke at the moment.

* * *

Storytime in Konoha

Naruto looked around. This was not his village. Superficially, it looked like it, but whoever constructed this location was clearly misinformed. There was no rustling of leaves or rifle cocking to signal Hinata's presence. Also, Team Seven was completely off. Sasuke was not a pirate and Sakura was not a cattle rustler in this replica. Kakashi looked about right, but he seemed to be trying to figure out what was going on with Naruto, as if he was the one who was out of sorts. The Ninja tilted his head to the side as he looked at Sasuke.

"Hn," the last Uchiha in Konoha said. In response, Naruto stared at him, prompting the Uchiha to again say, "Hn."

The Ninja nodded his head and sat down quietly.

"What was that?"Kakashi asked, surprised by the exchange.

"He's from another universe where I'm a pirate and Sakura is a cattle rustler, among several other things he listed," Sasuke explained, "I explained to him the entire situation, gave him a crash course in the concept of a multiverse, and told him about all of the other Naruto's we've met thus far and how they'd eventually vanish, presumably to their home dimension. He also asked if our Naruto was dating our Hinata. I told him I wasn't sure and would ask him later."

"How did you get that from two sounds, both of which were from you?" the jounin asked, now rather concerned.

"You didn't think I made that sound for no reason, did you?" Sasuke replied simply.

"Well, let's just go catch Tora," Kakashi said, trying to change the subject.

* * *

Masks in Konoha

Hatake Kakashi was rarely surprised. This moment was one of those times when he was. As he entered the field, with no sign of Naruto, he said, "Sorry I'm late, I wound up having to chase a cat up a tree."

"Sorry I'm late," Naruto's voice said behind him, "I got lost on the road of life."

Upon seeing his other two students looking behind him in surprise, Kakashi turned. Right behind him was Naruto, dressed in an orange and black version of his own outfit, with the forehead protector covering his eye as well.

"Let me guess," Kakashi said tiredly, "Where you come from, Sasuke is dead and gave you his eye as a present for making jounin?"

"Are you okay, Kakashi-sensei?" the blond asked, "Sasuke isn't dead. We all wound up killing his brother during a D Rank gone horribly wrong and Sasuke gave me one of his old eyes since he upgraded with his brother's eyes. Why are you two dressed like we did when we met sensei? Don't you remember that he hated us like that?"

"You're in an alternate universe," Kakashi said automatically, "This is a different world, and our Naruto is probably in your world by now."

"Have you all gotten Icha Icha Armory in this world?" the masked blond asked, "Because I haven't been able to get a copy in my world."

The field fell silent. One could almost hear a pin drop. Surprised, the masked silver-haired jounin asked, "You read Icha Icha?"

"Read them?" the masked blond asked in surprise, "I'm the second biggest fan!"

Across the multiverse, every single Jiraiya felt a strange sort of pride as Sakura and Sasuke stared in horror, hoping that this Naruto would leave soon. Kakashi didn't need that kind of encouragement.

"Alright," Kakashi said cheerfully, "Sasuke, Sakura, you two spar. Naruto and I are going to have an important discussion."

"Why me, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, "Isn't Anko willing to discuss the books with you? She is your girlfriend."

In her base in the tree overlooking Team Seven, Anko grinned maniacally. If she was able to capture Kakashi in one world, she could definitely do it here.

* * *

Pets in Konoha

Team Seven had been waiting for hours for their wayward teammate. Eventually, they began searching for the latest Naruto. When they found him, they were somewhat surprised. He was talking with Team Eight. Well, to be precise, he was trying to talk to the conscious members of Team Eight.

"I don't understand it, Kurenai-sensei," he said, holding up his arm to reveal a silver bracelet with a singular round charm, "Why did Hinata-sama, I mean Hinata-chan, faint when she saw my collar? I've been her pet for years and she's never done that before."

"Naruto, what are you doing over here?" Kakashi asked, "You were supposed to be at the team meeting."

"I was, sir," he responded, "For some reason, Hinata-chan fainted for some reason. Where's Yakumo? Isn't she part of your team?"

"You're from an alternate universe," Kiba supplied helpfully, "We've been having so many versions of Naruto show up here, so I'm guessing that you're from one where you're Hinata's pet and someone named Yakumo is part of Team Seven."

"That's exactly right, Kiba," he said, before turning to face Shino, "Have you all figured out how to send me home?"

"You're most likely going to have to wait, like the rest," Shino answered, "For now, go with Team Seven, since they're your team in this world. Kakashi-sensei should be able to fill you in on the matter."

* * *

Demon in Konoha

Naruto the Nine-Tailed Fox was displeased when he found himself in a room surrounded by people pretending to be his comrades, though he found himself fortunate to be maintaining his illusion. These impostors didn't have the control that his comrades had, and some were passing money to one another for some reason. The girl who looked and somewhat smelled like his Hyuuga seemed completely uninterested in his presence. Their Sasuke was too arrogant. The Haruno, he didn't know well, but he knew she was less cheerful than this one. Prisoner 010-T-10, known as Tenten to the guards seemed too innocent, and was wearing a forehead protector of a ninja, despite the real Tenten being a currently unaffiliated Master Assassin. There was no Sai or Gaara present either, and Kakashi Hatake was too glad to see him for the Anbu who had personally gotten him caught. Concerned, his eyes darted to Ino, who was wearing a different outfit than usual, as he thought, 'Ino, where are we?'

Rather than hearing a response in a familiar mental voice, he received complete silence.

"I'm sure you're wondering what's going on," Sasuke said, "Well, you see, you're currently in an alternate universe. What is your world like?"

An alternate universe. That explained the unnatural chakra in the air and why his subordinates seemed so different. He'd probably be better off telling half-truths. He didn't know if their Naruto was like him or not, after all.

"I am from a world where I was thrown in a prison for doing a good deed," he remarked, omitting the deaths he arranged, "Alongside myself in this were Sasuke Uchiha, a boy called Sai, and Ino Yamanaka, as well as Sabaku no Gaara and his siblings Kankuro and Temari, the last three being from Suna. We have been imprisoned for six years."

None of those present were sure whether they could trust the blond in front of them. On the one hand, he looked like Naruto except in a prison uniform. On the other hand, he was in a prison uniform, and something about him seemed to promise death. Deciding to give him the benefit of the doubt, Kakashi said, "Well, why don't you just come with me, Sakura, and Sasuke. We're the teammates of the Naruto of this world. Our current mission is to chase down Tora. Again. I think the Hokage somehow blames me for the different Naruto problem."

No one would ever know what happened to Tora that day, though the blood that was spread all over Training ground Six would lead to some suspicions, but one thing was certain. This Naruto was definitely a good person in the opinions of the ninja of Konoha.

* * *

Return to Konoha

Naruto Uzumaki arrived in Konoha with a slightly tattered ripped jacket and an apprehensive look on his face as he looked at the group present. Around him were his teammates and Team Eight, who were all looking at him carefully. They all seemed to be their normal selves, even though Hinata had a determined expression on her face for some unknown reason, so Naruto dropped to his knees in relief. He was finally home. Looking at the assembled group, he rose to his feet and said, "You won't believe what I've just been through..."

Before he could say anything more, he suddenly was grabbed by Hinata, who dragged off HER Naruto. Now that he was back, she wasn't going to let him go anytime soon. On the ground, the kunai with the slightly altered seal for the Hiraishin rested, innocently shining in the sunlight.


	35. Retribution

Retribution

I don't own Naruto. That's really all there is to say about the matter, isn't it? Sorry about the lack of updates for my monthly updates. I am still trying to think of something to get rid of the writer's block for them. This is the battle between Neji and Naruto in the Story 'Verse, with references to Shots that I will probably write sometime in the near future. Bonus points to whoever can tell why Kiba's ship is named the Hárasteorra.

Everyone sat watching carefully. Naruto Uzumaki, the self-proclaimed true Ninja, was about to face the Hyuuga prodigy in combat. Normally, there wouldn't be much thought on the matter, as the black-clad boy usually kept to himself and the Hyuuga was called a prodigy in his clan's taijutsu style, even barring the skills he was better known for. However, the audience were sitting, staring with rapt attention, as everyone recalled what the boy who rarely said anything had spoken four words which caused the entire arena to go cold, the words he had sworn in the blood of the Sniper: "I will break you."

The sheer sincerity of his words, coupled with the fact that he, the silent one, had spoken them to one of his fellow genin who were affectionately dubbed, "The Storytime Kids" had convinced everyone watching that this would be a fight to remember.

"I have no quarrel with you," the samurai said, looking the Ninja directly in the eye, "As the dead last of your class, you are destined to fall before a prodigy, and as a ninja who uses only a handful of techniques, you would be no match for a samurai. Why do you not quit now?"

At that moment, any light that was in Naruto's eyes, the only sign of humanity people could see, vanished, leaving only the eyes of the Ninja who almost killed Zabuza Momochi. It was then that he spoke in the arena again and said, "Hinata."

"Very well," Neji said, not yet unsheathing his sword, "If you insist on seeing this tragedy out to the bitter end, I will oblige you."

The Ninja merely responded by pulling out a single kunai. The audience was silent, leaning forward in anticipation. The battle was about to begin.

The Hyuuga lead by activating his bloodline, a blatant challenge to the clan-less Ninja. As he charged the black-clad boy, the kunai was thrown, and he saw quite a bit of chakra inside of it, but he dodged it, before he realized his mistake. He had already gotten too much momentum, and as a result, he struck the clone in front of him, dispersing it while the kunai, already yards away, transformed into his opponent, who simply tilted his head slightly to the left and pulled out two shuriken. This time, Neji focused on the weapons. They seemed to be ordinary shuriken, but he couldn't be sure. Deciding that a change in strategy was needed, he drew his katana with his right hand and his wakizashi with his left as the shuriken flew, knocking both off course with one swing of the longer blade.

The Ninja responded by simply pulling out his own blade as the Hyuuga charged him once again. He blocked the katana, only for the short blade to be rammed into his side.

In the stands, the Captain of the Itachi's Doom, turned to his other teammate and said, "How the bloody hell did he miss that? He was able to dodge senbon back in Wave and he knows the Replacement Technique!"

"I don't know," the girl who shot Orochimaru three times in the stomach responded, "Reckon he's got something up his sleeve?"

"Other than his arm?" the pirate asked, "He better. Bets are 25 to 7 that he fails and I bet a pretty doubloon that he'd win."

"This is interesting," Kiba, the captain of the Hárasteorra said from the pirate's left, Akamaru occupying the seat beside him, "He is on the ground, yet I sense that he is not yet headed to Valhalla."

"He is not," the Valkyrie in the seat behind him said, watching the Ninja fight her teammate, "I sense he is not dying yet, so he is not going my father's land of the noble warriors to the land belonging to Hel, where the sick and old find rest, nor Folkvanger, the land of the remainder of the dead from the choosing."

Back in the arena, Naruto was kneeling on the ground, clutching his wound. The lights returned to his eyes, revealing pain as the Hyuuga steps away. His own sword was lying to the side, tossed away by his opponent. The spectators remained glued to their seats as the samurai said, "Fate has preordained my defeat of you. I only did Fate's work. Proctor, call the match."

To the concerns of many, Naruto rose, his eyes once more going dead as the wound was healed by glowing red chakra. The veteran shinobi of Konoha were very familiar with that chakra, as were several of the civilians. Nevertheless, they were surprised when the Ninja rose to his feet, no cut visible on his person, despite the blood that was clearly on the ground beside him. Silently, he threw another shuriken, intentionally striking the back of Neji's helmet, causing the Hyuuga to turn.

"Why are you getting up?" Neji asked, watching the Ninja rise, "I have proven that you won't survive if you persist, as you are destined to fail. Destiny cannot be fought."

"Why?" was all that the Ninja asked before shocking the people by actually talking, "I have fought from the orphanage to Wave and then to this arena. You learn to pick yourself up out there, but you have had family to stand by you, yet you attempted to kill one such person. Why?"

"You clearly do not understand the Hyuuga clan," the Hyuuga replied, removing his helmet and tossing it to the ground, revealing a seal on his forehead written in green ink, "This seal is the symbol of a bird in a cage. It is proof that one cannot change their destiny. It marks me a servant of the main house, as it marked my father before me."

"I have a seal," The Ninja replied, "A seal that dooms me to being hated, being a monster, yet I have friends, and I have not killed when unnecessary. You fight your precious 'Fate' by being a prodigy, but either way, you are no true Samurai."

"What," Neji asked, dumbstruck by the last part of the statement while the audience were frozen in their seats at this battle.

"You claim your seal makes you a servant," the Ninja replied in a disgusted tone, "A true Samurai would not attempt to kill those they serve."

Neji's eyes widened slightly. He had always thought of himself as Fate's Samurai, yet this boy, no older than himself, had just told him that he went against everything he ever dreamt of standing for. Neither boy moved. There was no sound from the audience, all so transfixed by the scene that was unfolding before them. Eventually, Naruto made the first move, picking up the helmet and pulling the shuriken out. Rather than attack, he tossed the helmet to Neji, gesturing for him to put it back on.

Neji stared at the helmet shining up at him, the symbol of Konoha reflecting light from the forehead. He would try to regain the honor that Naruto revealed he either lost or had not ever possessed. Slowly he placed it on his head after determining that nothing had been done to it.

With that, the match began again. The Ninja rolled to the side and lifted his sword from the ground just in time to block his opponent's katana, followed by a kunai to block the wakizashi. As they two fought one against the other, Neji failed to notice the commotion in the stands. Random people in the stands suddenly rose to their feet, to the surprise and annoyance of the people behind them. Their annoyance gave way to confusion when, as one, they suddenly transformed into exact duplicates of the black-clad boy fighting the Hyuuga in the ring.

Back in the arena, the black clad boy continued his battle, blocking and striking, moving as deliberately as the samurai in front of him. Neji was an excellent swordsman, capable of beating someone in a fair fight through will alone. Naruto, however, was The Ninja. no fight with him would ever be fair. This was something Neji was made aware of when he felt the flat of a blade resting on his shoulder, followed by another on his other shoulder. Reactivating his Byakugan, he saw at least one hundred shadow clones standing behind him, swords draw. He knew he could use Kaiten and dispel at least twenty, but that still left the original, who seemed to be unaffected by having made so many clones. Thinking on every single possible option for what he could do in this situation, Neji made his decision as he sheathed his swords.

In the stands, Hiashi Hyuuga was surprised as Neji used the technique that had been only taught to the main branch for generations perfectly. He knew that no one had taught it to Neji, yet the boy had evidently learned it somehow. Despite his anger over the attempt on his daughter's life by her cousin, he couldn't help but be impressed by the boy's raw skill.

When Neji finished his rotation, he surprised everyone in the stadium by removing his sheathed swords and tossing them to the clones to his side and dropping to his knees before saying, "I yield."

At those words, the clones surrounding him and the Ninja who spawned them all lowered their weapons and stepped back.

When the proctor declared the match over, the clones holding Neji's weapons walked over to him and handed him the two blades before dispelling alongside their fellows. After attaching the swords to their customary locations, he then walked up to Hinata, with the others crowding around him in case he tried anything, bowed deeply and said, "Lady Hinata, I apologize for my actions. My rage at life, and what I thought was unalterable Fate had gotten the better of me, and I struck out in anger. I request permission to commit seppuku to cleanse the dishonor I have brought to your name."

The Ninja, who arrived at his side, pulled the wakizashi from Neji's hand quickly as Hinata said, "You're forgiven, Neji-nii-san. Don't kill yourself."

"Indeed," Hiashi said, heading to the group with Hanabi in tow, "You should probably come with me. There's something I should have told you a long time ago."

As Neji left with Hiashi, Naruto, light once more returned to his eyes, returned the short blade to Neji and said, "Good luck, Samurai."


	36. Return to Night

Return to Night

I don't own Naruto. This Shot takes place directly after Shot 12. That's really all I can say on the matter. Expect updates for the monthly updated stories boy the end of next week.

Hinata watched as the final demon rise from the ground itself, as if he was a part of it, dirt trickling off of him every few seconds. It was at this moment that her two strange companions decided to make themselves known as the blond with the red eyes said, "Gaara, Yugito, Yagura, Roshi, Han, Utakata, Fuu, and Bee. My brothers and sisters, it is good to see your faces once more."

"You took your time," the redheaded boy with rings around his eyes made of dirt said, "How long has it been since we were sealed, brother? I need to know how many people I need to put down to make up for lost time. The War is not over yet, if you have been about."

"The War ended centuries ago Gaara," the only one with visible tails remarked bitterly, "I was the last of us to be sealed away. This is something new."

"What exactly would this new thing be?" the translucent, armored man with steam emanating from him asked, "We've been sealed for some time, after all."

"The humans stole the village," Sai answered, transforming once more into his more human form, "They bound us, a fate similar to your own, yet different. I was trapped in my raven form for centuries before being freed. I watched as they forced several of the others into their own image. We have some back, now, but the damage will take time to repair."

"They forced them to be humans?" the green haired girl with orange eyes growled angrily, a clicking sound emanating from the back of her throat, "Perhaps it is time for a new war."

"Peace, little sister," the pale dark-haired one with bubbles floating around his head responded, "We have some interesting company here, if you haven't noticed, Fuu."

"Indeed," the blonde girl with a light crown of blue fire in her hair grinned, "It is rather rude of you to hide people from us, dear little brother. Who is she? What's her name? What's she doing here? Is she a human or something else?"

"Remember two months before the War, Yugito?" the tailed boy smirked, cutting off further questions, "If I recall correctly, I managed to make you cough up a hairball in the middle of our fight."

"Reminiscing's good and nice, but who's the girl with the pale eyes?" asked the tall man with a white beard and a pair of horns, the left horn missing a piece. Strangely enough, the man paused and said, "Sorry for saying such a weak rhyme. I haven't spoken in a long time."

"Ah yes, you always were the Rhymer of the Night," the red bearded man with the helmet chuckled, "At any rate, I'm curious as well, Naruto. Who is she?"

"This is our savior," the blond responded cheerfully, "And I do believe that this lovely lady can introduce herself."

"My name is Hinata Hyuuga," she said nervously, "I'm not sure about Lord Uzumaki's calling me your 'savior.' However, I did cast the spell that returned you to this realm."

"You have my thanks," the redheaded dirt boy said, a hungry look in his eyes as he gazed at the village, "It has been too long since I've spilled any blood of those cocky humans."

"And yet you still take a human form," Naruto chuckled, "I will never understand why none of you take forms outside of the limits of humans. I personally use this form because it is amusing, though I do not hide my tails or my eyes."

"That is easy for you to say," Fuu quipped, here orange eyes suddenly looking like those of a housefly before reverting to their previous state, "When your eyes are their natural state, the world doesn't turn into a kaleidoscope."

"My tail has no real combat applications, unlike yours," Gaara remarked.

"You shoved both my tails down my throat last time we sparred," Yugito growled.

"True," Naruto admitted, "I am amazing, am I not?"

"What exactly do you have planned?" Hinata asked, trying to get back to the topic at hand.

"Something fun," the fox demon replied with a smirk, "I believe that it is time to show the humans exactly why one doesn't step on a fox's tail, especially not when he has nine of them."

* * *

It should have been morning in the village that was once called Konoha. The clocks all read 9:00 a.m. and by all rights, the sun should have risen by now. In spite of this fact, above the village the night sky was visible, with all of the stars shining down peacefully. It was around this time that the ones who had been unsealed by the familiar awoke.

Tenten woke up at her usual time, though she felt that something was different. For one, she felt shorter than usual, and her neck felt rather cold. For another thing, it was still dark outside. Most the most noticeable thing, however, was that she seemed to be sitting on a black horse rather than her usual armchair. Leaping off the horse, she suddenly felt an odd sensation as she hit the floor and yet only felt pain in the back of her head. It was at that point that she saw her own body bending down to pick her up. It was then that she remembered how to scream.

"Calm down," a toneless voice said as the sand for making glass suddenly began to escape the bag, forming a red-haired boy, who then said in the same voice, "This is better. I do prefer sand to common dirt. Now, I am going to assume that you are rather concerned by your current state. The easiest way to explain this is by outright telling you that you are a dullahan."

"What?" Tenten asked, confused by this entire situation, "What's a dullahan?"

"A dullahan is a headless rider," the boy replied, "Actually, to be correct, a horse-rider whose head is not attached to their body. As you've no doubt noticed."

"How is that possible?" she asked, certain that she was dreaming now.

"Magic," he responded, pulling out a wooden puppet and a small fan, "Something older and more powerful than you could ever imagine. Would you like to see some? I can guarantee that it will be incomparable with anything you have ever seen, young dullahan."

* * *

Kiba Inuzuka woke up at nine, only to find that his senses were more acute than they'd ever been. Akamaru was sleeping beside him peacefully, but Kiba smelled a foreign presence. A mixture of boy and... raven?

"Hello, Kiba Inuzuka," the raven boy said, leaping down to the foot of his bed without making a sound, "I'm sure you're wondering what I'm doing here and why your senses have improved. Well, I'm pleased to say that your senses are my doing, to an extent."

"What did you do to me?" Kiba asked, feeling a strange itching sensation all over.

"I merely returned something that hadn't been around for centuries," the raven boy explained, "Back when this was the Village Hidden in the Night, the clan known as the Inuzuka were a powerful race of werewolves. The full moon shall be coming at ten, and you shall meet your destiny."

"Who are you?" Kiba asked, watching in awe as the raven boy turned into a bird before his eyes.

"I am called Sai, and I am the familiar of Lord Naruto Uzumaki," the boy replied, transforming back to his natural form.

"Will it hurt?" Kiba asked, finding Sai easy to believe.

"Unimaginably," Sai admitted, having remembered his own first transformation, "But only the first time, and it is worth it, if you're strong enough. Now, why don't I tell you a story of a village that had not deserved to fall the way it did? It was ruled by nine powerful demons..."

* * *

Sakura Haruno, despite being confused by why the sun wasn't shining at nine, was convinced that today would definitely be a good day. The ache between her shoulder blades that had been with her for her entire life was finally gone. As a matter of fact, she felt as light as air.

It was when she tried to step on the floor of her room that she noticed that she was literally floating.

"Ah, I was wondering when you'd wake up!" a dark haired floating man with bubbles around him said cheerily, "It is so good to see one of mine as she should be."

"One of yours?" Sakura asked cautiously, "What do you mean by that?"

"Why, you didn't think the gift of flight wasn't some form of magic, did you?" the man replied, "Even if your wings are fluttering, you couldn't possibly produce that much lift with those things."

"Wings, what wing?" Sakura asked in confusion.

"Well, I'll show you," he responded as a bubble floated away from him, growing as it moved, "I may be a slug, but flight falls to my jurisdiction, so long as my youngest sister is uninvolved, young pixie."

"'Pixie?'" Sakura asked, looking at the bubble. To her surprise, it showed her, but with delicate-looking butterfly wings sprouting from her back.

"Yes, 'pixie,'" he replied calmly, "But I'm getting ahead of myself. Why don't I start at the beginning?"

* * *

Rock Lee woke up in the dark, feeling strange, as if something was different about him. Looking around his room, he was surprised to see a horned man looking at him from behind dark glasses.

"Relax Rock Lee. My name's Killer Bee," the man said peacefully, "Several centuries, I have been gone, now I'm here to tell you what is going on. Now all that green fur is part of your face. You see, you're a member of a magical race."

"Fur?" Lee asked while the man showed him his reflection, "What unyouthful creature begat this transformation?"

"A magical creature, much like you, did some unsealing, as he knew what to do," the man replied, "You are by birth a goblin, as you can plainly see. Now here's a lesson in history from the Eight-Tailed Demon Ox: Me!"

* * *

"Hey, wake up!" was the first sound Neji Hyuuga heard, a distinctly female voice he hadn't heard before. Looking around he found a blonde girl with blue flames in her hair smirking down at her with a smile that didn't look natural.

"Who are you?" he asked, rising from his bed despite his strangely stiff limbs.

"I am Yugito Nii, the Two Tailed Demon Cat, and the stiffness you feel is due to you not being used to having joints made of clay. Welcome to the right world, homunculus," the girl grinned.

"Homunculus?" he inquired, very confused by this entire situation.

"You know, an artificial person, created as a servant to a witch or a wizard, though usually it's only done by alchemists, who, as a collective, are a specific group of witches and wizards, but they specialize in chemical magicks and, well, why don't I start at the beginning? It started several centuries ago..." she answered, switching into a lecturing tone. Neji sat down on his bed, realizing that this would take some time.

* * *

"Good morning," a voice said as Sasuke Uchiha woke up hungry. Looking to the sound of the voice, he turned right and found a man who seemed to be made of a mist that billowed off of him in some places. Sasuke found himself strangely interested in whether the man had a pulse or not as the man said, "Yes, I am talking to you, and no, I do not have a pulse. You are hungry, though the food of humans will no longer appeal to you."

"How did you know what I was thinking," Sasuke asked in surprise, "And what do you mean 'the food of humans' won't appeal to me?"

"You have become something magnificent," the man replied cheerfully, "You are a vampire, boy. One of the true creatures of the Night."

"There's no such thing as vampires," Sasuke responded simply, "Everyone knows that they're just fairy tales."

Saying that was a mistake. The man seemed to transform, his face becoming distorted as steam began issuing from him at a rate that Sasuke had never thought possible.

"What about demons, boy!?" he roared in a voice that sounded like the voices of many people speaking at once, "Are demons 'just fairy tales' as well!? I am the Five Tailed Demon, the fifth most powerful demon in the world, and you believe yourself to be wiser than I!?"

To Sasuke's surprise, the man's rage suddenly died as quickly as it had sparked as he said, "Now then, boy, you are a vampire. You will have to accept my word on that matter. I will train you in controlling yourself, otherwise your hunger will consume you completely. First, we must begin with with how this village was started, as there is a task at hand that needs to be done."

* * *

Shikamaru Nara woke up feeling heavier than usual, as well as feeling somewhat hostile towards the man with the red beard and the strange headpiece sitting by his bedside.

"Good, you're finally awake," the man remarked in an amused tone, "Now, if you feel an inexplicable hatred of me, that's excellent. It means that I know what you are."

"What?" Shikamaru asked, trying to puzzle out what was going on.

"You're a draugr," the man said, "Essentially, you're a dead man walking, heavier than the average person of your size and body type, and were your head to get wet, it would appear to all who saw it to be a ball made of seaweed. Any other questions?"

"Who are you?" he inquired, trying to learn what he could. Not knowing what was going on would be too troublesome.

"I am Roshi," the man replied, "And you have no need to fear me. I come for many reasons, but harming you is not one. Sit down. I have much to tell you, young draugr."

* * *

"Wake up, little one," a peaceful voice said, rousing Chouji from his deep sleep. Said boy suddenly wanted to eat some very rare meat, which was odd, but he merely turned to look at the man standing in front of him. The man had light grey hair and pink eyes that had no pupils, as well as a single stitch running directly below his left eye.

"I'm sorry for what has happened to you," the man said in his still peaceful voice, "You will never be able to gaze at the sun again, else you turn to stone. Fortunately, we will be able to cast a powerful glamour on you so that you may walk in its rays, and you will be able to travel at any time in the village. Now, to business. I'm sure you want to know what's going on. The first thing I should tell you is that you are a troll. Now that the unpleasant revelation is out of the way, allow me to explain what is going on, little one. I am Yagura, the Three Tailed Demon, or the Giant Turtle."

* * *

Shino Aburame woke to the sound of his hive buzzing rapidly inside his clothes, each saying something about missing flesh or something reverent about someone they referred to as 'She.' Looking around, he found a girl with mint green hair and orange eyes staring at him

"Am I to assume that you are the 'She' that my beetles are talking about?" he asked, eying the scythe the girl was toying with warily.

"One and the same," the girl smirked as a clicking sound began emanating from the back of her throat, "I am Fuu, the Seven Tailed Demon, and you, my young reaper, are Shino Aburame."

"What do you want with me and why did you call me a reaper?" he asked, unsure of how to proceed, as he felt lighter than usual at the moment.

"Because that is what you are," the girl remarked, tossing him a hand mirror, "Now be patient, because I have a lot to teach you and we don't have much time."

Shino slowly lifted the mirror and saw what his beetles had been talking about when they spoke of missing flesh.

* * *

Sai had been very busy by the time the clocks all said that it would normally be noon. His Liege Lord had requested for him to gather everyone together for an important occasion. As such, it took him some time, as they had been receiving lectures on the truth behind the abominable village they intended on dealing with a mild glamour had rendered him and those he had follow him to the location he'd been ordered to get them to invisible to any non-magical eye.

"Are they all here, Sai?" Lord Naruto Uzumaki, the Nine Tailed Demon Fox asked, observing the crowd as he entered with Hinata riding on his back.

"They are, my lord," Sai answered, having even brought the Yamanaka elf, who pulled the knowledge from his mind, and the Kurama poltergeist, who he had only to inform of the plan, as he'd explained the history the night before.

"Excellent," the blond grinned, revealing his fangs as he returned to his more human form, his tails hidden and his eyes glamoured to look blue, "Now, we need to wait to speak to the Hokage. Hinata, would you mind dispelling Sai's glamour for here? No offense to you, Sai, I just wish to see if she's as powerful as I suspect."

"Illusio depellendam," she said, remembering a spell from the book. To everyone's surprise, they felt a strange feeling as the illusion did as she commanded, alongside the glamour on Naruto's tails and eyes. Several Anbu arrived at once, only to be batted aside by nine fox tails.

"Greetings, soldiers," the blond greeted, smiling widely at the group before him, "We wish to speak to your leader. I promise you that we do not intend him any harm at the moment. Please alert him of our presence and tell him that his presence is requested."

"I am here," a man with a red triangular hat said, walking out of the tower they were in front of, "Who are you, and what are you doing here?"

"We are here to seek retribution for a theft that had occurred here centuries ago," the blond said cheerfully.

"What theft is that?" the Hokage asked, looking at the group warily.

"Why, the theft of our village," the blond responded, "This land was stolen by the Senju clan, and to a lesser extent the Uchiha clan. They stole the village that our father, the Sage of Six Paths, told us we were to keep until the sun died."

"What are you talking about?" the man who looked like a grown human version of the demon in front of him asked, "The Senju and the Uchiha were both descended from the Sage, himself and had built this village from the ground up."

"That's a lie!" the younger looking redhead shouted as the sand that made up his frame shifted rapidly, "Those thieves were not children of our father!"

"The only one of the two groups who supported us," the blond demon continued, pretending to ignore both statements, "was Madara Uchiha. He offered to work with us and share the village. Of my experience with humans, he was one of the best of you."

"What exactly is it that you want?" the man asked, "There are so many innocent people here. You can't really want to seek a violent resolution to something no one here had taken part in."

"Of course not," the demon replied, "Well, I don't, though two of my siblings would love to. What I'm offering is a simple truce. You do not have to vacate the village if you agree to my terms. All you have to do is keep your civilians and ninjas in line. We can coexist peacefully, as Madara suggested. All you have to do is not meddle with us and accept that this is the Village Hidden in the Night, as it once was. You only have to deal with us when you have need of our aid or we need something from you, and we, in turn will not destroy you, and we will not prey on you. So the question is this: Are you willing to live with monsters, or do you wish to be nothing but a memory?"


	37. Remarkable Team Seven

Remarkable Team Seven

I don't own Naruto, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Peter Pan, or Dr. Faustus, though I do own copies of the last three listed. The updates of the monthly stories are in the works, as the writer's block has finally left me, but this came to mind for some reason, and I couldn't resist the idea. This Shot is separate from the rest of the Gallery. Warning, contains Elizabethan English.

Kakashi couldn't figure out what was going on. It was his Bell Test, and yet his students, who had given no indication that they were different than the dossier on each of them had implied during the introductions, were managing to creep him out with how they appeared now.

Sakura was dressed in an overly elegant dress, which meant that she could get stuck on a branch or something similar, with only a dagger at her side as she attempted to stab him with a thin sword. Sasuke, meanwhile, was dressed in a blood-red coat and hat, with a hook covering where his hand should be as he lashed out with his own thin sword, as well as the hook. Said hook, Kakashi was certain, would severely impede his ability to perform any jutsu that didn't use one-handed seals. Naruto, however, was the strangest of the group by far, as he dressed in the style of a western noble and was grinning at the proceedings as he wrote on a sheet of paper using a quill and a dark red ink. At least Kakashi thought it was ink.

Nevertheless, Sakura and Sasuke had gotten further away from him while he was distracted by his musings on Naruto's ink. As the group proceeded to charge at him again, with the exception of Naruto, Kakashi threw a kunai at the pair, so that they'd have to duck and roll away and thus be on the defensive. To his horror, only Sasuke had moved out of the way, while Sakura got a kunai in her skull for her efforts.

The entire training ground went silent for a moment. Kakashi stared at where Sakura's body was laying, staring at him with empty eyes. Sasuke stared without any particular interest, which Kakashi determined had to do with having seen so much death by this point in his life. Then Naruto started to laugh.

"This isn't funny, Naruto," Kakashi snapped as the blond walked up to the corpse.

"Yes it is," he responded, pulling the kunai from Sakura's head while holding his inkwell under the bleeding wound, "She is not dead. Her contract permits only her killing herself, and that under special circumstances."

"Contract?" Kakashi asked, thinking that Naruto was suffering a nervous breakdown, "What contract?"

"We made a bargain," the blond laughed, as the hole in Sakura's head seemed to be healing, "She was not aware of making it at the time, but she cannot die by any hand but her own. Her portrait, however, should be showing a hole in her head, as a result of thy actions."

"You could have told me that would hurt," Sakura growled as she pulled herself to her feet as if she wasn't dead moments ago, leaving Kakashi only able to stare in shock.

"Had I a tender, beating heart, I would have," the blond grinned, his eyes turning red with slitted pupils. Kakashi was suddenly feeling very concerned, yet determined to see this through to the end.

"If you have a beating heart, then I have a right hand," Sasuke quipped, sheathing his sword for the moment as he moved to join the other two.

"Then why dost thou not take my deal?" the blond joked as a contract materialized by his head, "If thou gainst a hand, that means that I will gain thy soul and have a heart, and would we not all be doomed with me having morals that would assuredly get in the way?"

"Boys, aren't we forgetting something?" Sakura asked, pointing at the still dumbfounded jounin.

"Oh, right," Naruto said as the contract for Sasuke vanished while the one he had been working on floated to replace it, "Kakashi Hatake, wouldst thou like to make a contract?"

It was at this point that the legendary Copycat Kakashi was certain that he'd bitten off more than he could chew.

* * *

Kakashi Hatake was on the verge of weeping when it was time to announce who passed as a genin team. He knew he was going to have to pass the monsters, as they managed to pass the test without even needing to have one of them tied to a post, which surprised him.

"I, Hatake Kakashi hereby pass Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke as Team Seven," he said, pretending to still be using his usual stoic attitude. He absolutely would not to cry. Gai could be anywhere, and he always tried to 'reinvigorate his youthful spirits' whenever Kakashi was upset. The last thing the village needed was Gai doing what he did in the Village Hidden in the Paper, or, as it was now known, the Village Hidden in the Ashes. Ignoring the surprise of his fellow jounin, Kakashi pulled out his precious book and began to walk to his happy place.

"Ah, I see thou art fond of Lechery," he heard Naruto's voice say as he walked through the park, "She did give the good doctor quite a scare along with the others. If thou would like, I can introduce thee. For a price, of course."

Kakashi ran and didn't look back until he was certain that he was far away from Naruto. Something was wrong with that boy, and he doubted he was certified to deal with it.

"Who are we running from?" a voice he didn't want to hear asked. Turning around, Kakashi saw Naruto standing there, grinning at him alongside Sakura and Sasuke.

"Yes, sir," Sakura added while Sasuke seemed to be ignoring him in his quiet, brooding way, "Who?"

"Hold fast to that thought," Naruto said, looking behind Kakashi, who didn't dare turn his back on the trio, "I see something rare. Such a sweet, pure soul."

With that, the blond headed away, followed by his two teammates. When Kakashi turned to see what was going on he saw Naruto talking animatedly to the Hyuuga girl on Kurenai's team, who blushed deeply and almost reached for the contract he was holding out to her. Rather than take it, however, she simply shook her head and walked away. As she headed away, the blond's dejected expression would have had Kakashi feeling sympathy for him if not for the disturbing nature of the contracts. It was when the trio once more returned to him that he realized that he missed a great chance to escape.

"She was so innocent," the blond sighed, "Why do I only get to claim corrupt souls?"

"If you want her so badly, why don't you just corrupt her?" Sakura asked, not really concerned with Naruto's plight.

"But if I corrupt her, then she will be rid of that which I find so attractive..." he answered despondently, "No, I will get through this. I will think of something..."

"Why not just let it go?" Sasuke asked, hiding his right hand behind his back as he spoke, "It'd probably be best for that to happen."

"Sasuke, I cast the glamour over thy hand when we were younger because thou continued attempting to escape from the village to attempt, and in all likelihood fail, to kill thy brother to avenge it and thy clan when thou had so much as glanced at it," the blond remarked with false cheer, "I therefore presume that thou, out of all people can understand if I decide persistence is the method which I shall use."

"Alright, stalk the girl to your heart's content," Sasuke responded cheerfully, "I'll just sit back and watch the resulting fireworks."

"Suffering is an interesting sight," Sakura agreed as they all turned towards Kakashi, "So, what are we going to do now, sir?"

* * *

Kakashi was feeling happy for the first time since he had gotten a team. They were going out of the village on an escort mission. While he would still have to deal with them, he wouldn't have to deal with people crying to him about what his students did while the Hokage sat in his office, most likely laughing at the entire ordeal.

"Kakashi, Sakura's scaring the Academy students by stabbing herself. Please order her to stop," was always coming from Iruka Umino.

"Kakashi, Sasuke chopped down at least fifty trees to make a ship. If he attacks my Forest of Death, I'll put you in the hospital," Anko told him as she dragged him off to have her way with him.

"Kakashi, tell your student to stop stalking mine during our team meetings," Kurenai demanded, as if he had any say in what they did in their spare time. But now, on a mission, he would be able to rein them in at least a bit, as he was their superior officer.

When the Demon Brothers made their appearance, Kakashi decided to hide himself away, planning on seeing what it was like to not be on the receiving end of his students' attacks.

The Demon Brothers managed to get their claws into the pink haired girl, who, rather than fall down from the poison, cut their wrists with her dagger and laughed maniacally as she said, "I can't be killed! Mwah ha ha ha ha!"

As they tried to pull away the blond walked up to them with an official-looking document that seemed to be written in red ink. Grinning at them, he asked, "Dost thou crave a way out of thy situation? All thou need to do to be freed is sign this contract in thy own blood."

The attempted negotiations were stopped when one of the Demon Brothers had his throat slit by the red clad boy as he tried to break free.

"Damnations, Sasuke," the blond shouted as the contract vanished, "Can'st thou not be patient. Thy actions hath made that I could not lay a claim. Thou knowest that I cannot touch thee for thy faith in thy god, though I will make they life unpleasant should there be an attempt of the same with the next contract. The souls of the Brothers be damned to Hell, and thou hast hindered me. No matter. Without the soul of its brother, this soul is of no use to me, as the contract was written for both. Do what thou will. I see the client has some secrets to reveal to us. So, Tazuna, wouldst thou like to tell us what is going on, or do we leave thee to thy fate?"

As Sasuke finished off the second Demon Brother, Kakashi decided to make his appearance as he said, "I'm curious as well. Why were two chuunin-level Missing Nin trying to kill you?"

The look on Tazuna's face told Kakashi that this would not be as simple as he thought. At least the monsters would have something to destroy that wasn't a village.

* * *

When Zabuza Momochi met the group defending his target, he had expected all sorts of different expressions. Fear, certainly, but other than that, which was only coming from the target, he had been completely wrong in his expectations. The Sharingan Kakashi seemed to be unconcerned for his client's well-being, which was a surprise from the man who was known for not failing his missions. Perhaps it was arrogance, but it didn't seem to be. The kunoichi, who his blade had literally sliced through just moments ago, was standing, completely unharmed as she grinned maniacally at him. The dark haired boy with the hook where his hand should be had unsheathed a comically thin sword while holding his hook up as if it would be a useful weapon. The blond with the red eyes, meanwhile...

"Hello, Zabuza Momochi," the blond said cheerfully, writing on a sheet of paper, "Dost thou crave the ability to actually succeed in thy coup d'etat against the Mizukage? All thou must do is sign this contract I'm writing in thy own blood."

Before Zabuza could so much as read the document he was reaching for, Haku threw a senbon at him, rendering him unconscious.

"Pall thee in the dunnest smoke of Hell!" Naruto shouted as the fake hunter nin approached Zabuza's body.

"Thank you for helping me catch him," Haku said, ignoring the boy that Haku knew was trying to claim Zabuza-sama's soul, "I'm from Mist, and I've been searching for him for some time, now."

"Wouldst that thou were a minute slower," the blond demon mourned, "Thou wouldst have claimed the corpse and I would claim the soul. Dost thou desire anything?"

"Nothing from you," Haku responded, lifting Zabuza while pulling the Kubikiri Houcho out of the tree. With that, the fake hunter nin left, carrying Zabuza to their hideout.

"We should probably go, Naruto," Kakashi said, not wanting to deal with this at the moment. He could tell that Zabuza was alive, but he didn't want to risk the client being harmed by any other agents of Gato who could be hiding out there while his team was otherwise occupied. Besides, what was the worst that could happen if he waited to give them that information?


	38. A Diplomatic Event

A Diplomatic Event

This particular Shot takes place the day before Shot 4. I wonder how many people actually read these disclaimers... I don't own Naruto and probably never will. Bonus points to whoever can find the Lord of the Rings quote in this Shot.

The demon and his psychic were seated in a tree as they watched the gates of the village for those who were entering.

'Hey, boss,' the psychic's voice said in the demon's head, 'You know your pet Hyuuga?'

'Beg pardon?' said demon inquired mentally as he and his friend observed the Kumo delegates as they passed the tree.

'You know,' the psychic replied, 'The Hyuuga heiress. The one you stalk?'

'What about her?' the demon asked, not even bothering to deny the allegations. She was his psychic lieutenant for a reason.

'Well, these supposedly brave men and women are planning on kidnapping her tonight.' the psychic remarked, 'Obviously they don't know that she's yours.'

'Evidently the events we had planned for tomorrow evening will have to happen tonight, then. If we want to keep this covered, then we need to take refuge in sheer scale,' the demon commented, 'Pity, I was hoping to be there when Sasuke got his hands on Mizuki. And to think, Gaara was so looking forward to helping Sai with his task. But I suppose the mess needs to be dealt with.'

'We can't always get what we want, boss,' the psychic said consolingly, 'Can I have the delegates who don't do the actual kidnapping. I want to play with them.'

'Of course,' the demon replied, 'Think of how it would look if only one of them was hurt. No, a message must be sent. Get the others. Ramen shop, back booth, like always. Now, say goodbye like a good little girl, and I'll say goodbye like a good little boy.'

"I gotta go home real quick, Naruto," the psychic said out loud in a childish tone as they climbed out of the tree, "See you later!"

"Alright, Ino," the demon said cheerfully, "Talk to you later."

With that, the demon's psychotic lieutenant headed out to gather the rest of his supporters.

* * *

Sai had gone to the paint shop after visiting Shin in the hospital, as per the norm. He'd already made his purchase earlier, and had no real reason to be there, yet he stood there transfixed. There was a brown haired girl who was painting in the shop, always making such beautiful art on her canvas that Sai would have wept with joy to see such a sight had he managed to gain more emotions than interest, respect, brotherly affection, and, judging by the number of times he came specifically to see the girl paint, obsession.

He was going to approach her and ask what sort of paints she used when his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice in his head saying, 'Sai, we've got a meeting at the usual place. Get there as soon as you finish with your girl friend.'

He did not understand the tone that Ino's voice had given with those last two words, as he still did not grasp odd phrasings such as that. At any rate, he left, not noticing the girl smirking as she watched him leave, her portrait of her home on fire nearly complete. In a few weeks, her family would be dead, and she and her friendlier side would be able to practice any genjutsu they wanted. He, unlike everyone else she'd seen the eyes of, had practically no concept of emotions, let alone fear, and would therefore be the perfect control subject. She had a lot of experiments to work on, after all.

* * *

In the Uchiha district, Sasuke sat, waiting for the next meeting, as he had finished copying jutsus for the day. As a result, he was intrigued and pleased to acquiesce when he heard Ino's voice in his head say, 'Head to the usual meeting place. The boss wants to talk to us.'

Not even bothering to think an affirmative, he headed out, readying himself for what promised to be interesting news. A meeting usually meant a change in the script of some sort, so he needed to know what he was going to do.

* * *

"Now, as you all know," the demon said to his followers in the empty room in the back of Ichiraku Ramen, "Konoha is playing host to some delegates from Kumo. What those of you who aren't Ino or myself don't know is that they're planning on taking the Hyuuga heiress when they leave, with the kidnapping occurring tonight. As I'm very interested in the progress she intends to make to her clan, I do not want this to happen. However, I'm aware that we need to have some way to prevent too many eyebrows from be raised. As such, we're moving tomorrow's attacks for tonight. Gaara has already agreed via letter, but he will not be able to attend. You all know your orders. The attack begins at midnight. Any questions?"

None of the three children present made a sound. They knew that they'd follow him to the gates of Death itself if he so commanded. With their silence as a response, the demon said, "Do what you wish with the rest of the day, for tonight, we will be having some fun."

* * *

It was dark, very dark, when Sasuke made his move. Mizuki had just left the restaurant that he went to every Thursday, and there were no pesky witnesses to notice the man get grabbed from behind and get a cloth filled with chloroform to cover his mouth and nose.

Mizuki would not enjoy what would happen when he woke up.

* * *

Sai had entered the headquarters of ROOT, ostensibly to report to 'Danzo-sama.' His actual intent was to kill everyone in this base, obviously, which, in and of itself was the first time he had a reason to be glad that Shin was currently in the hospital for whatever disease it was that Sai was certain he was going to fight off.

As he walked past the emotionless shells he could have been, he felt pity for them. None of them deserved this, but they were already devoted to Danzo. He'd make sure that their deaths would be quick when he unleashed his pets, but they would be allowed a weapon.

* * *

Ino was hidden in the shadows as she gazed hungrily at the delegates from Kumo. She was able to get into their minds, but for the time being she would have to limit herself to that. She couldn't play with them until the boss' target was gone. When he left, Ino silently cheered as she moved to enter the compound.

'Hello, ladies and gentleman,' she said as she stepped inside, 'I am here because you've attempted to steal something from a very dangerous person. Each of you is complicit in the attempted kidnap of one Hinata Hyuuga, for whom there is already someone with a prior claim.'

"Who are you to judge us, child?" one man asked, "You are but a child, and we do this for the betterment of our village."

'An interesting sentiment, Satoshi,' she said, picking his brain with ease, 'You believe that your village is more important than one young girl. You have a daughter, who you named Ayumi. Would you murder her for the benefit of your village? Why don't I show you what horrors you could be ordered to visit upon your own daughter just for the betterment of your village? You can see her eyes reflecting your betrayal of her trust each time, and believe me, there are so many different ways that you could harm her. Enjoy the next few hours. I know I will.'

"What did you do to him?" one of the others asked, watching as Ino grinned at the already sobbing wreck on the floor.

'Nothing that concerns you, Daisuke,' she smiled, turning to the man as the others found themselves immobilized in pain from Ino violently picking at their memories, 'Have you ever wondered what it would be like to not remember anything. People, at their most interesting, are made up of their experiences and memories. Did you know that if a person loses everything about themself, they become practically nothing. But that's not my favorite part. My favorite part is when you scream as you feel them slipping away, one by one. Like this.'

As the man screamed, Ino smiled at the crowd in front of her as she asked, 'Who would like to be my next volunteer?'

* * *

"I'm glad you're awake," Sasuke said as a bound Mizuki returned to the conscious world, "It would be difficult to perform this scene if both players were unconscious."

"What's going on here?" Mizuki asked, trying to pull free of the chair, "Aren't you that Uchiha kid? Your brother killed your clan, didn't he?"

"Yes, but that was in Scene One," Sasuke replied idly, "And I'm supposed to get information on your master out of you in this scene. We're finishing up Act One, you see, and your role in it ends here."

"Master? I have no idea what you're talking about!" Mizuki shouted, confused by the boy's words. He hadn't reported to Orochimaru yet, so how could this boy know?

"Well, it seems that we're going to have to use the props after all," Sasuke said, activating his Eternal Mangekyo Sharingan, "Don't worry. I'm very good at improvisation. Time to begin."

* * *

Sai was in Danzo's office, grinning as he said, "Hello, Danzo Shimura. You have offended the leader. The orders are to terminate both you and every last witness to your murder."

"You're only one ROOT who has strayed from the path, whereas I have an army that will answer when summoned," Danzo retorted, not wanting to reveal his new arm just yet.

"Apparently, you've forgotten my talent," Sai said in his falsely cheerful tone as he unrolled his scroll to reveal a creature with more fangs and spikes than flesh drawn next to a humanoid creature that was grinning from ear to ear with two fanged mouths, "I'll leave you to talk to them. They have quite a few questions."

As the creatures rose from the scroll Sai stepped out into the barracks, scroll in hand as his face took on a friendly countenance. He wasn't sure why, but he felt that they needed to each see a friendly face before they were ushered to the safety of another life. He pulled out his scroll, ink, and brush, ready to perform his assignment.

* * *

When Ino left the building, satisfied with the complete wrecks that were seated where the Kumo delegates once stood, she heard Sasuke attempting to get information out of Mizuki.

'Need a hand?' Ino asked mentally, causing Sasuke to stiffen before she said, 'Calm down, it's just me. Do you need help forcing thoughts from his head?'

"That would help," Sasuke replied, "He seems to have suffered a breakdown from the torture."

"Hello Purple Dragon," said the chuunin who was now an almost unrecognizable mass, "Pinwheel Eyes stabbed my brains."

'You really did a number on him,' Ino remarked, impressed by the brokenness of the mind, 'But I can do better and get the information from him. Let the real nightmare specialist do her work...'

Mizuki's screams would have echoed throughout the village if she hadn't blocked the neural pathway between his brain and his vocal cords. The mental screams, however, were just as satisfying to her. Still, she'd have to remember to ask Sasuke to make it so she didn't leave a single mark in the brain. Boiling them usually helped.

* * *

As the Head Ninja of Kumo neared the gate with the unconscious Hyuuga, having barely managed to evade Hiashi Hyuuga, he found a horrific sight before him. Grinning at him with fanged jaws was a little blond boy in an orange suit, nine fox tails swaying behind him. The terrifying part, however, were his blood-red eyes with black slits for pupils, which showed an intelligence he'd never dealt with before, alongside an animalistic cunning. Then the boy charged him, and he found himself unable to move to evade as the boy's fist connected with his stomach, causing him to drop the girl, who woke up immediately.

"W-Where am I?" she asked, looking around to find anyone she knew. To the Head Ninja's surprise, the blond monster lost all of his demonic features as his eyes turned blue. While the man stood frozen by his shock and the blow that knocked all the air out of his lungs, the blond creature walked up to the girl with a tender gaze on its face.

"Relax, Hinata," it said gently in a surprisingly soft voice, looking her in the eyes, "This is just a dream. Just close your eyes and go to sleep. Heed no nightly noises. You'll wake up back in your room before you know it."

As if in a trance, the girl slowly shut her eyes and started breathing as if asleep. It was at this moment that the blond monster regained its natural visage, which contorted into a terrifying grin that promised pain and death. It was then that it spoke.

"You don't seem like a stupid insect, yet you just did something that proves you to be one," it said, moving towards him as he pulled out a kunai to defend himself, "You see, I already claimed her, and you attempted to take her from me. That was a mistake. Demons don't forgive, and while stepping on a fox's tail results in a curse, taking something a demon considers precious leads to a death that moves slowly. Let me give you an example."

Were she awake, Hinata Hyuuga would have heard the snarls of an animal and a man's screams, followed by a crunching sound and more screams, repeating for a few hours. Fortunately, she was still asleep, even when she was carried back to her bed after all the screaming stopped. When she told her father about her strange dream the next morning, he told her that it was just a dream while he made plans to inform the Hokage of what he had learned, unaware that Hiruzen Sarutobi was already having a bad morning due to the corpses in the village and the mentally broken Kumo delegates, to say the least about the remains they could find of the Head Ninja.

Elsewhere, Naruto and Sasuke had just made their orders at the ramen stand where the group was supposed to meet. Gaara was going to arrive today, after all.


	39. Sensei's Regret

Sensei's Regret

The opening and closing of this Shot takes place after Shot 21 and Shot 29. This Shot is my way of explaining why this Naruto is the way he is. It might be the most depressing Shot in the Gallery. I still don't own Naruto. Bonus points to whoever can find the paraphrased Lord of the Rings movie quote.

Naruto was sitting with a little black notebook and a pen as his students hunted down Tora. He kept writing in it before scowling and writing again on the next page. Over and over he wrote, each time causing him to scowl anew. Even when they arrived to show him the caged cat, he was still writing and scowling.

"Naruto-sensei," Sakura asked, "What exactly is that for."

"Well, if you want me to lie, it's a novel that I'm trying to write," he remarked dryly, looking up at the group, his ever-present camera covering his eye, "My friend is a fan of the Icha Icha series, so I figured I'd write an original work for him."

"And if we wanted the truth?" Yakumo pushed, holding the cage with the struggling cat.

"Do you want the truth?" he asked, closing his book and tucking it into his kunai pouch. When he heard three responses to the affirmative, he said, "It's me trying to see what could've been done differently. I'm always seeing if I could have gotten different results, if I could have..."

"Could have what?" Sasuke asked when the blond stopped speaking.

"That's the question, isn't it?" he responded, "You might not know this, but I'm an orphan and legally a ward of the Anbu, as opposed to a ward of the village like most orphans are. I'm also considered something of a prodigy. Fast-tracked out of the Academy by the age of seven, and had mastered the Academy three with relative ease thanks to training from the Hokage and Ero-sennin. Didn't have all the techniques I do now, like Kage Bunshin or Hiraishin, but I had enough talent to get through early, and my talent was that I was unpredictable and skilled at subterfuge. Still, as you all know, you can't make jounin without being in a genin cell at some point in your career.

"My team was Kenshin Saito and Keiko Kagamine. Who our sensei was doesn't matter, since he wasn't really there all that often, since he thought we were more than capable of taking care of ourselves and learning on our own. Kenshin was an excellent swordsman with some talent in taijutsu while Keiko had this ability to duplicate any opponent's style as long as they were in her line of sight, and she could create a chakra construct that duplicated any weapon. Anyway, all three of us were orphans, so we figured that, since we were going to be spending a huge chunk of our lives together, we could pretend to be a family, so we started spending time together. We made chuunin together at the Exams in Suna and stuck together for every mission. Then, we got a mission to check out and deal with a bandit camp a few kilometers from the village of Tanzaku Gai. It was our first mission without our sensei having to come with us..."

* * *

"Hurry up, kids," Kenshin called back to his two teammates cheerfully, "The sooner we take out the bandits, the sooner we can get home!"

"I think Kenshin's homesick, little brother," Keiko quipped as they caught up to him, "Maybe next time we should leave him behind if he misses home so much. It wouldn't do for him to feel so sad."

"Do you two hear that?" Naruto suddenly asked, looking slightly to the right, "I think we're getting close."

"Remember this mission, little brother," Keiko whispered as Kenshin pulled out his sword and she prepared to use her personal technique, "Kenshin has his sword with its newest seals, I've can mimic any attack as it's happening, and you've got your Rasengan. This is going to be our easiest mission to date."

"Is that so?" a man asked, stepping out of the bushes to reveal himself, "I'm afraid that you might find it harder to deal with us than you think, little ninja."

"Indeed," another said as dozens of them came out of the bushes, weapons in hand, "They'd probably do better to run away now."

"Well kids," Kenshin asked as the three of them stood so that they had their backs only to each other, "Shall we?"

It began. Naruto started forming a Rasengan while Kenshin charged at a crowd, his sword crackling with electricity as he activated the seal. Keiko, meanwhile, was already forming hand seals as she prepared to perform her technique.

It was a brutal fight, but the trio seemed to be winning, though they lost sight of Kenshin. Keiko was harming her opponents each attack by dodging and striking the exact same way with the chakra construct weapons of her 'Mirror Image Technique' while Naruto would use his Rasengan, among other similar jutsus to cut through anyone who attempted to get her from behind. Each lunge of a blade was deflected, each spear was stopped midway through their flight by a duplicate. In short order, the number of bandits was reduce to only a few left when the pair heard Kenshin cry out in pain. Turning to see what happened, Naruto saw Kenshin with six swords piercing all over his body. Forming a Big Ball Rasengan, despite it still being an experimental technique, he attacked the bandits, destroying them with ease.

"Hey, kids," Kenshin chuckled painfully as Keiko and Naruto approached while the remainders of the bandits fled, "Looks like I'm cashing in early."

"We can get you back to the village," Naruto said quickly, "all you need to do is stay awake."

"We both know that's not going to happen, Naruto," he coughed, using what little energy he had to sheath his sword, "All three of us knew one of us was going to bite the dust sooner or later. Just make sure I make it back to the village."

"We'll get you there before you die," Keiko responded as they tried to pull the bleeding swordsman to his feet, "Just stay with us. Tanzaku Gai is close enough that we could make it in time. Just stay with us."

"If you two can get me there, Keiko, I'll try my hardest," he responded weakly as they each slung an arm around him. As the three began heading off to the village as quickly as the two could walk, he asked, "Hey, guys, do you remember the first time we caught Tora? What was it we did to catch the monster, again?"

"We set up a net and Keiko chased the thing straight into it," Naruto said as they neared the village, "I'll bet you anything that we're going to be on Tora detail for some time. What do you think Keiko?"

"I think..." she began before collapsing on the ground, causing Kenshin to fall as well, dragging Naruto down with the sudden shift in weight distribution.

"Gotcha ninja," the leader of the bandits said as what remained of his camp came out of the bushes once more, "Did you really think we'd let you get away?"

Naruto didn't say a word as he looked at his fallen teammates. Kenshin was lying limp on the ground, like he was a boned fish. Keiko was also on the ground, a dart in her neck as she writhed in pain. He got angry and started to see red.

* * *

"What happens next is an S-Class secret, so I want all of you to swear not to mention it to anyone if you want to hear it," Naruto said, eying his transfixed students. When all three of them nodded, he continued.

* * *

He was completely aware of what was going on as he sprouted the claws and fangs alongside the chakra two tails, though, at the time, he wasn't aware that it had to do with the demon fox sealed in his stomach. What he did know was that he had some corpses to make out of bandits. He felt some pricks as they tried to use the same poison on him to no avail, and then he struck.

The carnage was brutal, even if it only took exactly two minutes, and blood soaked the ground around the pile of corpses he made. The instant that the bandits were all destroyed, he immediately returned to normal and rushed to his two immobilized teammates. Pressing two fingers against Kenshin's jugular, he found no sign of a pulse, and the boy had stopped breathing. Turning around to check on Keiko, he saw that she was still breathing, though it was ragged and labored.

"Kenshin's dead," she coughed, "I tried to keep him awake for as long as I could, little brother, but he didn't last very long once we fell. I'm probably going to join him soon."

"I can get you to a hospital," Naruto pleaded, not wanting to lose both of them, "Just keep breathing a little longer, I'm sure that there's someone there who can help you. You're going to live a long life and become a Jounin Commander, just like we planned."

"I won't be able to make it there now," she replied, her breathing sounding more labored, " both of us will be waiting for you on the other side, and we better wait a long time for it, since you're going to be the Hokage. Remember to visit us at the cemetery, little brother."

With that said, Keiko Kagamine breathed her last breath and joined Kenshin Saito in the next life. Naruto sat there, unable to move as he realized he was once again alone in the world.

* * *

"Every year, I visit the cemetery, where there are two out of three plots occupied," Naruto said, "When I got back, I buried myself in scrolls and books on everything I could learn, from basic strategy to advanced techniques. When I made jounin, I begged the Hokage to let me learn even a single jutsu from the Forbidden Scroll, which is how I got Shadow Clones. Kakashi, my friend, gave me a set of kunai that he'd been holding for me, which, with the help of the memories of clones, helped me master the Hiraishin. I did all that work so I could make sure that I didn't lose anyone again."

"What does that have to do with the book, sensei?" Yakumo asked in a soft voice while Tora slept in the cage, mostly forgotten by the group.

"I use it to try to see if I could've changed things back then," Naruto said, "Every single time I think of a way the fight could have gone, I write down in the book and then write the results of it. If I were as skilled then as I am now, Kenshin could've gotten to a hospital immediately due to my use of Hiraishin and Keiko could've gotten away without getting poisoned because I would've made enough Shadow Clones to defeat all the bandits the instant they stepped out into the open. If I'd heard the blow gun with my skill levels back then, I might have been able to use Kawarimi to take Keiko's place. If I had noticed all the swords, I could've warned Kenshin and told him to stay close to us. There are so many ways I could've helped them, but here we are. That's why I'm always telling you about teamwork and how a battle isn't over until it's definitively over. It's also why I'm trying to train you to be able to use more than just your natural talents. You honestly never know when your teammates could use some form of help, so your training makes sure that you have as many fields covered as possible, because, like I said, you never know."

The field fell silent. None of the genin knew what to tell their sensei, and he had nothing more that he wanted to tell.

"Why don't we go return Madam Shijimi's cat?" Naruto said, breaking the silence. With that, Team Seven headed out. After a few minutes, they fell back into their roles while their sensei idly noted that he would need to visit his family later that day.


	40. Theatricality and Deception

Theatricality and Deception

I don't own Naruto. Also, I don't own The Dark Knight Rises, from which this Shot takes its title. For those who are curious, this is set before Shot 31. Obviously, I've tinkered with the time frame a bit. For those of you wondering how the Hokage was able to remove Orochimaru's ability to use his arms yet survive to reach the events that led to Shot 31, take a guess. My only hint is to pay attention to the two halves of this Shot and think of the titles of both this and Shot 31. Bonus points to whoever figures it out or to whoever can figure out who Naruto's third initiate is.

Theatricality

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," the blond chided Sasuke in a tone that reminded him of That Man, "You made a grave mistake. Didn't you think of what happened when your Snake Sannin went up against the Old Man? The parasite's no longer a threat, as his arms will be useless even if he does get a new host body. Guess what? Hokage-jiji trained me himself. I was trained to kill any and all current defectors since the day I could crawl, and half of my training is to kill without any use of ninjutsu or genjutsu. All of my missions were redacted, shredded, and burned, while the results were labeled 'Accidents.' You made a big mistake. Mizuki was a particular bit of fun."

"But you were the dead last of the class..." Sasuke protested, trying to figure out why the blond seemed so calm.

"Why yes I was," the blond agreed, grinning at Sasuke, "Good of you to remember. I also wear neon orange and by the age of seven could vanish from under the exceedingly watchful eyes of Anbu, the Hokage, and Kakashi-sensei. Now, here's an interesting riddle for you: Why do villages not post the names of those who work or have worked in Anbu in their own village?"

"Because there's always the chance of there being a spy," Sasuke responded automatically, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"On record, the only person who's ever been known to be in Anbu is Kakashi-sensei," the blond remarked, "That is the man who purposefully mastered over one thousand jutsus and invented one of his own for the sole purpose of being memorable. As a matter of fact, the very technique he taught you is his calling card. Almost half of the missions anyone in Anbu has ever successfully accomplished went to him for that reason. The rest are unknowns who have very minimal work done according to their records... Make of that what you will."

Sasuke was silent, trying to remember any names of Anbu who weren't Kakashi, but was unable to remember any of them. While he was trying to remember, the blond continued.

"The only other Anbu to be remembered is the Cat," the blond commented, moving closer to Sasuke, "No one knows who the Cat is, because the Cat's hair color, body shape, gender, and methodology changes twice during every single mission the Cat has been on. Every. Single. Mission. The only consistency in the Cat's method is that the deaths always look as if they could be accidents at first glance, with only three small scratches hidden somewhere in the building they died in or a landmark they died near. Despite this, Kakashi-sensei is the one everyone looks for, all because he's a solid person who everyone knows actually exists."

"What's your point?" Sasuke asked, backing away slowly. The blond was not acting the way that Sasuke expected, and that was terrifying him.

"I could have easily dispatched you several times when you appeared to jeopardize the mission in Wave," the blond noted idly, keeping Sasuke close to him, "Unfortunately for me, Kakashi-sensei knows my style. You see, Mizuki got me angry. I don't like people getting me angry, since that causes me to wake up the demon sealed inside of me. Had he not angered me, it would've looked like he tripped that day and broke his neck. With you, it would've been you overexerted yourself while training in private. It would've been such a tragedy that you tried to copy the Kage Bunshin from me only to not have the chakra reserves to make hundreds. At least, to Sakura. Kakashi would know, and I'd get blacklisted for the Chuunin Exams, thereby making me have to take extra assassination missions because Hokage-jiji wouldn't like that I had been kept as a genin. He really wants me to be able to seem weak, but not too weak, and chuunin fits that bar perfectly when it comes to getting scrutinized by enemies and allies."

Sasuke kept backing away. The blond was not following the scenario that Sasuke had envisioned. The blond should have been shouting and throwing punches, not speaking calmly and circling him like a vulture eying it's latest meal. Hoping to stall whatever it was that the blond was doing and seem more confident than he currently felt, Sasuke prepared to activate his cursed seal and asked, "What happens now dobe?"

"Well, we're about to find out, aren't we, Sasuke?" the blond inquired, pulling something porcelain out of his kunai pouch. Sasuke's eyes widened in fear when he saw what it was.

There, resting peacefully in the blond's hand was an Anbu mask, made specifically to look like a cat. Terrified, Sasuke recalled some things that he hadn't thought much of when he first noticed them. The blond's Henge actually transformed him into whatever or whoever it was he was attempting to change into. The blond was a master of improvised strategies. The blond evidently liked falsifying accidents for those he killed. Sasuke unwillingly found himself rapidly comparing what he knew of the blond to what he just learned from the blond.

The Cat never looked the same whenever others saw the Cat. The Cat often changed strategies throughout the Cat's missions. The Cat made most of the Cat's kills look like they were accidents. Adding to this, the blond claimed to have been trained for years to kill by the Hokage, himself. This statement had weight when Sasuke thought about it. The Hokage was known to have something of a soft spot for the blond, so the possibility of the blond being the Hokage's secret apprentice was actually a very likely one.

Hoping to take the blond by surprise, Sasuke quickly activated his cursed seal to attack before the blond could attempt anything. Before he could strike the blond, Sasuke saw him put on the mask before he suddenly found himself feeling a sharp pain in his chest. Looking down, he saw two kunai pressed directly to the right and left of his heart. He hadn't even seen the blond move beyond attaching the mask before that moment, but he saw as the blond rammed the third into his chest. As he lay dying, Sasuke swore that he saw three Cat masks staring at him when the blond spoke to him for the last time.

"There's a reason that Konoha values teamwork, Sasuke," the blond said from behind his mask, "Using more than one blade ensures that the target is neutralized indefinitely. Enjoy oblivion."

The white Cat mask that seemed tripled to Sasuke's eyes was the last thing that Sasuke saw as he passed away.

* * *

Deception

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," Naruto said, chiding the last Uchiha in a tone that was made to sound like a father scolding a misbehaving child, "You made a grave mistake. Didn't you think of what happened when your Snake Sannin went up against the Old Man? The parasite's no longer a threat, as his arms will be useless even if he does get a new host body. Guess what? Hokage-jiji trained me himself. I was trained to kill any and all current defectors since the day I could crawl, and half of my training is to kill without any use of ninjutsu or genjutsu. All of my missions were redacted, shredded, and burned, while the results were labeled 'Accidents.' You made a big mistake. Mizuki was a particular bit of fun."

Convincing the enemy that you possessed skills they couldn't even imagine was always the best starting point of any method to make them behave the way you wanted.

"But you were the dead last of the class..." the Uchiha protested, clearly unnerved by how Naruto was keeping so calm in this situation. This was good, as it made him more malleable.

"Why yes I was," Naruto agreed, grinning at the Uchiha as he planted another seed of doubt in his mind, "Good of you to remember. I also wear neon orange and by the age of seven could vanish from under the exceedingly watchful eyes of Anbu, the Hokage, and Kakashi-sensei. Now, here's an interesting riddle for you: Why do villages not post the names of those who work or have worked in Anbu in their own village?"

The truth mixed with a lie was always Naruto's favorite method of dealing with an opponent as confident as the Uchiha. In their arrogance, they never looked beyond the grains of truth.

"Because there's always the chance of there being a spy," the Uchiha responded automatically, exactly as Naruto expected, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"On record, the only person who's ever been known to be in Anbu is Kakashi-sensei," Naruto remarked honestly, "That is the man who purposefully mastered over one thousand jutsus and invented one of his own for the sole purpose of being memorable. As a matter of fact, the very technique he taught you is his calling card. Almost half of the missions anyone in Anbu has ever successfully accomplished went to him for that reason. The rest are unknowns who have very minimal work done according to their records... Make of that what you will."

It was always best to start off with a strong point to get them to focus on trying to remember, as it made any line given to them, even if it was the truth, knock them off balance. Breaking the silence that the Uchiha was using to try to remember any Anbu he could, Naruto pressed on with another truth.

"The only other Anbu to be remembered is the Cat," Naruto commented, moving closer to the Uchiha, trying to get him closer to where Naruto's current teammates were hiding, "No one knows who the Cat is, because the Cat's hair color, body shape, gender, and methodology changes twice during every single mission the Cat has been on. Every. Single. Mission. The only consistency in the Cat's method is that the deaths always look as if they could be accidents at first glance, with only three small scratches hidden somewhere in the building they died in or a landmark they died near. Despite this, Kakashi-sensei is the one everyone looks for, all because he's a solid person who everyone knows actually exists."

Naruto was being honest. Having grown up with Anbu around him all the time, he was well aware of the secret of that particular mask.

"What's your point?" the Uchiha asked, backing away slowly exactly as planned. The Uchiha seemed terrified that Naruto wasn't acting like he expected, which meant that Naruto was succeeding in his goal.

"I could have easily dispatched you several times when you appeared to jeopardize the mission in Wave," Naruto noted in an idle tone, keeping the Uchiha moving for a while longer while he continued nudging Sasuke to the idea he was trying to make him think, "Unfortunately for me, Kakashi-sensei knows my style. You see, Mizuki got me angry. I don't like people getting me angry, since that causes me to wake up the demon sealed inside of me. Had he not angered me, it would've looked like he tripped that day and broke his neck. With you, it would've been you overexerted yourself while training in private. It would've been such a tragedy that you tried to copy the Kage Bunshin from me only to not have the chakra reserves to make hundreds. At least, to Sakura. Kakashi would know, and I'd get blacklisted for the Chuunin Exams, thereby making me have to take extra assassination missions because Hokage-jiji wouldn't like that I had been kept as a genin. He really wants me to be able to seem weak, but not too weak, and chuunin fits that bar perfectly when it comes to getting scrutinized by enemies and allies."

That was partially true. Mizuki angering him did stop him from toying with the man by using his fear of what Mizuki himself revealed was contained in him. He could have killed the Uchiha several times by either stabbing him when Haku had knocked him unconscious, or by simply poisoning his food with the poisons he always kept handy.

The Uchiha continued backing away, which was good. The Uchiha was enacting the exact scenario that Naruto had planned for this fight. Naruto made sure to unnerve him further by starting to circle him like a vulture. Obviously hoping to stall Naruto's plan despite not knowing it as well as seem more confident than he most likely felt, the Uchiha asked, "What happens now dobe?"

"Well, we're about to find out, aren't we, Sasuke?" Naruto inquired, pulling the porcelain mas out of his kunai pouch, causing the Uchiha's eyes to widen in fear.

The look on Sasuke's face when he saw Naruto's Cat mask was worth the effort this plan took. Clearly terrified, Sasuke seemed to be taking the time to recall some things that he hadn't thought much of when he first noticed them, as Naruto predicted.

The Cat mask was Konoha's way of staving off war without being considered weak. Even if one died on a mission, the mask was never retired, and was always accompanied by the two others with the same mask, who would take the body before it could be examined, thereby making the Cat seem immortal. It was tactic that the Hokage had come up with years ago, and had been used to intimidate everything from armies to missing nin. Only the subtle were permitted to use the mask, so not even the mighty Itachi Uchiha knew of the truth behind the Cat mask.

Naruto, on the other hand, was partially raised by the Anbu when he was smaller, and, as such, he picked up on the matter quickly because the Hokage had been training him in such tricks since he was capable of coherent thought. He had been practically raised by half-truths and deception by the time he noticed the Cat changing owners every once in a while. As a result, he was made an accomplice to the trick and was given his own mask. He later inducted three others into the trick in order to have his own trio and a back-up.

Unsurprisingly to Naruto, the Uchiha quickly activated his cursed seal to attack before the blond could attempt anything. As he moved to strike Naruto, though, Sai and Yakumo watched for Naruto's signal. When they saw him put on the mask to tell them to attack, they snuck up behind the Uchiha and each stabbed him with surgical precision. Looking down, the Uchiha saw their two kunai pressed directly to the right and left of his heart, which distracted him. He hadn't even seen the pair as they stepped out from behind him to join Naruto.

"There's a reason that Konoha values teamwork, Sasuke," Naruto said from behind his mask, "Using more than one blade ensures that the target is neutralized indefinitely. Enjoy oblivion."

When the Uchiha finally died, the trio saw Orochimaru flee with Kabuto, having only arrived in time to see Sasuke die. As Naruto and the others removed their masks, a bird flew to them with a message that caused Naruto to drop his mask to the hard ground, shattering it. Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage of Konoha, was dead. With a heavy heart, Naruto lead the pair dragging the dead Uchiha back to the village to pay his last respects and prepare for his most theatrical kill yet.


	41. Needs Supervision

Needs Supervision

I don't own Naruto. This Shot, much like a few others in the Gallery, is unrelated to any of the other Shots in the Gallery. I couldn't even begin to figure out what caused this to come into being. This Shot begins a bit after the team's arrival at Tazuna's house. On a relatively unimportant note, I leave whether Naruto was right about Haku up to the reader. That's where things begin in this Shot. Bonus points to whoever can find the Batman reference and the Studio Ghibli reference.

"Hey, Sasuke," Naruto began, turning to the black haired Uchiha, "Now that Sakura's dealing with other people, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay, dobe," Sasuke remarked, "What is it? If it's about the Hyuuga you pretend to not be staring at occasionally, then I'm not helping."

"How did you know about that?" the blond asked in surprise, "I'm usually much better at hiding things."

"Dobe, you call me your rival and best friend, we've known each other throughout our entire time at the Academy, I'm considered the top of the class, and we're teammates," Sasuke said flatly, "Quite frankly, I'm insulted that you thought I didn't know."

"Sort of like how you probably think I don't know about your thing for Sakura?" Naruto smirked at the startled Uchiha.

"So, you had something you wanted to talk about?" Sasuke pressed, trying to change the subject.

"Right, the idea," Naruto responded, "Well, I had a plan come to mind. Criminals like Gato are a superstitious, cowardly lot, but they're also well connected. I kept playing that fact in my mind over and over when a thought struck me. What if we put on disguises that concealed our identities? You're chuunin level in power, and I'm practically made out of chakra."

"What do you have in mind?" Sasuke asked, intrigued by the blond's reasoning.

"We create some costumes," Naruto answered, "Dress up like we're supernatural beings that come to punish them. I've got a lot of pieces of uniforms to make costumes. Mostly cast-offs from the Anbu for either being too worn or being too bulky. In other words, perfect for modifying in every single way I can. Give me some specs and I'll make it perfectly. I got everyone's measurements from the dossiers or each of you."

"Ignoring how disturbing you having the ability to break into the files kept on everyone," Sasuke pressed, "Why don't you want Sakura involved in this?"

"I didn't say that," Naruto grinned, "The problem is that you and I are not mentally healthy. I accepted this a long time ago. Sakura, on the other hand is completely stable."

"And?" Sasuke inquired, ignoring the remark about his sanity.

"While mentally stable, she does however do whatever she can to impress you," Naruto explained, "As such, she wouldn't do anything I bring up, because she knows I'm unstable, but if she saw you wandering around and 'caught' you changing out of the costume, she'd fall in quickly. She's got a punch that could cause a lot of damage, especially if she used what I have in mind. I've got a lot of little gizmos the I made in my spare time. Take these for example."

Naruto tossed a pair of black goggles at the Uchiha, who looked at them in surprise.

"What are they?" he asked, placing them over his eyes.

"I call them Blackout-Goggles," Naruto grinned, "If they work, then you could even activate your Sharingan and only the effect would be noticed. No one would even know your eyes did it, since they can't see through them, but you can see out, light or dark. They also change color to be a reflective version of whatever color the outfit you wear is."

"Really?" Sasuke asked, genuinely intrigued, "What else have you got?"

"I'm glad you asked," the blond grinned, pulling a small pouch out of thin air, "First thing's first: This beauty is the Four-Fiver. It holds so much stuff because it holds it in time, the fourth dimension, but the Four-Fiver essentially leaves a bunch of stuff in the fifth dimension, where it can't be harmed. Last I checked, it has ten thousand little gadgets and outfits inside of it..."

* * *

The mercenaries that Gato hired were patrolling for any person out at night who was trying to help the bridge-builder when they saw a bizarre sight. Someone was floating in front of them, having just materialized in their path. They couldn't see much of him, as he appeared to be made of the same darkness as a starless night, with the only light on him coming from black circles where his eyes should have been. As he looked down at the pair, a voice that sounded deep and distorted snarled, "What are you doing here?"

"We're Gato's men, and we're inspecting the village," the one on the left sneered, trying to seem intimidating to the black shape, "Who are you?"

"I am nobody," the shape said in it's odd voice as villagers arrived to watch the spectacle, "Go back to your master and tell him that he will be removed from this village in due time. Until then, he will not do anything in the village."

"You and what army?"the one on the right scowled, annoyed by the shape's games as well as the scene it was making.

"I do so love being asked that question," a cheerful yet echoed voice said from behind the pair, "The army in question is mine, you see."

"What are you..." the left one started as he turned, only to see twenty empty suits of samurai armor moving under their own power as they unsheathed weapons while they stood behind what looked like a black cloak and black gloves which were also unoccupied.

"What am I?" the cloak asked gleefully, "I am the master of these ghosts, and you will do as my friend said, or my servants will kill you and you will join them as my eternal servants."

With that, the pair of mercenaries fled in terror as the strange pair turned to the crowd that consisted of several villagers and what appeared to be a jounin and three genin.

"We shall send in some colleagues to look in on this village at some point," the black shape said simply, "Finish your bridge and earn your freedom."

With that, the black shape seemed to fill with stars and fade into the sky itself, while the ghosts seemed to leave their armors, causing them to collapse and begin to float into a sack that the cloak pulled out of nowhere. Once they were all inside, the sack once again vanished, followed by the cloak, which seemed to be laughing as it disappeared.

* * *

"Well, that went well," Naruto told Sasuke as the clones he sent to fill in for them with the other two got to their location, "To think, you didn't even have to use the eye lasers, and all I had to use were my clones and the invisibility function of the armors at a lower setting."

"There was something satisfying about the look in those men's eyes," Sasuke agreed before a though forced itself to the front of his mind, "What 'eye lasers?'"

"Didn't I mention that?" Naruto asked, "Aside from hiding your eyes, the Blackout-Goggles allows you to fire lasers from the lenses, though they're powered by your chakra, unlike the hover-boots or the invisibility from the darkness cloak."

"You two are idiots," a feminine voice said from behind the pair.

"W-what are you talking about Sakura-chan?" Naruto asked, nervously eying the Four-Fiver visible by his side, "We haven't done anything."

"Drop it, Naruto," the pink-haired girl commanded, "You two didn't think anyone would be smart enough to figure it out? The Ghost Master and Nobody, that's what they're calling you two. Both of them showed up for the first time ever the exact day that we arrive in the village, and both are approximately your heights. Not to mention that Naruto's the only person mentally unstable enough to come up with this plan and your gear."

"So Kakashi knows?" Naruto asked in concern as he pulled the Four-Fiver to his chest.

"No," Sakura responded, "He bought that the clones were really you two. Honestly, I'd expect this from Naruto, but I thought you were more sane than this, Sasuke-kun."

"So, I'm guessing you're going to report us to him and we have to stop doing it?" Sasuke inquired.

"I never said that," Sakura smirked, "I came to tell you that I want in."

"Excellent," Naruto grinned, reaching into the Four-Fiver, "Now, I've got just the thing for you. I call these beauties Wonder-Gloves. Any force used by the hand or arm they're on will be increased tenfold. For example, say you put in one newton of force into a punch. Out comes ten newtons with you only feeling the one newton. This works because..."

* * *

Later that evening, Naruto was wandering the area, looking for anything that he could use for another one of his gadgets. His search was interrupted when he saw someone with black hair in a pink kimono picking herbs.

"Hello, there," the blond called, startling the person in question, "Do you need any help?"

"That would be nice," they remarked, "My name is Haku."

"I'm Naruto," the blond replied cheerfully as he began picking the herbs, "So, who's the medicine for?"

"Someone very dear to me," Haku responded, "They were badly injured while working. Do you have any precious people?"

"I do," Naruto answered, "And I'd do anything to keep them safe."

"In that we are agreed," Haku agreed, getting up, "When a person has something important they want to protect; that's when they become truly strong."

"Exactly," Naruto smiled, "Well, I guess I should get going. It was nice meeting you, Haku-chan."

"I'm a boy," Haku responded in an amused tone, causing Naruto to pause in his stride.

"This forehead protector identifies me as a ninja, which means that I'd normally probably believe that," Naruto remarked casually, turning to face his new friend, "But I'm also a tailor as a hobby, and the cut of your kimono begs to differ. Your body shape also does, with your voice and the shape of your jawline also doing the same. At any rate, I have to go. Bye Haku."

With that, the blond left, leaving a speechless brunette in his wake.

* * *

When Kakashi went to wake his team, he was surprised to find that they had stepped out to check the perimeter and would meet up with him on the way to the bridge. Deciding that he was proud they seized the initiative, Kakashi headed out with Tazuna in tow. As he met up with his students, he received their report on the perimeter security. According to them, there were two samurai skulking through the village, but they had been dispatched quickly.

It was when they reached the bridge that Zabuza made his move, filling the field with mist as he prepared to attack.

Before he or his assistant could begin, however, a deep distorted laugh rang out through the mist as a floating person who seemed to be made of the mist appeared and said, "Hello, Swordsman. I believe that we informed your master that this village was to be left alone?"

"Indeed we did," a hollow voice rang out as a black cloak and black gloves stepped out of the mist, from which the sound of clanking metal could now be heard, "Perhaps he suffers from memory problems."

"Now now, boys," a feminine voice called out, "I've told you that we're here for business, not idle chit-chat. Behave yourselves."

To Zabuza's surprise, the mist parted slightly to welcome the first solid person to speak. She had long black hair and was completely covered from her neck down in body armor that looked like a thicker, sturdier version of the material used to make Anbu armor. On her face, rather than a traditional Anbu mask, rested a completely blank surface the color of a person's skin. On her hands were a pair of black leather gloves.

"Hello, I believe that we are here to either kill you or incapacitate you," the faceless one said, "Hatake Kakashi, keep your team with your employer. The safety of this village is currently our responsibility."

"Who are you?" Kakashi asked, eying the group in confusion.

"Me?" she replied in an amused tone, "I am exactly who I appear to be."

"What makes you think you can beat me?" Zabuza asked, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Because you drop your guard too easily," the mist-person replied from behind the missing nin.

"And you're hopelessly outnumbered," the cloak remarked as Zabuza noticed Haku get surrounded by what looked to be several suits of empty samurai armor, all brandishing weapons.

Zabuza dispersed the mist and stabbed the Kubikiri Houcho into the ground. His minion was too valuable to risk their possible death.

"It seems you're not as dangerous as you thought, Zabuza," an oily voice said, "I guess there's no reason not to kill you before you do the job, then."

"That's your boss?" the faceless one asked derisively.

"Seems like I've been let go," Zabuza remarked idly as he grabbed the handle of the Kubikiri Houcho, "Do you mind?"

"Not if you don't mind us," the human shape said, now only an outline with circles for eyes, which looked to be a slightly darker version of his shape.

With the agreement made, the army around Haku fell into their lines and charged at Gato's men, while red light issued from the orbs in the outline's face. Leading the charge of the armor was the faceless one, who was batting aside her opponents as if they were made of cotton. The cloak, meanwhile, drew a scimitar out of thin air and charged, cackling madly in his hollow voice.

Zabuza, however, was not interested in the massacre around him. Instead, he targeted Gato himself, singling him out to teach him exactly why one shouldn't betray a missing nin who had a giant sword. Kakashi, meanwhile, was guarding Tazuna alongside his students, who were surprisingly quiet as they stood around the bridge builder.

When the massacre finally finished, Zabuza Momochi was standing beside his apprentice, trying to figure out where the trio of strange people went. When he saw them, he noticed that they were next to the bridge. As a crowd of villagers arrived, led by Tazuna's daughter and grandson, the faceless female proclaimed, "We are the Brigade, and this is the beginning. Work to restore your village."

With that said, the shape vanished, the armor returned to the bag, and the cloak and gloves vanished. The faceless one turned and walked away before slowly vanishing as well.

* * *

"They're calling you No-Face," Naruto laughed when his clones reached the trio and dispersed, "And 'the Brigade?'"

"We needed to have a name," Sakura defended, "And I didn't hear you making any suggestions for names."

"Well, now that we've dealt with the mission," Sasuke commented as Naruto put the costumes back into the Four-Fiver, "What are we going to do when we get to the village? Kakashi would wind up noticing if Nobody, No-Face, and the Ghost Master seemed to follow him home."

"Didn't I tell you that the Four-Fiver had thousands of gadgets and costumes inside?" Naruto grinned, reaching into the bag in question, "Why don't we start figuring things out now, while we have time. It wouldn't do if the Brigade didn't have its representatives in Konoha prepared. Besides, it'd make it easier to gather new recruits that way. Now, as for our tools, I've got quite a few ideas. Now, this beauty is..."


	42. Valentine's Special

Valentine's Special

I don't own Naruto. In the spirit of St Valentine's Day, this Shot will show what these versions of the couples from different Shots do to celebrate the holiday. Titles come from the Shot Series they're set in.

Storytime Valentine's

Sasuke and Sakura were surprisingly not considered an odd couple by anyone in the village. They didn't do anything in a way that wasn't extravagant in some way, with the most obvious moment being when they announced that they were dating (there were still repairs going on in the Hokage tower from that display), but such was the way that all of the Storytime Kids acted, especially when amongst themselves. As such, the village people weren't particularly surprised on Valentine's Day when they saw Sasuke walking up to her with a rifle, sixteen boxes of bullets, a shiny pair of six-shooters, and a hat that looked like her regular hat, but the cord wrapped around the hat was red, rather than black.

"I figured that you'd like some new weapons, love," the pirate remarked, "Not that your current pistols aren't good enough, but it's always nice to have a spare set."

"Thank you, darling," the cowgirl drawled, "You always know what to do to make a gal feel special. I got you something, too. Had Kiba help bring it in."

With that said, the Viking came out dragging a large, locked chest that looked rather heavy. When he got it in front of Sasuke, he left, having already been paid to get the task done.

"Here you go," Sakura said, handing the Uchiha the key to the lock, "Took a while to get and I had to threaten to shoot Kiba in order to not have it stolen by him, but it's here."

Gingerly, Sasuke took the key from Sakura's hand and opened the chest. His eyes teared up with joy as he asked, "Is it real?"

"Every last coin," Sakura smiled. She knew he'd been searching for a treasure chest ever since he decided to become a pirate, but hadn't been able to find one.

"Can you get someone to seal it for now?" Sasuke asked, clearly choked up.

"Don't you want to bury it now?" Sakura inquired, surprised by the pirate's request.

"It can wait," the pirate responded, engulfing the surprised cowgirl in a hug, "At the moment, I have something more important to attend to."

* * *

Puppet's Valentine's

"H-Hello, Kamaboko-kun," Lily said, her little arms behind her back as her Otou-san stood behind her with a smile. He had offered to carry her there, but she decided that her gift would mean more if she walked up to him, herself.

"Hi, Lily-chan," the Hyuuga heiress' puppet replied, his own hands behind his back while Hinata used her other hand to keep his own gift in his arms. She planned on asking Naruto to provide the seal necessary so that Kamaboko could move on his own power in order to make things easier, but she hadn't figured out how to go about asking.

"I b-brought you a gift for Valentine's," the blue-haired puppet stuttered, presenting the box to her crush.

"Thank you, Lily," the blond puppet smiled, as Hinata moved his gift for her in front of him, "I got you a present, too."

Upon hearing those words, Lily fainted under her own power, causing Naruto to rush to the puppet and check her chakra seal as Kamaboko kept repeatedly shouting, "I'm sorry! Is she okay?! I didn't mean to!"

"There you are," Kurenai shouted, having finally located her wayward students for the first time in the past two days.

Looking up in surprise at the newly arrived jounin, Hinata rose to her feet quickly as Kamaboko gave Lily a kiss on the forehead.

"Looks like we gotta go, boss," the puppet said, turning to the girl, "Bye Lily-chan, bye Naruto-san. You'll never take us alive, Kurenai-sensei!"

Absentmindedly, Naruto activated and released his other puppets while he continued to check on Lily. At the very least, he thought that he could buy Hinata some time, as he was rather fond of the girl, and he would need to meet up with her later to give her the Valentine's gift he got her.

* * *

Demonic Valentine's

Sai sat in his cell, looking at the small jar of ink his leader had procured for him weeks ago. The bottle was still full, as he had yet to open it. He was contemplating what to draw with it when he heard the occupant of the cell to his right wake up. She was not handling things well, having evidently had a second personality in her head that had been sealed away. The leader had mentioned a plan to bring her into the group as soon as he could get a good enough glimpse of her seal.

Idly, Sai thought about what he knew about the girl from what he'd seen upon her arrival. She was evidently the girl he had often observed painting, and she had killed her whole family at the behest of the other personality, which was dubbed Ido. The girl was an oddity to him, as she seemed to feel every single emotion on the spectrum, unlike himself, which made her an intriguing topic to him. She was an artist, which was something that fascinated him to no end, and she was under the same restrictions as he was in regards to ink and brushes.

Looking once more at the jar in his hand, Sai felt he needed to do something that he would normally think to be rather impulsive. Rolling the jar experimentally along his floor, he noticed that it had a slight curve to the rolling which would suit his purposes. Nodding to himself, he meticulously positioned the sealed jar in the best spot to make his plan work. After determining that he had placed it in the perfect spot, he pushed the jar with just enough force to make it roll out from under his door and roll into the next cell, feeling strangely pleased when he heard the shocked gasp from next door.

* * *

Inquisitive Valentine's

"What's going on, sir?" Hinata asked her mentor. He'd been strangely quiet on the way there, which was strange, as he was dressed as The Captain, black trench coat and all, which was the chatty one of his personae.

Wordlessly, he opened the door to one of the interrogation cells, revealing it to have what she would consider a fully equipped prep table and a gagged Sound shinobi strapped down to a larger table with large, blood-stained plugs pressed into holes in the palms of his hands in a way that looked painful.

"He is yours to interrogate as you wish," he said in The Captain's heavily accented voice, "The plugs are in his hands to prevent him from using them to cut with air yet still permit most torture to his hands. Remember to remove the gag at some point in order to acquire the information."

"Really?" Hinata asked gleefully, "I can play with him?"

"Do what you will," the blond replied simply, "I will watch and grade your work."

"Boss, you really know how to treat a girl," Hinata giggled, eying the new toy on her current table.

* * *

Political Valentine's

"Hi, Hinata!" Naruto the cheerful genin greeted, holding a heart-shaped box of chocolate, "I got you these for Valentine's Day!"

Hinata the friendly but shy kunoichi smiled at Naruto the Future Hokage, holding a bag of chocolates she made herself as she said, "H-Hello Naruto-kun. I m-made some chocolates f-for you."

"Fair warning," Naruto the Future Hokage grinned before the next part of their game took place, "A few of them might taste kinda bitter."

"I-I have to confess as well," Hinata the Skilled Poisoner replied, "I might have put some of the ingredients of my father's tea in two of them by mistake."

"Leap of faith, then?" Naruto the Future Hokage asked, opening the bag she gave him with a flourish.

"Very well," she returned, taking one of the chocolates from the box with a coy smile.

With that said, the pair each ate a chocolate and waited. When nothing happened to either of them, Naruto the Future Hokage grinned at Hinata the Future Puppeteer of the Hyuuga Head and said, "Well, I have to go now. Bye, Hinata!"

"By the way," he whispered softly as he pulled her into a hug, "I'm immune to poisons."

"And I carry several antidotes to several poisons," she whispered back, returning the hug. neither would ever admit it, though they both knew that neither of them had poisoned the chocolates they gave to the other. The world was too interesting with their counterpart in it.

* * *

Adopted Valentine's

Hinata was at the Hyuuga Compound, taking care of Kikyo while Naruto was out on a mission. This had become a regular thing after she had managed to calm her father down enough to explain that Kikyo was adopted, not Naruto's natural daughter. The fact that Kikyo had taken to drawing whiskers on her face since her arrival hadn't helped matters, but Naruto had managed to keep out of his reach long enough for Hinata to reason with him, using Neji to help corroborate her story.

Hinata and Kikyo were having tea when the blue-eyed girl leapt to her feet and charged happily, shouting, "Daddy!"

Hinata turned just in time to see the little girl tackle the blond jounin, who threw himself back to make it seem like she managed to knock him down.

"Hi, Kikyo," the blond grinned, hugging his adopted daughter as he rose from the ground, "Have you been causing any mischief?"

"No, Father," she replied innocently, holding her hands behind her back.

"In which case, I guess I'm going to have to give this ramen to whoever it was that painted orange stripes on Tsunade-baa-chan's face on the monument," Naruto responded, holding out a cup of ramen.

"It was me!" the girl confessed, once more proving herself to be Naruto's daughter in spirit as well as on paper, "I snuck out when Mother was sleeping and painted it during the night."

"I see," Naruto nodded before handing her the ramen, "Good job, but next time, don't go anywhere without Hinata or me to keep an eye on you. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Yes, Father," Kikyo replied sheepishly.

"Now, can you go with Hanabi for the time being?" he asked gently, "I need to talk to Hinata."

"Okay father," the girl answered, leaving to do as he asked.

When the child left, Naruto turned to Hinata and said, "Hinata, I had a thought during the mission I was on. I'd be lost without you, and Kikyo adores you. I'd hate to think of what would happen if we didn't have you in our lives."

He reached into one of the pockets of his vest and got down on one knee. Opening the box to reveal a ring, he asked, "Hinata, will you marry me?"

Hinata was stunned speechless for a moment. This was the moment she had dreamt of since she had first started having her crush on him. When she finally regained her voice, she shouted an enthusiastic, "Yes!"

The hug that she engulfed the blond in was soon joined by one from Kikyo, who had been hiding around the corner to watch what was going on. All in all, it was a good Valentine's Day for the newly formed family.


	43. Fun With Time

Fun With Time

I don't own Naruto. I decided that it was high time that I tried my hand at the trend that occasionally crops up in fanfiction. The following is the horrifying result that came of that fact. Warning: Contains spoilers for the actual series.

The entire situation he found himself in was rather odd, in Naruto Uzumaki's opinion. He just woke up in the Forest of Death feeling smaller than his usual sixteen year old self, and he had a feeling of pain in his stomach. Looking around, he noticed that his teammates were back to their thirteen year old selves, with Sasuke unconscious. As a result of having dealt with enough odd things in his life by this point, Naruto determined that this must have been the past before pausing his train of thought. Forest of Death meant Chuunin Exam. Pain in his stomach meant Five Pronged Seal, which he'd have to deal with later, because a Comatose Sasuke meant a Cursed Seal Sasuke. A Cursed Seal meant Sasuke would begin losing his mind given enough time. The good news was that there was no sign of Team Dosu, so he woke up earlier than in his original timeline.

Deciding to try to work things to his advantage, Naruto staggered to Sakura and said, "Sakura, take two kunai and put them in the fire I'm about to make when the wood seems to be white. Once you do that, wait until the two kunai are glowing red and tell me when that happens."

Sakura, though worried about Sasuke, did as Naruto said, as he sounded like he knew what he was doing at the moment. When the kunai had finally done as he specified, she said, "Naruto, they're red. Now what?"

"I'm going to need you to pin Sasuke down with ninja wire," he responded, ripping two strips off of his jacket.

"What? Why?" Sakura asked, surprised by this command.

"Because with Sasuke currently incapable of being of any use at the moment, which means he can't agree or disagree with this order, and no Kakashi to help us, I'm acting commander, and I'm telling you what to do with your fellow genin for a very important reason. If he wakes up, he might move, which would be bad, given that he's going to have a hot knife by his throat in a moment. I'd rather not decapitate him, since we need him alive," Naruto responded, wrapping the strips around his hands.

"Why are you going to put those by his throat?" she asked in horror. Clearly, she wasn't a time traveler if she didn't understand the logic behind his plan, meaning that, however Naruto got back here, he was possibly the only one with those memories.

"Because that mark on his neck is a cursed seal. I need to cut it off before it rots his brain," Naruto responded as if explaining to a simpleton as he tied off the two strips on each hand, "If we don't do it now, he'll literally become something terrible that will only want to destroy."

To be fair to Naruto, his statement wasn't a lie. Before he had gotten the seal, Sasuke had been making progress to becoming more of a decent human being. Sakura, clearly believing Naruto, set to binding their unconscious teammate to the ground, starting at his limbs and forehead, followed by his chest and hips. Once he was perfectly secured, Naruto grabbed one of the kunai from the fire and approached Sasuke. Carefully, he pressed the blade against Sasuke's throat and carefully cut off the seal before pressing the flat of the blade against the cut, causing the still unconscious Uchiha's face to contort in pain, more noticeably than when the cut was made. Once he finished, he took the second kunai and pressed it against the seal on the ground, burning it to ash.

His deed done, Naruto stabbed both kunai into the dirt to get them out of the way as he smothered the fire. Once he was satisfied, the blond turned to his conscious teammate and said, "Okay, he should hopefully be fine with the seal gone. Your chakra control is excellent, with not many able to contend with you in that regard, so you're going to need to do what I'm telling you. What I need you to do is go lightly put your hand over the cauterized wound on Sasuke's neck. Once you do that, slowly pour chakra into the wound, which will start healing as a result."

Heading off to a slightly private location, Naruto used his currently rather badly hindered chakra control to create a shadow clone. Fortunately for the blond, he'd managed to convince Jiraiya to teach him the Five Pronged Unseal in case it was used on him when Jiraiya wasn't around. Which reminded him, he was going to need to try to keep both him and Hokage-jiji alive. His thoughts were scattered by mild pain when the clone used the technique on him and his contact with Kurama was restored. Deciding to see if the fuzzball had returned with him, he began to meditate to quickly reach his bijuu partner.

"Yes, I came back with you, kit," Kurama remarked, "and if you call me a fuzzball again, I'm going to give you fox tails."

"Can you actually do that?" Naruto asked curiously.

"That doesn't matter," Kurama replied, "The fact remains that I do not want to be referred to as 'fuzzball.' Now leave, I'm going to rest. Wake me up when something interesting happens."

"Sure thing, Mr. Fluffles," Naruto said in a mock-serious tone as he left the mindscape. When he returned to his teammates, Naruto noticed Kin holding Sakura by her hair. When the pink haired kunoichi cut her hair with a kunai, he stepped in, a grin on his face as he prepared to have some fun.

"Sorry I'm late, I had to head out to do something important," he said, channeling his inner Kakashi as he summoned a dozen clones, most of which headed off to surround the field and make as much noise as possible.

As Zaku fired a blast of air at the real Naruto from the empty area to his right, his grin widened as he sidestepped the blast and and turned as he said, "Well that was rude. Besides, that was rather pathetic. Let me show you how a real wind affinity attack should work. Fuuton: Rasenshuriken!"

There was something strangely satisfying in the look on Zaku's face as Naruto's most dangerous creation grew on its flight to destroy him, teaching him why it wasn't a good idea to attack Naruto's precious people, especially after (or was it before, since it was the future?) what happened to Neji, which was another thing he would have to deal with.

"Well, then," Naruto remarked casually, addressing the two remaining members of Team Dosu, both of whom were staring at him, paralyzed in shock, "I find it safe to say that neither of you have a technique that can do that, and neither of you have the chakra reserves of a powerful jounin. I have both, as you can tell, so either you can leave now, before reinforcements arrive to help us, or you can both be killed right now. So, what's it going to be?"

When Team Kakashi were the last ones left in the field with Zaku's remains, Sasuke finally woke up to the scent of blood and the sight of both of his teammates watching him anxiously. Confused by the entire situation, he asked, "What happened? Last thing I remember is being bitten on my neck, then darkness."

"Orochimaru put a cursed seal on you, which was supposed to destroy your mind," Naruto remarked casually, "I had to cut it off and cauterize it before it took hold, and Sakura healed the wound using a medical jutsu. The guy on the ground were part of a group who wanted to kill us. Can you walk?"

"If I couldn't, then you'd just drag me along the ground," the last Uchiha smirked as he lifted himself to his feet, seeming to be in good health as other teams arrived before he could ask about the remains of Zaku.

Naruto tried to act like he was still the same Naruto they knew in his time line. He fully intended on pretending to not be much different other than the different jutsu he used and his ability to use practical techniques for solving problems that he remembered from the original timeline, but that flew out the window when Team Eight arrived.

As he watched as Hinata came into view, Naruto's mind quickly leapt back when she confessed her feelings for him, and then further forward, when she brought him back from his deep depression that over took him when Neji had died. Smiling at the blue haired girl, the blond Uzumaki rushed to her and proceeded to wrap his arms around her and deliver a passionate kiss right on her lips, throwing his plans of secrecy out the window as everyone stared blankly in surprise at the new development taking place in front of them. Remembering himself and when he was, Naruto pulled away from the blushing Hyuuga. Any moment now, she would most likely faint. Right about...

She hadn't fainted. Acting on a hunch and hope, Naruto thought of a question that no one but someone from Team Eight who'd come from when he came from would understand and asked, "Protection of the Eight Trigrams?"

"I invented it," the girl whispered in a soft enough tone that Kiba couldn't hear her, a smile blooming across her face, "I'm glad that you came back too, even if I don't know how we got here."

"If you're back with me, then I think that things should work out perfectly, Hinata-chan," he whispered back in the same tone, thinking of all the things that he'd have help with fixing since Hinata was there to be his partner in making the world a better place.

"When do you think they started going out?" Kiba asked as the assembled group watched the pair whispering amongst themselves.

"Be quiet," Ino demanded, glaring at Kiba for talking while the two of their fellow genin were having a moment.

Eventually, it was, of course, Sasuke who broke up the scene as he said, "Dobe, you can hang out with your girlfriend later. We need to get some new scrolls, if you've forgotten."

"You need help getting scrolls?" a voice Naruto easily recognized asked from the trees. Instinctively, Naruto prepared to aim for the source before he heard one of the clones he had scattered shout, "Fuuton: Rasenshuriken!"

'I forgot how much you lack in subtlety,' Kurama noted as the clone dispelled, 'Though I must admit, killing him early on was a good idea.'

'I'm not sure if he's dead,' Naruto remarked mentally, 'but he's definitely not going to be activating any genjutsu ever, let alone chakra scalpels. Now, on to acting innocent...'

"Oh Kami!" Naruto shouted as he rushed to the fallen spy, "I'm so sorry, Kabuto. I didn't notice the clone hadn't dispelled, and it must have mistaken you for an enemy, since I had it scouting. Are you okay?"

"I'm not sure," Kabuto commented uneasily. His healing factor had seemed to fix his cells, but he couldn't access his chakra network, he could still feel some internal injuries, and he couldn't move his limbs. Deciding that he was in no shape to do anything at the moment, he asked, "Do you mind taking me with you?"

"Sure thing," Naruto said, tossing his permanently crippled enemy over his shoulder, "Sakura, Sasuke, let's go. See you after we get there Hinata-chan!"


	44. Paranoia

Paranoia

I don't own Naruto. This Shot is unrelated to any other Shot in the Gallery. As for how this came into being? There are no words. Whether Hinata being the way she is in this Shot is because of Naruto or vice versa, I leave up to the reader.

Naruto Uzumaki had been paranoid for so many people glaring at him and members of Anbu always following him, it was easy for him to believe that everyone was out to get him when his back was turned. The unknown presence that always seemed to follow him with some sort of nefarious intent for hours on end didn't help matters either. As a result, he mastered stealth early on in his life, as well as taking to the substitution technique like a fish to water. He marginally trusted the Hokage and his Academy instructors, as Iruka-sensei had told him that he needed to try to trust the people who are hired to take care of him. And then along came that fateful night.

Naruto was standing over what was left of Mizuki, his eyes widened in horror as he looked at the man. Iruka-sensei had evidently trusted this man before things went badly for that very reason. Naruto's paranoia steadily rose that evening.

"Naruto, come here," the clearly injured Iruka said, "I have something for you."

"Sorry, Iruka-sensei," Naruto said hesitantly, "I've kinda got a good reason to not want to get near anyone at the moment."

"Alright, then," the instructor replied, unaware that he'd just enabled the blond's issues to continue as he removed his own hitai ate, tossing it to Naruto, "Congratulations, Naruto, you're now a genin of Konoha."

With that done, Naruto's Anbu minders arrived and began to pick up Iruka.

"Where are you taking him?" the blond asked, picking up a kunai from one of the limbs of Mizuki's unconscious, possibly dead body, as he multiplied himself into a small army.

"We are taking him to the hospital. You may accompany us if you wish," Yuugao Uzuki, the Anbu most commonly assigned to the strange child replied. She dealt with him enough that he trusted her voice almost as far as he trusted Iruka, which, given the boy's knowledge of Henge, both his own version and the Academy version, was not very far, but far enough to feel honored by the "trust" he was giving.

"Very well," Naruto responded, pocketing the kunai, "If I'm needed to make a statement, I'm going to be at my more secure location setting more traps."

With that, the boy was foolishly left alone to further slip into his paranoia, and he wouldn't be seen until three hours before team assignments were called, when he headed into the building.

* * *

When the rest of the genin arrived, they found the blond sitting in the back corner of the room, away from any view from the windows, wide awake and surrounded by enough traps to kill or at least maim anyone who dared approach him Also surrounding him were retractable blast shields, one of which formed the 'roof' of this makeshift bunker. As a matter of fact, the only reason that they knew that he was in there was the fact that he looked out one of the shatter-proof windows the instant there was noise. This was met with several different thoughts by his fellow genin, who were too surprised to comment on his presence there.

Sakura Haruno, intellectually skilled Academy student, was surprised that there was so many traps in there. If her training was accurate, she spotted several traps designed specifically to disembowel anyone who stepped on them. This fact concerned her, much like the time when he had drawn a kunai on her when she had managed to sneak up on him. Nevertheless, she decided that he must have been having one of his 'episodes,' as Iruka-sensei had called them. She would leave the matter at that and return to her usual activities.

Ino Yamanaka, budding psychiatrist-nin was concerned, as his behavior deviated from the norm. The boy, who she mentally had dubbed 'Subject Orange,' had previously been showing progress in his behavior, yet something from the day before must have sent him back to Square One. Whoever it was would have to hope that 'Subject Lavender' never discovered who it was, as she had rather... disturbing tendencies, with stalking only being one of them. She'd heard rumors that she'd almost murdered her cousin for reasons unknown.

Hinata Hyuuga, stalker extraordinaire, was angry. Someone had damaged HER Naruto-kun's adorable mind, and now she was going to have to wait until he was somewhat better before going about making him hers. All of her plans were once again ruined. She would get to whoever did it and they would pay for this disruption.

Kiba Inuzuka, acquaintance of the blond in question, was concerned. The blue-haired girl to his left seemed to radiate hate, anger, and death. He was hoping against hope that he wouldn't have to deal with her after today.

Shino Aburame, Shikamaru Nara, and Chouji Akimichi looked at the sight, walked past it, and took their seats. By this point, they were just numbed to this sort of behavior.

Sasuke Uchiha, on the other hand, was envious. If he had thought of taking such precautions, he wouldn't have to deal with the two fangirls who just latched onto his arms. If he was lucky, he would wind up on a team with the Hyuuga, as she didn't care about him one way or the other.

"Team Seven," Iruka called out to the group, "Sasuke Uchiha, Hinata Hyuuga, and Naruto Uzumaki!"

"Yes!" Kiba cheered, as the multiverse had blessed him with his wish. The boy had no idea that the multiverse found his suffering to be amusing, and therefore he was unaware of the violent teammate he'd wind up with as a result. Ignoring him, Iruka continued.

"Team Eight," he said, "Shino Aburame, Sakura Haruno, and Kiba Inuzuka! There's already an active Team Nine, so Team Ten! Shikamaru Nara, Ino Yamanaka, and Chouji Akimichi! Teams, wait for your sensei to arrive. If you need me, I'm supposed to still be in the infirmary, which as far as you know, is where I am, so goodbye."

With that said, the chuunin walked out of the room just before the jounin sensei of Team Eight appeared alongside the jounin sensei of Team Ten. With those two teams gone and the rest leaving with their new senseis as well, Hinata set to work trying to coax Naruto out of his shell while Sasuke watched in fascination.

"Naruto-kun," the girl called in a sing-song voice, "Come on out. We won't hurt you."

"I have to say, that's the least innocent tone that anyone has ever used to summon a person, Hyuuga," Sasuke smirked, "I should know. That's the tone that the fangirls who try to drug me use."

"We didn't ask for you opinion, Uchiha," the girl retorted in a tone that could freeze Nitrogen, a sharpened kunai suddenly in her hand, "Did we?"

"I think I'll stay in here a bit longer," the blond remarked, tossing some packages to his teammates, "Set these up directly in front of the door and the windows. Our sensei is three hours late, meaning that he's probably been attacked and replaced. We can't let whoever it is that replaced him get to us, so we need to make sure that they get killed or wounded. Once that happens, one of you need to interrogate the fraud. Their plot is actually rather ingenious, as it relies on the fact that the only other jounin sensei left is Kakashi Hatake, who always wears a mask."

"He could just be late," Sasuke remarked, too used to the blond's behavior to actually think he took the words to heart.

"Or he's dead and someone from another Hidden Village is measuring a cage to each of our specifications, wanting to use us each as some sort of breeding stock to add our genetic material to their numbers."

Sasuke had no way to respond to that, so he didn't bother. Fortunately, by that time, their sensei had finally arrived, only to have activated the time delayed traps that Naruto had set above the door earlier, covering him in a pile of rubble.

"My first impression of you," he groaned as he pulled himself out from under the pile, "Is that I despise you. Meet me on the roof."

"I'd rather not," Naruto's voice said from inside the fortress he had moved into when everyone's attention was diverted. This one had wheels, but was equally well-protected.

"And why is that?" the jounin asked, ignoring the vehicle in front of him.

"He's convinced you're not who you claim to be," Sasuke replied calmly, "Quite frankly, he made a good case for why you couldn't be, based mostly on your unprofessional behavior."

"Why don't we just stay down here for whatever it is that you wanted, sensei?" Hinata inquired in a sweet voice as she pressed her kunai through the back of Kakashi's neck, startling the jounin, who hadn't seen her move.

"Alright then," he said cheerfully, regaining his composure before his eye could show his surprise, "Tell me about yourselves Name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future. Why don't you start, yandere?"

Glaring at the jounin with more Killing Intent than the average jounin could withstand, the girl found herself impressed that he barely flinched before she began, "I am Hinata Hyuuga. My likes are Naruto-kun, cinnamon rolls, orange, and looking through magazines for wedding dresses. My dislikes are those who make Naruto-kun upset, being prevented from seeing Naruto-kun, and people who annoy me, usually by being in one of the other two groups. My hobby is following Naruto-kun, planning for my future wedding to Naruto-kun, and pressing flowers. My dream for the future is to marry Naruto-kun, perform a hostile takeover of my clan before my sister comes of age, and get Naruto-kun to stop being so paranoid so that he'll be easy for me to claim as mine."

Kakashi turned to the metal box on wheels to see if the blond had any response, only to hear the blond say, "Okay, audio's back online. What did she say?"

"Nothing bad, Naruto-kun," she said sweetly, "I was just letting them know about myself."

"Okay," the blond said, recalling that the Hokage had told him to at least try to trust his teammates.

"Broody, you're up," Kakashi said, planning on avoiding asking Naruto any questions until he absolutely had to.

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," the black haired boy replied calmly, "I don't like or dislike much, but thanks to my psychiatrist-nin prescribing me medication, I've been mostly relaxed. My hobbies are training and studying different techniques of fighting. My dream is to one day rebuild my clan and wait for my brother to die someday, which will eventually happen, as he's a missing nin, meaning that he's on the list of several bounty hunters. Other than that, I'm more or less content, though I could do with less fangirls."

"Okay then," Kakashi said, recalling that the psychiatric department of the hospital had experienced a large boom in progress because of the blond currently in the metal box, "Metal box, tell us about yourself."

As the barrel of what could only be a weapon rose out of the top of the box to point at Kakashi, the blond inside's voice could be heard as he replied, "I'll bet you want to know. Well, all I'm saying is what you already know. My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I don't need medication. I like some things and dislike others, neither of which will I reveal. My hobbies are my business, not yours, and my dreams for the future are on a need-to-know basis, and you don't. If you have any other questions, I'd recommend seeing if anyone I trust will fall for your disguise, enemy-nin."

"For the love of Kami, Naruto! I'm Kakashi Hatake!" the jounin shouted, his patience worn out. It was then that he heard the blond say something strange.

"Activate chakra cannon, lock onto target, and fire!" Naruto shouted as Kakashi looked to see that the other two were currently beside the metal box, the weapon at the top of the machine began to glow. Before the dog summoner could even blink, a beam of red chakra blasted him directly in the chest, sending him back into the rubble. As he lay there, barely conscious, he watched as the other two latched onto rails that popped out of the tank before it left.

Hours later, an instructor at the Academy would find a heavily injured Kakashi on the ground bleeding. A month later, Team Seven would be able take their bell test, as Kakashi would be back in full health. For the three genin, however, life went on as it always did. Sasuke started reading up on more destructive techniques from the Uchiha Clan Library. Hinata stalked Naruto between her times training, eating, and sharpening her favorite kunai. Naruto, meanwhile, was busy. He was building components to make the tank also be submersible and capable of flight, as well as adding more powerful weapons to the vehicle.

Lying in his hospital bed to recuperate, mask still on his face, Kakashi felt somewhat better, certain that things couldn't possibly get any worse than they already were, which meant that they could only get better. Satisfied with his conclusion, the jounin closed his eyes and went back to sleep, blissfully unaware of what his future students were doing and the fact that no one had even bothered to correct Naruto's assumption.


	45. For Science

For Science

I don't own Naruto or any other concept referenced with in both this Shot as well as those within the Nonsensical Gallery.

Kakashi Hatake didn't bother looking at his students when he entered the room as the eraser struck his head. If he had, he'd have noticed the bizarre contraption that spread throughout the room in a convoluted bid to make the eraser fall on him. That and the lack of students in the room. Closing his eyes, he said, "My first impression of you... I don't like you. Meet me on the roof."

A quick Shunshin and he was on the roof, only to find five genin sitting there staring at him, which surprised him to no end.

"Alright, pay up," the blond one with the white lab coat and orange tie said, extending his hand toward the pink-haired girl with a similar lab coat and a red tie, "I told you he'd come to the roof without even knowing that we got up here before him."

"And this is the reason that I have always ensured that I abstained from taking your wagers, sir," the pale boy in the black suit with the red tie remarked, not looking up from the scroll he was currently painting on, "In all the time we have known you since we were activated, you have never lost a single gamble."

"Really, manufacturer, you should have known better..." the brown haired girl in the light purple ball gown painting on a canvas said simply, "You have always lost to him, and quite frankly it makes you look the fool... I'm sorry, Ido took over for a moment... I did not, you prevaricator...! Yes you did... No I did not!"

"'Dual Processors couldn't possibly cause any issues,' you said," the blond growled, facing the pink-haired girl who was paying him, "I told you that the two processors would interact negatively and result in split personalities, but no! Clearly The Great Sakura Haruno knew better than the guy who designed the systems. Now look what you got us... Why is Sasuke only a pair of irises and pupils in clothes that hold his shape? You didn't!"

"Obviously, I did," she replied, "I must admit, the results are rather fascinating. Do you think that if we distilled it further we'd get the desired result?"

"Maybe," the blond said, his expression suddenly morphed to thoughtful, "Did you remember the catalyst? Was it sodium based, or potassium based?"

"Sodium," she responded after producing a clipboard out of thin air, "We're going to need another subject, since we never did get around to that antidote."

"You what?" the invisible Uchiha asked in rage, "You said that we wouldn't have any problems with it being reversed."

"Actually, I said that turning you back wouldn't have a problem, Sasuke-kun," the girl responded, "and it isn't, since we aren't able to, so there won't be any problems with the process."

"Can we just get back to the introductions," Kakashi sighed, not wanting to bother with whatever it was that was going on.

"Why don't you give us an example, sensei," the girl grinned as the blond inspected a pen. Suddenly, Kakashi saw a puff of air come out of said pen before he suddenly felt a sharp but small pain in his neck.

"Okay, let's ask a control question first," the blond said simply, "What is your hair color? Attempt to lie."

"Silver," Kakashi said, feeling somewhat lightheaded as he tried to humor the boy.

"Good. Now, what are you dislikes, likes, dreams for the future, and hobbies?" the pink-haired girl inquired, writing on the clipboard.

"I dislike waiting for the next issue of Icha Icha to come out and being reminded of all the deaths that have happened to people I cared about," he began, words flying unbidden from his lips, "I like the Icha Icha series and my friends that have managed to stay alive. I have no dreams for the future except the hope that when I die I can see my teammates again. My hobbies are reading, visiting with friends, going to have meals with Anko, and going through Gai's challenges, since they remind me that not everyone I care about is dead."

"Hold still, sensei, I'm going to administer the antidote," the boy said simply as he pointed the pen-thing at Kakashi. With that, the pen released another puff of air and a new pain hit his neck before he felt his mental faculties return to him.

"Alright," the jounin growled, now very annoyed with the situation, "Since you were to one to question me, why don't you go first, Pinky?"

"I'm The Great Sakura Haruno," the girl said proudly, "I am the greatest scientific mind to ever grace this village. My dreams for the future are marrying Sasuke-kun and having children that will help me grace the world with intellects nearing my own. My hobbies are experimenting, forming hypotheses, learning more information, and keeping record of test results. My likes are Sasuke-kun, experiments, science, and biology. I dislike when a certain blond says he's a better scientist than I am, failing at experiments, that bomb-making psychopath the aforementioned blond seems determined to marry, and hostile test subjects."

"I'll have you know that Hinata's not a psychopath," the blond protested, "She's a self-proclaimed sociopath."

"Seeing as you're the one who poisoned me in the first place, why don't you go next?" Kakashi asked, still not happy at being drugged to tell the truth.

"Doctor Naruto Uzumaki, Konoha's one true genius," the blond introduced, "I'm the best person for the job when it comes to innovation in any field, as you can tell. I built Sai and Yakumo, and I have to point out that I was completely against experimenting with the idea of using the dual processors to allow Yakumo to have more of a databank for her Innovative Imagination program, but Sakura thought a singular A.I. could function with two processors and put it in without my knowledge. My dreams for the future are marrying Hinata and taking over the world. Or save it. I haven't actually decided what I'm going to do with it, yet. My hobbies are building, experimenting, creating new chemicals and formulas, and innovating things. My likes are Hinata-chan, everything I've ever made, including Sai and Yakumo. The attempted Maito Gai clone from when Sakura and I were three, that we only managed to age up to four before the chakra circulatory system failed to form, went missing a bit after we attempted to activate it, but I do wonder where it went."

Elsewhere, Rock Lee, who'd been found at the age of four to be wandering Konoha as an orphan, sneezed. Deciding that it was because his Flames of Youth weren't fanned brightly enough, he sought out Gai-sensei to figure out what he could do to fix this unyouthful problem.

"I do so dislike when things go missing, and when a certain pink-haired girl can't be bothered to learn the meaning of the word 'patience,'" the blond continued, "However, I do enjoy a good explosion. Other than that, there's not much to say."

"Okay then..." Kakashi said uncertainly before turning to the Uchiha's floating clothes, "Speak to me, O magic clothes."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha, and I'm evidently going to spend the rest of my life invisible," the Uchiha said, "I'm not sure how I feel about that, actually, now that I think about it. I don't really like much, and I'm starting to dislike these two, though the robots aren't so bad. I'm not sure how to feel about the Maito Gai clone, but that's mostly because I don't know the man. I don't really have any hobbies. As for my dreams for the future, I want to kill a certain man, revive my clan, and, as of a few seconds ago, become visible again."

"Okay," Kakashi said, feeling like he was returning to more familiar ground as he turned to the pale boy, as the girl was still arguing with herself, "And you?"

"I am called Sai, as that was the name that my primary manufacturer designated me when my processor had completed downloading the Artificial Intelligence Program designed specifically for me," the boy said, "I am a mechanical being designed to mimic human life created primarily by Doctor Naruto Uzumaki with the help of The Great Sakura Haruno. I am unfamiliar with the concept of liking and disliking, as there is still something missing from my programming, though my primary manufacturer has stated that he is almost finished with a program that will be able to be added to my programming in order for me to fully emulate humans. I occasionally feel a strange spark in my programming when the Yakumo/Ido mechanical being is involved, though my primary manufacturer assures me that such a reaction is not a sign of a flaw in my programming. My goals for the future are to aid my manufacturers in their endeavors and feel the full experience of what humanity offers."

And with that, Kakashi was once again thrown into an unfamiliar world. Nevertheless, he persevered and turned to the brunette girl, who had finally stopped arguing with herself, and asked, "Why don't you tell us about yourself?"

"I'm Yakumo... And I am Ido..." the girl began, letting Kakashi know that he was in for another headache, "We were built by Doctor Naruto Uzumaki and The Great Sakura Haruno originally to only be me... But The Great Sakura Haruno decided that they needed to see if a second processor would improve the programmed skill with genjutsu we were designed with so they put my processor, which was one processor too many for the A.I. they programmed into our body... And just like that, I wasn't alone in here... We have been inseparable ever since... Not for lack of trying... At any rate, we like painting, the fact that we were built with improved processors that integrated emotions without the need of programs to feel them, Sai, The Great Sakura Haruno, and Doctor Naruto Uzumaki... I don't like when Ido uses genjutsu on people for no real reason other than fun... And I dislike how Yakumo does not permit my method for entertaining myself. At any rate, my dream for the future is to become the foremost genjutsu specialist of the village... My goal is to get my own body, or vice versa... Either way... We'll help our manufacturers in their plans... We will...? Yes, we will."

"Alright," Kakashi said, "I've decided to go beg the Hokage for the ability to dump you on other people. None of you are mentally stable."

He looked at the group in front of him when he heard an animalistic growl. Each of them seemed to be glaring, even the pair of irises and pupils. As the jounin set to escape, the pen in Naruto's hand once again released a puff of air and he suddenly felt numb, doubting that there was any other instructor who was as unfortunate as he was.

* * *

"...And that is why you're wearing the vest, Kiba" the self-proclaimed sociopath said cheerfully as she stuck the modified dead man's switch in the terrified boy's hand and tightened his hand around it before activating the device, "You might want to keep a firm grip on that."

"Not that I take issue with this," Shino said cautiously, keeping his distance from the girl, "But I believe that our sensei would not be pleased if Kiba were to die at the hands of one of his teammates before she got back from her task."

"It wouldn't be one of us who killed him," she stated simply, "The bombs only go off if he lets go."

"Hinata, what did you do to Kiba?" Kurenai shouted, stomping up to the group.

"He referred to me as a psychopath, which is insulting," Hinata answered honestly, "I simply will not allow my minion to talk back to me like that, so he will not be allowed to sleep for an amount of time of my choosing. If he falls asleep, then he will be woken up long enough to feel the explosion. Shino understands. Don't you, Shino?"

"Yes, ma'am," the Aburame agreed, not even bothering to make any remarks to the contrary, looking at the object lesson in the consequences of just that sitting in front of him clutching onto the trigger for dear life.

"Yes, because strapping a bomb to him is the sane thing to do," Kurenai replied dryly.

"Admittedly, it is somewhat extreme, but I will not stand for someone calling me a psychopath," the girl responded flatly, "I am a highly functional sociopath and my methods achieve the results that I desire. Therefore, I will go to whatever method is required to accomplish my goals of marrying Naruto-kun and destroying a large portion of the world, or failing that, take it over."

In response to this bizarre statement, Kurenai stared at the team for a moment, trying to figure out if she could get a grasp on the situation. The Inuzuka was gripping the thing in his hand as though his life depended on it since it really did. The Aburame was sitting with no expression on his face, not wanting to make the wrong move that would put him in a similar situation. The supposedly shy Hyuuga heiress, on the other hand, was smirking at Kurenai smugly, as if there was nothing the jounin in front of her could do to change the situation.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to Kurenai. She could ignore the problem and walk away. She'd have to deal with them later, but that was later. Determining the proper course of action, the jounin sensei for Team Eight said, "Alright, just don't kill him or let him die. Other than that, meet me at Training Ground Eight tomorrow at noon."

As she walked away under her own power, Kurenai wondered if any other jounin had problems with a member of their genin team.

* * *

Barely able to sit in his hospital bed, Kakashi signed the two forms that the tan blob topped with purple gave him. Had he known what he was signing and who it was getting him to sign, he might have stopped, but unfortunately, he was pumped full of painkillers, which prevented him from understanding just what horrors he had unleashed upon the unsuspecting village.


	46. Half-Truths and Falsehoods

Half-Truths and Falsehoods

I don't own Naruto. This Shot takes place in the same 'Verse as Shots 31 and 40, happening long before Shot 31 and shortly after Shot 40.

Half-Truths

"I think we should see if Suna is willing to take us in," Kurenai Yuuhi said, facing her three fellow instructors. The four teams had left Konoha in the middle of the night alongside a few others and the Konohamaru Corp. when Danzo was made the Hokage in circumstances that seemed too coincidental to not be contrived.

"Suna might harbor us, but the problem is that they're too weak militarily at the moment, tensions between our villages are still a bit high, and do you really think that their jinchuuriki will be happy to see us if we don't have Naruto with us?" Kakashi Hatake replied. The fact that the Copy Cat Nin's team currently consisted of himself and Sakura Haruno was often avoided, as it was a bad idea to mention to Kakashi that one of his students was dead and the other missing, either imprisoned or, more likely, executed. Likewise, Kurenai's student Hinata Hyuuga was also missing.

"Kakashi is correct," Maito Gai said seriously, "We don't know how they'd react to us at the moment."

"Then where can we go?" Asuma Sarutobi asked. Their students were currently setting up camp for the night a few yards deeper into the woods as they held this discussion, as they didn't want them to know that they currently didn't have any specific plans.

"You could always go with me," a distorted voice said from a nearby tree, causing the quartet to leap into combat stances.

"Who are you? Show yourself!" Kakashi ordered, taking his role as senior-most officer, even if they had defected.

"Be at peace, Kakashi," the voice said as a tall, cloaked figure with a face obscured by shadows leapt to the ground, his hands raised to show peaceful intentions, "I'm here to help, not to harm. As I was saying, you could travel with me. We all desire the same goal, after all. We want to get the little ones to safety and get ready to reclaim Konoha. If you follow my plan, we can accomplish just that."

"How do we know we can trust you?" Kurenai asked, none of them getting out of their stances.

"Because, Kurenai Yuuhi," the cloaked figure said, stepping into the firelight, "I'm sure all of you have heard of me."

"The Cat," Asuma gasped, all but Kakashi shocked and concerned that it could be a trap.

"How can we know you are who you claim to be?" the jounin demanded, not sure if it really was the most mysterious member of Anbu.

"That is a very good question, _Dog_," the cloaked figure replied, staring at the former member of Anbu from behind his porcelain mask, "Perhaps a demonstration is in order."

With a puff of smoke, the man before them transformed into a woman wearing the same outfit fitting the new size, who said in a similarly distorted but distinctly feminine voice, "I am the Cat, the Undying Anbu, loyal follower of the Sandaime Hokage."

Another puff of smoke and the woman had transformed into a small child in the same outfit, who used a child's voice to say, "I can change into any person I wish and could kill each of you with no real effort. Do you still doubt that I am who I claim to be?"

With that, another puff of smoke returned the Cat to his taller form.

"Alright," Asuma interjected, "What exactly do you plan on doing?"

"We plan on destroying Danzo and his ROOT followers," a muffled feminine voice said, causing the group to turn to see a girl, who appeared to be about the age of the genin still setting up camp walking into the clearing, dressed in the same cloak as the Cat, a black scarf covering her mouth and nose, leaving only her brown eyes showing.

"The intention is to make sure that he never manages to rise again," a monotone voice added as a pale boy in the same cloak appeared, a black mask wrapped around his eyes, which showed an unholy gleam, "He must pay for his crimes."

"Do you have any more allies out here that we need to know of?" Gai asked, looking around and listening for anything out of place.

"Just one that you need to know of," the Cat replied as a silent metal figure in a monstrous armor stepped out of the firelight to stand by his side, "May I introduce you three to the Demonic Armor of Uzu. I found her during an important operation and she's saved my life a few times, though she's willing to ignore what I ask if she wants to. Quite frankly, I think we'd be lost without each other."

"The Demonic Armor?" Kakashi inquired, shocked by the claim, "The armor that walks like a man?"

"I wouldn't word it like that," the Cat said cheerfully as the armor stiffened, "She doesn't really like being considered manly, and since she doesn't have a voice to speak, she'll get violent quickly."

"My apologies," Kakashi responded, nodding respectfully at the armor, "It won't happen again. Still, I must ask, who are the other two."

"Their names are not your concern," the Cat responded harshly, "All you need to know is that they are my apprentices and they will be watching all of you closely. When we leave you alone, we expect to not be followed unless I tell you otherwise. It'll be rough on your genin at first, but we can manage if we work carefully."

"Wait," Kakashi said, "Do you know anything about our missing students?"

"Who's missing?" the Cat asked curiously.

"Kakashi's student Naruto and my student Hinata," Kurenai answered, "Do you know anything about what's happened to them."

"Nothing to speak of," the Cat replied simply, causing the two jounin to both seem to deflate, "But I'm certain that they would be fine. Perhaps we will find them again in our travels. Now, it would probably be best if you introduce me to your students further into the forest."

* * *

Falsehoods

"I think we should see if Suna is willing to take us in," Kurenai Yuuhi said, facing her three fellow instructors as Naruto prepared to make his entrance. The four teams had left Konoha in the middle of the night alongside a few others and the Konohamaru Corp. when Danzo was made the Hokage in circumstances that seemed too coincidental to not be contrived. Naruto knew there were others out there, as well, but they would have to wait for the time being, as this would be his best chance to get them to side with him.

"Suna might harbor us, but the problem is that they're too weak militarily at the moment, tensions between our villages are still a bit high, and do you really think that their jinchuuriki will be happy to see us if we don't have Naruto with us?" Kakashi Hatake replied. The fact that the Copy Cat Nin's team currently consisted of himself and Sakura Haruno was often avoided, as it was a bad idea to mention to Kakashi that one of his students was dead and the other missing, especially since they didn't know that he was hiding nearby in his Cat persona.

"Kakashi is correct," Maito Gai said seriously, "We don't know how they'd react to us at the moment."

"Then where can we go?" Asuma Sarutobi Naruto well knew their students were currently setting up camp for the night a few yards deeper into the woods as they held this discussion, as they didn't want them to know that they currently didn't have any specific plans. It was at this moment that Naruto made himself known

"You could always go with me," he said from a nearby tree, causing the quartet to leap into combat stances.

"Who are you? Show yourself!" Kakashi ordered, taking his role as senior-most officer, even if they had defected like he had. Idly, Naruto's mind returned to Zabuza and Haku, who he could now empathize with.

"Be at peace, Kakashi," Naruto said as his unique Henge of a tall, cloaked figure intentionally keeping his masked face obscured by shadows leapt to the ground, his hands raised to show peaceful intentions, "I'm here to help, not to harm. As I was saying, you could travel with me. We all desire the same goal, after all. We want to get the little ones to safety and get ready to reclaim Konoha. If you follow my plan, we can accomplish just that."

"How do we know we can trust you?" Kurenai asked, none of them getting out of their stances.

"Because, Kurenai Yuuhi," Naruto said, stepping into the firelight to reveal his mask, "I'm sure all of you have heard of me."

"The Cat," Asuma gasped, all but Kakashi shocked and concerned that it could be a trap. In Naruto's opinion, that menat that things were going well.

"How can we know you are who you claim to be?" the jounin demanded, not sure if it really was the most mysterious member of Anbu, as he didn't know the truth of the mask.

"That is a very good question, _Dog_," Naruto replied, staring at the former member of Anbu from behind his porcelain mask, "Perhaps a demonstration is in order."

With a puff of smoke, Naruto used his unique Henge to transform into a woman wearing the same outfit fitting the new size, who said in a similarly distorted but distinctly feminine voice, "I am the Cat, the Undying Anbu, loyal follower of the Sandaime Hokage."

Another puff of smoke and he was his size at the age of seven in the same outfit, as he used a child's voice to say, "I can change into any person I wish and could kill each of you with no real effort. Do you still doubt that I am who I claim to be?"

He was, of course, bluffing, but the reputation of the Cat mask should be enough to keep them from calling it. Another puff of smoke returned Naruto to his 'grown man' appearance.

"Alright," Asuma interjected, "What exactly do you plan on doing?"

"We plan on destroying Danzo and his ROOT followers," the muffled feminine voice of one of his three comrades said, causing the group to turn to see Yakumo dressed in the same cloak as Naruto, a black scarf covering her mouth and nose, leaving only her brown eyes showing. Despite the fact that Yakumo was masked, Naruto thought that it was very fortunate that he had trained her in trickery and acting, as he was certain that she still felt embittered towards Kurenai, but she kept her calm as she addressed the group.

"The intention is to make sure that he never manages to rise again," a monotone voice of his second comrade added as a Sai, who defected from ROOT when Naruto helped the true Hokage remove the seal from his tongue long ago. A black mask was wrapped around his eyes, which showed an unholy gleam as he said, "He must pay for his crimes."

"Do you have any more allies out here that we need to know of?" Gai asked, looking around and listening for anything out of place.

"Just one that you need to know of," Naruto responded in a way to make his statement seem to be half true as Hinata stepped out of the firelight in the demonic looking armor to stand by his side, "May I introduce you three to the Demonic Armor of Uzu. I found her during an important operation and she's saved my life a few times, though she's willing to ignore what I ask if she wants to. Quite frankly, I think we'd be lost without each other."

"The Demonic Armor?" Kakashi inquired, shocked by the claim, "The armor that walks like a man?"

The Demonic Armor of Uzu, much like the Cat of Konoha, was a very clever ruse, in Naruto's opinion when he found it with the scroll explaining its abilities. The armor was designed to fit anyone who needed to wear it, but more importantly, it was a nearly impenetrable armor, in which someone that whoever 'summoned' it trusted would dress and pretend to be incapable of speech, only working to intimidate or fight. It was an idea that Naruto could get behind, and Hinata had agreed when they had found it.

"I wouldn't word it like that," Naruto said to Kakashi cheerfully as Hinata pretended to get offended as the Demonic Armor, "She doesn't really like being considered manly, and since she doesn't have a voice to speak, she'll get violent quickly."

"My apologies," Kakashi responded, nodding respectfully at Hinata, having evidently believed the legends, "It won't happen again. Still, I must ask, who are the other two."

"Their names are not your concern," Naruto responded harshly, "All you need to know is that they are my apprentices and they will be watching all of you closely. When we leave you alone, we expect to not be followed unless I tell you otherwise. It'll be rough on your genin at first, but we can manage if we work carefully."

Those were all somewhat true in their own ways. Sai's name wasn't really a name, and Yakumo's name would not help their cause in the slightest with Kurenai in the group. They were also technically his apprentices as his initiated Cats, and they would be watching the others. It was going to be rough on the genin, but not so rough as to get them killed by the end of the day.

"Wait," Kakashi said, "Do you know anything about our missing students?"

"Who's missing?" Naruto asked, faking curiousity, since he knew what they were going to say.

"Kakashi's student Naruto and my student Hinata," Kurenai answered, "Do you know anything about what's happened to them."

"Nothing to speak of," Naruto replied, as he wasn't going to speak of what he knew about himself and Hinata just yet, as he needed them to think he was the Cat. This caused the jounin to both seem to deflate, so he added, "But I'm certain that they would be fine. Perhaps we will find them again in our travels. Now, it would probably be best if you introduce me to your students further into the forest."


	47. Remarkable Chuunin Exams Begin

The Remarkable Chuunin Exams Begin

This occurs some time after the Wave Mission begun in Shot 37, so there will be minor spoilers as to what happened in that time. In the meanwhile, prepare yourself for more psychotic immortal amorality, revenge obsessed piracy with little profit, and Elizabethan English alongside deals with the devil. Bonus points to whoever catches the pun in Naruto and Hinata's first conversation.

"Wouldst thou desire to make a bargain?" the blond demon asked the two Suna nin, grinning as his parchment appeared in the air, ready for him to begin writing a new contract. This was always fun, even if he didn't actually want to give them anything. Taking his quill and inkwell full of blood out, he eagerly said, "Surely there must be something that thy heart craves beyond all else. A desire that is in thy deepest dreams."

Suddenly, he turned to one of the nearby trees and almost inaudibly muttered, "Or perhaps the wish of a peaceful sleep and the knowledge that people care about thee."

Temari and Kankuro looked at the blond in shock. Not only had he noticed Gaara, but he had offered something they both wanted: Their brother, acting like a brother and not threatening them everyday. The fact that he offered Gaara the rest he desperately needed added to their interested.

"You don't want to do that," a female voice said from behind the pair, while the blond hid the quill and parchment behind his back. Turning to face the newcomer, they were surprised to see a blue-haired girl with lavender eyes walking up to them.

"What dost thou mean by that, Hinata?" the blond asked in as close to an innocent tone as he could create, "I am merely inquiring at the time. Thou can prove not that I was soliciting."

"You're standing in front of them," she replied dryly, "That's proof enough."

"Thy barbs pierce me deeply," the blond replied as a strangely subdued Gaara moved to watch the odd proceedings beside his brother and sister, "I am as innocent of wrongdoing as a cherry blossom in spring."

"Considering that she usually helps you when she's not terrorizing others?" Hinata remarked dryly, "I'm sure that statement's true."

"I cannot lie," the blond replied, getting close enough to Hinata for each one to feel the other's breath, "Surely thou hast noticed that by this moment in our... acquaintanceship."

"Your prizes are gone," Hinata smirked playfully as he turned in shock to see that the Sand shinobi had indeed left.

"Wouldst that I could find words with which to curse thee, thou quaint, honest maiden!" he shouted half-playfully, pulling back from her, "Two were willing to take my bargain for pure intentions and the third houses a murderous Tanuki! They would have only been damned in a minor fashion."

"I don't care how 'minor' it would have been," Hinata responded virtuously, looking him square in the eye, "Anyone should be allowed to be redeemed. Anyone."

"Thou shalt not begin that conversation again, Lady Hyuuga," the blond responded in a darker tone, "The matter thou doth desire to speak of has been spoken of before, yet the story will not be altered, no matter how desired the outcome would be."

With that, he turned and walked away, vanishing after a few steps.

* * *

It was the time of examinations when Team Seven had entered the room in their own inimitable way.

Almost all the genin teams were in the room when a cannonball suddenly flew into the room, crashing through a window before settling in a wall. It was soon followed by a boy in a blood-red coat fighting a well-dressed girl with swords that were ridiculously thin, each having a hand behind their back. It was when they got to the center of the room that the girl was stabbed all the way through to her back by the boy's sword, and at that point, all hell began to break loose among the horrified genin. At least, it did for the five seconds it took her to get up after he removed his sword from her, revealing his hook-hand as he used his right hand turned hook to gesture at her while she took a bow. Watching this, a young woman who was secretly a grown man named Orochimaru eyed the pair. It seemed that he would have to change his plans if the girl was as incapable of being killed as she seemed while Sasuke had only one hand, which was not an advantage. He could always steal the Sharingan for the immortal body at any rate.

It was at this moment that a burst of flame appeared between the two, before clearing up and revealing the blond member, who was dressed in finery that was clearly influenced by the countries in the west. Grinning at the assembled group, the boy said, "Ah, many among thee possess such corrupt souls. Who here desires to make a bargain?"

"That'll have to wait," Ibiki Morino said as he entered the room, "You need to take the written exam."

"Please permit me one contract," the blond pleaded, trying and failing to look innocent, "I do not care what thou allow the bargain to be for, the contract is the necessity."

"No, and if you don't sit down, I'm removing your entire team from the exam," Ibiki responded calmly, having been forewarned about the team's... unique mannerisms.

"Very well, Ibiki Morino," the blond said calmly, seating himself by Hinata, "I will abide by thy commands. On a more important note, Hinata Hyuuga, darling maiden whose beautiful eyes make all the stars seem dim in comparison, I do beg your forgiveness for my dishonorable conduct during our previous interaction. The Fall from Grace doth still pain me and therefore t'is a tender subject, to which I react negatively. I offer thee a boon to be granted at a later date with no cost to thee."

"I don't need a boon," Hinata said carefully, not wanting to disturb the return to the more enjoyable part of their... Relationship? Friendship? Acquaintanceship? She'd never really put much thought into what to call it it before.

"Nevertheless, keep the boon I offer to thee," the blond replied, "I wish to ensure that thy well-being is assured throughout this test of wills and character."

"Will you idiots stop staring like a bunch of starstruck academy students and pas out the tests?" Ibiki asked, watching his minions, or as they liked to be called, assistants stand there looking at the pair of genin as if the preceding moments were very romantic. With his orders given, his minions headed out to deliver the tests. As the test continued, Ibiki noted that some of the genin were muttering what they'd do for the ability to answer the questions. Strangely enough, whenever one would vow to sell their soul, the blond grinned and marked a paper next to his answer sheet with that strange red ink. Meanwhile, those genin who made that wish would begin writing answers at a furious pace.

"Must you do that every single time they say that," Hinata whispered very quietly to the boy to her left.

"If I did not, then no bargains would ever be made. I do as I must," Naruto responded just as softly before adding with a smirk, "Also, thy irritation at my actions with those who sin is somewhat amusing and makes thy face have a strangely endearing expression."

Ibiki, happy to have finally had the chance to play his mind-games with unsuspecting genin claimed that the tenth question would either make or break them, and only one would be needed to ruin a team.

"Why would we quit?" the hook-handed boy inquired, "Did I quit when I lost my hand to the one who cut it off? No! I vowed revenge, and I shall have it! That man only bested me once, and he shall not succeed again! Your pitiful questions will not prevent me from avenging my hand!... Or my family! I shall persevere even in the face of Death, itself!"

As the other genin failed to fall for his mind game after that... unique display, a sullen Ibiki idly noted that the one-handed boy didn't seem too upset about his family being slaughtered by his brother. The hand was more of an affront to him than the sudden and unexpected betrayal of their entire family. As he informed the students that they passed and why they passed, Ibiki waited three seconds before Anko destroyed another window in her own inimitable entrance.

"There was already a window broken," Ibiki noted dryly.

"Yes, but... is that a cannonball?" she asked, noticing the giant ball of metal in the wall.

"That would be mine," Sasuke said, "The long-nine hadn't been fired in some time, so I decided that now was as good a time as any."

"Anyway," Ibiki said before Anko could talk with one of the odd members of that team, "Didn't you have something to say?"

"Oh yeah," Anko said, "Alright, brats, come with me. You're going to go through the Forest of Death and try to steal a scroll from another team in order to have a set of scrolls."

"It's called the Forest of Death?" Sakura asked, a wide grin stretched across her face, "How quaint. This should prove to be an amusing trip."

A kunai thrown by Anko scratched her cheek as the special jounin cheerfully remarked, "Hot shots like you die out in my pretty little Forest all the time. Are you sure you can manage out there?"

As Sakura's cheek healed, the girl stabbed herself in the chest with her own kunai, only for Naruto to keep her standing as he held his inkwell under the leaking wound before he removed the kunai, bringing Sakura back to the world of the living. Smirking at Anko when she finished healing the wound, Sakura said, "What was it you were saying about not managing?"

* * *

As Orochimaru prepared to attack our protagonists, he was suddenly stopped when he realized that the Uzumaki wasn't present. Pausing to figure out what was going on, he stopped cold when a voice next to him suddenly asked, "Orochimaru of the Sannin, wouldst thou like to make a bargain? I can offer thee the immortality thou dost seek."

Turning, he saw the friendly, cheerful blond approach him with a contract and a very sharp quill in his hand. Curiosity getting the best of him, he asked, "Why are you offering me this if you know who I am?"

"I have heard thy wish," the Uzumaki replied, the smile not leaving his face, "And having heard of thy practices, I believe that the world would be done a favor if I granted it. The offer is the form of immortality that Sakura possesses, in the form of a true bargain with myself. So, wouldst thou like to make a bargain? Thou needst only sign in thy own blood."

Taking the contract to read it, he read, "Orochimaru of the Sannin, the undersigned, hereby agrees to sell his immortal soul in exchange for immortality by means of placing the aforementioned soul inside a painting with all sins being reflected in the visage of the aforementioned painting. Any damage to the painting done by the undersigned will be reflected in the physical body of the undersigned. All promises are kept in good faith, and will not be violated by the writer of the contract in any way, shape, or form. Diese Vereinbarung wurde von dem Dämon Naruto Mephistopheles Uzumaki geschrieben."

"What does that last part mean?" he asked, turning to the blond suspiciously.

"'This contract was written by the demon Naruto Mephistopheles Uzumaki,'" the blond answered idly, "Sign underneath the final words of my contract in thy blood if thou hath the desire to possess immortality."

Eagerly, Orochimaru cut his hand with a kunai and took the quill before signing the contract. When he signed, he watched as the blond took the contract with a grin that suddenly didn't seem as friendly. If anything, it looked predatory.

"Forgive me this mistake, Orochimaru of the Sannin," the blond smiled an unpleasant smile, his teeth looking very sharp as his eyes turned a glowing red with slits for pupils, "But I did not fully give thee the truth of the matter. The case of Sakura being immortal had multiple factors. The first fact was that Sakura was unaware of the bargain when it was made, and had unintentionally made a wish, rather than a bargain. The second point of order was that she did not truly sign her name, as her blood spilled onto the contract. Finally, Sakura had a painting in which her soul could be placed. All of these factors culminated in Sakura possessing her form of immortality. Allow me to grace thee with thy fondest desire."

Suddenly, Orochimaru felt his body tightening, feeling like it was crushing him slowly. He tried to escape, desperately he tried to escape the current body, but not even escape freed him from the pain. He burned, he froze, nothing could describe how he was feeling as the agonizing pain continued, making him feel more and more crushed, until, suddenly, the pain subsided. He tried to look, but his eyes wouldn't move. Neither would his limbs, or his mouth. No breathe escaped from his lungs, no heartbeat was felt. He merely felt trapped in a strange box. Suddenly, the boy who was responsible for the pain lifted his box of a prison and walked up to his teammates, picking up the scroll he had been carrying as he walked.

"What's that?" Sasuke asked, looking at the painting of a pale, long-haired man with an expression of terror crossing his face.

"Sasuke, hast thou ever wondered what would happen if Sakura had actually made the bargain with myself directly under different circumstances?" Naruto asked, turning to the pink-haired member of their team, "This is the result of a true bargain. Sakura, thou art fortunate that thy wish was answered by mistake and that thy painting was present for the wish to be granted. This is Orochimaru of the Sannin, and this is where he will spend eternity, unable to be destroyed, as the only hand able to destroy it is sealed within. Perhaps it would be best to hang him up in Sasuke's vessel once it is possible to reach the Jolly Roger. The cabin would do well with artwork. Now, let us be off to the tower. I have claimed his scroll and I believe that my current prize should provide amusement for some time."


	48. The Trickster of Konoha

The Trickster of Konoha

I don't own Naruto. As you can probably tell, this Shot is in honor of April Fool's Day. Well, on with the story. What can I say? Deception, faked psychosis, and Bavarian Fire Drills are fun to write. I don't own Blazing Saddles or Looney Tunes.

It was impossible, in Kakashi's mind. While the other two genin he was likely going to be stuck with were exactly like their profile, Naruto was worse. Kakashi had expected a prankster on Obito's level, but the blond was going beyond even that high standard, referring to himself as 'Konoha's Master of Misdirection' and actually living up to the title. Under Kakashi's eye, the boy somehow managed to make the entire Hokage monument disappear while being across the village. It took the Anbu three weeks to find the monument, but by then it was already back in place. This, however, was likely going to get them in trouble.

"So what you're saying," the Cat that Kakashi recognized as Yuugao Uzuki said to the blond in question, "Is that you found Tora like this. You haven't tampered with the body in any way."

"Yes, Cat," the blond nodded, sounding truly innocent as he continued, "I found poor, innocent Tora dead and looking like a pincushion. I'm kind of worried that our village's security was able to let whoever killed the poor kitty get in and out without any real trouble."

"Well," Yuugao remarked, having been one of the people who attempted to file assassination missions for the beast, "I suppose that we'll just have to get Madam Shijimi a similar cat that's less likely to run off."

"What?" Kakashi asked, unaware of Yuugao's animosity for the monster and the fact that she was the Anbu who kept an eye on the blond in question in his infancy, "He's obviously the one who did it."

"I have to go by the facts," Yuugao replied, "All I know for certain is that Naruto was alone in a field with a dead cat full of kunai. For all we know, he really did find Tora like this. Everyone knows that the cat was the target of several shinobi, both in and outside of the village. Now, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, come with me to find a new cat for the Daimyo's wife while Kakashi informs Hokage-sama of the situation."

* * *

It was some time after what was infamously known as The Tora Incident. Kakashi had gotten his students out of the village on a C-Rank as soon as possible. As they moved the drunken bridge-builder towards Wave, the jounin noticed that there were two puddles on the ground and decided to watch what his students did.

As the Demon Brothers seemed to kill Kakashi and charge at the client, Naruto leapt in front of him, brandishing Sasuke and said, "Don't move! I've got a flamethrower, and I'm not afraid to use it!"

The pair paused, watching the strange blond with confusion. Just when they regained their senses enough to step forward, he pointed behind them and shouted, "They're getting away!"

Turning to see what he was talking about, the two brothers were unaware that Sasuke had started making handseals until he yelled the name of the Katon, burning the pair enough to incapacitate them, yet surprisingly still keeping them alive.

"Now that we've gotten that out of the way," began Sakura, surprisingly the more pragmatic of the group, as she drew a kunai, "Why don't you tell us what our sensei died for."

"I didn't die," Kakashi said, heading out to stop the trio from doing something bad, "Though I am curious as to why there are missing nin were hunting you down."

"I'm sorry," Tazuna said sullenly, "I lied to you. Wave needs the bridge I'm building completed in order to be freed from the control of a terrible man named Gato, who rules the island with an iron fist by controlling what gets in and out of Wave. He has several men in his employ, and has these men and another ninja from Mist who has a large sword that he carries with ease. We don't have enough money to buy an A Rank, so I had to lie to get someone to help us."

"Lying about the details of a mission is grounds for cancellation," Kakashi said, "But, since we're already out here and I'm kind of hoping at least one of the boys dies, I suppose we'll keep going."

* * *

As Zabuza seemed to appear on his sword, Kakashi noted that Naruto was stomping up to the A Class missing nin. As he marched, Naruto said, "No, no, no NO! Your entrance was all wrong! Here, let me show you."

With that said, the blond ripped the Kubikiri Houcho out from under him and stomped off to the place it had first burst out of, dragging the sword behind him as Zabuza watched in shock. Just as he was piecing together what was going on, he had to duck to prevent himself from being decapitated by his own sword, upon which Naruto was now crouching.

"There!" the blond said, handing him his sword back, "Now go back, wait three minutes before you throw the sword, and then throw it. We'll pretend to be surprised."

Kakashi would never know just how the blond managed it, but as soon as he gave that order, Zabuza nodded and walked off. As he headed back to the bush, Naruto began leading the group to Wave.

"Zabuza-sama?" Haku asked confusedly, approaching the missing nin, "Wasn't that the bridge-builder that Gato had commissioned for us to assassinate?"

Scowling behind his bandages, Zabuza began running after the group that had outsmarted him, determined not to be made a fool of again.

* * *

As the Kubikiri Houcho whizzed past the group again, Naruto once again stomped up to the sword and said, "You missed your cue! What are you, a rookie? And look at this? You call this slicing a tree? You need to throw harder. Put more force into it! Go back and do the take again!"

Once again, Zabuza automatically responded to the tone of authority that the blond was giving, not noticing that the blond was watching Haku moving out of the corner of his eye. Once again, Zabuza walked into the shrubbery and did as he was commanded, using both arms and building up momentum to throw the sword as hard as possible.

The former Swordsman of the Mist succeeded, technically. Unfortunately, thanks to the amount of force he put into throwing his weapon, said weapon flew yards away, landing right back where they had first come across one another. As he rushed after his prized possession, Haku followed, despite beginning to feel tired from chasing the somewhat mentally unstable swordsman while currently carrying a good amount of their supplies.

* * *

When Zabuza threw the sword again, right before they got near the river, the blond once again stomped up to him and said, "Can't you get anything right? Look, let me show you what you're **supposed** to do."

Stepping up to Tazuna, a kunai drawn, Naruto held a kunai up to Tazuna's throat and said, "Don't move or I swear I'll kill the bridge-builder."

"What?" Tazuna asked in horror, "Help me, he's psychotic!"

"Calm down!" Zabuza called cautiously to Naruto, "There's no need to do anything hasty."

"Stay back or I'll spread his blood all over this field!" Naruto shouted.

"Won't someone help that poor man?" Sakura asked, watching the entire scene in confusion.

"Quiet, Pinky," Zabuza chastised, "That's a sure way to get him killed!"

"Now, to kill the bridge-builder," Naruto said, a insane smile on his face.

"Haku, stop him!" Zabuza shouted in panic summoning his minion.

"But, Zabuza-sama. . ." Haku attempted to protest, trying to remind Zabuza of their mission.

"I'd be persuaded to spare his pitiful life if you permit me to have him, the Uchiha, the pink-haired girl, and the Copycat as hostages as I get across the river," Naruto remarked.

"Deal," Zabuza said, certain that Kakashi would be able to defeat this crafty opponent. With the deal made, ensuring the bridge-builder's safety, Zabuza saw the group off, certain that things would be fine in Kakashi's hands.

* * *

When the group made it halfway to the island, Naruto released Tazuna and said, "Okay, we're clear now."

"What were you thinking?" Tazuna asked in horror, "You could have killed me."

"No I wouldn't have," Naruto said in an offended tone, "I'm Konoha's Master of Misdirection. The plan couldn't have possibly failed. Of course, I was polite enought to leave him a note."

* * *

"Zabuza-sama," Haku remarked, having noticed something out of place, "There's a note attached to your sword."

Turning the Kubikiri Houcho on its side, Zabuza saw the sword did indeed have a piece of paper attached to it, which said, "Thanks for helping us complete our mission despite it going completely against your own. Sincerely, Naruto Uzumaki: Konoha's Master of Misdirection."

* * *

As Team Seven and Tazuna completed their sojourn across the water, a scream of rage from the other side caused Naruto to grin. His message had been received.


	49. Inspector

Inspector

I don't own Naruto. Other than that there's not much for me to say about this Shot other than it it not related to any other Shot in the Gallery. Blame Les Misérables for this Shot, as this Naruto is somewhat based on Inspector Javert with his obsession with law and order and the idea wouldn't leave my head until I wrote this. I'll most likely revisit this one later to see just what happened with this Naruto.

Someone who had never set foot on the grounds of Konoha before entered the village. The person in question wore a black greatcoat and an orange vest over a white dress shirt, black pants, and black shoes. Who he was was unknown to the villagers and especially to the team he approached, but he held himself like a jounin despite being the apparent age of a genin and was holding onto a letter with one hand and a thick cane topped with a fox head with the other.

"Kakashi Hatake," the blond with the combed down hair and three stripes on each cheek addressed the jounin sensei in a declarative tone, "I am Inspector Renard. This letter is for you. I am unaware of what it dictates, but I have my orders from the Daimyo to stay here until you have read it and responded accordingly. I have crimes to investigate in my home, which means I must return soon, so please read it quickly."

Taking the letter from the strangely familiar looking blond he read, "Kakashi Hatake, it took some time to finally locate him, but we have found the long-lost child you and the Hokage have been searching for, who is standing before you today. Inform the Hokage."

"Team Seven, you are dismissed," he ordered before turning to the blond as he continued, "You will need to come with me to the Hokage Tower to speak to the Hokage."

"I haven't much time to spare," the blond responded, "Please make haste to get us there."

"Sure," he agreed, extending his hand, "Grab on."

The blond hesitated, looking at Kakashi with a weighing stare before reluctantly taking the proffered hand. Swinging the boy onto his back Kakashi used Shunshin to get to the tower quickly. Once they were there, Kakashi helped the boy off his back and began leading him to the Hokage's office.

"Kakashi, what's going on?" Hiruzen Sarutobi asked, confused by the jounin's sudden arrival with a strangely dressed boy.

"I am Inspector Renard," the boy said, checking pulling a pocket watch out of his vest to check the time, "I was sent here by order of the Daimyo to deliver a letter to Kakashi Hatake, who, for reasons that are unknown to me took me here to speak with you. I am on a tight schedule, so please hurry this along."

"What was this letter?" the Hokage asked, somewhat unnerved by the boy's strict mannerisms. That wasn't the sort of behavior that children had at his apparent age.

"It was this," Kakashi said, handing the Hokage the letter. Reading it, the Sandaime's eyes widened in shock.

"Stay here, I need to send a message to the Daimyo," he said, rushing out the door to get a bird to deliver the message.

"You are aware that in keeping me here, you are keeping an officer from performing his duties?" the Inspector asked the jounin still in the room with him with an unamused and flat tone.

"I'm sure that the Daimyo will understand, since he is the one who sent you here," Kakashi said amiably, "Why don't you tell me about yourself while we wait?"

"I am Inspector Renard," the boy said blankly, "My father gave me that name when he found me as an infant out in the wild being tended to by a pack of foxes. He was the Chief Inspector, and he taught me the meaning of the law and made me into who I am today. I am carrying on his legacy. Will your Hokage be back shortly? I must be report back as soon as possible."

"I'm afraid that my message will take at least a few hours to have a response, but you will need to be here to know what the response is," the Hokage said when he entered several minutes later, "Why don't you explore the village for the time being, Inspector. It's been some time since we had an Inspector in our village."

"I'll send Kakashi to come for you when you're needed," he assured, smiling at the blond, "I suspect that he and I will have much to discuss."

"I shall await your summons, sir," the Inspector remarked, saluting before he exited the room.

"What did you find out?" Hiruzen asked once the door was closed.

"Next to nothing," Kakashi responded, "I doubt that he even knows his real name."

"Tell me what you do know."

* * *

The blond Inspector walked through the village, trying to memorize the layout in case he needed to return at some point. Unsurprisingly, there were several masked ninjas who were following him from rooftops and trees, evidently not wanting to be noticed. He knew that they would be watching him, as they didn't know that he was one who followed the law in its totality. Inspector Renard was surprised, however, when twelve children his age, clearly each a ninja by the forehead protector they wore in their own ways, approached him. He recognized three of them as the team that Kakashi Hatake had been training, yet he hadn't seen the other nine on his way either to the training ground or the impossibly quick trip to the Hokage Tower.

"Good afternoon," he said, looking at each of their faces for any sign of danger, "And may I ask what the purpose of this gathering is?"

"We just wanted to see if you were really real," the only blonde in the group remarked, "Yakumo, Sakura, and Sasuke-kun said you're a policeman."

"I'm Inspector Renard, and who are all of you?" the Inspector said, not dropping his posture.

"Aren't you a bit young to be an inspector?" the pink-haired girl from Team Seven asked.

"Evidently not," the Inspector remarked dryly, "Though I must say that I find it rather rude of you to say that when you're a child soldier. If anything, I should be remarking upon the fact that you're already trained to kill for your village, whereas I'm simply trained to restrain and arrest criminals, with less focus on using my limited knowledge of fatal methods of dealing with my quarry."

"What do you do as an Inspector?" a blue-haired girl inquired, looking genuinely interested.

"I investigate each crime and I capture every rogue," he responded, "For any crime there'll be a sentence. They must answer to the law."

"What about shinobi?" the black haired boy from Team Seven asked, "Surely you can't capture them."

"Does it matter what they are?" he inquired, "No one's exempt from the law. Everyone must pay their price. Now, please tell me all your names."

"I'm Sakura Haruno," the pink-haired girl said, "My teammates are Sasuke Uchiha and Yakumo Kurama."

"Ino Yamanaka," the blonde said before pointing at the boy with black hair spiked atop his head and the rounder boy, "They're Shikamaru Nara and Chouji Akimichi."

"I am Rock Lee, Konoha's Second Green Beast!" the green-clad boy said cheerfully as he gestured at the bun-haired girl and the boy who looked somewhat feminine, "And these are my youthful teammates Tenten and Neji Hyuuga!"

"And I'm Kiba Inuzuka and this is my partner Akamaru," the brown-haired boy said, holding a pup before he pointed at the boy in the jacket and the blue-haired girl, "The two behind me are my teammates, Shino Aburame and Hinata Hyuuga."

"What's your first name, Inspector?" Tenten asked.

"Inspector," he responded honestly, "At least, that's what my father called me."

"How could you possibly catch a missing nin?" Sasuke asked.

"The same way one catches any criminal," the blond said, "Through sheer determination and the knowledge that you are in the right, as the law is on your side."

"But what if they're much stronger than you are?" Sasuke pressed.

"If a situation were that dire, then I would wait until some back-up came," the blond answered, "They might be stronger than one person, but no one escapes the law."

"There you are Inspector," Kakashi said as he arrived on the scene, "The Daimyo has responded and you'll be able to find out what this is all about once we get to the Tower."

"Very well," the Inspector said, turning to his new companions, "I'm afraid that I will have to leave your company. Should any of you find yourself in the capital, then you should visit the police station. It would be pleasant to meet with you all again."

* * *

"I was told that the information you received pertains to me, sir," the Inspector said as he saluted the Hokage upon entering the office with Kakashi.

"I do," the Hokage agreed, "What do you know of your parents?"

"I know my father is the Chief Inspector and I have no mother that I know of," the blond said simply, "What does that have to do with the situation."

"I meant your biological parents," the Sandaime responded, "They were loyal ninja of Konoha whose names are classified. They died during an assault on our village by the Kyuubi no Yoko. You were supposed to be in the care of the Anbu until further accommodations could be provided, but one day, you vanished. The name on your birth certificate is Naruto Uzumaki."

"I see," Inspector Renard remarked calmly, "Now, may I return to the capital, sir? I may be Naruto Uzumaki on your papers, but I have been Inspector Renard for most of my life, and Inspector Renard needs to return now to his post."

"Actually, that's what this document pertains to," Hiruzen said delicately, "You've been reassigned to Konoha as of ten minutes ago. We're willing to assign shinobi to help you find housing."

"Ah," the blond said, seeming to actually be upset, "As it appears you've tied my hands, I suppose that I have no other choice. Fortunately, all that I possess that isn't with me can be tailored, manufactured, or delivered. As for housing, I would rather use the police station. Would any ninja in your employ be able to direct me towards it, sir?"

"Actually, there's no police station," Kakashi said simply.

"What?" the blond asked incredulously, "Where does your police service place criminals then? Where's your Chief Inspector? I need to reprimand him for not having the required facilities."

"We tend to send them to the cells in the Anbu Headquarters, unless they're spies, in which case they go to the Torture and Interrogation Force," the Hokage responded, "As for a Chief Inspector, we don't have one."

"Of course you don't," the blond remarked upon thinking of the matter, "this is a military village. My apologies for the mistake Where's the head of the military police?"

"We don't have any military police anymore," Kakashi answered, "Not since the Uchiha clan, who provided the entirety of the force, were slaughtered by Itachi Uchiha, leaving behind only my student Sasuke Uchiha."

"And you haven't done anything to replace them?" he asked incredulously, "You have several ninja clans and you haven't started recruiting from them? It appears that my arrival is most fortuitous. I shudder to think of what would have happened to this village if you had been left to your own devices. Now, if that is all, gentlemen, I will take my leave and find myself accommodations on my own after I patrol the village."

When the blond Inspector left the room, Kakashi turned to the Sandaime and said, "That probably could've gone better."

"Hopefully, he'll be able to adjust well enough," Hiruzen agreed.


	50. Team Anko

Team Anko

I don't own Naruto. Much like the previous Shot, when the idea came to me, it demanded to be written. I think that it goes without say that this Shot is unrelated to any of the other Shots in the Gallery. Obviously I moved some points in the timeline to be much closer to each other chronologically. Please note that this Naruto is a Naruto who believes that he's the Kyuubi, not a Naruto that is Kurama in Naruto's body or any other variant of Demon Naruto that I have placed in the Nonsensical Gallery. I'll most likely revisit this 'Verse at some point just for the sake of seeing what happens next. Bonus points to who can guess which prison number belongs to who, obviously with the exception of Naruto's blatantly recognizable one.

The true final end of ROOT was a gruesome purging of all of their numbers that neither Hiruzen nor the now deceased Danzo could have ever expected, as it was the combined effort of Orochimaru and an unknown associate in an orange mask, and their reasons were so unknown to all that no one could even begin to explain what it was. Of the entire secret organization, the only survivor was one boy, no older than the recently graduated genin fresh out of the Academy. The boy had been sitting by the bedside of another ROOT operative who had died in surgery. The boy was currently in the custody of the Anbu, in the Anbu prison under strict watch due to his being from ROOT, while the Hokage was trying to figure out where to place him.

He had similar problems with Yakumo Kurama and Naruto Uzumaki. The young Kurama heiress-turned-clan-head was talented at genjutsu, and could prove herself as a kunoichi if given the chance, but she seemed to possess a second entity inside her mind and it had enough influence to get her to kill off the majority of her clan, including her parents, which was why she was currently in lock-up as well. Naruto, meanwhile, had recently turned rather volatile in response to the growing tensions between himself and the villagers, which was exacerbated by the Mizuki Incident.

Hiruzen had hoped that things would improve for the blond when it came to how the villagers looked at him, but with them not stopping or even bothering to hide their prejudice, the poor boy had turned to harsher and harsher tactics when dealing with them, which led to them becoming even less friendly as a result. With the exception of Teuchi and Ayame, the only civilians the boy seemed to genuinely like and never caused problems for, it was safe to say that he had all but declared war on the civilians. The death of Mizuki at his hands was not something that was pretty, but it was possibly one of the most efficient kills he'd ever seen. It seemed that Naruto was good at his chosen career path. To make matters more complicated, the troubled boy was convinced that he was the Kyuubi given flesh, which was not even remotely possible, given that the seal was designed to forbid the Kyuubi from taking over the body without Naruto himself having removed the seal.

Each child currently in custody was rather antisocial, but that could be a good thing in the field, if they could only be allowed out there. They were all dangerous, and had distinct styles of fighting. They'd be a perfect assassination team. If the Sandaime had his way, he would have them all on a team and. . .

That could work. All he would need is a jounin to keep an eye on the trio. But who could he choose? He knew that he could have anyone he wanted do the task, since he was the Hokage, but he needed to be sure that it would be someone who was skilled, who cared about the village, and understood the three children's problems.

Suddenly, an explosion could be in his hallway. Heading out the door quickly to deal with the problem, he was less surprised than he should have been to see a soot-covered Anko.

"Sorry, Hokage-sama," the special jounin apologized, "I thought for sure that I had figured out how to catch Kakashi, but he managed to get the mild exploding note off while it was in the middle of activating."

Rubbing his temples, the Professor was struck with a bit of inspiration. Anko was familiar with the sort of stigma that Yakumo and Naruto got, and she knew what it was like to be used by a seemingly trustworthy person like Sai had been. All that needed to be done was a promotion.

"Actually, Anko, I'm glad you're here," he said, smiling a prankster's smile, something he hadn't done since he had become Hokage, "I have an assignment for you."

Anko felt nervous at that smile, knowing that it rarely boded well for anyone who it was directed at, as she possessed such a smile herself. It was a prankster's smile, which meant there was something that she probably wasn't going to enjoy coming.

* * *

As Anko went to the holding cells for her future students, she allowed herself to feel concern. She didn't know how to deal with children. That was one of the reasons she'd been a special jounin all these years; a jounin is required to at least attempt to train one team in their career. Now she was being forced to train a team of her own, and they were all jailbirds. This would prove interesting.

"Prisoner 21212, Prisoner 10101, and Prisoner 99999," a guard said, opening a cell door, "Look alive. You have a visitor."

"Hello," the newly minted full-fledged jounin began, not sure how to begin, "I'm Anko Mitarashi, and I've been assigned as you three's jounin instructor. Why don't you tell me a bit about yourselves?"

"What do you want to know?" the blond, most likely the spokesman asked.

"Just basic things," she replied, remembering the list of things that Kakashi had given her and her traitor of a sensei's own list when he was talking to his students for he first time, "Name, like, dislikes, hobbies, dreams, how you feel about tattoos. . . Actually, forget that last one. Why don't we start with the girl?"

"My name is Ido, not 'The girl,'" she responded harshly, glaring at her future sensei, "I'm currently the personality on the surface, but my body usually belongs to Yakumo Kurama. I dislike Kurenai for attempting to seal me away, which hurt Yakumo enough that she still hasn't woken up yet. I had to actually hit Kurenai in the face to get us free. I like Yakumo and using genjutsu. My hobbies are painting and practicing genjutsu, much like Yakumo's are. Our dream for the future is to become the greatest genjutsu user and painter in the world, though I also dream of getting revenge on that traitor Kurenai for what she did to Yakumo."

Anko knew that feeling rather well. She would give anything to kill her former sensei. She had trusted him, looked up to him, and he gave her that seal and abandoned her. Still, she knew that wasn't healthy behavior, even if it was her ambition in life.

"Alright, then," Anko said, "What about you, black hair?"

"As my serial number is voided by the destruction of ROOT, I have no name other than the assigned codename of Sai," he answered in a monotone, a grin of a damned soul spread across his face, "I don't have many likes or dislikes, as those could go against mission parameters. However I have a preference to painting of all tasks, and my cellmates are not intolerable. I have no hobbies to speak of, though I do practice painting to maintain my skills. I do not dream, though I do desire to be the perfect tool for the village. I will fulfill my function to the best of my abilities until I am no longer needed."

That was never a good thing to hear come out of someone's mouth. The boy was as close to soulless as a person could get without actually selling or horribly mutilating their soul. Anko remembered that she felt that sort of loyalty years ago. It was a terrible thing for anyone to be possessed by, and this boy was going to need help getting over it. Shaking bad memories out of her mind and turning to the blond, she inquired, "And you?"

"Well, Hokage-jiji and Iruka-sensei always refer to me Naruto Uzumaki, but as Mizuki let me know, I am really the Kyuubi no Yoko," he replied in a tone that showed that he genuinely believed what he said, "I like ramen, the Hokage, Iruka-sensei, Teuchi, and Ayame. I dislike knowing what I have done to the village, but I dislike being bothered by the villagers over it even more, as I am attempting to turn over a new leaf. My hobbies are gardening, fighting, hunting, fishing, and pranking. I am not sure what my dream is anymore. My past tells me that I should want to destroy the village, but before I learned who I was, I had wanted to be the Hokage. Now, I am not certain which outcome I would prefer to cause, as the actions of the civilians, with the exception of Teuchi and Ayame, make me lean towards the former, whereas the fact that the shinobi, with a few exceptions, treated me rather fairly. Perhaps I shall kill all the civilians, with the exception of Ayame and Teuchi. Ah well, it does not matter much. I will have made my decision eventually, and by then my choice will be very clear. Until then, I suppose I am at an impasse for which scenario I will follow when the time comes. And what of yourself, Anko-sensei?"

He was an odd one. That was one of the few things she could ascertain about him with that self-description, as she was completely unfamiliar with the way that his thoughts worked. The one thing she was familiar with was the civilians not being very nice. She knew that very well, as she was shunned for years by the civilians due to her treacherous sensei's reputation. She was not happy with this team. They were too similar to how she used to be for her to be happy with them. Of course, that was probably the exact reason that she was picked to be their sensei. Not even Kakashi, with all the trauma of a member of Anbu twice his age, would understand the sort of suffering that these children went through better than she could.

"Well, like I said, I'm Mitarashi Anko," she began, "I like dango and a select group of people. I dislike a larger group of people, including my traitorous snake of a sensei. My hobbies are practicing throwing senbon, eating dango, and kidnapping my friends and Kakashi. My dream for the future is no one's concern. Other than that, there's not much else to say. Come on, we're going to go bother the civilians. If we freak them out on our own, imagine what they'd act like if we traveled like a group."

Anko wasn't sure what was going to come, but what she was sure of was that she wanted to see it when it happened. Shaking her head in amusement at the possibilities, she led her ragtag band of misfits out of the building, looking forward to seeing what would happen with her new team.


	51. A Call to Action

A Call to Action

I don't own Naruto. I couldn't even begin to explain where this came from. Despite Kikyo's presence, this Shot isn't related to either the Adopted Mini-Shot Series found in Shot 30 or Shot 42.

_**As things commonly do, it all began with a madman in his hideout, planning the destruction on one unfortunate village.**_

Obito Uchiha, better known as Madara amongst his subordinates, was waiting as he plotted. The Akatsuki was still recruiting among the more monstrous members of society but his plan was already nearing fruition. All he needed was the most important piece of his plan.

His agents would return with It soon, as he knew Its general location. With that information and the orders to burn down the village an return with It, he was certain that they would find It quickly. Then, he would be able to bring back Rin. Kakashi would understand once he explained his reasons, of that he was certain, and if he could get Kakashi on his side, then he could get the others on his side, so he wasn't worried on that front. What was one small village worth in comparison to the perfect world, a world where Rin hadn't had to die?

* * *

**_A village, where a secret thing had long been kept was raided in the night, with only one survivor taking the secret item._**

"Kikyo, dear child, you need to run," a young girl's worried mother said desperately as she dragged the six-year-old through the forest they were hiding in. Once they were a good distance from the burning village, the mother continued, pushing a wrapped parcel into the girl's hand, "Make sure that you aren't seen by anyone until we come and get you. If your father and I don't come back in two hour's time, follow the sunset. Go straight until you reach the gates of Konoha."

"But Mommy," Kikyo said, looking inside the bag, "You said I couldn't use It until I was older."

"If fortune favors us, then you won't have to," her mother replied quickly before giving her a kiss on the cheek with a sad smile, "Now, run, Kikyo! Run and don't look back! Your father and I will come get you in a bit."

The woman knew she was lying to her daughter, but she knew that she couldn't tell Kikyo the harsh truth of the matter, because she would have refused to run otherwise. At least this way, she was safer.

* * *

_**This survivor, a lonely child, was without a protector until a wanderer of sorts surprisingly came across her.**_

"Hello," a sixteen year old blond in orange said when he caught Kikyo trying to warm herself at his fire before he came back, "You can share the fire, if you need to. And the meal on the flame. There's bread too, if you're really hungry. Where are your parents?"

"They're gone," she responded, keeping her eyes open for any exits in case he was going to attack her.

"Oh," he responded, "I'm sorry. I know the feeling. Why aren't you in your village's orphanage, then? It's kind of late for someone your age to be traveling."

"It's gone," the girl said, "My whole village is gone, along with my mother and father. We got attacked, and my mother told me to run as fast as I could. I only came to your fire to hope to get warm and leave before you could notice."

"You're strangely mature for someone your age," he remarked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"And you're awfully kind for someone who clearly escaped a chain gang," she responded, looking pointedly at the scars on his wrists, "We both have our secrets. I'm going to Konoha. Where are you going?"

"Away from Oto," he responded, pulling down the sleeves of his jacket, "I still know the way to Konoha, though, so why don't I walk you there? Konoha's as friendly with Oto as I am, and this way you have someone to protect you. Now, the meat should be cooked by now, so why don't we eat. You look like you haven't eaten in weeks."

"What were you in prison for?" she asked, wanting to know who he was.

"That's in the past," he said with a faked smile as he ruffled the child's hair, "Like you said, we both have our secrets to keep. I'd bet you don't want me to know anything about the thing you have strapped to your forearm. Now, why don't we eat? My name's Naruto. What's yours?"

"My name's Kikyo," she responded as she adjusted her own sleeve, hoping that things would turn out well.

"Well, Kikyo, I'll tell you what," he said cheerfully as he took out the makeshift plates he made when he spotted her earlier, "While we head to the village, I'll teach you ways to defend yourself and hide better. You may have been good enough to get away, but it's always good to learn more. You can use the tent. I don't really use it, myself."

* * *

_**Eventually, the pair finally reached their destination, where something happened before they could part ways, and they met someone who would become important to them.**_

"Well, I guess this is goodbye, kit," the blond replied softly, tousling his charge's black hair affectionately.

"I guess so, sir," she replied just as softly as he led her to the orphanage.

Once they arrived at their destination, Naruto turned away, not wanting to see the child he'd grown attached to leave forever. Still, he had to press on, as she wasn't even his really. Sure they'd traveled together and he always felt a little surge of pride whenever she succeeded in whatever she wanted to do, but that didn't matter. She was the child of two dead people, and he knew that he couldn't replace them, even if he was glad to have had her company. She needed a real childhood, and he needed to keep moving, since he highly doubted that Konoha would accept him, given that he worked freelance, something the Hidden Villages didn't take to kindly to.

His musings were cut short by a sudden feeling of something being wrapped around his leg and a strange weight trying to keep it in place. Looking down, he was surprised to see Kikyo, her eyes watery as she said, "Please don't leave me here. I don't want you to go away."

"Kikyo, it's for the best," he choked out, fighting back his own tears as he pried the child off of his leg and looked her in the eye, "I won't be able to give you a real home, and I want you to have the best. I'd be a terrible caretaker for you, because I'll probably always have be on the run."

"No you wouldn't" Kikyo protested louder, hugging him tightly, "You'd be a great father. Please, just take me with you. I don't want to be alone again."

"What seems to be the problem?" a blue-haired sixteen year old kunoichi asked, approaching the pair with concern, "Are you two okay?"

"We're fine," Naruto responded, returning the hug, "We were just discussing how I'm adopting her. There's no trouble."

At those words Kikyo's grip tightened happily as he rose to his feet and swung her onto his back so that she was riding piggyback as they headed inside the building, leaving a confused kunoichi standing outside.

When they returned outside, now a proper family, the kunoichi approached the pair and said, "Excuse me. The Hokage requests your presence in her office. Would you please come with me?"

"Who are you?" Naruto asked, protectively tightening his grip on Kikyo.

"I'm Hinata Hyuuga," the girl replied honestly, "I'm a chuunin who reports directly to Tsunade-sama or either of her assistants."

"Alright, then," he said, "lead the way."

As they continued to walk, Hinata asked, "So what brings you to Konoha?"

"Personal matters," Naruto replied simply, "She needed to come here for some reason, and I needed to get away from an unfortunate situation."

The rest of the trip was in silence, with Hinata giving Naruto wary glances and Naruto doing the same while Kikyo observed the village carefully, trying to memorize the layout in case they needed to run, as Naruto had trained her to do. When they finally made it to the office in the Hokage Tower, Tsunade asked, "Who are you, and why did you come here?"

"I'm Naruto, and this is Kikyo," he responded automatically, "Kikyo wanted to come here, and who am I to let a child wander without anyone to protect her?"

"What do you do for a living?" Tsunade asked curiously, looking him square in the eye.

"I'm a consultant," Naruto responded with a smile, "people hire me to help them with their problems, usually problems that can be handled only with a jutsu."

"You're not one of ours," Tsunade noted, "Also, as a shinobi, you were required to tell the guards at the gate what village you come from, but I wasn't made aware of any shinobi entering the village. Which Hidden Village are you from?"

"None," the blond replied, "Uzushiogakure doesn't exist anymore, and by only by the lack of other options am I the Uzukage. I'm just someone selling the only trade that he's good at while trying to find any survivors."

"Wait," Tsunade said, "You're That Naruto? The Savior of Wave?"

"Savior?" the blond asked in surprise, "All I did was kill one single businessman and a few mercenaries. The Demon Brothers, Zabuza Momochi, and Haku Yuki from Kiri were the ones who dealt with the rest of that army, which I'm guessing was their mission. Still, I am curious as to how word about something happening in that small village reached this one."

"Team Seven had been dispatched to defend a bridge builder, who was shocked at the sight of his village on the verge of recovery," Tsunade explained, "When his fellow villagers explained the situation, he decided that, in honor of the hero who defeated Gato, he would name the bridge 'the Great Naruto Bridge.' Several Konoha mission statements mentioned you for a year or so, then you just vanished without a trace one day."

"I had to take a break for a while," he lied smoothly, his scars hidden well by his jacket, "Do you know how hard it is to make every last one of the ninja villages look good while still making a profit as a freelance?"

"Be that as it may, I have to ask where you'll be staying in the village," Tsunade said honestly, "This village trusts its shinobi forces with their safety, and we have to monitor any potential threat to the safety of the village. If you're half as good as the reports say, then you fall into that category."

"Not sure," he admitted, "I've never really stayed in the village long enough to know where the apartments are. If not for Kikyo, I probably wouldn't have even bothered myself with doing much more than finding a cave in that forest of yours and setting some traps and you wouldn't have even noticed I was there until someone stumbled across my campsite. Do you have any suggestions? Preferably a place with two rooms?"

"There are some available apartments in the village," Tsunade replied, "Hinata, why don't you help them find their way to the housing district?"

"Hai, Hokage-sama," Hinata replied, "Would you both please come with me?"

* * *

_**Just like that, the final piece of the puzzle fell into place, setting everything in position for the tasks that were ahead.**_


	52. Team of Monsters

Team of Monsters

I don't own Naruto. This Shot, much like the one before it, is completely unrelated to any of the other Shots in the Gallery. I'll most likely continue this one at some point, but not quite yet. Bonus points to whoever recognizes Sai's serial number.

It was an interesting moment for Kakashi Hatake when he entered the room. While he expected the five people seated in there, he did not expect them to look the way they did or be seated as far apart as they were. Despite his concern, he attempted to make a joke as he said, "My first impression of you: I hate you. Meet me on the roof."

With that, he used Shunshin to reach the roof before they did, trying to make himself believe that he had just been mistaken, that they didn't have that look that he knew all too well.

When they finally made it to the roof, he looked at the quintet to see what they looked like, and was disturbed to see he was correct. Yakumo Kurama was dressed as the file stated she would dress, yet she was glancing at everyone with eyes that kept flickering between a dead stare and an unearthly light of rage. Beside her, the boy known only as Sai stood dressed in a black outfit that left only his head uncovered, while his vacant, soulless eyes and faked smile did their best to give him the appearance of a doll. Wearing a red hooded cloak, Sakura Haruno stood behind the pair, looking at everything around her with a silent look of contemplation in her almost glowing green eyes. To her left, Sasuke Uchiha avoided all eye contact with anyone, focusing on anything but their faces. Bringing up the rear, Naruto Uzumaki came in, wearing a black leather glove on his right hand and a black eyepatch over his left eye.

Acting as if this was a normal sight outside of the Anbu Headquarters, Kakashi offered his friendliest smile with his eye and said, "Alright, let's get the basics out of the way for us to get to know each other."

"Please give an example of how to make introductions to one another," Sai said in a dull monotone, not removing the fake smile from his face.

"Alright," he replied, "My name's Kakashi Hatake. I like some things, I dislike others. I have lots of hobbies, and as for dreams for the future. . . well, I don't really have any. Why don't you go next, since you were the one to ask?"

"I am called Sai," the boy said in a monotone, keeping that smile of a damned soul plastered on his face, "I am a former member of the disbanded organization ROOT under the deceased Danzo Shimura, where I was stripped of all emotions and identity, at which point I was assigned the number 9430. I do not understand the concepts of likes or dislikes, and the only task I perform that could qualify as a hobby is painting, though it is a combat technique that I practice and utilize. I have no dreams for the future, as I am unsure who I am to serve and am therefore unaware of what goal I am to accomplish."

"Alright then. . . Pinky?" Kakashi asked, trying not to think of just how much would have been needed to have been done to the boy to make him this empty shell.

"I'm Sakura Haruno," she said, staring at him like a trapped predator would a potential enemy, "I like sharp weapons and the scent of blood. I dislike being stared at when I bring in the carcasses of whatever prey I've been hunting. My hobbies are hunting and thinking of ways to either kill or be killed. My dream for the future is to hunt the most dangerous game in the world. Whether I live or die doesn't matter at all, since no one would really care about someone her own parents call 'a sociopathic monster with delusions of grandeur.'"

"Okay then," Kakashi said, more than a little unnerved, "Uh. . . Brown haired?"

"I'm Ido Kurama," the girl said sluggishly, her eyes once more dead, "Kurenai-sensei said I was too violent to be allowed to exist, so she sealed away my personality and emotions. I have no purpose yet am forced to linger here. . ."

"I'm Yakumo Kurama," the girl continued, her eyes now blazing with fury, "I like painting and practicing genjutsu. I dislike Kurenai for betraying my trust and making Ido into the shell of what she once was, and I'm still trying to decide whether or not to put you on the list with her for being late. My hobbies are painting and practicing genjutsu. My dream for the future is to unseal Ido and punish Kurenai for doing this to her. I have all the time in the world at my disposal to come up with a fitting punishment, so I can be patient."

"Why don't you go now, Duck-Hair," Kakashi said, going out of his way to avoid even talking about anything the girl just said. He'd discuss it with Kurenai the next time he saw her.

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha," he said, looking in Kakashi's general direction yet avoiding his eye, "I don't like people, or anything else really. I don't really have any hobbies other than looking up increasingly cruel ways to kill people. My goal for the future is to one day kill my brother in as merciless a way possible, to make him pay for killing them all. Maybe then the screams will stop and the villagers will quit staring."

"Okay," Kakashi said, trying to think of whether there were any therapist nin he could send him to that weren't Gai, as the boy clearly needed help, "Alright, Blondie, how about you?"

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, but most people call me the Kyuubi when they think no one's listening," he said, holding his gloved hand in his ungloved one, "I like a few things, and I'd rather not talk about what they are so they don't get destroyed. I dislike the ignorant villagers and Mizuki for getting me angry enough to release my other chakra and thereby make me into a monster. My hobbies will not be discussed for the same reason I will not speak of my likes. My dream for the future is to miraculously become the Hokage, despite people's best efforts."

"What do you mean, made you a monster?" Kakashi asked, as pressing on casually was the only way to ignore the fact that everything he'd heard on this roof by this point sounded like something that one of his former colleagues in Anbu would say.

"Let me show you," Naruto said, grabbing his eyepatch with his ungloved hand, "I'm sure that the average civilian would be terrified even knowing about what you're all about to see, so I'd be glad to know that you won't talk about what you're about to see."

With that said, the blond lifted his eyepatch, revealing a glowing red eye with a slit for a pupil. Once that was off, he took off the glove, revealing a clawed red hand that seemed to be emanating a faint aura of red chakra. Holding the hand up to his eye-level, Naruto said, "While I was attacking him, the traitor got two lucky shots with a shuriken and a kunai, which made my eye burst and cut off my hand. My. . . tenant replaced them, but they came out looking like this."

"Well, then," Kakashi said, having had enough things disturb him for the day, "Meet me at Training Ground Seven at noon tomorrow. I'm going to give you a test to see if you truly classify as genin or if you get sent back to the Academy. I would recommend not eating. You'd most likely throw it up."

"Very well, sensei," Naruto said, evidently taking up the role of spokesman as he replaced his eyepatch and glove, "We will be there."

With that, Kakashi left the roof, hoping to talk to the Hokage about his new potential team.

* * *

"You're wondering why I gave you these students for your team," the Hokage said right as Kakashi entered the room, "I expected as much. Sit down. I want to tell you a story. There was once a boy with no one to call family after his father died. He buried himself in his duties until one day, one miraculous day, he made friends with his teammates and sensei, who supported him and made him into a person, rather than a shinobi."

"But then his teammates died, as did the sensei he viewed as a father to him," Kakashi interrupted, not wanting to linger on his past, "What does that have to do with this team arrangement?"

"I feel that these children could use people who need them, people they could be with without any need to hide," the Hokage said plainly, looking Kakashi square in the eye as he spoke, "And, should they pass the bell test, they would need a sensei who once managed to climb out of the despair that each of them seems to feel. Give them the bell test, and if they pass, teach them. That's all I'm asking of you."

"Yes, Hokage-sama," the jounin replied, leaving the office in order to get the bells out of the box he kept them in after buying another bell.

* * *

"Now, there are three bells, and whoever hasn't held onto a bell by the end will not pass and will be sent back to the Academy," Kakashi said, preparing for them to all rush him individually.

To the jounin's surprise, Sasuke stepped back, as the rest stood behind him, while he formed the handsigns for the Katon. Kakashi quickly leapt out of the way of the fireball, only to be knocked to the ground by a large dragon that Sai had created out of ink. This tactic caused him to land in a swarm of one thousand shadow clones that Naruto had summoned, which began to overwhelm the now off-balance jounin enough for them and their creator to manage to get a few good hits on him as he attempted to make his escape by fighting his way out.

He eventually succeeded in escaping the legion, only to be struck by a powerful punch from Sakura, which knocked him against a tree and into a strong snare that she evidently made before he arrived. He proceeded to cut himself down from the snare, and as he landed, he raised his eyes to look at his opponents. To his surprise, the jounin was greeted by malevolent brown eyes that sent him into a darkness he couldn't see or hear his way out of.

When he finally realized that it was genjutsu that was being used on him, he dispelled it with some effort and, to his surprise, found the group standing in front of him, with Yakumo, Naruto, and Sasuke each holding a bell. Before Kakashi so much as could utter a word, Sasuke handed his bell to Sakura while Yakumo handed hers to Sai and Naruto tossed him the bell.

Watching the now strangely happy group seem to be bonding with one another, Kakashi made his decision and smiled as he said, "You all pass. You actually understood the test and managed to work together, which no other team I've tested has ever done. It reminds me of how, years ago, a person who I didn't know I would eventually call my best friend told me that those who abandon a mission are trash, but those who abandon their teammates are worse than trash. He was right, and I took his words to heart. Never forget that lesson, no matter what else you do in your lives. I learned that the hard way with the death of my best friend. Anyway, meet me here tomorrow at the same time. Team Seven, you are dismissed for the day."


	53. An Influential Man

An Influential Man

I don't own Naruto. Recently, I noticed that I've been somewhat neglecting some of the older series of Shots in the Gallery. As such, I've decided to fix that by revisiting as many of them as I can write a plot for. This one is set in the Demonic 'Verse, better known as the series of Shots that consists of Shots 3, 4, 5, 11, 23, 27, and 38, and is meant to show this Naruto's interactions with Hiruzen.

The Nine-Tailed Fox was unable to move from his current location. This was a displeasing occurrence, as he was currently in the body that the Yondaime had sealed him into, which was devoid of any sign of life for him to try to corrupt later in life. Fortunately, this situation meant that the body had space for him to inflict his will to eventually achieve mastery of the husk. Another bit of good fortune was that he had managed to cast and maintain a glamour to keep his tails and eyes hidden before the other insects came. The first to arrive was an old, wrinkled insect dressed in battle armor, who picked him up and turned to the insect in the mask that looked like a Dog as he said, "Minato had told me that his name was going to be Naruto. Still, he had many enemies, so I thought that we should call him Naruto Uzumaki in honor of his mother."

The Nine-Tailed Fox silently raged at the insect's presumption. His name was Kurama, and he was not going to accept any names that the insect that sealed him was going to name its spawn. Nevertheless, he had no method of exacting his vengeance on the old insect at the moment, so he would bide his time. Once he was able to control this form, he would come up with a suitable method of escaping and punishing his jailers.

* * *

When the husk reached the age of one, the Nine-Tailed Fox had become numbed to the old insect's presence. He was clever, as far as insects went, but there was not much for him to say either for or against the old insect, as the man kept an eye on the defenseless husk he was trapped inside of, but this was the same man that insisted on praising the insect that had sealed him away and continued to refer to him by the name that the husk was supposed to have.

"Happy Birthday, Naruto," the old insect said, his hands behind his back, "I brought you a gift. Meet Gama-chan."

The old insect handed him a strange frog that felt more like the things wrapped around him, keeping his husk warm, with something soft and malleable inside. Deciding to see if it tasted good, the Nine-Tailed Fox gnawed at the thing with his currently toothless mouth, only to determine that it was absolutely not food, but it did feel nice against his jaws. He noticed the old man smiling at him with that kind smile he often had on his face and determined that it was normal behavior for insects at the age of his current husk to react to such items in such a way.

* * *

When the husk reached the age of three, the Nine-Tailed Fox determined that he did not hate the old man. Though he didn't allow the Nine-Tailed Fox the right to explore on his own, he appeared to only be doing it out of concern for his safety, and never seemed to act out of malice. Idly, the Fox often wondered if he would show the same mercy if he knew that the boy he was looking at all the time was merely the husk that the Fox was possessing, with emotion-based glamours hiding his features.

The Nine-Tailed Fox's mind never allowed itself to remain on that topic for long, for reasons that the Nine-Tailed Fox could never understand. Nevertheless, the Nine-Tailed Fox spent most of his time in the old man's office, where he often heard discussions between the old man and whichever one of his subordinates came it at any given time. No, Naruto definitely did not hate the old man.

* * *

At the age of five, Naruto the Nine-Tailed Fox was in the middle of telling the old man about his experiences that day, or at least the series of events he was willing to divulge in the way he decided to divulge them. As such, he told how he rescued Hinata and how he made friends with the Yamanaka girl, though both stories purposefully omitted his demonic method of doing both and he avoided mentioning Sai entirely. Really, there was no need to reveal either thing, as that could endanger him in this village.

Smiling at him indulgently, the old man nodded his head until he finished. Once the blond had stopped speaking, he simply said, "That's very good, Naruto. I'm very proud of you for making new friends. Still, for my sake, could you please not wander outside of the village? You could get hurt. Don't worry, you can go anywhere you want in the village and make friends with whoever you want, but you need to be where I or a jounin can find you."

Naruto merely nodded, agreeing to stay within the village. He doubted that it would be good for him to travel far in his current condition, anyway, even with his power getting closer to being fully accessible.

* * *

At the age of seven, Naruto the Nine-Tailed Fox was in his cell, chained completely to the wall as the old man entered, a blank expression on his face, causing him to look older than Naruto ever remembered him looking. They both stared at each other, neither making a sound. In an attempt to make the old man feel more comfortable, Naruto applied his glamour, once again rendering his bound tails invisible and hiding his real eyes.

"They tried to take Hinata from me," Naruto said, "I was not going to let that happen."

"I believe you, Naruto," the Hokage said with a sigh, "but the political backlash of what you've done is staggering. You killed someone who was, as far as the Raikage is publicly concerned, helping to create a peace treaty. Meanwhile, on the civilian's side of things, they and several of the shinobi of the village want to know why Mizuki was killed."

"He was a traitor to the village who planned on giving information to Orochimaru," Naruto responded simply.

"I see," the old man nodded before his face once more darkened, "Were it feasible, I'd let all of you out, but were I to release you, Kumo would be claim that it was a government sponsored assassination and all contracts were voided unless Konoha gave in to its more ludicrous demands."

"I understand, sir," the blond nodded, "I will abide by what's necessary for the time being."

* * *

At age nine, Naruto idly noted that it had been two years since he and his team had allowed the Anbu to catch them. The old man came to visit and often told him about the village and what was going on around the world, though Naruto didn't really need it, since he had Ino to gather that information from others. Really, if not for the steel chains supposedly binding him, his change in size and ability, and the change in scenery, Naruto might have mistaken this for the earlier years of his life from the point he was sealed inside his body.

It was strange to the blond, as it was to Ino, as neither of them could find any real intent on the part of the old man other than to visit the cell. As a result, Naruto didn't bother using his usual methods of dealing with his jailers when the old man came, as the old man never asked questions. He had other things on his mind as it was, given that the Kurama girl could prove useful, and Prisoner 010-T-10 wanted to escape. Once he had more cards in his hand for dealing with them, he would propose an alliance of sorts, but until then, he was sitting in his cell waiting for the next meeting with the old man.

* * *

At the age of thirteen, Naruto noticed that the old man hadn't visited at his regularly scheduled time, but assumed that he was busy dealing with the Chuunin Exam, which the guards had noted were going on. To everyone in Solitary Confinement's surprise, a sudden explosion could be heard. Mentally calling for Ino, he asked, 'Was that one of our fellow guests of the village?'

'No,' Ino remarked, setting the conversation to an interconnected set for every member of their little group in Solitary, 'It wasn't anyone in solitary, or even one of the guests of the lower security wings. It seems an invasion is going on.'

'How is that possible?' Sasuke asked, 'We caught the only spy in the village. Without a spy, the attack should have been impossible.'

'A new spy was likely implanted in the time between our arrest and now,' Sai remarked, his mental voice the same monotone as his speaking voice, 'Were a ROOT agent attempting to find any information on a village they were ordered to destroy, then the proper course of action in the event of an informant being killed would be to send in another infiltrator who would escape notice, preferably someone who could appear to be mundane while hiding an interesting set of capabilities. The subject in question would have to have a very poor self-image in advance, so praise to their skills as a spy would be a source of pride, thereby reducing the likelihood of them confessing their actions. Once their pride has been appealed to and dominates their ability to make decisions, it would be a necessity to induct them into the organization, at least on an honorary level, which would give a sense of purpose to them. Once they outlived their usefulness, they would, of course, be terminated.'

A few hours later, the guards returned from the battle, somewhat injured, but still able to perform their pointless duty. Upon taking their knowledge of events from their minds, Ino reported, 'It appears that the battle was won, but the Sandaime Hokage died in combat against the traitor Orochimaru of the Sannin.'

'Very well,' Naruto responded, feeling a strange emptiness he couldn't place set in, 'Please disengage from my mind. I would like some time to myself.'

'Sure, boss,' Ino remarked, not bothering to question him or probe his thoughts.

When he was fully alone, Naruto remained silent, trying to fully grasp what Ino had said. He never really thought of the old man as capable of dying before this moment. He was aware that he would eventually die, as that was an inevitability, but he never expected this to happen. It was odd, and he didn't understand exactly how it could have happened.

* * *

At the age of fifteen, Naruto was sitting idly in his cell when Ino mentally remarked, 'The traitor Orochimaru of the Sannin was killed by his former teammate Jiraiya the Toad Sage. Jiraiya also refused to hold onto the title of Hokage and talked his other teammate Tsunade Senju into taking up the role.'

'Interesting,' Naruto remarked, 'We might be able to use this to our advantage. keep waiting for a situation that sounds like it could be of interest to us.'

'Sure thing, boss,' Ino agreed, once more probing the guards minds.

* * *

At the age of sixteen, Naruto smirked at Ino's news. The guards weren't sure what was going on, but Tsunade Senju seemed to be in need of some sort of outside assistance. That was the cue he'd been waiting for.

"Guards!" he called out, causing the two men to head to his cell to see what he wanted to discuss.

Looking through the barred window of Naruto's door, the one on the left asked, "What?"

"I would like to speak to the Hokage," he said, hiding his smirk in the shadows, "It's important."


	54. Naruto Noir

Naruto Noir

I don't own Naruto. Special Credit to redspud for offering up the idea for this Shot. This Shot, much like many of the ones preceding it, is unrelated to any other Shot in the Gallery. This Shot will most likely be revisited at some point in the future, most likely showing Sakura's perspective on these events.

I was sitting in my office dressed in my orange trenchcoat and fedora, waiting for a client, any client to come in. Then, like a godsend, the two of them came in. The guy had black eyes and black hair. Personally, I'd hate to meet his barber, because it wouldn't be lying if I said that his hair looked just like the business end of a duck. Next to him, the green-eyed girl who was either his squeeze or, if he was hired muscle, his boss, had pink hair and a look on her face that shows a rage that would probably get Kyuubi himself to pause for a moment if he weren't trapped in me. Nevertheless, you never lose face in front of a potential client so I kept my face blank while I asked, "What do you want?"

I'm not one for understand how people work, but if I were to guess, I'd guess that the girl didn't like being addressed like that, mostly going by the fact that her glare got stronger and she looked seconds away from ripping my head off with her bare hands. If looks could kill, there wouldn't be enough of me to bury. Meanwhile, the guy didn't really react to my question, so I decide he must be the muscle. Both of them are ninja's though, as I can tell by their forehead protectors, so it was probably going to be one of my more interesting cases.

"You were supposed to be at the team meeting three hours ago!" the girl yelled loud enough that I'm sure that people in Suna could hear her loud and clear, getting in my face and looking as if she wanted to bite my head off.

'Girl's a bit off-balance,' was what I gathered from that shouting. I tossed a sympathetic nod to the bodyguard. Poor sap has to deal with her everyday. He'd probably quit if he could, but, if there was anything I learned when I did my time as a shinobi for Konoha, it's that you accept what paychecks you can and keep an eye out for a future job opening. That's how I got into this business, after all.

Next thing I know, Pinky's lifted me out of my office and is carrying me off while Ducky is simply walking behind her. Guess I was wrong over who was who in their partnership. Despite knowing how she's going to react, I leap out of her arms and begin walking. I know where the training ground is, and I haven't needed to be carried since I learned to walk. I figured I should get some information for this case, so I asked, "What do you need me to do, and how much are you going to pay me for it?"

It's always good to be up-front about things like that. Otherwise, the client might stiff you by paying less than ideal prices because you didn't agree on a price earlier.

"You're our teammate, baka!" Pinky shouted, "We need to head to the Hokage Tower for our next assignment!"

That was news to me. I could have sworn I'd done my time and quit after having to catch that cat for the thirty-fourth time. Maybe I should talk to someone more reasonable. Turning to Ducky, I asked, "What's she going on and on about?"

Ducky looked at me and Pinky before letting out a long-suffering sigh. Personally, I can't blame him, having to work for someone who's clearly mentally unstable probably gets grating on the nerves. Despite his problems, he was completely calm while he said, "We're part of a group who solve problems. Our boss wants us to work with you so we can have a detective's eyes on this too. Your pay's one fourth of the take for the job. You interested?"

"Alright," I told him. Hey, like I said, you accept the paychecks you can get. Besides, I'm sure Ducky could use the company so he doesn't have to deal with Pinky alone. Sticking around a psycho always got a bit annoying after a while. Also, I'm curious, which was the other reason I got into the detective business. With the agreement made between me and Ducky over the case, I started following Pinky's lead and headed to the Tower. On the way, I found out that Pinky's name was Sakura and Ducky's name was Sasuke, so the trip wasn't completely boring.

* * *

Hokage-iji smiled as the three of us entered the room. I wasn't sure whether it's because he was happy to see me or because we finally got there, but I'd be willing to bet it's a mix of both. At any rate, Kakashi walked in just as Jiji pulled out a file and told us, "Alright, Team Seven, I have a C-Rank for you. You need to escort a bridge builder by the name of Tazuna to Wave and protect him from bandits."

I could already tell this job wasn't going to be client was clearly a bit of a drinker, and that never boded well. Given that he was clearly genuinely afraid of being attacked while he headed home, he was either someone's courier of things that get sold under the table, he was in deep with organized crime, or he had a powerful enemy. This was definitely not going to be fun.

* * *

We were walking the drunk to Wave when I noticed something weird. There was a puddle of water on the ground. It hadn't rained around here in weeks, so that only meant one thing.

"Trap!" I called out as I tackled the drunk to the ground. It was obvious that they were targeting him, since he was too scared to be involved, which meant that it wasn't a plan to get at Konoha. Fortunately, Kakashi had been able to intervene by taking the hit and most likely pretending to die and hide wherever it was he went. Most likely, he was observing our ability to work together.

I have to say, Sakura impressed me. I've never seen a girl her age make a grown man cry out in terrible pain and then be suddenly silenced, except for that one time Hinata had hired me to find some plushy that went missing and I found out that her dad took it. From what I've heard, she's now the clan head and he's supposed to be able to eat solid foods in a few months. Personally, I think both girls were simply working off some frustration over something I can't figure out, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, with his partner horribly mutilated the other missing nin tried to attack the client but a bullet from me and one of Sasuke's fireballs made sure he was out of commission.

Considering that those two were the Demon Brothers, Zabuza Momochi had to be in on killing Tazuna, which meant it was my powerful enemies theory, since Zabuza needed the money to start his coup and wouldn't bother killing a bridge builder for no good reason. It was then that I found myself wishing that I had one of my sources in the underground here. Still, I did have a source with me that was still breathing, conscious, and not screaming in agony. I decided to do things the easier way.

Lifting the drunk up and shoving him against a tree, I shouted, "Who's out to get you, and why?"

"Let me explain," he said, the magic words flying from his mouth quicker than birds flying from a cat, "What do you know about Gato?"

"The shipping magnate?" I asked, dropping him to the ground, "I know that every Hidden Village of note wants to take him out but can't due to lack of evidence. He supposedly hires mercenaries and missing nin like clockwork, but all the authorities get from him are corpses of missing nin that his 'security department' kill for him, but he's been quiet in the past few years. You're telling me that he's in Wave and he's the one who wants you dead? Why?"

"The bridge I'm making will end the monopoly he has on getting important goods to our village," he responded, "He doesn't want us to be free of his control."

"Lying about a mission's difficulty is grounds for cancellation," Kakashi said, proving my hunch about him surviving right.

"But, since you paid us a chunk of the actual cost, we're going to keep with you and set a payment schedule before we tell the boss," I added. What can I say? I'm a sucker for a sob story and tweaking Gato's nose sounded like fun. Besides, we already got paid, and like I always say, it's a bad idea to turn down a paycheck just because of a little danger.

* * *

Predictably, Zabuza leapt out of the bushes to attack us. Fortunately for Tazuna, Sasuke had noticed the sword before he did and pulled him to the ground, letting the sword fall into trees.

Watching Zabuza make his appearance, I spoke my mind and asked him, "What are you, an idiot?"

His most likely perfectly rehearsed threat escaping his mind he asked, "What?"

"Are you an idiot?" I repeated, "You obviously didn't look up who your boss was. Have you ever heard of a missing nin getting paid by Gato? No, you hear about Gato getting paid for the bodies of missing nin, though. If you want to get funding for your little war, go right ahead, but everybody knows Gato's a slimy leech who skips out when comes time to pay for , saying that's an insult to leeches. The only reason he's still walking free is because no one can actually pin anything on him. How much is he even saying he's going to pay you?"

"Fifty thousand ryo," Zabuza replied, seeming to be thinking about what I just pointed out. Before his thoughts could be further processed, however, he was suddenly hit by some senbon to his neck.

"Thank you for keeping him occupied," a masked boy with long hair said, "I've been tracking him down for some time now."

"So you know that he's worth one hundred thousand ryo, dead or alive?" I asked, acting on a hunch. Zabuza was actually worth five hundred thousand, and any bounty hunter worth their salt would correct me just to show up a private eye.

"Yes, of course," Zabuza's partner said as he confirmed my suspicions, "But this is for the sake of protecting village secrets and reclaiming one of the Seven Swords for Kiri."

"Alright then," I replied, offering a handshake, which he took. Leaning in close to make sure only he heard what I told him, I said, "Let him know I was telling the truth when I said that Gato is going to betray him. I'm going to want to talk to you both later. I'll find you later."

With that out of the way for the time being, I found myself relaxing. This case was going to be one of the simpler ones. Not like the one where Hinata's plushy went missing. Still, I couldn't shake the feeling I was missing something. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to be able to figure out until I had some more clues to go on, so I decided to let it go for the time being. It's not like I don't like finding out things, after all.


	55. Classic Bell Tests

Classic Bell Tests

As said in Shot 53, the older series in the Gallery are currently being revisited. This one, obviously, is set in the Classic Series, better known as the series that consists of Shots 2, 24, and 35. These are the results of the attempts to come up with a plan of action on the parts of Kakashi and Kurenai, with a scene with Asuma planning for the day and a hint to Lee's chosen characterization.

Asuma woke up that morning feeling rather happy. He wasn't going to have to deal with the strange trio that he had been assigned as a team for the day, and all he had to do was report to his father and say he passed them as his team. After that, he'd have to deal with them, but he was sure that he'd be fine. He had to feel bad for Kakashi and Kurenai, though, since he remembered Gai's story of dealing with a Samurai, a Valkyrie, and. . . he actually couldn't remember what the third one was, come to think of it. Something about being youthfully fast and strong. He tended to start tuning Gai out when he started using the word youthfully too often.

* * *

Kakashi smirked at the three students standing in front of him from behind his mask. there was no way that he could possibly not succeed in getting them to fail. He'd been developing strategies for any possible eventuality all night, though he evidently hadn't thought to get someone to fix up the clearing, as there were short bushes spread out all over the field and piles of leaves under several of the trees. Nevertheless, he doubted that they would be of much importance, so he took out the two bells and said, "Okay, now the test you're going to take is simple. I have two bells. There are three of you. Anyone who doesn't have a bell by the end of the test will have failed and will get sent back to the Academy. If you want a bell, you're going to have to come at me with the intent to kill."

The next thing Kakashi knew, he was blocking attacks from Sasuke's sword that kept managing to get a good hit on him a good number of times. Something told him that he'd made a mistake, but he wasn't sure what the mistake was.

* * *

Elsewhere, Kurenai had just finished giving a very similar speech to her two students that had arrived. She wasn't sure where the one who called herself Kami-sama was, but after waiting a few hours for her to arrive, Kurenai decided to just go on and test the ones who did come.

Predictably, the one dressed in the fur coat and his canine partner were the first to charge at her, brandishing a large double-edged sword that he seemed to pull out of nowhere. She easily stepped out of the way of the sword only for the one in the sunglasses to begin attacking with a sword of his own, this one appearing to be thinner and with an intricate guard for the hand. To her surprise, the two boys and the dog began coordinating their efforts, attacking in unison while some of the Aburame's insects tried to attack her as well. Eventually, though, she had them right where she wanted them. She began moving on the offensive, striking with her own skills at taijutsu, as she wanted to test them before she defeated them.

It was a long and difficult battle for the two genin, but in the end, they were disarmed, both kneeling on the ground with a slightly fatigued jounin standing in front of them, starting an environmental genjutsu. Slowly sinking into the illusion of darkness, Kiba dropped to his knees and clasped his hands together in front of his mouth, giving the appearance of begging, before he asked, "Kami-sama? If you're there, we could use some help."

At that moment, the complete sensory deprivation from the genjutsu took hold of him, preventing further communication.

"I'm here," was all Kurenai heard as she noticed the communicator in the boy's hands. The next thing she knew, she felt a sharp pain in her neck. Reaching to strike what she thought was an insect, she grabbed something from the injured area. As things became blurry, she noticed that the thing in her hand was a dart. To her surprise, the communicator in her hand said, "Pleasant dreams, Kurenai-sensei."

It was at that exact moment that she lost consciousness.

* * *

Back at Training Ground Seven, Kakashi was doing better in that he was still conscious. He was not doing better in that Sasuke was not backing down and he wasn't able to get away long enough to keep him off. On the bright side, none of the other members of his team had moved from their locations.

As if the very universe itself had decided to maliciously chastise him for thinking that things weren't so bad, all of the bushes and leaf piles sprang up, revealing several Shadow Clones of Naruto dressed in disguises made specifically to appear like the objects they were disguised as. Once they came out, Kakashi quickly found his situation becoming even less pleasant, as they joined Sasuke in the attack while the one that he'd been certain was the original vanished in a puff of smoke. The next thing he knew, he was swarmed by the mob, which he began dispersing with little difficulty, since Sasuke and his sword were suddenly out of the way.

That departure left him with only having to deal with a group that was simply attacking him with absolutely no apparent strategy. There was one Naruto that was somewhat lingering to the back, which he determined was the original Naruto, who was evidently clever enough to avoid direct combat with a jounin. Having figured out which one was the real Naruto, Kakashi began to move in on his new target, ignoring the clones that weren't between him and the black clad boy. He wasn't sure why Sakura was still standing in one place, fiddling with what looked like a a long metal tube with a long bit of wood at the end, but he could deal with her after he took down the person he was currently fighting. it wasn't like she was going anywhere.

When he finally made it to the real Naruto, the boy threw down some small packet that turned out to be a smoke bomb, which temporarily blinded Kakashi for enough time for the boy to get a few good hits before Kakashi's vision cleared and he struck the boy in the chest to knock him away. Unfortunately, his blow caused Kakashi's target to dispel in a puff of smoke revealing that he'd charged at a clone, rather than the boy, himself.

The next thing Kakashi knew, there was a loud explosion near Sakura and he was struck by something small that hit his hitai ate, bringing his attention to Sakura. Turning to see what she'd done, he watched as she tossed the tool she'd evidently attacked him with to the ground and smirk. Expecting this fight to be short, he rushed at her, as the army of Naruto had seemed to have run off, leaving he and Sakura alone. Unfortunately for the jounin, as he reached for a pair of kunai to get her to go into a defensive stance, she moved her arms faster than he'd ever seen an opponent do, and she pulled the two silver things from the holsters at her side.

While he pulled his arms back to throw the kunai, her hands barely seemed to move before her weapons were pointed at him while his kunai and seemed to be blasted out of his hand and his shoulder was injured before he could even register what had happened. When he finally realized what had happened, he felt a rush of air near his legs, but saw nothing beneath him the moment he looked down. Looking back up, he noticed that Sakura had seemed to have vanished.

A whistle behind him caused the Copy Nin to turn around, only to see Naruto standing beside Sasuke and Sakura, handing them the bells as Sasuke pressed a pick with a cherry red end against the back of a long metal tube pointed at him. Fortunately for him, he managed to leap out of the way of the cannonball that flew out of the cannon. Concerned for his own well-being, Kakashi said, "You all pass! Congratulations Team Seven. Meet me here at noon tomorrow."

When he looked up, he saw that he was alone. Sighing in relief, he wondered if Kurenai and Asuma were having similar problems.

* * *

When Kurenai woke up, she watched as Hinata, Kiba, and Shino stood in front of her alongside Akamaru, with the two boys each holding a bell. Before she could say anything, the pair handed their bells to Hinata, who said, "You didn't make it much of a challenge, Kurenai-sensei. You moved so rarely that I could have waited half an hour longer and still shot you with that exact same position, provided the wind didn't change."

"That was your dart?" Kurenai asked, returning to her senses.

"Of course it was," Hinata replied, "I'm the only person in the village that could even attempt a shot from that distance, let alone actually make it perfectly hit the target. Of course, I couldn't have gotten you right where I wanted you if not for the boys."

"Alright, then," Kurenai responded, not wanting to think too hard on the matter due to the slight headache she was feeling, "I guess you three pass, since you got the bells. Meet me here at noon tomorrow."

* * *

Eventually, the time came for the three jounin to say whether the teams had passed or failed. Asuma was the first to arrive, well-rested and in a rather good mood. Arriving a bit later, Kurenai came in, her headache mostly cleared as she sat beside Asuma. Kakashi came last, covered in his various injuries from the battle he'd somehow managed to survive.

"So, which teams passed?" Hiruzen asked, an amused twinkle in his eye.

"Team Ten passed," Asuma said, "They'd pointed out yesterday that they've been working together all their lives and knew each other's strengths and weaknesses. They probably won't be another Ino-Shika-Cho combination, though. It seems that they have their own goals in mind."

"Team Eight passed as well," Kurenai reported, "They executed a plan to incapacitate me and did just that. I'd also like to note that I'm not sure how they worked together. Kiba was a surprise, as he didn't seem like the type to follow someone else's plan, but he proved me wrong. Shino, meanwhile, seemed antisocial, but he proved that he really believed in the 'all for one' creed that he was talking about. Hinata, however, was the biggest surprise. To be honest, I thought that she hadn't come at all, but after I woke up from her attack, she revealed that she was the mastermind behind the plan they went with. They just seemed so incompatible that I underestimated them until they won."

"What about Team Seven?" the third Hokage asked, turning to the still injured Kakashi, "How did they do?"

"They were good," he admitted, "They almost killed me with Sasuke's cannon. Even without the cannon, he's skilled with his oddly shaped sword. About half of my injuries were his fault. Meanwhile, Sakura was able to knock my weapons out of my hand with those two things she keeps by her side, and she managed to get one of the projectiles from it into my shoulder. Also, she made a dent in my hitai ate with that bigger version of the things she used. Then there's Naruto. I don't even know if I actually fought him at all, since most of my fight with him was against Kage Bunshin, that had been disguised to blend into the environment without the use of ninjutsu or genjutsu."

"Alright then," Hiruzen smiled in amusement, "If that's all, you three are dismissed. Kurenai, Asuma, could you two bring Kakashi to the medics? He could use some help."

With that, the three jounin left the room, leaving a cheerful Hokage alone to contemplate what these odd children would do next.


	56. Reflections

Reflections

I don't own Naruto. Sorry to take so long to update. It took a while to come up with a new Shot, partially because of a strange sort of writer's block that left me only able to think of ideas for one of my original works. I got this idea while thinking about reflections and mirrors for some reason. The following Shot is the result. As is probably quite obvious, this Shot is unrelated to any other Shot in the Gallery.

Hinata Hyuuga, age thirteen, was walking through an empty room in her clan's compound when a flash of orange in a mirror caught her eye. Turning to see who had entered, she found that she was still in an empty room, with no one else around and nothing orange in the room. She was still looking around, activating her Byakugan, but not seeing anything around.

She was therefore startled when she heard a tapping sound directly behind her. Turning to face the source of the noise, she was shocked to see that something was wrong with her reflection. First, she was certain that she was a girl. Second, she was certain that she was did not have blond hair, blue eyes and a pair of whiskers. Despite these certainties, the image in front of her was exactly that.

".oturaN s'eman yM," the image said, startling Hinata, ",iH"

"What?" the girl asked, not sure of what it said.

"Oh, good! I don't need to reverse my speech to be understood, then," the image smiled, "Sorry for temporarily hijacking your reflection at the moment. I needed to get your attention without you turning around. My name's Naruto, I think. In case you haven't noticed, I live in mirrors."

"Do you know how you got there?" she asked, still trying to process this strange situation as the blond stepped aside, revealing her reflection beside him.

"No clue," the image replied, leaning against the glass to face her reflection, "All I remember is anger, fire, a man who looked like I do but without the whiskers and much older, and some sort of monster in white robes. Then, it was cold, so very, very cold. Next thing I remember, I was alone in a small, square world, with only an old man with a funny red hat looking into the glass I was in every now and then. Other than that, I've got nothing before, and everything after was pretty much the same as I said. When I got the chance, I left the box my mirror was in by heading out the reflection of a door and leaping into a droplet going down a drain at the last minute. Ever since then, I've been wandering around trying to find someone who would notice me. I'd move stuff around, temporarily hijack mirrors, anything to get people to notice me and talk.

"After a while, I wound up watching a conversation between a pink haired girl and a black haired boy in your world that they were having by a shop window. The girl wound up mentioning how your clan could practically see everything, so I've been here for weeks, waiting for anyone to notice me. Did you know that there's practically no reflective surfaces in this compound? I was lucky enough that some bun-haired girl had some shiny kunai and just happened to pass through this room. I hate being cooped up in small surfaces for too long. Now that you're here, though, you can help me."

"How can I help you?" she asked, trying to figure out what she could offer the boy in the mirror, who was once again looking her in the eye.

"I just need to hitch a ride from your reflection for a little while," the blond explained, "If I do that, then I'll be able to go outside of the room, since your reflection will be in other people's eyes, which normally, I can't be in for reasons I don't know, since being trapped behind glass doesn't come with an instruction manual. So, do I have your permission?"

"Why do you need my permission?" Hinata asked, unsure whether she could trust him or not.

"Because it'd be rude to assume that you'd be willing to let me take over your reflection without needing to give me permission first," he responded without hesitation, "And it would make me feel better if I asked rather than just sneak in and possess your reflection in order to get out of here. Besides, I'm sure whatever it is that's keeping me in here is some sort of magic, and certain types of magic require permission to perform."

"How do I know I can trust you?" she inquired, looking him as directly in the eye as she could.

"Because if I was going to do something nefarious," he responded, placing an arm around her reflection's shoulder, causing her to gasp as she felt the weight of his arm on her shoulder, "I could have done it already. As far as affecting things, I act like a solid. Rest assured, Hinata Hyuuga, I mean you no harm. I just need to borrow your reflection in order to finally leave this room and get food, have a bath, and sleep in a bed. Being trapped is not fun, believe it."

"Okay, then," she remarked, having decided to trust him, "You have my permission to use my reflection to help you, but once you figure out what to do next, please let me know. I don't want to have you as my reflection forever. I suspect that you have other things you'd like to do."

"Just the three things I told you," he answered stepping into the place of her reflection again, "Oh, and do some outdoors things like kite flying. I've never really been able to enjoy outdoors before, since most reflective surfaces are indoors and window reflections can make me dizzy after a while. Seeing from two directions at once can do that to a person. Or whatever I am."

"Okay then," Hinata responded before looking at the clock above the mirror. Surprised at the time she exclaimed, "I'm going to be late!"

With that, she rushed off to Training Ground Seven to meet with her assigned team for their latest mission.

* * *

"Well, you're earlier than our sensei is," Yakumo remarked, tossing Hinata an apple as she entered the field, "Eat that. We all need it if we get the cat mission again. So who's latched onto you and how?"

"What?" the Hyuuga heiress asked, surprised by Yakumo's question.

"My other half is telling me that there's someone else latched onto you, and the kunai Sasuke is sharpening distinctly shows a blond haired boy where you're standing," the Kurama heiress replied simply, "So who is he?"

"He told me that his name is Naruto," Hinata answered, "A few minutes ago, I let him use my reflection so he can get around more easily."

As he continued sharpening his kunai, Sasuke found himself feeling despair. It seemed that the Hyuuga was now as crazy as the Kurama. The fact that he was the most mentally sound genin on his team did not bode well, as he was well aware he wasn't completely right in the head, thanks to his brother's efforts.

It was at this moment that said blond, who had been denied the ability to eat or do anything he'd wanted to do because of Hinata's abrupt departure and was therefore understandably frustrated, stepped out of her reflection by borrowing the kunai as a reflective surface to travel with, and grabbed the apple, biting into it and savoring the taste of food while he ignored the look of shock that the Uchiha was giving his food as it vanished piece by piece right before his eyes.

Turning to Yakumo, the duck-haired boy glared and shouted, "I said I didn't want to be used for experiments anymore!"

Offended, the Kurama heiress glared, switching with Ido as she exclaimed, "You thought that was me? Take this!"

To say that Sasuke wasn't going to be of use to anyone for the next few minutes would be to give a fairly accurate statement. One would think he would have learned to not anger someone exceedingly skilled in genjutsu, but such was the situation he often threw himself into thanks to his damaged mind. As the kunai slowly fell from said Uchiha's now limp hands, the blond reflection quickly rushed to back to Hinata's reflection, saving himself from getting stuck again.

It was at this moment that Kakashi finally arrived at the training ground, observing his students as he entered. Sasuke had evidently angered Yakumo, judging by his state of unconsciousness and her standing over him saying something about a box and swarms of fangirls. Hinata, meanwhile was holding up a shiny kunai and talking to it as if there was someone else who was talking to her. That was not good. He had counted on the Hyuuga heiress to be the sane one of the group, the one he would be able to train without much trouble. It was the only burst of sunshine that he could find after he took up the team. Because of this, Kakashi found himself wishing that he'd taken on the Haruno girl. He was sure _she_ didn't have an alternate personality or any other mental instability present in her mind.

Not wanting to contemplate the horrors that he was about to have to prevent with three unstable genin, Kakashi instead said, "Alright, then. Yakumo, since you knocked him out, you take him along with us until he wakes up. We've got the Tora mission."

* * *

This latest time he put them through the Tora mission taught Kakashi some things about his students that he'd never known before. The most bizarre of these things was that Hinata evidently had somehow made a bargain with an invisible spirit that seemed to be able to capture Tora. If it had anything to do with the kunai from earlier, then there was hope for her still being the sane member of the trio.

* * *

As Team Seven came into the Hokage's office to report the mission accomplished and ask for their next mission, Kakashi was shocked when the Professor, looking completely disturbed, asked him to leave his students in the hallway or the moment.

"What's the problem, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked, all thought of Hinata's invisible friend gone from his head, "Have they located a missing nin?"

"No," Hiruzen responded, "The Kyuubi somehow escaped its prison."

"How could it have escaped the mirror?" Kakashi inquired, horrified by the situation.

"I'm not sure," Hiruzen admitted, "I never let it near any other reflective surfaces. Even the doorknob and hinges of the door to the room I kept the mirror in was made of unpolished wood. The Kyuubi should have been stuck in that room for all time."

"Maybe it tried to leave and stopped existing when you turned off the light and closed the door," Kakashi offered, "I'm sure it couldn't have survived without a reflective surface anywhere in the same room as it."

"I pray that you're right," the Hokage responded, "Now, why don't you call your team inside, and I'll see what I have to give you four."

With that settled for the time being, the group entered the room, prepared to receive their next assignment.

"Well, Team Seven, which D-Rank mission do you want to have next?" the Hokage asked, "We've got fence painting, weed pulling, litter cleaning. . ."

"Actually, Hokage-sama," Hinata, the only polite genin, and therefore the spokesman, of the trio interjected, "We respectfully request a C-Rank mission, as we believe that our skills are up to par with that level."

"Very well," Hiruzen said amiably as an old man holding a sake bottle came into the room, "I think I have just the mission for you. This is Tazuna. He is a bridge builder from Wave who just came in requesting a team of shinobi to escort him home and protect him from any bandits along the way. Team Seven, I officially assign this mission to you. You are dismissed."

With that, the group left, heading out to perform their mission. At his desk, Hiruzen found himself thinking he needed to catch up on sleep. When Hinata had walked past his cup, he could have sworn he saw a flash of orange in his drink, despite the Hyuuga heiress not wearing anything with that color.


	57. Mass Multiplayer Crossover

Mass Multiplayer Crossover

I don't own Naruto or any other licensed product referenced in this Shot. This Shot is unrelated to any other Shot in the Gallery. As will be very obvious, the 'Verse this Shot takes place in had only a few similarities to the canon 'Verse. The licensed products referenced herein, in order of appearance of the character are as follows: Darkstalkers, Mega Man, Final Fantasy, Superman (Man of Steel, to be specific), Star Trek (Reboot), James Bond, Kingdom Hearts, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, America McGee's Alice, Pinocchio, Doctor Who, or Star Trek (The Original Series). Bonus points to whoever can figure out why Chouji and Neji are from separate continuities of Star Trek, and what detail differentiates Chouji's continuity and Neji's continuity.

Kakashi Hatake was shocked when he entered the room to meet his potential team. It took him a moment to notice something was wrong. All three of them were all dressed in odd costumes. He would ignore that for now.

"If you're a member of Team Seven, raise your hand," he commanded, hoping that these bizarre children were Academy students and he'd wandered into the wrong classroom. When two hands and a cannon rose he said, "I hate the world. The whole entire world."

"How do you think we feel?" the red-hooded Haruno responded, glaring at the jounin as she adjusted her grip on her wicker basket, "Do you think we asked to wake up like this last week?"

"I'm not too upset about this," the metal-clad Uzumaki remarked as Kakashi led the trio out of the room, "The Mega-Buster was actually very useful when I fought Mizuki-sensei last night, especially with the Kage Bunshin making more of me. I also got his Windmill Shuriken as a new weapon and I copied the technique he uses for it."

"I'm mostly neutral to this," the last loyal Uchiha admitted as he looked at the six-foot long, one-foot wide single-edged sword in his hand. Were it not for several key differences, people might have mistaken it for the Kubikiri Houcho, which belonged to the Demon of Mist.

"Why don't we start from the beginning," Kakashi asked, trying to regain composure and control of the situation, "Each of you tell me about yourself: Name, likes, dislikes, hobbies, dreams for the future. . ."

"Can you give an example, sensei?" the orange armored boy inquired, "We know each other from our classes and we don't know you at all."

"Alright," he responded, "My name's Kakashi Hatake, I like some things, I dislike others, my hobbies aren't fit for your innocent ears, and my dreams for the future. . . You know, I've never actually thought about it. Pinky, you go next."

"My name's Sakura Haruno," she began, "My likes are Sasuke-kun and the all the very deadly weapons I've got in this basket. My dislikes are you, this outfit, and Naruto on occasion. I have hobbies that don't concern you unless you want to die, and my dreams for the future involve killing whoever came up with this and to get rid of this ridiculous outfit."

"Alright then," Kakashi said cheerfully, happy that at least one of his potential students was as miserable with the situation as he was, "Broody, your turn."

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," he replied, "My likes are my Buster Sword, tomatoes, and I suppose my teammates aren't the worst pick of the weird outfits everyone seems to be wearing. My dislikes are people who can summon meteors, which I don't understand, and the fact that I've been feeling more broody than usual. I don't really have any hobbies. My ambition in life is to kill a certain man."

That was odd in Kakashi's opinion, but as long as the boy had some ambition, he could probably be trained easily enough. As such, he turned to the final member and said, "Alright, Blondie, you're up."

"My name is Naruto Uzumaki," the boy he was certain was blond under that helmet said, "My likes are ramen, Tenten-nee-chan, Hinata, my Mega-Buster, and learning new techniques by beating my opponent. My dislikes are losing a fight, people who treat others like garbage, whenever Tenten-nee-chan decides to test 'the latest weapon from the Q branch' on me, and the amount of time it takes for ramen to cook. My hobbies are sparring, learning new techniques, and gardening. My dream is to become Hokage to protect the village."

"Okay, then," Kakashi said calmly, idly noting the similarities between the way he described his talent and the Sharingan's primary ability, "Meet me at training Ground Seven tomorrow at noon so you can take the test that will decide if you can become genin or if you'll wind up being sent back to the Academy."

* * *

When the bell test was over and Kakashi finally managed to pick himself off the ground, he slowly led his new team to the nearest restaurant, making sure to not worsen the level of his injuries as he went. He would go to the meeting where they listed which teams passed after he got the injuries looked at, but for now, he was just going to get rid of them for the time being. Unfortunately for the last Hatake, the other jounin instructors had decided that said ramen stand was the perfect place to put their own genin.

Fortunately for his sanity, they seemed to be ignoring him in favor of talking with one another. As a result, he was able to surreptitiously sneak out of the room before they noticed him. Sometimes, he didn't hate the world.

It was during that short moment of joy that Gai's team had arrived. An orange-clad boy with a cannon arm, a psychotic hooded girl with a series of weapons that no one in their right mind would be able to carry in such a small space without scrolls, and a moody boy with a giant sword were one thing, and he was willing to put up with that to an extent. These three were something else entirely.

"Excuse me, sir," the flying boy with the cape and an S on his chest said, "Could you please step aside for a moment? We'd like to enter the building."

"As per regulations, Lee, we're required to step aside to accommodate the jounin instructor," the blue-clad, pointy-eared Hyuuga remarked, "Doing otherwise would be illogical, as a jounin would have precedence in case they had information for the Hokage."

"Ignore Neji," the girl in the suit and tie remarked, "He suffers from a rod being located in an unfortunate location in his body. The names Bond. Tenten Bond."

"Are you speaking euphemistically to reference the idiom that refers to a stick being stuck up one's. . .?" Neji began, only to be cut off by Lee.

"Well, why don't I just get out of your way?" the flying boy asked, floating to the side, which allowed the jounin to make good his escape.

With said jounin out of the room, the group all arranged themselves in the room by team before Team Eight's Keyblade wielder spoke up.

"Has anyone found any information on the change?" Hinata asked, leaning on her giant skeleton key/sword, "My team's research hasn't turned up anything except for a few insectile shadow-beings."

To say that Hinata had gained more confidence when the changes had begun would be an understatement. Of the entire group, she had come into her own the most rapidly, effectively taking charge of the group of transformed children and mastering her new weapon and techniques more quickly.

"We didn't find anything, H," Tenten responded promptly, "Not even Lee's super-senses were able to detect a trail."

"Same here, Hinata," the robotic Uzumaki appended, "We couldn't find a single way that this could have happened."

"Our tries didn't go any better," Ino said, sharpening a wooden stake, "Though we did have to fight off some supernatural attackers."

"You're using wooden spikes to kill monsters?" Sakura smirked, "Like that'd be much use in a real fight."

"I'm sorry, which one of us walks around in a red hood thing?" the Slayer shot back.

"Someone better have a blasted explanation for this!" an indignant female voice rang out from the doorway before Sakura could respond. Turning to face the source, the entire group were shocked to see a brown haired girl in a blue dress and a white pinafore stomping into the room holding a butcher knife while a thin, pale boy with a disturbingly wide grin, who appeared to possess cat ears, trailed along behind her.

"If you possess any information, it would be pleasant to know it," the pale boy added, "I doubt that Yakumo will try to hurt you if you're responsible."

At that statement, Yakumo said, "Shut it, Sai."

"Now, now, Yakumo, you mustn't lose your temper," he replied as his body slowly disappeared, "Losing your temper means you could lose your head."

"Explain this, now," Yakumo demanded, pointing her weapon at the group.

"We have no idea," Shino remarked honestly as his insects buzzed inside inside him while his 'Official Conscience' badge reflected the light from it's place on his chest. Next to him, the wooden Inuzuka said not a word, as his teammate had already explained the matter to the odd girl.

"I couldn't find anything at all," Shikamaru commented, leaning against a large blue box that had the words, 'Police Public Call Box' emblazoned above the door, "The whole of time an space available, and I can't find anything useful, especially since I can't just pop in on my own personal timeline. Paradoxes are very troublesome."

"We gave the search all we had, Cap'n," Chouji remarked in his red uniform, "we looked four times, but we couldn't find anything that could have caused the changes."

"How can we have all be transformed, and yet none of us know what happened?" Yakumo asked as Sai once more appeared.

"An interesting question, but one that I suppose will remain unanswered," Sai interjected, "Perhaps Hokage-sama has an answer?"

"I asked jiji," Naruto replied, "He had no idea what was going on and thought I was trying to prank him."

"So we're stuck," Yakumo surmised, "Well, isn't that just peachy? I wonder if anyone else is looking into this."

* * *

Elsewhere, waiting for their esteemed leader to arrive, four jounin instructors were holding a discussion of their own, despite only three of them having a specific reason to meet with the Hokage.

"So, how do we deal with the monsters?" Kakashi asked, "They're all insane."

"I'm not sure," Asuma admitted, "On the one hand, Ino apparently has quite a bit of skill with her specialized wooden kunai, but on the other hand, Chouji and Shikamaru seemed to not put much effort into fighting until she called for help. Then, there's the ridiculous outfits that they wear."

"According to my youthful student and his less youthful teammates, they all woke up in their strange attire one morning, with no means of getting rid of them," Gai remarked "On the other hand, Lee did mention that he seemed to possess two different outfits. I couldn't find anything to explain the situation myself, but the genin don't appear to be suffering any unyouthful effects."

"Ah, I see you're all here," Hiruzen Sarutobi remarked, "Though your presence here surprises me, Gai. I seem to recall you passing a team last year. I suppose that it doesn't do any harm. So, which teams passed?"

"Team Eight passed," Kurenai said quickly, wanting to get that business over with so that they could get to the more important matter.

"Team Ten passed," Asuma added, understanding why she rushed her statement.

"Team Seven passed," Kakashi put in, having reached the same conclusion, "But Hokage-sama, we have something important to discuss."

"Our youthful students are dressed and behaving differently than their profiles would suggest," Gai remarked, "We have no idea as to what caused this sudden change in behavior."

"Are you certain that the children aren't simply pranking you?" the Professor inquired, "Naruto had come to me with a similar joke earlier, and he might have simply persuaded the others to play along. Children can be odd when it comes to their games, after all. Ah, that reminds me: Kakashi, I recently discovered two children were shown to have passed a late testing for the genin exams. One of them is most likely a former member of Danzo's now disbanded ROOT, who wanted to be released into the proper roster, and another girl who just barely met the physical requirements for becoming a genin. This pair are going to be assigned to you as reserve genin. They'll accompany you on missions for observation purposes and will act as your back-up in combat situations whenever you deem necessary."

"But, sir. . ." Kakashi began, wanting to further discuss the student's behavior.

"I'm sure you can handle five children," Hiruzen interrupted, misinterpreting Kakashi's protest, "Now, if there's no other objections, you are all dismissed."

Believing the discussion complete, the Sandaime Hokage headed off to his office to complete the massive influx of paperwork that he'd recently received, certain that things would work themselves out with the oddly behaved genin.


	58. The Great Film Crew

The Great Film Crew

I don't own Naruto. This Shot was written with as a challenge/exchange by Silent Magi. It is a continuation of Ch. 103 Lights, Camera, Action no Jutsu from Silent Magi's series The Magi's Randomness, which I recommend reading, as it sets up quite a bit of background for this Shot, and the series itself is a fun read. As a result of its origins, this Shot is obviously unrelated to any other Shot in the Gallery.

Sasuke was getting annoyed. It was the time that their sensei had told them to arrive for the test he mentioned the day before and their sensei still wasn't there. The two fangirls he called teammates, meanwhile, had apparently spoken to Naruto, as the self-proclaimed director in question had been pestering him an hour ago to try to do some will-they-won't-they romance scenes with one or the other. He'd said no, but a few minutes of him not being bothered by the invisible blond later, and the pair were desperately trying to get his attention.

"Sasuke-kun, why aren't you listening to me?" Sakura pleaded, tugging mightily on the last Uchiha's arm as he tried to launch himself forward to escape the pair's grasps, "I'm your love interest!"

"Don't listen to her, Sasuke-kun!" Ino protested, tugging on the other arm with almost the same amount of force, "I'm your real love interest!"

"I do not get paid enough for this," Kakashi noted as he entered, oblivious to Naruto closing in on his face for as close an approximation to a reaction shot as he could get from the jounin's eye, "Now, will you two stop shouting and let your teammate go?"

With that, the pair released Naruto's film's chosen protagonist, launching him directly into the jounin, who had just closed his eye in frustration and was counting to ten before he would reopen them. Naruto, who'd moved away to get a wider shot smiled as the Uchiha was launched by sheer momentum into the jounin, knocking two bells off of the man's belt loop. Then, surprisingly without Naruto's intervention, said bells flew straight at Sakura and Ino, who caught them on instinct.

Naruto, never one to miss a perfectly set up scene, had managed to film the entire thing, even managing to zoom in on the two kunoichi's hands right when the bells were caught. When the two girls decided to hand the bells to Sasuke to show their affections, Sasuke kept trying to return the bells to either of them, but neither would take them back.

Kakashi, of course was confused by what he saw, but decided that he'd just go with it while he determined whatever was going on here.

"Alright," he said, deciding that this was a plan on their part and that they'd determined the true meaning of the bell test, "Congratulations. You passed, Team Seven. You showed amazing teamwork and even continued showing it when you could have easily gone against one another on the matter. A good friend of mine once told me that 'In the ninja world, those who break the rules are trash, that's true, but those who abandon their comrades are worse than trash,' and your display here showed that you understand that. I guess I underestimated you three. When I first saw you three sitting in that classroom, I looked at you and all I saw was two fangirls and a boy with an unhealthy obsession with his brother that I'd rather not think too deeply about. As it turns out, I wasn't wrong, if your introductions were anything to go by, but there was more to you than that. I think this is the first time I've ever had faith in our village not falling into utter ruin since I first tested a genin team. You're dismissed for the day. Meet me here at noon tomorrow."

With that done, Naruto had to fight back a powerful laugh as he filmed the three genin in question glancing at one another in confusion while the jounin left. Going up to Sasuke, Naruto remarked, "That was perfect. I'm probably going to have to do something about the sun getting in the way, though. I swear, sometimes I hate natural lighting. At any rate, you might want to run. Sakura and Ino are looking at you the same way Kiba and Chouji look at a piece of meat."

With that, the Last Loyal Uchiha took off as quickly as he could, leaving two confused fangirls standing in place. Moving between the two, Naruto whispered in a tone that both would be able to hear, "Well, you're the love interest, aren't you going to catch him. Sasuke likes strong heroines, after all."

And so began the most impressive manhunt since the Hokage had trained Naruto in stealth to help him with his dream with Naruto following the trio from the rooftops, filming the chase as it progressed. It was moments like this that made Naruto glad he decided to be a filmmaker instead of a ninja. It was much more fun to film the damage he could cause than it was to be directly involved in causing it.

* * *

That evening, Sasuke managed to make his way to freedom and hide out in the Uchiha compound, completely free his two teammates. Despite this, he still didn't feel safe. He sat in the room he was hiding in, with his frustration visible to the audience he just knew that he had at the moment. Naruto was there, he just knew it. The blond wasn't making a sound specifically to mess with him, but he knew that he was there. The self-proclaimed director never left the poor Uchiha alone. He was most likely planning on waiting for him to have a breakdown so he could tell him to stop freaking out.

Meanwhile, across the village, Naruto was attempting to hire a genjutsu expert he'd just met as his set designer and lighting expert. At least, he would once he finished helping her sort through her issues.

"Trust me, I know what it's like to be looked at with fear and hatred over something inside me," the blond said, recalling the day that he had discovered that he contained the Kyuubi by pure chance, "But you know what I did? I delved further into filmmaking. They hated what was inside me, but they love what I create. I've seen your paintings, you've clearly got quite a lot of talent. Why not put it to good use and be remembered for that instead? If you work in Uzumaki Studios, you'd get free reign to use your genjutsu for artistic purposes and you'd get to travel to new locations whenever the company's projects wind up going to new locations. What do you say? Do you want to help make dreams?"

"I'd like to," Yakumo said, wanting to believe the blond in front of her, "But I thought that a genjutsu couldn't be seen through cameras"

"That would be a problem if this were an ordinary camera," the blond agreed, holding up his prized possession, a bulky cinematography camera that had been shut off before he left Sasuke to his own devices, "But I needed the perfect camera, able to see every type of chakra construct, so I got some books on seals, some books on cameras, and books on chakra, and built this. When I'm motivated enough to learn something, I really put in an effort. Turn it on and try to see me through it when I use the stealth technique I perfected after jiji taught it to me."

When the blond pressed the camera into Yakumo's hands and once more turned invisible, the girl turned on the camera and was shocked to see that she couldn't see the boy through it.

"Like I said," Naruto's voice said directly in front of the Kurama heiress, "It can see illusions. So are you in?"

"Yes," Yakumo replied, her voice more determined than earlier.

"Perfect," the blond smiled, once more becoming visible as he took his camera back and shut it off, "Why don't I give you the contract? Welcome to Uzumaki Studios. I'm probably going to have to teach you my stealth technique though, unless you have a genjutsu that has a similar effect."

* * *

It was two in the afternoon and weeks later when Team Seven was once again greeted by a late Kakashi, who cheerfully smiled as he showed them the scroll in his hand and said, "Well, we've got another D-Rank mission. We need to track down the cat Tora and bring him back to Madam Shijimi. This is what Tora looks like. Now, the parameters of the mission are. . ."

"Yakumo, when they start the search, I want you to play with the shadows enough to make the scene look dramatic," Naruto said, "Can you do that?"

"Sure thing, boss, but why?" Yakumo asked, confused by his command.

"I begged jiji to get them assigned that mission for a reason," Naruto replied, keeping his camera on the group, "It's the most frustrating D-Rank possible, since the cat always escapes and is very clever when it comes to evading the ninjas. Get ready. They're about to go."

* * *

Meanwhile, at the Hyuuga compound, an interesting discussion was taking place, as Hiashi made an interesting discovery.

"Hinata," Hiashi asked his more confusing daughter, who'd just returned from her own team's mission of the day, "Could you tell me why there are there so many of the Uzumaki Studios films here if you only watch the documentary films where the director is the one giving the narration?"

"I don't know Father," his potential replacement replied casually, "Could you tell me why there's a sake fund hidden in the clan expenses and an entire vault full of sake buried beneath our house that the elders don't know about?"

The head of the Hyuuga clan was struck silent for a moment, unsure of how to respond. Eventually, however, he found his voice and said, "I see. . . That will be all, Hinata. You may go."

"Thank you, Father," she replied, grabbing one of the aforementioned documentaries as she headed to the clan's private theater.

* * *

"This is Black. I'm in position," Sasuke said into his communicator, the shadows playing along his face to make his eyes be the only thing lit.

"Pink calling in," Sakura said, shadows hiding her eyes as she whispered into her own communicator, "I'm in position, too."

"Purple," Ino added, shadows making her look maniacal, "In position."

"On three, we move," Sasuke said, a dramatic shadow making him blend into his environment, "One. Two. Three."

The struggle was a three-pronged attack that successfully managed to capture the cat, despite all evidence that it would fail. This plan, of course, wouldn't have been possible without Naruto having laced the area with catnip, having gotten bored of the trio's repeated failures.

With that done, Sasuke, Sakura, and Ino walked off with the cat, Naruto following behind with Yakumo in tow. When the cat was delivered, the trio disbanded, leaving Naruto with nothing interesting to do, as Sasuke was heading home, which meant he was going to do some more brooding. Not bothering to even talk to the Uchiha about his footage, Naruto headed off to edit the film, barely registering the mysterious figure tailing him while Yakumo headed off for something to eat.

As Yakumo headed to the nearest restaurant, she noticed a strange sight. Maito Gai was hugging his apprentice Rock Lee. That wasn't what interested her, however, as that was a common sight in the village of Konoha. No, what interested her was the low-tier genjutsu that they'd evidently slapped together. It put her off her appetite completely, so she decided to head off to the Uzumaki Studios building, only to see her boss apparently recruiting a new worker.

"There we go," Naruto said, moving a paintbrush in the pale boy's mouth, "Now the seal's been made null. Now, about my job offer. . ."

"I would gladly work for you, Naruto-san," the pale boy responded in a falsely cheerful tone, "It does me well to know that someone else knows how it feels to hide behind a mask of happiness and I owe you a debt for removing the seal from my tongue."

"Great!" Naruto grinned handing the boy a contract, "Why don't you sign this contract and let me be the first to welcome you to Uzumaki Studios? Oh, hi, Yakumo! This is Sai. He's going to be a general stage hand. Wait, didn't you say you were going to get something to eat a few minutes ago. What are you doing here."

"I saw something that made me too sick to eat," Yakumo replied, "Gai and Lee were hugging, and. . ."

"That's never put me off before," Naruto remarked, "They're pretty much hugging all the time."

"Yes, but this time, I saw them hugging with a 'Sunset of Youth' behind them," Yakumo replied, "It was separate low level chakra flares tied together with a genjutsu matrix that the jounin makes. Throw in little bit of youthful energies from both participants and you'e got a sunset. Nowhere near my level of artistry, yet not badly made as far as a hack job goes, but it was still a hack job. It'd be like if you saw someone make a film by just tossing scenes together and not even caring about plot, lighting, or general ambiance. Still, I bet you that I can make it amazingly dramatic by replacing some parts of it with better genjutsu and sheer malice and ingenuity."

"But Lee can't use chakra," Naruto commented.

"That's part of the reason it's a hack job," she replied disdainfully "Their sun is terrible. Do you think that a genjutsu sun would look as cartoonish as it does if both participants were even marginally skilled at chakra control? It's a miracle it's even close to the real color of the sun."

"If I might interject, I've seen that technique, and it really is a paltry sun," Sai remarked, "It really offends one's artistic sensibilities."

"See, he agrees with me," Yakumo said, gesturing towards Sai, "But imagine what it'd be like to have a real sunset on demand for scenes."

"Have I ever mentioned that I'm glad I hired you?" Naruto grinned.

* * *

The next day, Team Seven was waiting for their sensei to arrive while Sai and Ido were getting into an argument, Naruto ignoring them with ease as he focused on Sasuke, Sakura, and Ino sitting there, each tossing kunai at a stump between them.

"I can't believe you think that an sunny day would be best for this moment," Yakumo glared, "Are you an idiot? A sunny day is for moments of interest, an overcast sky would work to convey their boredom and it clearing up when Kakashi finally shows up would convey that another adventure was on the way."

"I disagree," Sai replied, "A sunny day would work better to convey time passing, and thereby show the reason for their exasperation."

"Of course you would think that, your painting don't have much flair," Yakumo retorted.

"I suppose that you consider paintings of lightning striking the Hokage Tower 'flair?'" Sai returned, "Your works are all excessively over-the-top. I doubt that you could draw a peaceful scene to save your life."

"Well, you couldn't even begin to draw something creative, still-life boy," she snarled.

"Bombastic girl," he retorted.

"Monochrome clown!" she growled.

"Polychrome maniac," he fired back.

"Oh, just kiss already," Naruto shot at the pair while moving his camera slightly to the left, causing them both to stop their argument, "Kakashi's coming."

"Alright kids," Kakashi said, smiling with his eye while he was followed by a possibly drunken old man as the cloudy sky cleared behind him, "Pack your bags. We've got another mission. I talked the Hokage into giving us a C-Rank. We're going to be escorting Tazuna here to Wave. He's a bridge builder and he wants us to protect him from bandits."

Filming the scene, Naruto grinned. The audiences would definitely love to watch a real adventure set outside of the village. With any luck, there would be more to the story than a simple escort mission, and he wasn't going to miss a shot of it.


	59. The World's Greatest Pilot

The World's Greatest Pilot

I don't own Naruto. This Shot is unrelated to any other Shot in the Gallery. If I knew how this idea came to be, I would let you know.

"Kurama, report the situation!" Naruto called out to his automated copilot, trying to get a handle on the state of affairs.

'_Things are not good,_' the KYB19 Flight Assistant replied via the neural interface inside the genetically engineered blond's head, '_It appears that my hull is cracking due to the strain being exerted by outside forces._'

"Tell me something I don't know," the blond said, wanting details.

'_I occasionally wonder who will replace you when we inevitably crash._' the AI replied sarcastically in his mechanical voice.

"What's messing with your hull?" the blond asked, used to this sort of conversation.

'_It appears to be a temporal and spacial anomaly,_' Kurama noted, '_I cannot determine where it leads, but it potentially leads to another dimension._'

"Can we break free?" Naruto asked, "I don't think we want to find out whether the environment is hostile or not after we get there."

'_Negative,_' Kurama said, '_Damage to hull is critical and would cause entire ship to collapse, destroying you and leaving me as a potentially damaged hard drive._'

"Well, this is going to be interesting," Naruto said grimly, "If I don't survive, it's been an pleasure serving with you."

'_I will admittedly mourn your death for a few cycles if my processor and hard drive survive,_' Kurama remarked, '_We were a great team, Captain._'

"Want to put the thrusters on full to give us a proper send-off?" the blond smiled bitterly, "We want to make a good impression on whoever's on the other side, don't we, old friend?"

'_That we would,_' the AI responded in a similar tone, '_We'd want to look our best when we crash and burn, don't we? Thrusters prepped for full capacity, Captain._'

"Time to go where no boy or AI has ever gone before!" Naruto shouted, thrusting his ship forward as rapidly as he could send it through the vortex. To his surprise, the area they flew into looked almost exactly like the place where he'd been flying, but with more trees in the surrounding area.

"Kurama, how are you holding up?" he asked as soon as they stopped crashing.

'_My hull is slightly cracked in various places and I have suffered from some cosmetic wing damage, but otherwise, I am unharmed, miraculously enough._' his copilot responded.

"Perfect, I'll have you perfectly in order in a matter of days," Naruto grinned, "What's the environment like outside?"

'_Environment appears to be identical to that of our world, including the amount of chakra in the air, soil, water, and presumably fire,__' _Kurama stated simply '_Air quality is much better that it is back in our world. Gravity Readings remain the same, however. Do you wish to explore?_'

"Of course," he smirked "You'll transfer to my neural interface to come along, right?"

'_Certainly,_' the AI responded, '_I am as curious about this new world as you are._'

"Alright, then upload and come along. We've got some adventuring to do. Hopefully the natives speak the same language and look enough like me that I don't seem like a scary monster or food."

With that, the boy and his copilot headed off to explore the surrounding area, activating the ship's invisibility circuit.

'_Scanning for any signs of life, switching vision to infrared and zoom features,_' Kurama noted, making Naruto's eyes red with slitted pupils, '_Village located nearby. Beings that can, in theory, be classified as humans using chakra are approaching. Potential threat. What is your chosen course of action?_'

"This," Naruto responded, activating his chakra-powered Duplicator Belt as he readied himself for a potential fight while his eyes reverted to their natural color.

"Hello," a brown haired girl with her hair in buns greeted, "Are you lost?"

"A Captain is never lost," he responded, "I was heading towards the nearby village."

"What business do you have with Konoha?" a brown haired boy with lavender eyes inquired.

"I'm just trying to regain my bearings," he answered, "My name's Uzumaki. Captain Naruto Uzumaki. And this is the KYB19 Flight Assistant, who I named Kurama. He's my copilot, but I can give him the ability to show himself in my body. Like this. . ."

With that, the blond's eyes once more went red while his whiskers darkened and claws sprouted from his fingertips.

"_Greetings,_" the boy said in a strangely clipped tone, "_I am called Kurama and I mean none of you any harm. We are merely getting adjusted to our current surroundings._"

"Where do you two come from?" the green-clad boy asked, seeming genuinely interested in getting an answer.

"_We come from another dimension,_" Kurama stated simply, playing a holographic recording of his and Naruto's last minutes in their own world, "_We found ourselves stranded here and thus desire to integrate ourselves with the culture here as best we can._"

"Very well, my youthful friend," Gai said uncertainly as Naruto regained control of his body, "Why don't we take you to the Hokage to see what he has to say about this. . .?"

"You're the natives," Naruto said with a shrug before he dusted off his orange uniform, "Whatever you say we need to do is probably the right course of action. One question, though: What's a Hokage?"

* * *

"Hello, Team Gai," an old man with a red hat greeted "And who is this?"

"He says his name is Naruto Uzumaki and Kurama, Hokage-sama," Gai said seriously, "We found him near where a section of the Forest of Death had been destroyed by an unknown force."

"Sorry about that," Naruto said, "Kurama and I wound up being pulled into your dimension by some weird vortex and we crashed on the way in. We didn't mean to break your forest, but this area is full of empty warehouses where we come from. Also, it's Captain Naruto Uzumaki."

"You crashed?" Hiruzen asked skeptically, "There's no body of water going through the Forest of Death big enough for a ship that could crash through the trees to come through."

"That's because my ship doesn't usually go through water, though it can," Naruto said, "We fly through the air like any good ship does."

"Are you telling me that you have an airship, Mr. Uzumaki?" Hiruzen questioned, interested in the blond's story, even if he was clearly off-balance.

"It's Captain," Naruto said flatly before answering, "Of course I do. The KYB19 is the greatest ship in the world, and I'm the world's best pilot. Well, back home, I was. I'd have to meet your best pilot to figure out whether I'm better than the best pilot here and Kurama's the best ship."

"We don't have airships," Hiruzen stated, "So you'll understand if we're a bit skeptical about one existing."

"You don't have ships?" Naruto asked in horror, "How do you fight off enemies and giant monsters, especially the chakra-based monsters?"

"We don't have the second problem," Hiruzen responded, "We sealed away all eight of the nine bijuu in the world inside people called jinchuuriki."

"I see," Naruto said diplomatically, "How did these people get chosen? Did they volunteer?"

"Many of them were chosen at birth," Hiruzen said, clearly not particularly at ease with the concept, "Understand that in most cases, sealing them inside the people was an act of desperation. My successor was possibly the only person to have killed a bijuu when he seemed to remove the Kyuubi from the world entirely thirteen years ago. Unfortunately, his death led to us not knowing what happened, only that it took its toll on him, killing him almost instantly. I must ask, as I'm curious by nature, what life was like on your side of your supposed dimensional rift."

"Well, that's an interesting story, actually," Naruto remarked, "I was born the same way most pilots are. I grew in a vat of genetic materials, getting my genes tweaked to fit the best possible template for a pilot. Meanwhile, when my body was still forming, the chip Kurama got programmed into was put into my still-developing brain. I was made the greatest pilot possible by being the first pilot designed with the ability to have my body modified when the autopilot activates. I also have unusually high chakra reserves for a pilot on my own merits, while Kurama is able to form chakra of his own, which is uncommon for an autopilot. I also have several mechanical modifications in my entire body in order to improve my ability to manipulate chakra in unique ways, though my weapon of choice is my Duplicator Belt, which makes me able to make replicas of me and my ship if necessary. I don't actually know how other people lived on my side of the vortex, since I was a bit busy with the endless wars going on and all. . . My only interactions with civilians consisted of requisitioning supplies and offering a receipt with my signature so that they could be properly paid for what was taken."

"_Do we have permission to go to your chakra steel mill?_" Kurama asked, adjusting the eyes to signify his presence, "_My hull was damaged, and my wings had some cosmetic damage._"

"We don't have a chakra steel mill," Hiruzen responded simply, "We do, however, have a smithy, and chakra steel can be made there."

"_I feel less than impressed,_" Kurama noted, "_But I suppose that needs must._"

"Are you insulting my smithy?" Tenten growled, angered at the derision shown to her home.

"You'll have to excuse my copilot," Naruto said, reasserting his dominance of the body, "He suffers from a complete lack of tact. We, unfortunately, are used to materials from chakra steel mills, so you'll understand if he has misgivings about deviating from the norm."

"You can visit the smithy later," Hiruzen stated simply as he signaled for some of the Anbu to appear, "For the time being, however, you are to be under constant supervision by members of the Anbu. If you attempt to cause harm to the village or its inhabitants, they will arrest you, or failing that kill you. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," Naruto agreed, standing at attention as he saluted, having realized that the Hokage was a military leader, and thus something familiar in this world, "Permission to be dismissed, sir?"

"Team Gai and Naruto Uzumaki, you are dismissed," Hiruzen said, still unsure of how to deal with the strange blond. At those words, Naruto headed off, unseen Anbu tailing him.

"Are you sure that was a good idea, Hokage-sama?" Gai asked, staying behind, "We don't know if what he said about himself was true or not."

"Which is the other reason he's being observed," Hiruzen stated simply, "If he's an enemy agent, he will inevitably give himself away, much like the chuunin instructor Mizuki did. If he is not, then we will search for a way to give him treatment for any psychological issues that are affecting him."

"I see. . ." Gai said politely, "Permission to ask a more direct question?"

"Permission granted," Hiruzen responded.

"Hokage-sama, in all of my years of service to Konoha, I have never heard a tale like his before, nor someone with the ability to play images just by looking away as he did to illustrate his tale form my team," Gai began, "What if he's telling the truth? We know nothing of the other dimensions, and for all we know, his world has done the impossible and built functional airships."

"If it's true, and he does have an airship," Hiruzen answered, "I wouldn't know how we would handle the situation. That will be all, Gai."

"Very well, Hokage-sama," Gai responded, leaving the room, "I will defer to your judgement in the matter."


End file.
